title: our wishes wrapped up tight
summary: he won't ever be able to give that to her anymore.
author's note: this is for the lovely angela1997 who requested a 'House of Anubis' fic. I wrote this little puppy up as I watched ten episodes straight instead of going to the beach... lol. i'm so tired. lalala. okay. read. I love these two. I can't make them seem happy. okay.
"something is telling me you're hiding things from me, nina."
she laughs – her twinkling laugh that can break his heart – whispers, "aren't we always keeping secrets?"
he doesn't know if this is her way of bringing up their days at school – he doesn't really think he knows her anymore.
there's a song that sometimes embeds itself within his mind.
twinkle, twinkle little star …
he doesn't know why – when she breathes into his ear, the song just starts to play.
he kisses her hair, leaves his heart on her sleeve.
"i love you. i love you so much that i would die for you," he whispers.
she's always been a little too late in figuring out what he's saying – no one really understands what he's saying.
she kisses him, but he can tell she doesn't mean it – not really.
they get married because they know each other too well – it's in the way his face changes while he thinks and the way she sparkles.
instead of saying 'i do' they say sibuna, and he is in love with her – too in love with her.
they live in a house with a white picket fence and their friends poke fun at them – but they don't see the way she looks when she thinks he's not looking.
she looks trapped in an ideal world – she wants to break free and go on adventures and he won't ever be able to give that to her anymore – not really.
one night, she whispers, "i want a baby girl."
he kisses her and they make love but it's too familiar and he doesn't know if she enjoys it because he's always so clumsy and awkward and british and –
he's never going to be enough – he thinks.
he kisses her and she tastes like immortality – if she stays with him, maybe he can say alive forever – or at least he could live happily.
she keeps the cup hidden in their cabinet and on some nights, he opens his eyes and doesn't see her next to him. he walks downstairs and sees her clutching it and crying. he touches her back but she doesn't meet his eye.
this happens more often, and sometimes, he doesn't even get out of bed and he fucking hates himself when he does this but he's so tired of her tears falling into the cup – her own brand of immortality – and he's just closing his eyes, really.
when he wakes up in the morning, she's sleeping next to him, her eyes puffy and red and he calls in to her work and says she can't come in. he kisses her head, makes her tea and heads off to work.
"i'm still desperately in love with you, you know," he mumbles at the kitchen table one morning.
she smiles tiredly, "i know. i love you too."
"i'm pregnant," she says.
he twirls her around and kisses her and she laughs – her eyes bright and her mouth open in shock and laughter and –
oh lord, he's so in love with her and he'll never stop loving her and one of these days, she's going to leave him – he thinks.
he kisses her stomach and hums, "i have never been so happy."
he looks up at her glowing face and her smile disappears – now, where did the sunshine go?
one night, she doesn't come home and he's so effing – he's lost without her voice and her honey tongue against his mouth and he misses the way she greets him in the morning with her groggy eyes and her lemonade breath.
he calls her cell phone ten times and he doesn't get an answer.
"nina, love. please come home."
"nina, i don't know what i've done but i miss you, babe. i want you to be here with me."
she comes home two days later, her skin a little darker and her eyes a little more hopeful and he pushes her against the wall and kisses her for what seems like hours.
she kisses his ear and speaks in her cute american accent, "i'm so sorry, i'm so sorry - i."
he traces her stomach with his fingers and then brings her to the bedroom and he says, "oh my god, you don't know how much i missed you."
and so they proceed to have the best sex ever – and he holds her tightly afterwards, because he's the slightest bit afraid she'll fly away and never come back – next time.
her stomach grows larger and she gains back a little bit of her spark and he's still under her spell – because she's always going to have him even when she doesn't want him and –
one day, they wake up to blood spotting in their bed and she cries and he cries and they go to the hospital and she's bleeding all over the place and oh my god –
her eyes are dull when they say she's miscarried.
he kisses her – but the wounds are still open and fresh and he wants to die a little – and.
come back, he wants to whisper to his baby, mommy and i would love you so much and we'd care for you and we'd play games and we'd tell you stories.
nina looks at him, and for a minute, he forgets why he loves her.
but then he remembers – every single reason hits him straight in the gut, like a ton of bricks.
she asks for a divorce fifty three days later.
they're both sitting on their porch, cuddling and looking at the white picket fence and he thought they were getting better – mending, you know? miscarriages are... tough. he only wants a baby and it's kind of painful, knowing he was so close.
"i want to get a divorce," she says, plain and simple.
two minutes ago, she had just kissed his lips.