Disclaimer: Nothing's mine.
It's not always about sex
Love is just a word until someone comes along and gives it meaning
Sex is not that important, after all. She's managed to be with Curtis for some time -the longest relationship she's ever had- without touching, and even if sex was there, in one form or another, it wasn't all about it.
But then, she did leave Curtis when she found someone she could actually touch, kiss, fuck. She left him, and she's not really sure there was anything but lust, when it came to the other Simon. Lust, and loneliness, and maybe that look in his eyes -like she was someone worth knowing, worth kissing, worth loving. Maybe that way he had of smiling, as if it wasn't something he did much often. As if it was hard, but he managed it just for her.
So, well, maybe it wasn't lust, after all. Maybe sex is not that important, when she thinks about it. It is just something that happens -that used to happen- to her, sometimes, and it's good and it's great and it feels good. But there are other things. Sure.
"You're fucking that guy?" Her big bro's always kind of blunt; he sometimes reminds her of Nathan, with that way they both have of saying hurtful things without realizing it.
She shakes her head,and he laughs.
"Well, sis", he says, after a while, "then you're telling me you just watch movies at the cinema, yeah?" And he's smirking, and she arches a brow and tells him to fuck off, and it's not until later that she lets herself think about what he's said.
She's not fucking Simon. Really. Even if she wants to -even if she's pretty sure he wants it, too. It would feel like raping him, like she did to Curtis that one time, like she did with all the other guys; it wouldn't be good. So, there's no sex, between them.
And she still goes with him.
She asks Chloe. Well, she first makes her meet him -she takes them both out and Simon looks as shy and awkard as ever, and Chloe raises an eyebrow and looks like she wants to laugh and is controlling herself, but, hey, it's not that bad-, and then she asks. After all, they've been best friends like forever, and -even if she's not told her the bit about the superpowers and killing probation workers and all- they share almost everything.
"What d'ya think?", she starts, and looks at her friend. Chloe takes a sip of her drink before talking.
"Well, I suppose it could be worse", she says. Then, "No, I was joking. What the fuck were you thinking? He looks like a frigging sociopath! A– a panty-sniffer!" And Alisha wonders if she's Nathan's cousin or his lost sister or something, at that point.
"Oh, then, thank you", she says, a bit more annoyed than she should be. "So, I'm dating a sociopath, then?"
"Maybe", Chloe retorts. "But it's fine. He's kind of cute, when you get past the creepiness, I suppose", she says, and something inside Alisha twitches. "And he has a nice ass" And that's the point when Alisha wishes she could kill her friend and get done with it.
"I wasn't asking you about that, thanks. I can see it myself"
"Well, no need to get jealous, 'Lisha" Chloe laughs again, and Alisha wants to say she's definitely not jealous, because– well, it's Simon they're talking about, and not even the future one. But she keeps quiet, of course, and waits for her friend to speak again. "But, well, if the sex's good– "
That's the moment when Alisha interrupts her, and says "We're not getting there. Not yet", and she's kind of embarrassed, because she knows exactly how it sounds -she's not being with a guy without sex, or some kind of it, if she includes the Curtis thing, since she was fifteen. More or less.
"What?" Chloe's eyes are big, now, big and wide open, just like her mouth. She's looking at her as if she has some kind of disease, something probably contagious.
"Well, I don't think he's – " And, even if that's not all the truth, it's probably something close.
"And you're still with him?" She tries to make it sound like a statement, but it's more of a question.
"Uh, oh, ehm– Well, I like him, right?"
"Even if he's not hot, he doesn't seem the party type -not like you, really-, and he probably likes science fiction books and films", and the way she says it, it sounds like he's something like a monster, or an alien, or whatever.
"Ehm– Well, actually, sci-fi films are not that bad, Chloe. Some of them, at least. Like–" The horrific expression in her best friend's face is priceless.
"Don't tell me you've seen some. You, you– Oh, fuck, Alisha."
"What? I told you, it wasn't that bad. And we ate pizza while watching, and he likes pepperonni too, so– "
At that point, Chloe is serious as hell. She breathes deep a few times before looking right at Alisha.
"You must like him a lot, hm?"
"Well–" Truth be told, she hasn't really thought about it before. Well, of course, he's Simon -she's supposed to like him, right?, because she really liked -and maybe loved- the other one, but, apart from that, she's never considerated their relationship. It's just fun -and she's been serious about the sci-fi films. Really.
"Oh, fuck, 'Lisha. I think you're in love"
The first one she asks for confirmation is, of course, Kelly. Well, her first choice has been Curtis, but he's too busy making out with Nikki while he was supposed to be helping her, so Kelly's fine.
"How was your day?", she asks, first of all. The blonde tries to tell her something, but she doesn't let her. "Do you think–", and she hasn't to finish, because Kelly reads her mind – and, oh, how she hates that- and spits some of her drink all over her.
"Whot? Yah in love? Who tha fock?" And Alisha blushes, and that only makes things worse, somehow, because she's never blushed before. And she intends to never do it again, thank you very much.
"Well, not really", she says. Kelly arches a brow. "Or, maybe. But, well, that's only a word, okay? A fucking word. It's not as if something has changed, really. Don't you think so?"
And no, Kelly doesn't think so. In fact, Kelly doesn't think at all, at that moment; she's still trying to recover from the shock.
Luckily, Nathan arrives in that moment. Well, maybe not so luckily. Not for Alisha, at least.
"What's up?", he asks, dropping in the nearest chair and messing with Kelly's ponytail. "Has someone died recently?"
"Only you, prick", answers Alisha. He shrugs.
"Yep, beside me. I mean, Kelly's a bit off, isn't she?"
And then, just as Alisha was fearing, her friend starts talking again.
"'Lisha's in luve, Nathan", she says, as if she still can't believe it. And she can't, probably. Because, well, she's making a real fuss about all this, Alisha thinks, and it's not that important, right? She's not in love with Simon. Well, maybe a little, but– "Oh, fock, now you've admitted it." And Nathan dies off laughing.
"Do you think love is important?" She asks, that night. Simon finishes taking off his trousers, and reaches for his pyjamas -a gesture of Alisha's hand reminds him they're not where they were supposed to; they moved everything that morning.
"I don't know", he says, after a while, and his girlfriend sighes. She hates that kind of answers, the ones he usually gives. Sometimes, she wonders how is it that she puts up with them, or with those awful pyjamas he uses. "I think it depends, right?" He's still not fully clothed, and she's staring -and they both know she is, and maybe Simon's a bit uncomfortable with that, but he manages.
"What does love mean to you?"
And that's the time when she should say it's just a word -because, really, there's nothing more to it. All those movies and stuff may say you can change a relationship just by saying "I love you", but, in fact, it's just words. And maybe a kiss, and then there's another delusional couple in the world, right?
But she doesn't say anything. She grabs him by the shirt -they still haven't managed how to touch without her power getting on the way- and kisses his chest. She can't reach his skin, but that's not really important, right now.
"I'm not sure", she says, at last. They're lying side by side, his arms holding her, and there's many clothes there, of course, but it doesn't feel bad. Not really. ", but I think. I think I may love you", she says. And he smiles, and she thinks it's just perfect, this way. She still wants to touch him, of course, to fuck with him, to be a normal couple -as normal as they can be, at least. But it's not bad, being like this, either.
Besides, it's not always about sex.