I planned on updating during winter break, but a loss in the family changed that. My Dad died suddenly and very much unexpectedly in Decemeber, so things have been difficult since that time. I did however want to leave you readers with this because nothings worse than an incomplete story. For right now, I don't plan on writing any future stories, simply because I have my mind on greater matters and don't have the time to fully dedicate myself like I should.
I appreciate all of you very much.
I hope you enjoy! : )
Work has been good. Not too busy, not too slow. Just steady, which is good I suppose. It keeps me occupied, keeping me from thinking about certain things – or a certain someone.
The same goes for school. Which I recently started a few weeks ago. The topics in class keep me focused. School gives me a direction for my life, while work helps me provide for myself and gives me the immediate gratification that I'm a working woman, supporting myself and working towards bigger and better things.
The only thing that keeps me from feeling completely happy about all of the progress I've been making is that I haven't spoken to Edward since that night in my front yard. Our fight – but we're not calling it a fight since we aren't even talking to each other to debate whether or not it was an actual fight, or just a shouting match.
I see Edward in the office all the time. He has to come in from the shop to pick up his new job-site info whenever he finishes his previous one. Sometimes a few crew members are with him, and other times it's just him. I like those times. I pretend that he might finally talk to me since he's by himself, but so far it hasn't happened yet. I don't think it's going to. He comes in from the back shop, sweaty and slightly dirty from work, wearing his work boots that I love seeing him wear all scuffed up; steps up to my desk and just holds out his hand for me to pass him his paperwork. I love when he gets close to me like this at work. He smells all manly.
I don't know why, but I hand him what he needs every time, because I would hate to make him madder than he already is at me. I still meant what I said to him that night, it's none of his business what I decided to do with the opposite sex. But I know that he's more angry that I didn't tell him what was going on. That I kept it from him that I was sort of dating anyone at all. He's always been up front with me when he dated, he was never secretive about it; to be honest, he's never been secretive about anything with me, he's an open book.
Esme's been aware that Edward and I have had a falling out, although she doesn't know what it's about. I guess that's why when she sees Edward at my desk waiting on me, she gives me this look – the "I wish there was something that I could do, but only you and Edward can solve your own problems". And it sucks because I know she's right, but Edward's so stubborn. He refuses to break, and so do I.
While I'm on the topic of working, I want to say that I didn't think I'd still be working here after Summer ended. And I won't pretend that I don't know why I decided to stick around. Other than seeing Edward while we're either coming or going from our apartments down the hall from each other, work was the only other place he would be forced to see me.
Edward also started college classes but it doesn't matter since we aren't in the same classes.
You know what…
He has no right to be mad any more. It's been weeks! Plus, after that night Edward and I duked it out, I ended things with James the next time we saw each other. And Edward know because James left one week after that. And to make double sure that Edward understood what was going on, I sent him a text telling him it was over with James.
I did it, not just because Edward made some great points that I hadn't considered but because it was always going to be a temporary thing with James. I just ended it sooner than I thought I would. James didn't take it too kindly but he wasn't devastated or anything, it was only me, not some super model.
It's been almost two months, and still nothing from Edward. I work in the mornings, then go school at night. I imagine Edward's schedule is something similar to mine, but it's not like I would know for sure.
We see each other around the same time coming and going from our apartments. He had the guys over a few times, I was bringing in groceries when I saw them fumbling into Edward's place once. And I've heard them get pretty rowdy on other occasions.
And of course, the guys have been over at my place too. They're my friends too after all. Emmett's said that he knows a little bit about what happened between me and Edward but didn't sound like he was taking sides in the matter. Emmett also says I should've known Edward wouldn't take what was going on too well. He said that Edward cares about me a lot, which I knew, and I care about him a lot too, but also that Edward cares for my safety, and that if I'm going to be putting myself into stupid predicaments that he wants to at least know about it so he can stop me.
I can understand that. I would want to do the same for Edward. But Edward doesn't do stupid shit like I do. He doesn't have this constant need to cause drama like I do. At least Edward understands that about me.
Standing in front of my apartment door after finishing school for the night, digging through my purse looking for the correct set of keys to unlock my apartment, I hear Edward's door open, causing me to look down the hall. His head is sticking out, slowly chewing a bite of a candy bar that he holds in his left hand and looking at me. I go back to digging through my purse, trying to ignore the fact that, in a sense, Edward is acknowledging me, just by looking at me. For the last few days I've felt rather defeated since he refused to cave and forgive me, or just yell at me again. But his silent staring is giving me a little hope.
I hear him release a heavy sigh and then I hear his door close. My heart plummets to my toes but only until I hear thick footsteps on the carpeted hallway floor coming closer as I turn the lock to my apartment. I look up and Edward's right there next to me. He doesn't look angry anymore, just slightly irritated. I push my door open and step inside, looking over my shoulder, silently telling Edward to follow me.
I throw my purse on the small kitchen bar counter and turn to face Edward. It's then that he finally breaks his silence to me.
"Are we ever going to talk about they way things are between us?"
I only have one response for him.
"Things aren't any way between us, you've been mad and giving me the silent treatment for almost two whole-"
"That's not what I mean. Forget all that for now, we'll get to that. I'm talking about the thing that we've been pretending isn't there, yet we've danced around it for some time now."
Edward throws him self down on the couch and makes him self at home, finishing his candy bar and tossing the wrapper on the coffee table. I, on the hand can't believe this conversation is happening. I knew it would come some day, but I didn't think it would be like this, and I didn't think Edward would be forcing me into admitting what I always refused to admit to myself.
Knowing my love of playing cards, he's reaching me on a level I can relate to, he wants to show his hand, and I guess I have to follow suit and show mine. All the cards on the table. Hold nothing up your sleeve. This is it.
"I didn't think you felt the same." I say in a hoarse whisper.
He lets out an incredulous laugh, an "are you kidding me" kind of laugh.
"Come on. You can't say that bullshit to me. It's humanly impossibly to say you didn't know how I felt all this time."
He's right, I just turned a blind eye to his behavior toward me. I didn't think I would be enough to satisfy him.
I walk around and take a sit on the couch with Edward. I don't know what to do now, it's out in the open now, so what's next?
"I missed you. Like…a lot. Why where you so mad about James? You've had girlfriends before too. Yeah, I should've told you about him, but does it really make that much of a difference?"
"Yes! It makes all the difference in the world. You made it a secret for a reason, and you know exactly what that reason was. You knew I wouldn't let something like that happen lying down. So you hid it from me."
"I didn't do it to hurt you." I defend immediately. "I wanted to ….get some training or some experience, anything really!"
Edward stares me straight in the eye, "Training? If you want practice you come to me, not some fucking asshole that you don't fucking know!"
"I know I went about it the wrong way, and I'm sorry. I just don't want you to be mad at me anymore."
"I'm not mad, just mad that you'd let that prick put his….hands and…" Edwards groans and scrubs his face with his hands.
"No one could treat you as good as I could."
I smile, cause I know he'd be the best boyfriend ever, but I also know he'd torture and make fun of me all the time because that's just how he is. Playful without cruelty. "I know you would."
He takes me hand gently and pulls me closer to him on the couch. Face to face.
"Let me show you." He smiles, making my eyes drawn to his lips.
He presses my hand to his chest, over his heart, and touches his warm lips to my trembling ones. My lips tingle. I press my lips a bit harder to his, wanting the moment to last a bit longer. A minute later, Edward's finishing the kiss with two sweet pecks to my lips, and one to the top of my hand that was over his heart.
"You should never want to rush into things like this with someone. You'll miss half of the joy of taking it slow."
We end up spread out on the couch, making out. When my first touched his, I pulled back and laughed.
"Your tongue tastes like chocolate." From his candy bar earlier.
"It's your favorite right?"
I smile and pick up where I was before I stopped kissing him, "Indeed."
6 Months Later….
Edward's apartment. In his bed. Naked. He's on top. I've never been with anyone like this, and I couldn't be happier that Edward's the one.
Skin on skin is incredible. He's warm and soft, but his muscles remind me of the strength he has, making me feel safe and protected as he covers me, body resting between my legs. He's inside, and yeah, it hurt, but of course he was amazing and sweet, taking his time, giving me time to experience everything. Not wanting to rob me of any moment. I guess that's why he spent the first 30 minutes after entering me kissing every place he would reach, letting me relax and just…feel.
My thighs wrapped around his waist once I got brave enough to move. I loved the feel of his weight, warm skin, his whispered words. Nothing was fast, there was no intense thrusting, no screams of passion. Just slow, measured movements and millions of kisses and tender touches of caressing flesh. Groans and moans, heavy, deep breathing, his left hand holding my right, and my left in his hair, not tugging but light scratching. Two chests wet with sweat, and eyes dead locked on each other.
And to seal the deal, two silent gasps when pleasure struck us.
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