I hope you give this story a chance. It was written for fun, but also to make you laugh, or at least smile!
Let's see where these 'Terrible Two' take us, shall we?
Away we go...
What do you call a person who constantly checks their cell phone for a missed call or text, even though, the ringer is at its loudest setting and although wanting to believe differently, you know for a fact that no one has made the effort to contact you?
That's right, silly me.
Sad. Pathetic. Ridiculous. All of the above.
It's summer dammit. My phone should be ringing off the hook, making plans to head to the beach, or choosing what parties to hit up later tonight. Granted, I only just did roll out of bed around 11 a.m. on a Saturday morning. And my ass is now currently and pleasantly parked on my couch with a paper plate of microwaved Chicken Tetrazzini left over from last night's dinner, wearing black, loose fitting capris yoga pants and a white Phoenix t-shirt with holes in it. Not to mention, my hair is up in a messy ponytail, my feet are barefoot and I'm half watching E.T. The Extra-terrestrial as I stuff my face.
Alice would shit a brick if she saw what I was wearing. Not that she dictates what I should wear or anything, but its fun to see her give me looks of disdain when I'm dressed like this.
I don't even like E.T. I just like the part where he eats the Reese's Pieces but that part has long since passed. I was now watching Elliot and his friends escape the cop cars on their bikes. I did notice that one of my childhood favorite movies was coming on after this. Damn, Don Bluth. The Land Before Time is so sad; but c'mon, how awesome is Little Foot? I'm so glad my Dad picked out these movie channels for me when he was picking out his sports channels for himself. I get to watch shows like Camelot, Game of Thrones, Shameless, Nurse Jackie and United States of Tara on top of watching movies. I'm still sad that The Tudors ended.
Damn, I watch a lot of TV.
Speaking of my Dad, he's working. He doesn't always work weekends, but it's likely that he will, given the chance. It's been one full week of summer, and I since I sleep in late, I usually only see him when he's getting home from the station. I have the whole house to myself during the day, I'm pretty excited. Not that I'm going to throw parties or anything but I can pretend that I'm a house owner.
Normally, I'd be doing a full top to bottom house cleaning on Saturdays, but given that Dad wasn't that messy of a person and because I did some picking up yesterday out of Summer boredom since Alice finally decided to take the plunge and go out with Jasper and didn't have time for me right now. I kind of gave myself a free pass today. I pull my weight around here and take care of grocery shopping, so it's justified.
I thought about getting a summer job but most of the high school kids beat me to it. Charlie didn't mind that I wasn't working. It was nice that he wasn't making me feel guilty over the fact because I know most parents would. I was taking the summer off from community college, so I literally had nothing but time. Plus, I wanted my Dad to not have to worry about paying for classes and books for once. I wasn't going to tell him that though, it would just make him feel like he wasn't providing as a parent, which he was doing a really good job. His income was enough to keep us content.
E.T. was waving goodbye to Elliot as his heart glowed orangey-red through his alien skin when there was a knock on my door. It irritates me when people knock. I mean there's a perfectly good door bell right there, yet no one uses it.
That being said, I knew exactly who it was. He purposely knocks now because he knows I hate it so much. It's my fault for telling him that though. We live to torment each other. It's a hate/hate relationship that we both can't get enough of.
I blatantly disregarded the bum on my front porch when I open the door, fully prepared to tell Cullen to fuck off, but that changes when my eyes were drawn to the basket was holding in front of him like it was a ticking bomb.
From where I stood just inside the door I glimpsed four tiny fury, breathing balls, cuddled together. My heart instantly felt like a stick of butter slowly melting inside my chest. I felt an 'Aww' ready to pop out of my mouth because almost nothing is cuter than four tiny kittens sleeping huddled together. Couldn't be more than two weeks old.
My happy thoughts vanished when he, neighborhood from across the street and two houses down, the bane of my life ever since coming to live here as a kid spoke to me. "Your cat had kittens. Here." He shoved the basket into my hands, taking a few steps back.
Yeah. Over the years, we've stopped bothering with the pleasantries, we don't have the time; especially, when we mean business and one of us is about to chew the head off the other person. I think it's because we've known each other so long. I'm a little surprised by this, but not a whole lot. I don't even own a cat.
I stepped from the doorway onto the porch, "What? There's no way these belong to me Edward. I don't even have a cat." I look down into the basket as I carefully settle it on my hip, trying not to bounce the kittens around too much. I spot one that looks incredibly familiar and narrow my eyes at Edward discreetly.
I know for a fact that he has an all black cat with three white feet and white chest and whiskers. It's always over here eating the hard cat food I leave out in a bowl on the porch for the random strays in the neighborhood. The familiar looking kitten is the spitting image of his daddy.
"Really? Then how come I saw the same cat that comes and goes from your house bolt from backyard today?" He looks to the food and water dishes on the corner of the porch with an accusing raised eyebrow and a finger pointed in the direction of his hard evidence; the rectangular hole that's missing the screening.
I pop my hip out and place my empty hand on it. "Just because there's a cat that lives under my house doesn't mean it's mine you idiot."
It's true that my house is a raised foundation, and the space under my house is only just a crawl space for repairing the network of pipework down there. There isn't even enough room to stand. I can't help it if animals seek refuge with me. And who am I to deny them? Edward knows I have this like…bizarre Animal Kingdom thing going on under my house. Yet, he acts so surprised when he finds out about it. He does it just so he can start a fight. That's fine with me…I'm game.
"Do you know how close they came to being eaten this morning? You're lucky I went out there to mow the lawn when I did. My dog was about to tear them apart. I rather not wake up to animal parts scattered across my backyard, thank you very much…And I say they're yours because they look exactly like the one you're harboring."
What a sack of crap. His dog is the F-ing sweetest thing. Jack Daniels was probably cuddled up right along with them when Edward found them. He just wishes he was as vicious as he claims. He just barks a lot, which scares people, but I know better.
I bring the edge of the basket up to my face just enough to have my eyes still exposed and peering at a very irritated Edward. I muster up my best 'baby kitten' voice and pretend to be the kittens talking to Edward.
"You saved us from that big bad mean dog! You must really, really love us Edw-"
Shit. Someone's not very playful today. By someone, I mean Edward.
I'm going to ignore the fact the three of the kittens remarkably look just like the tabby that resides under me. I think it's a tabby anyway. I just call her Tiger-cat. I haven't seen her in a few weeks, and now I know why; she was having kittens his Edward's backyard. I'm not going to fucking admit to it though.
"Ok. One, you're dog won't even bite his own fleas let alone shred apart baby kittens. And two," I point out the all black kitten with a white chest and two white paws, "This one looks exactly like your cat. How do you explain that, huh?"
"No, you stupid cupcake. I don't have a cat. Sylar is moms and you damn well know it."
Esme, for some reason or another was very into watch the TV show Heroes. She named the cat after the villain on the show. However, he's an outdoor that has taken a liking to the Cullen's a couple years back.
"Right. You're cat knocked up the one under my house. That's your cat's fault since he's the one with the dick, so these belong to you."
I hold out the basket of kittens and he doesn't even move an inch. He just stands there giving me one of those 'don't even try it' looks and shoves his hands into his jeans pockets, raising his eyebrows expectantly.
"You're cat's a damn slut. I've seen her up and down this neighborhood working it. Just the other damn day I saw it hanging around Newton's yard." Edward peers into the basket eyeing the kittens crucially and jabbing a pointed index finger down at them. "I'll be damned if your cat had Newton babies. You need to get her fixed."
I balk at the thought. Does he even know how hard it is to catch a feral cat?
"Why the hell should my cat get fixed? Yours is the one knocking everyone else up! You should get your cat fixed."
"I'm not going to take him to get his balls chopped off, are you insane? That just…goes against nature."
"What! Like getting my cat fixed wouldn't go against nature by taking away her choice to have babies? You're fucked up. Sylar is a damn whore just like you."
Oh yeah, I've seen Edward with skanks galore.
"You jealous all of a sudden, Swan? I told you, you could come play with me anytime…"
Edward stepped closer opening up his arms up to me, but I didn't trust the bastard to not pull some kind of shit. He's always made crazy sexual comments towards me, mostly because he knows it bugs the shit out of me. I learned to stop reacting to it because it gives him satisfaction when I do. I shifted the basket of kittens in front of me to stop whatever he had planned.
"Knock it off Edward. We have to get them back. They're too small to be away from her." I said pointedly.
This is the way we are. It's been like this since our childhood. We love to annoy each other. Both of us will purposely say shit – no matter how dumb, just to get a rise out of the other because we like to see who will lose their shit first. I'm convinced that we find the tiniest thing just so we can take it to the other person to fight about it.
I have often asked the question, 'What the fuck is wrong with us?'
There's no way I'm going to keep these cats, giving them away for adoption isn't an option either. If I called animal control, they'd just take them to the pound. I've never called them, and I don't think I ever will. Yeah, I make threats towards the animals under my house, but it's out of love. I would never act on it.
Let's put it this way, I don't like or dislike cats. I feel indifferent towards animals in general. However, that doesn't mean I'm not willing to care for an animal in need, or whatever the case may be; because lets face it, every animal that finds it way to me has it's over special story.
"I agree. That's way too much pussy to handle, even for me."
I stared at him with an unblinking glare, and pursed un-amused lips.
"Fuck, ok fine. How are we gonna do this?"
I'm glad to know that I have him trained so well. He knows he's going to help me whether he wants to or not.
I look into the basket in my hands again and gently run my hand along all four of the kittens little fluffy bodies. I'm kind of sad that I have to do this because their so sweet and small. Once they're back with their mother, they'll be skittish around people, just like her.
"I have an idea. Hopefully it'll work."
I set the basket down amongst the flowers of the flowerbed that surrounds the porch by the opening that leads to under my house. I go to sit with Edward on the other side of the porch to wait and see if the Tiger-cat will come out. Edward keeps saying that it won't work since we've touched them, but I'm a believer in blind faith. Plus, if it doesn't work, then I guess I'm screwed and have four baby kittens to take care of.
About 20 minutes later, after diligently watching the hole and keeping absolutely still, and quiet and telling Edward to shut up because he keeps going off about the fact that we literally just had a cat-fight about cats, the Tiger-cat pokes her head out of the hole from my house. She sees the basket and sniffs the air and then starts meowing. After a minute the babies starts to wake up and cry back at their mother with their tiny baby voices.
Edward starts elbowing me when the mom cat grabs the first kitten by the neck and drags it under the house.
"Oh fuck, this is like some serious Discovery channel or Animal Planet shit."
I slap away his jabbing elbow, but smile on the inside because his excitement is adorable and because I know underneath his dumbass exterior, he's got a heart.
It takes about another hour for the mom to take back the rest of her kittens under the house. Edward and I sit on the porch enjoying the weather and watching a few scant cars pass by.
"Mom needs a receptionist at the office this summer; she wanted me to ask you. Are you interested?"
Esme asked me to work for her last summer as a last resort when her receptionist had a crisis that involved her extended family back in Ohio. I don't know what happened exactly, just that Esme said she wasn't coming back. I made some awesome money working for her in the office, and I actually enjoyed it. I felt like a real twenty-two year old working woman, not like a regular young adult my age who worked at the grocery story or in retail at the mail.
Edward usually works for his mom's refractory service company during the summer whenever they're a man short. Edward hates taking classes in the summer. He goes to job-sites in Seattle sometimes, repairing boilers or furnaces with a crew of other guys. They wear hard hats and their work shirts are red with the company name on the back written in gold color lettering.
I have a couple of shirts in my dresser already from when Edward would crash on my couch after a long shift. He'd take off the work shirt and just fall asleep in his undershirt. I'd wash them for him while he napped just because, but he'd forget to take them home sometimes.
Whenever Edward would stop by my desk, it made me see how we both would be in the real world, with real jobs, acting like adults. It was interesting. The best part was that I got to pass out paychecks, which meant I got to see every one of those guys. I don't know if Esme knew this or not, but she had a lot of hot young men working for her. A few were married; and were older, some had girlfriends, and many were oh so single. And being receptionist meant that those strong, strapping men traipsed by my desk all day, either coming from or going to their next job-site.
Sweaty, dirty, slightly darker skin, wearing their tan work boots.
I guess it wouldn't hurt to work for her again. I could earn some money for next semester, Edward's going to be working there anyway, and Esme is the best to work for. Alice is busy getting into Jasper's pants…
"Jessica quit already? Why can't your mom keep a receptionist, she's like…super nice."
Edward shrugged and tilted his head back to face the sun. "I think she purposely hired Jessica because she knew she wouldn't last. She had to have an excuse before she could ask you to fill in."
I laughed and shook my head.
"When does she want me to start?"
"A few weeks. Just a couple days a week though. Said she wanted to you to be able to enjoy a little bit of your summer."
Good ole' Esme. Treats me better than my own mother. Renee was to busy being selfish to give a shit about me or my Dad. She bolted out of her the first chance she got. That worked for me because I'm better off without her. Dad moved us up here from Arizona after Renee split when I was about two years old. I barely remember her. Esme, Carlisle and Edward Cullen have been in my life, and have been like my extended family ever since. We all work around the fact that Edward and I hate each other's guts.
"Let her know I'll be there. Where is she anyway?"
It was quiet once again. We were back to just enjoying the silence with each other.
"You look hot, Swan." He said, referring to my lazy wear, and possibly my slightly stubbly legs.
I tilt my head to the side, looking at him sideways with squinted eyes and pat him on head faux-adoringly, "Only the best for you."
As an after thought, I add, "Besides, it's Saturday," and shove his head. Edward ignores it, but mimics my remark in a squirrely voice, wiggling his head with just barely shaggy hair left to right.
"So, you can't look nice even one day out of the week? Just wanna look nasty all the time."
"Shut up. I look good when I want to. Not because someone else wants me to."
I've never given a shit what I looked like in front of him. Sometimes I looked really good, and other times; like now, I don't. I know who I am, and I don't have to prove or put on a show for anyone. I get really dolled up when I'm in the office with Esme. You never know when you'll catch someone's eye.
I raised my eyebrows at him.
"Just admit you have a cat."
I looked away from him smiling lightly and nodded. I don't want to admit it, I never do, but he knows how I am and he's right.
"I have a cat."
This story isn't about cats! LOL There' more to come with Edward and Bella with their jobs and their crazy hate-friendship.
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