Disclaimer: If wishes were horses, there'd be a lot more manure in my living room, and a lot less on television.


"Hey, Jane, wanna be my work husband?"

"Of course, Lisbon. I'd be honored. And while we're at it, we can exclude every other viable relationship for each other outside of work and act as surrogate spouses after hours into the bargain!"

"Yeah, you can make yourself free of my body in seemingly harmless, non-sexual ways like pulling my hair and grabbing my wrist to check my watch, and I'll apologize all over the place for you when you behave in socially unacceptable ways. We can be more married than Ryan and Esposito on that show about the detective who has a novelist following her around like a love-sick puppy. It'll be just great!"

"I'd better start drinking a lot of tea, cuz I'll be marking territory around you like a tom cat in a forest full of female cougars."

"Say, do you think we can get the rest of the CBI to start a betting pool for how long it takes us to start making out in the box room upstairs?"

"No need, I started it myself."

"Split the take with me?"

"Naturally. How else would I be able to count on your timing for the win?"