Title: Nickname
Author: Starzki
Characters/Pairings: Celina, Kurz, Melissa
Words: 491
Rating: T
Summary: Kurz tries to figure out from Celina what Melissa's old nickname was.
Warnings: More Celina. Also gratuitous swearing.


"C'mon, Celina, I know there had to have been something."

"No, Kurz, quit asking me. I already fucking told you, Melissa didn't have a nickname during basic training."

"Another denial! That means it must have been something good."

"There was nothing. I promise."

"You know, Celina, like a lot of honest people, you're a terrible liar."

"Fuck you, I'm an awesome liar. It's just that there wasn't a nickname for her. I mean, people tried, but none really stuck."

"What was one that didn't stick, then?"

"Some dummy tried to call her Mouse. As in 'Mao-s,' you know?"

"Mouse? No, you're right. That's awful. I can't imagine a worse nickname."

"Not even Fire Crotch?"

"Heh. Lemme guess... because of your hair?"

*sigh* "Yep. I was the one that gathered all the nicknames and they all had to do with the color red. I've heard them all ever since I started playing in sandboxes with other kids. People are so fucking unoriginal."


"I see what you're doing! It's not like I'm challenging you to come up with a nickname for me! Celina will work fine! Or Cel."

"No, I was just thinking how clever you were to steer me into another conversation to keep me from asking you what the Sergeant Major's nickname was. Pretty slick, there. It definitely means you're hiding something."

"I hide nothing. Leave me alone and let me shell these peas in peace."

"Fine, let me just give your belly a rub before I go. I've heard somewhere that it's good luck."

"Back the fuck off, Kurz! Just because I'm knocked up doesn't make my stomach community property! Melly's right, you're too handsy!"






"No, you're wrong! No one called her that! I said nothing!"

"Oh, ho ho! Now this has possibilities!"

"Shut up! Fuck you!"

"Let's see. Right off, I can think... 'Smelly Melly?'"

*gasp* "No!"

"This is too great! Hey, Smelly! Celina just told me your nickname!"

"What? What happened? I was outside! What did you do, Cel?"

"Nothing! I can't... It slipped out!"

"You promised, Cel!"

"Sorry! He used trickery and deceit! ...And then he tried to feel me up!"


"Whoa, babe! It was just her belly!"

"You tried to feel up her belly?"



"... No?"

"I hate both of you. Cel... I'm going to drink a nice cold beer right in front of you."

"No! That's evil! You know I can't have any!"

"And Kurz, if you call me 'Smelly' ever again, I'll tear off your arm and shove it up your ass. Do you hear me?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Now, I'm going to go get that beer. Celina, stay right where you are..."



"I blame you for this, Celina."

"Stuff it, Blondie, you know this is your fault."

"Oh, who lacks originality, now?"

"Look, let's just pretend this conversation never happened. I'll even help you with the pasta for tonight, 'kay?"

"Deal... Fire Crotch."


Author's Note: This was terrific fun to write. It will also be the last time in a while that we'll see Celina. I like her too, but I'm wary of leaning too much on original characters. But I did think it fitting to have her interact with every member of the SRT, just for symmatry, and only Kurz was left.

AN2: This prompt was written for LuxKen27's Summer Mini Challenge for the prompt, "scream." Additional author's notes can be found on my livejournal or dreamwidth accounts (user name "starzki"). As always, I adore feedback!