Credit for this must be equally distributed between CuddlyTogas - if you haven't read her Cloak and Dagger, you must - and Don'tArgueWithMissHepworth, i.e. me, hello! It was composed at a café as the waitresses went through the motions of closing up, after a whole day's discussion of The Laws if Magic. This may help to excuse some of the ridiculousness.

Also worthy of note is the fact that at the time it was written, we had neither my list of Laws nor the complete book series to hand. The laws here (37 of them, along with seven magical languages and ten great magicians, for which this also applies) were all sourced from Blaze of Glory and Hour of Need, which we did have to hand, and from our memories. Including Propinquity, which was new to both of us. That was fun.

Obviously we don't own either The Laws of Magic or Mary Poppins. But we sort of wish we did.

And keep your eyes out for Questinably Interrogation Methods, Togas' FITZWILLIAM! number, which is so very much more impressive than this and should be making its debut sometime soon what with it having been written before Magicali.. was so much as a twinkle in our overenthusiastic brains.

For now, however, we are in a Stonelea classroom, and the date is around 1900...]

Enter Mr. Ellwood downstage. Upstage, a line of small schoolboys at desks, Aubrey and George among them seated side by side.

Mr. Ellwood [spoken]: Welcome back to Magical Studies class, boys. Here you'll learn all about how to use -

Mr. Ellwood [singing]: Theeeeeeee - Laws of Similarity, Propensity and Seeming, Transference, Affinity, Photonic Flow Or Something, Sympathy, Entanglement, Attenuation, Patterns, Action at a Distance - there you have the Laws of Magic!

Boys [have formed a can-can line behind Mr. Ellwood, waving rulers in time with the song and singing along to the choruses]: (umdiddleiddleiddleumdiddleaye, umdiddleiddleiddleumdiddleaye)

Mr. Ellwood: Oh, you can use Akkadian, Sumerian or Latin, Chaldean, Endorian, Demotic, Phrygian, Delineate your variables, and calculate the cost, And once you have parameters you never will be lost,

With - Laws of Contiguity, Regression and Reaction, Relevance, Division, Animation and Attraction, Permanence, Propinquity, good old Amplification, Use the Laws of Magic to decide the fate of nations!

Boys: (umdiddleiddleiddleumdiddleaye, umdiddleiddleiddleumdiddleaye)

Mr. Ellwood: We must pay thanks to Verulam for Principles most plain, The team that work at Banford: Hepworth, Winslow and Tremaine, To Ravi, Beecher, Connolly, and Bromhead and Ahonen, The greatest of magicians, for they brought into the world the -

Laws of Animation and Completeness and Inversion, Harmony and Opposites, Inverse Attenuation, Temp'ral Elasticity and Intensification, Use all of these Laws and you'll be a first-rate magician!

In the Magisterium you surely would be welcome, Or the Sorcerer Royale you could right well become, Your magic skills will prove a highly versatile device -

Aubrey [spoken]: - for example -

Mr. Ellwood: Fitzwilliam?

Aubrey: I used it to make wings once, and -

George: No, Aubrey.

Aubrey: It nearly worked -

George: No, Aubrey.

Aubrey: ...right.

Mr. Ellwood [singing]: Theeeeeeee - Laws of Resonance, Familiarity, Displacement, Laws of Symmetry, Constituent Parts and of Compression,

Aubrey and George [whispered]: Mr. Ellwood gets excited when these Laws are mentioned!

Mr. Ellwood [singing]: If it's not too much to ask boys, kindly pay attention!