How Do You Love?

By: TracyCook

Disclaimer: I own nothing. These characters belong to the creator of Sex And The City.

Couple: Charlotte/Samantha

Rating: M

Chapter 4

Good Fuck

Things were silent and far too awkward for either girl's liking, but neither had any idea what they should say. Charlotte was still surprised that Samantha had even shown up at the café, large brown eyes focused on her coffee as she tried to not overanalyze things and overreact, she tended to do that after all and the last thing that she wanted was to push the blonde woman back into her "polygamy shell."

Honestly the feelings that she harbored for Samantha terrified her, for many years she had wanted nothing more than to rid herself of them. Charlotte had watched as the older woman destroyed man after man who fell for her, including Smith the first man she actually loved back, and it was not something she would wish on anyone. Especially herself. Still, here she was.

Tapping manicured fingernails against the table Samantha tried to think of something to say, growing more irritated by the moment. This was not how it was supposed to be between two people who had been friends for so long. They were comfortable talking about almost anything. She just wanted to say something, but she couldn't think of the right words and for once she actually cared. She cared so god damn much that it only irritated her all the more. Charlotte was one of the most delicate and fragile people she knew, she broke so easily, and Samantha was good at breaking people with her sharp tongue. The same tongue she was currently biting.

As the minutes carried on Samantha was finding it more and more difficult not to say anything and finally she snapped. "This is ridiculous Charlotte did you just ask me to come to this damn café in the middle of the night so you could stare at your coffee?"

Large brown eyes snapped up catching the eyes of the blonde sitting across from her, and as the hurt flashed across her face Samantha immediately regretted what she had said. "Look, I'm sorry Char, I'm just frustrated." She let out a sound of annoyance before pressing her fingers against her forehead and taking a drink of her own coffee.

Charlotte cast her eyes back to her coffee and let out a sigh. "I know, and I am sorry I shouldn't have kissed you. It's just, I've been keeping these feelings in for so long and I continue to listen to you fawn over man after man and I guess I just snapped. We can just forget it ever happened if you want?" Her voice shook. It held so much hope that it nearly shattered the straightforward woman sitting across from her.

"Do you want to know the honest to god truth?"

The brunette gave a hesitant nod; she knew that this could be dangerous. Samantha never held back when you asked for the truth. Although it was probably better that way.

"I wish that we could just forget it."

"Oh well, in that case—" She started, her hands fidgeting as she prepared to get up and leave the table in order to avoid the embarrassment that would undoubtedly follow Samantha's sentence.

"—But the honest to god truth is we fucking can't."

Charlotte halted in her movements and simply stared across the table, red lips parted slightly and large brown eyes widened in shock, what did Samantha mean by that? Was she going to lose her as a friend as well, or did she actually want more? Finally, finding her voice she forced the terrifying question across her lips. "What do you mean, why can't we?"

"I already told you, I can't fucking orgasm because of you!" She shouted a little too loudly, catching the attention of many people seated around them, but Samantha rarely cared.

Charlotte on the other hand blushed brightly and found herself giggling softly and politely into her hand as she watched the display, it made her happy knowing that she had caused her sex-addicted friend and the woman that she loved to be unable to enjoy sex. It was a huge accomplishment only to be rivaled with becoming the first female president, she wagered.

"What the fuck is so funny about that Charlotte? He is the best sex I ever had and now he does nothing for me!" Charlotte continued giggling. "This is not fucking funny!" Still the giggling did not die down. Finally Samantha rolled her eyes and let out an aggravated sigh, slamming her hand down on the table. "Fine. You know what? This is just fan-fucking-tastic. You ruined the only good thing I have in my life and there you are laughing away."

The loud sound of the blonde's hand hitting the table, as well as her words, finally silenced the younger woman. Now she was simply smiling as she reached across the table and placed a gentle hand over the top of Samantha's. "That is not true Samantha, you have plenty of good things in your life." Pausing she debated if she should stop and decided to just add it. "You could have me."

"I almost did "have" you against the side of a building earlier." She stated sarcastically, even if she could feel an unfamiliar warmth radiating from where their hands were joined. It made her feel uncomfortable how pleasant it felt. Samantha Jones was a lot of things, but she was not a hand-holder.

A bright blush now covered the prudent woman's cheeks, but she did not allow this to push her away. Squeezing her hand gently and smiling brightly she added in a softer voice. "You know what I mean. You could have me both sexually and emotionally."

"What I need is a good fuck. Not all of the emotions, I dated a woman before, I can't deal with all of the talking. Not to mention the fucking jealousy." Her eyes were cast away, knowing that if she looked into Charlotte's eyes she would simply give into her.

"What you need is somebody to love." She said in her matter-of-fact, overly romantic voice.

Samantha looked across the table finally more than a little annoyed with her friends persistence in the love department. She didn't want someone to love her, she didn't need someone to love her, that's what she had friends for. Yet, she had a feeling that she could not simply walk away from the situation and accept that she had no feelings for Charlotte, because she had felt something earlier. It had to at least have been sexual if it made her uninterested in Andy all of a sudden.

"Fine. Maybe, just maybe, we can try the love thing. But first can we try the good fuck thing?" She asked with all seriousness in her voice.

Charlotte's heart stopped beating. "Yes. God yes."


Authors note: Thank you my amazing reviewers! :) Keep on leaving me love and I will keep on writing as long as I know people actually want to see where this is going.

Y'all rock!

-Tracy Cook