Disclaimer: I don't own Sam, Dean, Carver Edlund, a few of the quotes (the ones in the beginning and the ones at the end) or for that matter, anything that you recognize.
"So there are Sam girls and Dean girls," Dean said, clearly enjoying himself. His brow furrowed a bit then as he encountered something he had never heard. "What's a slash fan?"
"As in Sam slash Dean," Sam answered, looking away from Dean. "Together."
Dean's head shot up towards his brother as he comprehended the meaning of what Sammy had said. "Like together together?"
"They do know we're brothers, right?"
"Doesn't seem to matter," said Sam, totally uncomfortable with the way this conversation was going.
"Aww come on! That's...that's just sick!" the elder brother stated shutting down the laptop's screen. He was unable to digest the fact that there were people writing stories about them, stories featuring incest!
Dean did not notice the painful expression that flashed on Sam's face for mere seconds. However he did notice that his younger brother did not comment on what he said and shifted into his Stoic mode. Ever since Sam joined him on the road trip, Dean had noticed that the young man had a habit of going all poker-face whenever a topic close to heart came up. A family trait they had both picked up from their father, but it was still strange for Dean since the two had been so close before Sam had left for the University.
Dean had spent enough time with his dad to know how lonely he used to get just because of his inability to talk about his feelings. He knew dad feared that if he got too close to someone, he wouldn't be able to take another loss; yes, dad had faced enough with mom's death, he did not want to feel that again. But even as a young boy, Dean had known that isolation was not the solution. He decided not to let that happen to himself or to his brother, to whom he was more of a father then. Before Sammy left, the two had shared everything with each other - the funniest, craziest and even the most embarrassing things they did. In fact, it had been Dean who had supported Sam's decision to go and study further.
But when they got back together, after Jessica's death, Sam shut himself up. Dean too could not boast of being the most open person at that time. He wasn't just sure how to react, how could he console his brother over the death of someone he had loved so much? But with time, the wounds healed. The two had again grown close, not as close as they used to be but it was an improvement.
Sam still had his moments, when Dean had to pry out information out of his sibling, and this was definitely one of them but he decided to let it rest until later. So he switched back to work mode. "We need to find this Carver Edlund."
Sam lay in his bed, thoughts whirring in his mind. During the case, he hadn't had much time to think about this but now that it was all over, Sam could not get the idea of those fanfictions from his mind. He had known he was bi while he had been at Stanford and he had known he fancied his brother in a few days of living with him. After all it was Dean, charming and handsome Dean – what was there not to like?
Dean was probably the person who'd loved him the most in his life, loved him for who he was. Dad had loved him, he didn't doubt that anymore but he also knew that his dad was never able to understand him. It was Dean who did. It was Dean who had answered all his questions when he had been young. Why is the sky blue? Why do stars shine only at night? Where is mommy? And when he grew a bit older - Where is dad? What is a Djinn? Why did Dean have a bid gash on his forearm? Dean answered it all. Hell, he'd even answered – What were you doing with Rita last night, Dean? and What's that tube in your drawer for? Dean was the one who convinced dad to let Sam go to college. No, he didn't approve of it, he did not want Sammy to leave the family business; he wanted them to stay together but yet, he did what he knew Sam wanted. Because Dean could never see his little brother hurt.
When he came to college, he had a completely different life; a life free of demons and spirits and evil. None of his friends knew about the rock salt and holy water, kept in his drawer, that Dean had insisted Sam carry with him. They did not know about the horrors he had faced. Dean did, he knew and understood it all. Maybe that was the reason that every May 2nd, he had received a package wrapped in brown paper, sometimes containing an after shave, porn magazines or just anything Dean could find, wherever he was at that moment. But along with the gift, there was always a piece of paper which almost always started the same way.
Hope you're having a good b'day there dude. Just remember not to study too much, okay? Too much of that knowledge is the reason why you don't get laid too often. ..
Then Dean always described a few of the demons and spirits he encountered on hunts with their dad. As if he was trying to make him feel like he still belonged, like he could come back anytime he wanted and he would always be Dean's Sammy.
Yes, Dean understood. But that fact only made Sam want him more. No, he didn't just want to fuck the brains out of his brother (or for that matter get that favour from the elder sibling) rather, he wanted to be held, to be told he wasn't alone. This wasn't about sex at all and yet all he wanted to do was have sex with Dean; because passion was the rawest and most intimate form of emotion that he knew.
Sam knew how to control himself. He had strained himself all this while from jumping over Dean. When it got out of hand, he would go fuck a dark-haired green-eyed stranger and it would be back to normal. But those stories- it seemed as if they hit some hidden switch inside him. He could not get Dean out of his mind!
Dean entered the room only to find that Sammy had fallen asleep over his laptop. He smiled at how adorable the young boy looked as he put down the groceries on the couch and proceeded to remove the laptop from the bed. He was surprised to see that Sam had been browsing through that site again – what had he called it? Yeah, fanfiction. To top it, it was that incest stuff. Wincest, they called it on the website. Nice term, Dean admitted. However, he was worried. Why was Sammy going through this? He wondered as he started to scroll down the page. As if on cue, Sam woke up.
Shocked, to say the least, at Dean checking his laptop, Sam quickly snatched it away from him and shut it down. "uh – I was just – uh," Sam couldn't find any excuse as Dean looked at him. "Let's have dinner," he blurted out.
Dean admitted he'd always found his brother attractive. Not the normal, yeah that bloke looks okay, but the Oh my, check him out, he's so fine! kind of a way. Sam was the person Dean loved the most, ever since he had seen his little brother's face that day in the hospital.
As he grew up, Dean had always been there for Sam. He fixed up Sammy's injuries when the young boy came home from soccer practices. He was the one who celebrated Sam's team's victory by treating his brother with a chocolate everytime. He was the one who'd had the talk with Sam. He was the one who taught Sam to shoot, to swim, to make spit-balls, to kick and hell, even how to jerk well! He wasn't just Sam's elder brother; he had been the father to Sam that their dad could never be with his obsession to find the demon that killed their mother
And lusting after Sam, it obviously didn't fit the job description of either a father or brother. It felt wrong, yet there were times Dean could hardly control it – like when Sam would step out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel, like when Sam playfully put his hand across Dean's shoulders, like when Sammy held him tight after the nightmares, like when Sam had told him about the slash fiction – fuck, that had been so hard to resist, so he just pretended, as he was supposed to.
However, seeing Sammy interested in the stories, and the flustered look on his face, Dean was pretty sure that he wasn't the only one to be feeling this way. A big maybe hung in his mind.
"Dean," Sam said, hitting his older brother on the shoulder.
"Huh?" Dean asked, suddenly pulled out of his reverie.
"I was asking if you need more," Sam said and all Dean could do was stare at those soft lips.
Sam knew where his brother was looking and he was sure he saw Dean's pupils dilate. Getting up from his chair, he perched himself in Dean's lap and cupped his brother's face. Dean's arms automatically came around his waist, holding him tight. Sam brought their lips together, merely brushing each other at first, and then lightly running his tongue along Dean's lips, asking for permission. Out of his own control, Dean let his mouth open. Oh! The things Sammy's tongue was doing to him. However, suddenly he realized, this was Sam, still his brother Sam. Dean pushed Sam away, "It's wrong," his voice sounding unconvincing even to Dean himself.
"Then I don't want to be right," was all Sam said before going ahead to kiss Dean again.
A/N: Okay, so since the fic was so inspired by an actual episode, I just couldn't resist adding the Wincest lines that the writers themselves gave to us. Reviews are love, concrit is appreciated. My first SPN fic so please be good :)