Title: Music, Movies and Maudlin Melodramas aka 30 times Puck and Kurt had to suffer through the indignity of pop culture revealing deep meaningful truths.
Word Count: 15 859
Spoilers: Season 1
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.
Summary: My contribution to a 30 day drabble challenge on the puckurt livejournal comm. .
AN: I started this thinking that each drabble would be a oneshot. After the first week, I noticed that they were all linked. Now thirty days later, they read kinda like a complete story.
Day One- Be My Yoko Ono
Kurt sighed as the discman whirled against his leg. His small hand wrapped protectively around the player. He watched as the people in the seat behind him peeked over at it. He was pretty sure he was the only twelve year old on the bus that had parents that could afford to get him one. He had already told his dad that it wasn't the kind of thing he should bring to school but he did have to admit that the respite that it provided on his way to school was very welcome.
He cringed as the next song started. He really should have know better than to leave the house without checking it first but still, it wasn't until he was huddled in his seat that he realized his Jewel CD was not what he was listening to.
He kind of recognized most of it. There was a vague remembrance of silly songs that his dad used to sing to him while making even sillier faces. The song skipped as the bus skidded over the speed bumps that meant the were crossing into Lima Height Adjacent. Even through the music, Kurt could feel the way the bus silenced in a terrified hush. Kurt had felt the familiar feeling of fear that would always rush through him. The fear that would remind him that he was about to see the boy that made him tingle in his belly and a few places lower that he wasn't entirely sure how to deal with yet.
He watched as Puck lumbered to his seat in the back.. He was just starting in enjoy the thick, rich smell that always lingered when Puck passed when pain collided with grief in his stomach. He heard the words he'd heard every day for the first six years of his life. The song seemed faster than his dad would usually sing it, so it almost made Kurt forget about all those days in the kitchen. Eating cereal at the dining room table as his dad's voice would drift out of the kitchen. It almost made him forget the breathy laugh that always followed his dad singing the last line of the song.
If I was John and you were Yoko,
I would gladly give up musical genius,
just to have you as my very own, personal Venus.
The ghost of his mommy's laugh rang loud in his ears as the next song started and a dark shadow moved to tower over him. When he looked up he saw the growl before it was ready to leave Puck's lips. Puck's hand swept the discman out of Kurt's hands. The force pulled his headphones off his head and left his ears ringing for a whole other reason.
Puck's face softened when he saw the thick grief on Kurt's face and the heavy tears in his eyes. He looked at Kurt almost like he didn't want to finish what he'd just started. The hungry stares that rested on both of their backs told them they didn't have a choice.
Puck stalked back to his seat and watched as Kurt crumpled into tears. Despite his tears, Kurt could feel his heart lift slightly. Puck had looked at him plenty of times before but this time Puck had actually seen him.
Kurt held on to that feeling. It followed him through grade school. It clung to his skin through middle school. It slept in his back pocket for the first year of high school. He held on tight until he could replace it with being in love. He saved it until Puck was ready to be more.
Day 2- Wrap Your Arms Around Me
Puck waited at the bus stop as his watched his mom waddle down the street. She was about eight months pregnant with the person that supposed to be his sister. Angry tears threatened to fall as he remembered that his dad had been gone just as long. He cursed the parasite growing in his mother's stomach. It was her fault that his daddy had left. It was her fault that his mom hadn't remembered that today was his twelfth birthday.
The heavy smell of fumes filled the spring air and Puck swiped an angry hand over his eyes. It was time to put the mask in place. By the time the bus doors swung open he was ready to be Puck again. The first thing he saw was Kurt. Kurt with his soft, porcelain skin. Kurt with his tiny crooked smile. Kurt with his light, summer smell. It made him furious. Kurt always made him furious. A feeling he didn't understand would brew heavy in his stomach whenever he saw Kurt.
He doesn't really want to take Kurt's stuff or make Kurt cry but he can't help himself. That was the one time he sees Kurt with a look other that blank indifference. It was the one time Puck could practically feel his heartbeat in his throat. It's the only time Puck gets to talk to him.
Puck slouched in the back seat of the bus. His back burning as shame ran angry stripes along his skin. His hand limply clutched the discman he'd just stolen from Kurt. Puck can feel it bounce against his thigh. He pulled the headphones over his ears and lets the music flow over him. A soft song breaks his heart even further. The words swirl around him and make the tears that were threatening to fall earlier spring back to his eye.
Do you believe that we are all innately good?
Do you think that you would love me until tomorrow if you could?
His heart clenched hard in his chest as he heard Kurt's sniffles from the middle of the bus. He struggled with the way his finger itch to touch Kurt. To comfort him. But Puck knows it's not his place. So instead he pulls with jacket over his face. Silent tears fall down his cheeks and soak into the old polyester. He is good at keeping his sobs quiet. He's practiced at making sure his hiccuped breaths look like he's sleeping. His fingers itch the inside of his thigh as he wonders if he will ever get the chance to do that to Kurt. To feel the twitch of soft skin against his fingertips. He always wonders a lot of things.
In the end, Puck doesn't give Kurt his discman back. He keeps it next to his bed. In the dark of night, he lets himself dream. He lets himself think about what it might mean to make it up to Kurt.
I regret every time I raised my voice
And it wouldn't be that bright of me to say I had no choice.
I can kiss your eyes your hair your neck
until we forget.
He doesn't know if Kurt is the kind of boy that likes boys like him. He isn't even sure if he's the kind of boy that could like a boy like Kurt. Puck doesn't know very much but he knows that the feeling sitting in his belly isn't something he should ignore. But then Kurt's sobs get a bit louder. Then all he can do is bury his head deeper into his coat and hope for the day when he can say he's sorry.
Day 3 Open Up Your Heart And Let The Sun Shine In
He'd woken up to a small baseball glove on his bed. There was a little tag on the side that said Happy Birthday, Noah. His heart clenched hard in his chest. His birthday was almost six months ago. He assumed it was the thought that counted. He stumbled into the living room just after noon and cringed when he saw his cousin Lydia sprawled out on the couch. Of all the things to happen since Sarah was brought home, Lydia becoming a permanent fixture on their couch was one of the worst.
Puck had always hated Lydia. She was the kind of cousin that would let her boyfriend steal all there food while ignoring the Sarah's screams. He glanced over that the carrier sitting on the lazyboy. All he saw was pink blankets. That's all he ever saw. It had been about three months since Sarah was born and his mom still hadn't let him hold her. She always kept him at arms length. Mumbling about germs and other things that would haunt his dreams. The crushing press of not being trusted weighing heavy on his chest.
The thin wood of the liquor cabinet gives way easily under his prying hands. Half empty bottles are calling him like a siren song. Thick, amber liquid being to take him away. The neck of the bottle is cool between his fingers as it hangs loosely at his side. He's almost out of the living room when he hears Sarah whimper. The sound hits him and it's worse than every screaming cry he's heard before.
His free hand pulls the carrier off the chair. Liquor in one hand, his baby sister in the other. Both bounced against his thigh as he tripped back into his bedroom. He could hear Lydia snoring and he cringed as her breath stuttered in her sleep. He held his breath as he waited to see if she woke up. If she woke up and saw Sarah in his room, there would be hell to pay.
He's looking at her under all the pink blankets. It's the first time he's been this close to her and his heart jumps into his throat. In that moment, all he knows is she belongs to him. That she's his baby sister. That she's his.
She tucks under his arm like she was meant to be there. She curls deeper into him and for the first time in his life he has the impulse to break into song. He racks his brain trying to think of any songs he knows that aren't completely inappropriate.
He flashes on the day before. The soft, lilting sound of Kurt singing to himself.
So let the sun shine in
face it with a grin.
Smilers never lose
and frowners never win.
So let the sun shine in
face it with a grin
Open up your heart and let the sun shine in.
Sarah yawns and her bottom lip grazes his collarbone. Tears spring to his eyes as an unfamiliar feeling rushes through his veins. He knows that there will be hell to pay when his mom comes home. He knows that he will be forced to love his sister like this. Taken in stolen moments when his mother isn't around to tell him how just touching her is making her dirty. Making her less than.
She snuffles against his neck as he continues sing Kurt's song. The liquor bottle abandoned by the foot of the bed. He can't help to think that she's worth it.
Day 4- You Are My Sunshine
The empty hallways make a deep contentment sit in Kurt's belly. It's the best thing about staying for his AP extracurricular activities. In the distance he can hear the quiet slaps of football pad hitting each other. He can hear the quick whistles and shouts. He knows he's safe for a moment. He's learned the hard way who much more difficult thirteen is than twelve. He's learning that crushing on the cute boy with the mohawk in English class is a lot harder when you have to hide the evidence with your book bag.
Kurt's eyes linger on the small pile of books stacked in his locker. He pretends not to remember all the embarrassing scribbles in the margins. The sad little doodles of KH + NP. The wishful scrawl of Kurt Puckerman.
In the background he can hear the stomp of football cleats. He had lost almost fifteen minutes daydreaming. He doesn't notice her at first. So lost in the strange feeling of longing and hope lingering inside him. But soon her popping gum and the heavy smell of hairspray overwhelms him. When he turns around she already tapping her foot impatiently.
"Yo, do you know Puck?" Her voice is bored and makes Kurt's skin crawl.
"If you're referring to Noah Puckerman, than yes. We have been acquainted."
"Listen, I don't know what the fuck you just said, little kid. But you gotta take her 'cause I gotta jet."
It isn't until then that he notices the baby on her hip. He's too shocked to say anything as the baby is thrust into his arms and the loud clomp of retreating boot heels fill the empty hall.
The baby looks at him with wary, brown eyes. Almost like she trying to see if he can be trusted. A piece of his heart breaks as he realizes that it's a skill she already feels like she needs. Kurt can literally feel the moment she decides he's one of the good guys. Her tense body relaxes against him and she sits on his hip like she's been there a hundred times before.
He's not sure why but he hugs her tighter and pulls her against his chest. He walks with a tiny bounce in his step as he paces in front of the locker room door. He knows he has to wait for Puck to finish getting changed. Just like he knows that the jocks will make him shower last. He knows it's going to be a long wait.
He slides down to sit against the wall. He lays the baby on his propped up thighs. She's looking up at him and gurgling. She's the most beautiful thing Kurt has ever seen. Suddenly the quiet hallway feels empty. He's not sure why but his voice decides that it needs to steal the silence.
You Are My Sunshine
My only sunshine.
You make me happy
When skies are gray.
You'll never know, dear,
How much I love you.
Please don't take my sunshine away
Warmth floods him as her tiny hands wraps around his finger. She pulls his hand towards her mouth and cringes slightly she pulls his finger inside. The tip of his finger grazes the faint beginnings of her bottom teeth and tears well in his eyes. How had he not met this beautiful little girl?
"What the fuck?" Puck's voice startled Kurt out of his trance. He struggled to his feet and let the baby rest against his hip again.
"Puck, this girl came and asked me if I knew you. Then she just handed her to me." Kurt's speech stuttered as the baby grabbed at his bottom lip.
Puck looked at Kurt stunned for a minute before lashing out and punching at the row of lockers on the opposite side of the hall.
"Fuckin' Lydia. I'm gonna kill that bitch." Puck whispered angrily.
The loud noise seemed to startle the baby in Kurt's arms and her lip quivered against Kurt's neck. The whimper seemed to melt away Puck's rage and he swept the baby into his arms. Frantically looking her over to see if she was hurt. His shoulders relaxed as one of his questing hands made her giggle.
"Sorry, Kurt. This is my sister, Sarah. My cousin was supposed to watch her until I got home."
Kurt just shrugs and leans forward to run a soft finger over Sarah's cheek. "Well, it's nice to meet you Sarah."
Kurt gives Puck a soft smile before turning to walk down the hallway. Puck knows he should say something. Should stop him. But he knows he has too many words and not enough all at the same time. Instead he turns in the opposite direction. Sarah's small hand reaches over his shoulder.
There is it. Her first word. Puck almost crumples under the weight of it. He looks back at Kurt. He sees the way thick beams of light attach themselves to Kurt's body. He sees the Kurt he saw every night when he closes his eyes and dreams of morning.
He turns away again and pulls Sarah against him even tighter.
"Yeah, baby. You got it right. He's sunshine."
Day 5- You Won't Be Mine
They spend three years playing. Kurt plays the gay kid that always shows up for dumpster dives and slushie facials. Noah plays at being Puck. Hard, angry, untouchable. He plays the part so well that Kurt almost believes him.
Kurt tries to look at someone else the way he always looked at Noah. He fluttered his eyes at Finn and hoped that friction of his eyelashes hitting his cheeks would be enough to cause sparks. He hoped that it would be enough. That he could make himself feel something for the boy that seemed like he would never hurt him.
But still Noah lingered in his heart. He sometimes got lost in Puck. Lost in the fear that would race through his veins. The cold stare that would burn his skin. But then Puck would press Kurt against his chest and Kurt would remember. He would remember that this was the chest that he would let a sleepy baby fall asleep on. He would remember the wide, brown eyes of a baby girl he'd only seen once. He would remember that Puck was capable of love and hope would spark in his chest.
It's almost like being free
And I know soon you will be
Over the lies, you'll be strong
You'll be rich in love and you will carry on
But no - oh no
No you won't be mine
It stayed buried underneath all the layers of fabric and artifice. It would get pushed further down every day. It had started high in his heart. The feeling of anything being possible making him believe. Each press and slide of Puck's lips on someone else. Each sordid tale that would trail out into the silent after school hallways. Each day Kurt would feel that hope sliding further down into the pit of his stomach.
Puck watches at Kurt bats his eyelashes at Finn. Puck watches Kurt in hiding. Puck smiles at him. Puck presses him firmly against his chest. Puck watches as the smile plastered on Kurt's face actually starts to look like it hurts. Puck remembers what it felt like to look at Kurt. Puck still remembers what he thought it meant. Puck remembers what it was like to live like his life belonged to him.
Puck kisses the girls he's supposed to want to kiss. But Puck remembers it all and watches the clock. He watches the clock and waits for both of them to be ready.
Day 6- Bed Of Lies
Quinn getting pregnant is the best and worst thing that ever happens to him. He's scared of being like his old man. He's terrified about being made to do the right thing. He's petrified that Quinn is going to get rid of the baby but he's almost as scared she'll keep the baby too. It all seems like too much, way too soon. But he's elated about the idea of looking to to someone's face and being able to say she's got my nose or she's got my eyes. He thinks his daughter will have the same overflowing curls that she will curse for being saddled with. She will belong to him.
He is painfully aware that the man in him knows that Quinn will want him to do right by her. He knows what that means. It means living cheque to cheque. It means a life of second-hand furniture and first-hand regrets. It means hiding who he is until the forty years pressure finally make him crack and he's caught in a back alley or a bathroom. Over fifty years old with a twenty year old between his legs. It means lies. And his gut tells him that it means a life without Kurt.
Don't wanna be the one who turns the whole thing over
Don't wanna be somewhere where I just don't belong
Where it's not enough just be sorry
Quinn giving up the baby is the best and worse thing that ever happens to him. His baby will live with someone equipped enough to give her the life she deserves. His baby will be happy. His baby will pull her wild curls into messy pigtails as she plays in the mud. His baby won't be his anymore.
When Puck says goodbye to Beth for the last time, he wanders aimlessly around the hospital. His feet lead him to a small, poorly-lit bathroom. The tiles bite angry grooves to his knuckles. His blood drips onto the floor and furious tears start to fall down his cheek.
Puck is pulled out of his anger by quiet sniffling coming from the other side of the stall. It's only then he sees the familiar Doc Martens and skinny jeans splayed against the tile floor. Puck leans against the stall as he looks over to see Kurt sobbing. He smiles through his tears as he slips down to sit next to Kurt against the wall.
Kurt turns to him the moment their shoulders brush. "Oh my god, Noah. I'm so sorry. What can I do?"
Puck gives him a sideways smile as Kurt asks him what he can do. He laced his fingers through Kurt's and let himself cry. Kurt held his hand tight until his knuckles ached and tiny droplets of blood soaked through Kurt's pant leg.
Kurt being there for him was the best and only way he could handle losing his daughter.
Day 7- On Night Like Tonight
Puck's thighs burn as every slight shift rubs the thick denim of his jeans into his skin. He's scared to leave the room. He's scared that if he lets go of Kurt's hand that he'll never get that feeling again. It had taken him sixteen years and more pain that he was willing to admit to feel the comforting press of Kurt's skin against his rough palm. But like always Kurt decided when he was ready to face the world.
With an undignified snort and a quick swipe of his free hand over his face, Kurt pulled Puck to stand up. He guided Puck over to the sink and gingerly cleans the wounds on his hand. He pulled out a thin handkerchief from his back pocket and wrapped Puck's knuckles. Cautious hands wiped the drying tears from Puck's cheeks and something inside of him snapped. His fingers mirrored Kurt's and the exhilarated thrill of Kurt's skin under his fingertips made him lean forward. He tilted Kurt's chin up and leaned in close. Kurt's breath skated along his lips as Puck groaned and closed his eyes.
But as quickly as it happened it was over. Kurt turned his head away as he pressed his forehead into Puck's cheek. Kurt's sobs started again. Pain filled Puck's chest as he felt Kurt's withdraw. Kurt lolled his head against Puck and he knew that Kurt was shaking his head.
"Nononono... Not like this. Wanted you forever, but not like this." Kurt pressed a heavy, sorrowful kiss on Puck's cheek before he made his way to the door. Puck stares at his back and started when Kurt spoke again.
"If tomorrow or the next day or a week from now in the daylight with your head clear , you still want that. Want me. Then we can talk. But I can't be this. I won't let us be this.
The broken okay is the first thing Puck said since he walked into that bathroom. As the tap of Kurt's boot heel descends down the hallway, Puck finally looks at himself in the mirror. He looks wrecked. He looks like he got the shit kicked out of him. He looks a little bit broken. He can see the cracks but he can also see that they're not as deep as he thought they'd be.
On nights like tonight when no one's around
I sit in the dark on my hands on the ground
And I smile like the devil smiles, unseen but proud
Truth be told I don't know who's at the helm
But just sit tight
I'll make my way to you
The smile looks wrong on his swollen face. He can almost hear his lips creak but he can't help it. He'd felt Kurt against his skin and shuddered at the exquisite memory of warm, sweet breath against his lips.
Puck's finger ran over the makeshift bandages Kurt had given him earlier. KH. The raised letters on the fabric shifted against his skin and made him shiver.
Puck spent the night locked in a hospital bathroom. Screaming and crying and grieving the past in the dark. When he woke up, the thin sliver of light that cut it's way through the darkness made him think of Kurt. After all, Kurt had mentioned daylight and a future. He can't help but smile into the sunlight because Kurt had mentioned an ius/i.
Day 8- I'm Not Even Supposed To Be Here Today
After Quinn gives Beth away, Puck can't leave his room for three weeks. Huddled under the blankets all he wants is sunlight. A stirring in his belly makes him feel like he doesn't deserve sunshine yet. He cries more than he ever has in his whole life. Laying in the darkness with just his quiet sobbing as a soundtrack, he is able to examine his life in a way he never could before.
He feels heavy under the lies. He still remembers Kurt's breath against his skin and the almost-kiss from all those weeks ago stabs into his stomach. He thinks he might be able to have Kurt. Someday. But first he has to get out of bed. This time he manages to make his shoulders leave the bed for five seconds before his body gives out and he falls back. His face crumples and he's ready to start crying again. But before the torturous tears can start again, his phone pings by his head. He reads Finn's text and curses himself for forgetting. This is their week.
Being bros with Finn for so long meant they had some pretty well-worn traditions. View Askew Week was one of those traditions that he couldn't quite remember the origin of. It just started one year. Now the would watch one movie a night from the collection. It always had to be in order. Tonight was Clerks. He pulled himself out of bed and into the shower. By the time he walked into Finn's house he felt human again. That was until he walked into the living room and saw Kurt sitting on the couch in pj's and a bowl of popcorn on his lap. Kurt with butter on his fingers and salt clinging to his lips made Puck's blood surge.
In the darkness, he feels like he's breathing too loud. He listens as Kurt laughs at all the right parts and quotes lines with Finn. Kurt impersonating Jay is probably the best thing he's ever seen. By the end he's not really paying attention to the movie anymore. He's watching Kurt. Watching the flush of his cheeks, the honest laugh, the bright smile. Suddenly the movie cuts through him like a knife. Silent Bob say his only line and forces Puck's heart into his own throat.
You know, there's a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of 'em just cheat on you.
Puck watches Kurt clean up the living room. He watches as Kurt dances around looking him in the eye. He watches as his gaze makes Kurt shy. When Kurt passes Puck the blanket he can use, their fingers touch for the briefest moment. Kurt smiles shyly and slowly heads up stairs.
As Puck tries to fall asleep in the Hummel/Hudson living room, he can't stop thinking about Kurt. Well Kurt and Kevin Smith. But something tells him that Kurt wouldn't mind that so much.
Day 9- Mallrats, Schmallrats
Wanting Kurt is not a new feeling for Puck. He's well acquainted with the gnawing feeling deep in his gut. The near painful desire to graze his fingertips down Kurt's side. The craving for the slight flush of Kurt's skin. Yeah, he wanted Kurt. He had been there. Done That. Got the t-shirt and the constant boner to prove it. This though... this just felt different.
Night two of View Askew week started exactly like the night before. Shy glances, butter-slick fingers gliding over his knuckles with each pass of the popcorn bowl. It was all the same. Except this it wasn't.
This time Kurt curled to lay on his side and the tips of his toes brushed Puck's thigh. This time Kurt fell asleep a little less than halfway through the movie. This time Finn bailed a few minutes later. This time Puck spent more of his time watching Kurt sleep than the movie.
Puck watched as Kurt's chest rose in deep, even breaths. He watched as the lazy fingers resting on Kurt's hipbone drifted down his own pelvis. He watched as the t-shirt inched up Kurt's belly and Kurt snored softly into the darkened room.
The familiar feeling rested in Puck's belly. This time though, the want mixed freely with need, with warmth and a feeling Puck always thought love might feel like.
You fuckers think just because a guy reads comics he can't start some shit?
That was the soundtrack to Puck realizing that he might be a little bit in love with Kurt Hummel.
Tell Em Steve-Dave
Well, that became the soundtrack of Puck thinking that it might be something he might like to share.
Day 10- Chasing Kur
With everything that had been running though Puck's mind, he really shouldn't have been surprised that Chasing Amy turned out to be the film that pushed everything out into the open. This time Kurt was rigid. His back ramrod straight as Puck walked into the room. Puck knew he was in trouble.
This was Kurt completely closed off. It had been so long since he'd seen this side of Kurt. The harsh reality of it hit him square in the face. Dread ran down his back in icy licks. This is what happened the day after Kurt was vulnerable. This is what happens after you realize you love him and can't fight the urge to curl up beside him on the narrow couch. This is what happens when you see his bed head and smell his morning breath and almost kiss him good morning. This is what happens when you get too close.
Finn sat in between them on the sofa, blissfully unaware of how awkward the situation was. Puck trying everything he could to get Kurt's attention and Kurt throwing Puck a scornful look anytime there was a joke made by someone who was obviously a closet case. Puck was a little bit pissed. He thought that he and Kurt had an understanding. He thought they were both tiptoeing around the same invisible line. He thought they were both dancing around being more. He thought Kurt got it.
He waited until Kurt marched into the kitchen to get more popcorn. He cornered him and backed him up against the counter. Kurt's eyes were wide and his back stiffened even further as Puck leaned in. The kiss was soft. Almost nonexistent but it was enough to make him push Puck halfway across the room with a violent shove.
"How dare you? You don't get to hold my hand and try to kiss me then just leave for three weeks. That's not how this works."
Puck's brows furrowed as he tried to understand what Kurt was talking about. Sure, he had disappeared for a bit after the hospital but the promise of Kurt was the only thing that kept him sane.
"Dude, I bailed for a bit. I had to. That was some pretty heavy shit, man."
Kurt's shoulders slumped and Puck felt him give into the moment.
"You left." Kurt whispered.
Puck pulled Kurt into his arms and whispered into his neck. "I know."
Kurt pulled back and his eyes darted across his face. His face breaks into a determined smile.
"But you came back."
"I came back."
As Kurt pressed his lips against Puck's, he realized that no matter what happened. He would always come back.
Day 11- Hetero-Lifemate, Question Mark?
Kurt's kiss still hung on his lips as he walked into the Hummel/Hudson residence. It had been almost twenty four hours since their soft kisses were interrupted by Finn stumbling in from a fight with Rachel. Kurt had spent the next three hours being the supportive brother and Puck spent just as much time trying to figure out when Kurt had gotten so beautiful. They said good night with shy-touching hands at the door.
The next night, Finn is unusually quiet. Puck frowns as he watches Finn look at the screen. His face is pulled into the expression he always gets when he's one minute away from connecting something. Puck knows it can't be the movie. They've watched Dogma at least fifteen times. Puck knew that Finn got everything that was going on after the fourth or fifth viewing. It pulls Puck's focus and tension rest heavy in his stomach. Finn is thinking. It usually hurts Puck when Finn starts thinking. That's usually when he starts realizing all the ways Puck has lied to keep his secrets.
Kurt doesn't realize what's happening. He's too engrossed in the movie. The tip of his tongue running against the corner of his mouth makes Puck's blood rush. Puck's caught between worry and arousal when Finn's voice breaks the silence.
Kurt starts slightly. "Yes, Finn?"
"When Jay introduces Silent Bob as his hetero-lifemate, he's lying right?" Finn presses on despite the confused expression that takes over Kurt's face. "I mean they are life mates but they're not straight, right?"
Kurt locks eyes with Puck across the room. "Why do you think that?"
Finn shrugs and the expression clears from his face. "I dunno. They just seem... I mean I think they seem kinda in love, ya know?"
"Yeah, Finn. They kinda do."
Kurt blushes as his eyes drop to Puck's lips. A soft smile pulls at Puck's lips as the silence is taken by Finn's laugh. Puck's smile takes Kurt's breath and he can't help but smile back.
Puck settles back in his chair. He drowns in his oldest friend's laughter and the softly whispered words that sound almost like a promise.
Then the Golgothan shows up and all Puck can think about is how fucking much this movie rules.
Day 12- Shy and Silent Insecurity Strike Back
Kurt is nowhere to be seen. Even with Finn's hulking body taking up almost half of the couch, it still looks painfully empty. His leg bounces as he trains his ears for Kurt's movement through the house. He hates that he has to sit there pretending that he doesn't need to seek Kurt out. He hates that secrecy makes him sit still as the opening credits of the next View Askew movie play.
Finn falls asleep about twenty minutes into the movie and Puck forces himself to stay where he is for another ten minutes. When Finn stirs lightly before erupting in snores, Puck decides to take a chance and go searching. It only takes a few minutes for Puck to find him.
Puck leaned against the door jam leading to the kitchen and smiled when he saw Kurt sitting on the counter. In the same corner he had backed him into a few night before. His eyes are downcast.
"Well, look at this morose motherfucker right here?"
Kurt smiled as Puck quoted the movie that was playing loudly in the other room. He didn't lift his head up though and it made Puck crave the sharp intensity of blue eyes. He made it across to Kurt and settled into the apex of his thighs. He lifted Kurt's chin to make him look him in the eye.
"Hey." Puck's whispered
"Hi." Kurt's voice cracked in a way that made worry sit in Puck's belly.
"I missed you out there." Puck says as he tilts his head towards the living room.
"Yeah? I just... didn't know if you would want me out there."
"Why wouldn't I?"
Kurt shrugged but wouldn't continue until Puck's hands went to rest on his thighs.
"We didn't really talk about everything or anything. I wasn't sure where we stood."
Kurt's eyes stay locked on Puck's collarbone and Puck can practically feel the anxiety flowing off of him. It's only then that he realizes how unfair he was being. He'd expected Kurt to inherently know what he meant with a few stolen kisses and longing looks.
"Okay. So this is where. Right here. Me in front of you, wanting to kiss you. That's were we stand right now."
Kurt's eyes blaze as his head jerks up.
"That's now. Secret kisses in my father's kitchen isn't exactly where I want to stand. I can't do this if it's not all the way."
Puck shakes his head. "Baby, I was always all in."
Kurt's hands find their way around his neck. Shy fingertips brush the back of his ears and he shudders. This time when they kiss, it's different. This time, nothing about the kiss is stolen.
Day 13- Just A Thursday Night
When Puck had woken up that morning, he was half considering what lesson he was going to learn for this View Askew movie, Clerks 2. It had a donkey show, for god's sake. But he should have known better. He should have known that he was bound to learn something. That seemed to that week's MO. Life lessons masquerading in between dick jokes.
Kurt looks beautiful. He looks happy. But the thing Puck notices this time, is Kurt looks like his. Kurt looks like he finally belongs to and with someone. Puck wonders if Kurt can tell that he feels the same. Puck runs a hand over his face almost as if he's trying to wipe the smile off. Finn chatters in the background but all Puck can think about is getting Kurt alone.
He waits until it's popcorn time and follows Kurt into the kitchen. They stand beside each other as the popping noises and the deep sound of their tandem breathing are the only things that break the silence. He's nervous about asking. He knows he has to. He knows that Kurt deserves this. But he's never done this before. He has a vague idea of the steps but he hasn't quite learned how to follow them yet.
"So, on Saturday the Angelica is showing a John Hughes retrospective. Do you maybe wanna go?" Puck cringes at the tone in his own voice.
"You mean, like a date?"
Puck swallows heavily. "Yeah, a date."
Puck almost misses the nod of Kurt's head but the small movement lifts the weight that had been sitting on his shoulders. He smiles to himself and turns back to watch the popcorn fill the bowl.
The loud sound of glass breaking pulls everyone into the living room. Everyone else looks terrified. Puck can feel the fear rushing in his veins but then he looks at Kurt. He's wearing the same look of sad resignation as Burt is. They are both staring at the broken glass of the living room window and the large brick that has the words dead fag on the side. They look like this is familiar. They look like this isn't the first time they'll have to pick glass shards out of their carpet.
Everyone else looks horrified. For everyone else, this is the first time hate has shown up on their door step. For the Hummel's, this is just a Thursday night.
From the TV, Randal's voice breaks the silence. He's yelling the thing that will make Puck realize that all of this comes with being with Kurt. With being out. It will also be the thing that helps him realize that all of it is worth it. That small line of dialogue will be the thing he need to give him the courage to kiss Kurt in public for the first time. But even he knows he's not ready to learn that lesson yet.
But still, he should have known he'd learn something. Life lessons masquerading in between dick jokes. He really should have known.
Day 14- Ms. Abaline And The Angelica
His palms are sweaty as he paces out side the Angelica. The old movie theater is the only place Puck has ever felt home. The fabric of its red seats hold years of his life. Entire summers that he spent jumping from theater to theater. Getting lost in the world of people that were living the lives he wanted to live. Ms. Abaline would sneak him stuff from the concession when people weren't looking. He anxiously looked out the sidewalk. Scanning the streets looking for Kurt.
Tonight meant a lot of firsts. It was the first time he was taking Kurt out. It was the first time Puck had actually been on a real date. But most importantly, it was the first time he was bringing someone to his secret place.
Puck's breath caught in his throat as he watched Kurt walk towards him. He was wearing jeans and a sweater. It was probably the most dressed-down Puck had ever seen him, and he'd never been more beautiful. Puck watched as Kurt ran a nervous hand through his hair. The action made Kurt look even further disheveled and Puck had a momentary thought about abandoning this being-a-gentleman thing. But then Kurt saw him and smiled.
They walked through the gold doors and Ms. Abaline waved them over to the concession stand. He spent a few minutes talking with her before making his way back to Kurt. When Ms. Abaline gave him a thumbs up as he trailed behind Kurt he knew that she approved of his date.
Kurt gasped beside him. Dread ran down his back. Trying to catalog all the ways he might have fucked up. Kurt's fingers trailed over the rough, red fabric of the seats. When he turned back to look as Puck, he had tears in his eyes.
"I've been here." Kurt's broken whisper tears at Puck's gut and makes him glad that the theater is empty. He's about to ask Kurt what's wrong when he sits down gingerly in the back row.
"I've been here before. Every Sunday, they used to show old movies. The Sound of Music. Cabaret. Funny Girl. Breakfast at Tiffany's. I used to come here with my mom every week. She'd put chocolate-covered raisins on her popcorn. I haven't been here since... since... she's been gone." Soft tears take Kurt's voice and Puck kicks himself for fucking up so hard.
Kurt stands and walks over to Puck. Puck cringes and he expects that Kurt's just going to keep walking. Walking out of the theater, out of the building, out of his life. Instead he wraps Puck in a bone-crushing hug. They stay locked like that until Kurt pulls back slightly to rest his palm against Puck's cheek.
"Thank you for bringing me here."
Kurt's lips on his are soft and the hand on his cheek is warm but Puck knows that has nothing to do with why he's blushing.
When he hands Kurt a box of chocolate-covered raisins, he feels like he got it right. When Kurt kisses him he tastes like butter and chocolate. He taste like happiness. He tastes like home.
Day 15- Won't You Come See About Me?
The night air was unusually crisp for the first week of August. The short walk from Puck's truck to the front door made a small chill prickle at Kurt's skin. But still he couldn't help the longing look he cast down the street. Everything in him wanted to ask Puck if they could take a walk. If they could indulge in that slow, languid movement that meant they weren't anxious to get anywhere. As he climbed the first stair towards his front door, he shook his head. As if he was trying to clear his thoughts. Puck had already given him the most perfect first date and here he was expecting more. As he was heading up the third stair, Puck's long fingers grabbed his wrist.
Kurt turned to look at Puck and waited as the silence stretched. He was about to ask Puck what was wrong.
"You wanna maybe go for walk? There a little park down there. It's really nice."
Kurt looked at him with a shocked expression. Puck had mistaken that stunned expression as a rebuffal of his question.
"Sorry, that was stupid. I just didn't want tonight to end just yet."
Puck shrugged slightly and turned to walk down the driveway. He was halfway to the curb before Kurt broke out of his stupor and ran after him. He went to catch Puck's wrist but ended up grabbing his hand. Puck gave him a surprised look before he smiled and laced their fingers together.
The movie from the night is still rattling around Kurt's head.
Tell me your troubles and doubts
Giving me everything inside and out and
Love's strange so real in the dark
Think of the tender things that we were working on
John Hughes had written about the princess falling for the delinquent. Walking hand in hand with Puck on a sleepy August night, the only thing Kurt could think about is how hot Puck would look with his fist raised in the air because he's gotten his princess.
Day 16- As Long As You're Mine
The wind seemed to bounce of the thick walls of trees surrounding them. The slight noises of the town were silenced in the park. Kurt's feet sank deep into the wet sand and he cringed slightly as he sat on the swing. The tiny droplets of water seeping through the thin material of his jeans, let him know that the sky had opened up while they were in the darkness of the movie theater.
Kurt glanced over to Puck and let the thought of being with him wash over him. Puck was leaning against the metal bar of the swing set. The long line of his body pulling Kurt's attention with every downward swing. They talk about everything. About their favorite movies, their favorite songs. About family and about the family they've made for themselves.
Kurt's breath comes in slight puffs as he swings back and forth. His neck burns in embarrassment as the light mist of sweat flattens his hair against his forehead slightly. Puck talks and Kurt swings. It goes that way for hours. Their spell is broken by a drunken phone call from Finn. The sometime screaming, sometime babbling call that meant he had gotten in a fight with one of the girls. Kurt really couldn't tell which one this was about though. It was always a bit hard for him to keep track. He gave Puck a sympathetic look and gave him a grateful smile as he nodded.
They walked back to the house in silence with their shoulders brushing lightly with every step. Music blared out of the house and sent a silent thank you to the universe for their parents being away for the week. He was about to go inside the house when he realized Puck wasn't following him.
"Puck, what's the matter?"
The frown on Puck face intensified.
"This could work, ya know? We could work."
"I know that, Puck."
"No. I don't think you do. This could be it. You need to decide if that's okay with you." Puck's words dissolved into mumbles.
"Noah, why would I say yes to going out with you if I didn't want to try?"
"No, Kurt. It's not about trying. It's about whether or not you're okay only being with me. This might be it. This feels kinda like it. But I can't start this if you're just gonna dump me in a year cause you want to get on someone else's dick."
Kurt tried to respond but Puck put his hand up to silence him.
"Don't decided now. I want you to think about it." Puck's words skated over his lips just before he pressed them into a soft kiss.
"Just in case." Puck muttered as he pulled away.
"Just in case, of what?"
Puck turned away and headed to his truck. The music coming from the house penetrated his mind. Rachel. Finn had gotten in a fight with Rachel. It's the only reason he would be listening to that.
As long as your mine
I'll wake up my body
And make up for lost time
Puck's words were almost lost in the rumble of his truck starting.
"Just in case, you don't let me do that again."
Kurt watched him drive away. His eyes filling with tears. His lips still tingling. The rain water from the swings metal still clinging to his hands. Kurt watched him drive away.
Day 17- The Princess Would Never Let Go Of Her Scruffy-Looking Nerf-herder!
The loud pulsing of the club makes Kurt's head swim. His fake id feels like it's burning a hole in his back pocket. As the sea of sweaty bodies press against him, he remembers why he never wanted to come to a place like this. He was perfectly okay with the idea of gay clubs. He looked forward to the day he could bring his boyfriend to one and they could dance openly. But he never wanted to be alone at one. He could feel the eyes on him and they made him uncomfortable.
He knew that he was not the kind guy that could make heads turn. He's more than learned his lesson. He paid attention to the jabs spit at him the the hallway. He listened to the sad lilt in his dad's voice when he mentioned getting a boyfriend. He understood that part of it was the way his gayness made them all feel. But he'd heard it enough that it kind of started to be about something else all together. He had to be the most unsexual person on the planet.
He would spend hours in front of the mirror trying to find something sexy. Each night ended in tear-stained pillows and extra concealer in the morning. The fact the Puck even wanted to kiss him made him wary. People weren't supposed to want him.
That's why he's in a bar that looks like it's out of Star Wars. Puck wanted him to see if Kurt could live with Puck being his one and only. He looks to him left and wishes he could see Puck standing beside him.
As the patrons smell fresh meat, Kurt can't help but think about what Puck said the night before. He thought they might be it. The thought both terrifies and exhilarate him. He's been struggling to think if they could work. The more he think about it though, the more it makes sense. Sitting in this bar, he can't help but draw parallels. He's totally Leia. With his princess, diva- like behavior. His sharp tongue. His fierce fashion sense. The ill-advised flirtation with her brother Luke ala Finn Hudson.
Puck is definitely Han. With his rakish good looks. His half-dirty smile. The way his eyes sparkle when Kurt calls him a name. Bad boy with a heart of gold.
As a cute boy approaches him, Kurt squares his shoulders and exits the club. In his mind he's thinking about the end of Jedi. Han and Leia definitely end up together. And Leia would never let anything stand in the way of her getting her man.
He was on his way to claim Puck in a very Princess Leia type way. He smiled to himself as he thought of Puck. His very own Han Solo.
Day 18- I Don't Wanna Wait For Our Lives To Be Over
Staring up at his bedroom ceiling, Puck couldn't help but curse himself. He'd sent Kurt away. He's tasted him. Held his hand. Grazed the tiny reality that he could be with him completely. But standing on Kurt's front lawn with Kurt blushing and As Long as Your Mine blasting out of Finn's bedroom, something struck Puck. He could get this close. Maybe even pull Kurt a little bit closer and Kurt might walk away anyway. He might let himself love Kurt with everything and he might leave him. Fear closed up his throat and he told Kurt that he had to be sure. Told Kurt that this wasn't a Dawson/Joey will they/won't they. This is a Pacey/Joey inevitability.
He had always thought that he wanted to be like Dawson. Stalwart, smart, creative. They kind of guy you would love to introduce to your parents. He thought for the longest time that he wanted to be just like Dawson. Then he fell in love with Kurt. Kurt with his Joey-like sharp tongue. The biting insults that would bounce off of Puck's skin and make the hairs of his arm stand up. All that attention, all that intensity focused on him for that brief moment. Kurt with his crazy hats and the different ways he smiled. The singing voice that bowled him over. Kurt with his expectations. Kurt knowing that Puck was a better man than he was being. Loving Kurt made Puck wish he was Pacey.
Puck wanted to be the knight in shining armor. He wanted to buy Kurt a metaphorical wall. He wanted to fight for him. He wanted all those things but then he thought about the collage years and Pacey feeling like he wasn't enough. He thought about distance and separation. He asked Kurt to be sure because he wasn't strong enough to handle getting that close and losing him.
Staring at the ceiling, all Puck can think about is Kurt deciding that he doesn't want to try. He thinks about whether or not that will crush him. He thinks that he can live with loving Kurt from afar if that's what it takes for Kurt to be happy. Loving Kurt was never really about Puck. Loving him was about being dazzled. Tears prickle at the corners of his eyes. He wants to be close enough to see Kurt's flush. He wants to be close enough for Kurt's belly to hit his with every exhalation. He wanted to have Kurt's feet draped over his lap as he read, glasses perched on the end of his nose. He wanted to be kissing Kurt long enough to be able to say that he knows the way Kurt tastes when he's mad or happy or horny.
Downstairs the doorbell rings. He pulls himself up and looks out the window. Kurt is standing with his arms crossed over his chest and is tapping his toes in a frustrated way that is all too familiar. Puck can't stop himself from smiling.
Puck had spent his life wishing for the Dawson/Joey will they/won't they. Now all he wanted was the Pacey/Joey inevitability. Watching Kurt furiously knock on his front door, made him think that he might just get his wish.
Day 19- The Music Might Change But The Words Remain The Same
Kurt had spent most of the night parked outside of Puck's house. Trying to get the courage to knock on the door. As the sun rose he realized that enough was enough. He cringed as he noticed how early it was. He promised himself he would make it up to Puck's family after he made things right with Puck.
He stands in front of the thick oak door for long enough that he is just about to leave. The door slides open to reveal a small little girl on the other side. His heart catches in his throat as he realizes that she must be the little baby that he clutched to his chest so protectively all those years ago. He stood there stunned. The wide brown eyes were so familiar. Her thumb was wedged firmly in her mouth and she stared at him just as intently. Kurt really doesn't know how long they stay like that but his haze is broken when a pair of strong hands pulls the little girl up in the air. Puck settles Sarah on his hip and fixes Kurt with a questioning stare.
"We need to have a discussion, Puckerman."
Puck nods and puts Sarah back on the couch to watch her cartoons. He presses his forehead against her and her lips pucker to kiss his nose. He hands her the juice box on the coffee table as he ruffles her hair.
Kurt follows Puck silently upstairs. The silence falling over them makes the hair on Kurt's arm stand on end. As they walk into Puck's room Kurt can't help but notices the rumpled bedspread. The copy of Pride and Prejudice on his bedside table. All of a sudden Kurt is left wondering what it would be like to curl under the sleep-warmed blankets as Puck's low voice rumbled against his ear. The words of Jane Austen clinging to Puck's voice. The thought makes something in Kurt snap.
The tinny click of the door closing behind them is lost in the thump of Puck's back connecting with the door. Kurt forces his lips onto Puck's like a challenge. Like he's asking Puck to fight back. To fight for him. To fight for a chance. Puck surges forward. All they know is teeth and lips and heat. When Puck pulls away, Kurt slaps his chest.
"How dare you kiss me like that and even doubt that you won't be enough. I don't want anyone else, you prick." Kurt said, breathlessly.
Puck pulls Kurt down onto the bed. The words that flow have nothing to do with Jane Austen or Elizabeth Bennett or Mr. Darcy. The words aren't about pop songs or television parallels. They aren't Kevin Smith movies or Barenaked Ladies albums. They aren't Matthew Good lyrics or Wicked songs.
Puck takes the words and makes them his own. He talks about waiting. He talks about Kurt. He talks about forever. He talks about meant to be. He talks about fate. But most of all, he talks about love.
Day 20- Summer Fades
September looms large. Both Puck and Kurt had kept the sense of impending doom away. They stayed hidden under the sheets. Chased away the panic as they chased the summer rain down each others skin. Mumbled words borrowed from seemingly ancient novels filled the silence. Victorian landscapes made the crude sounds of skin against skin and lips against lips more romantic. It made Puck think about New York City plays and the thin streak of motor oil on Kurt's cheek. It made Kurt think of Puck sharing a Popsicle with his baby sister and grass-stained Levis. They lost themselves so deep in summer that autumn felt like a slap in the face. They hide themselves in secrets long enough that the truth felt impossible.
The night before the first day of school, Puck tossed in his bed for most of the night. The warm blanket of summer sun gave way to the sticky autumn heat that made his sheets cling to his bare thighs. Made sleep an impossible feat. In a way, Puck was glad for the heat. It gave him an excuse for his lack of sleep. That way he could tell himself that he didn't see the sad look on Kurt's face. That way he didn't have to admit that when Kurt kissed him, it felt like goodbye. Kurt's acceptance that this was a summer fling. The easy way he resigned himself to having to give Puck up in the harsh light of fall. All of it chased sleep away.
His eyes were dark, hidden behind the thick sunglasses. The light sun mixes with the soft breeze and Kurt's giggle carries across the parking lot. Puck clenches his hands at his sides to stop the shaking. He knows what he has to do and it's that giggle that moves him forward. That giggle tells him everything he needs to know. The tight grasping sound that clings to the laugh. The notes that only Puck can recognize. The fact he knows that Kurt is faking happiness hurts him just as much as the shadows that darken under Kurt's eyes.
Puck walks over to him. They stand in a deadlock. Puck hiding behind his glasses and Kurt begging him to make the decision for both of them. If Puck walks away now, that's it. They're over. Puck glances to his sides and feel the eyes resting heavy on his back. He takes another look at Kurt and sees what life could be like out in the open. He sees the bricks through windows and panicked 911 calls. He sees slurs and shoulder checks. Words sound loudly from the back of his mind.
Stop trying to bray it up with the rest of the sheep
And live the way it makes sense for you, you fuckin' ass.
Puck squares his shoulder and bends Kurt back into a deep kiss. In that kiss Puck sees what life out in the open could be. He saw backyard barbeques and daughters with pigtails chasing puppies through badly blown bubbles. He saw sons with Superman backpacks and his wedding day. He saw simple gold bands and father/daughter dances. He saw the life he always wanted. He saw his life with Kurt.
They kissed in the sunshine. Summer faded into the background and autumn clung heavy to their shoulders. Fingers laced together, they take the first steps into surviving the fall.
Day 21- Hockey Night In Lima
Burt sat at one end of the table. Puck sat at the other. The wide expanse of the kitchen table stretched between them. Kurt watched from his spot by the door. He eyes darting between his boyfriend and his father. As he watched Burt's nostrils flare, he couldn't help but sigh. He really didn't think all the dramatics were necessary. Before Puck was introduced as Kurt;'s boyfriend, they all had spent more hours than he could count in front of the television. Kurt spent it admiring the cute boys in unfortunate uniforms and Puck's voice mixed with Burt's as they lamented every suspect call.
His dad knows that Puck is a good guy. He likes him. But that doesn't stop the thick feeling of dread from settling in his stomach. His dad's acceptance means more that Kurt can really put into words. Kurt watches as the two men he loves most in this world stare each other down like gunslingers. Locked in a silence that makes the hair on Kurt's arm stand up.
Burt breaks the silence by slamming the flat of his palm against the table. Kurt flinches wildly. Puck doesn't. Kurt kinda thinks that was the point because after the loud booming sound, Burt pushes his chair back from the table. The legs of the chair scraping like nails on a chalkboard. He walks over to where Puck is sitting. He gives him a hard look before extending his hand. Puck looks at it for a moment before shaking Burt's hand.
Burt places a hand on Puck's shoulder before turning to walk out of the kitchen. He bumps Kurt's shoulders playfully as he passed and the hockey game ignited in the living room. When Kurt sits down next to Puck he can see the thin lines of sweat that make his t-shirt cling to his lower back.
Puck's eyes brighten and he pulls Kurt into a kiss. Kurt can feel the oak of the table under his forearms. Just like he can feel the faint ghosting of sweat on Puck's upper lip. They don't flinch as Burt walks into the kitchen to grab a beer from the fridge.
Just like that, Puck is Kurt's boyfriend. They still spend the hours in front of the television. Just like before Burt and Puck still rail against all the unfair calls. Almost everything is the same. It's just now Kurt spends his time sneaking glances at Puck. Fire rushing through his veins. Not much has changed. Except now Puck's hand never leaves it place locked with Kurt's.
Just like that, Kurt isn't alone anymore. And just like that, Kurt actually knows all the rules to all the sports they watch. Just like that, Kurt is the kind of boy that kisses the man he loves in the same room as his father. Just like that, Kurt feels like he belongs.
The game music breaks the spell. Kurt braces himself. He takes a deep breath. The whistle sounds loudly.
Let the games begin.
Day 22- If You Gave Me A Million Years to Ponder, I Would Never Have Guessed That True Romance and Lima Would Ever Go Together .
Kurt and Puck become a fixture at the Angelica. Every other Sunday they have theme marathons. They both tuck into the back corner. Eating licorice and chocolate-covered raisins over salty popcorn. The sneak kisses and say the words under their breath. They are there so much that the old red seats have started to leave their dye on the back of Kurt's thighs.
This weekend it's Tarantino. They lose themselves in the Bride getting revenge and Aldo the Apache killing Nazis. Death Race and adrenaline shots. By the time the last movie started, Kurt's head has come to rest on Puck's shoulder. His eyelashes and soft breath playing over the thin fabric of his shirt. As True Romance started to play, Puck realized that this was the one film in the lineup he hadn't seen.
As Alabama's lilting Florida accent drifts through the theater, Puck settles back. Kurt snuffles against his neck just as Clarence is fighting for Alabama with her pimp Drexel. Kurt stays asleep for the entire movie. Puck feels tears prickle at the corners of his eyes by the end. He imagines getting the happy ending that Clarence and Alabama got. Her voice echoes in Puck's head.
Amid the chaos of that day, when all I could hear was the thunder of gunshots, and all I could smell was the violence in the air, I look back and am amazed that my thoughts were so clear and true, that three words went through my mind endlessly, repeating themselves like a broken record: you're so cool, you're so cool, you're so cool.
As the credits play, Kurt wakes up into an exaggerated stretch. The darkness of the night shocks Puck's system. When they had gotten into the theater the sun was shinning and the thin layer of snow had practically melted. Now the town was covered in a thick blanket of fluffy snow and the moonlight bathed the world in silver light. Kurt pulled his jackets closer to his body and tucked further under Puck's arm.
When they get to Puck's house, Sarah is waiting outside for them. The feet of her footie pajamas are wet from the light dusting of snow the managed to make it way to the porch. The minute she sees them she started running towards Kurt. He pulls himself from under Puck's arm and runs towards her too. She launches herself towards him and he catches her with a familiar ease. He spins her around the yard, singing You Are My Sunshine as they twirl. When he finally puts her back down on the porch she runs into the house. Screaming that there is something that Kurt just has to see.
Kurt goes to follow her through the front door when Puck caught him around the waist. His hands settle on Kurt's hips and Kurt's arms move to rest on his shoulders. Puck gets a soft look on his face and just stares at Kurt.
"What?" Kurt whispers as a blush covers his cheeks.
Puck's voice is soft and full of wonder. "You're so cool."
Kurt ducks his head against Puck's chest and he can feel Kurt's warm cheek against his collarbone. Puck presses light kisses against the top of Kurt's head. They get lost in the smell of snow and moonlight. In the warmth of each others body.
When she realized that Kurt wasn't behind her, Sarah went back outside to drag Kurt inside. Her tiny hand wraps around his and pulls him deep into the house. From the porch, Puck can hear the way their giggles blend together. Warmth fills him despite the cold. The words echo through his head. They mean that he's grateful Kurt chose him. They mean that Puck is starting to believe that they are forever. They mean that he'll gladly spend his life with that laugh and Kurt falling asleep on him in movie theaters.
When he walks inside, he sees Kurt on the floor with Sarah draped across his stomach. In that moment he is Alabama caught in that gunfight. He is her sitting on that beach in Cancun. He is her thinking about what might have happened if the bullet was two inches to the left. As he watches Kurt play fight with his sister, the words echo endlessly.
You're so cool, you're so cool, you're so cool.
On the couch, he watches. A smile etched on his face. Puck was staring to realize that the title of the movie wasn't ironic. True Romance. He was starting to think he could get used to that.
Day 23- I Have Not A Need, I Do Have Desire
Back before they were a we, Kurt used to think about what loving Puck would be like. What it would feel like to be skin to skin with him. What it would be like to wake up smelling like him. Back then, when he would only let himself think about it in the darkness of dreams, he always thought it would be just that... dark. It would be powerful and hard. The intensity would shoot through his fingertips and cloud Kurt's eyes. Back then, he thought Puck was the kind of boy that could only love him in the dark.
I Love a little Loving In The Morning Light,
A Little reminder that it's alright.
Now he knows better. Puck doesn't like the lights off. Ever. He watches as light plays off of Kurt's skin. The intensity of his gaze sometimes makes Kurt long for the cover of darkness. Puck doesn't want him to be hidden. He doesn't want secrets. He wants making love with the sunlight streaming through the windows. He wants to be allowed to count the freckles on Kurt's shoulders.
It takes Kurt a long time to get used to being that exposed. The fiery looks more than make up for the lack of blankets and just like everything else, Kurt begins to crave it. The light. The honesty. The sleep-rumpled blankets around his feet. Somewhere in the wandering eyes and frantic touches, he realizes that Puck had spent years in the dark. Hiding in closets from his mom's friends. Sliding through half-opened doors and second floor windows. He spent years in the dark and as someone's secret.
Kurt giving himself to Puck in the sunshine made Puck remember that he doesn't have to hide anymore. Just like Puck wanting to really look at Kurt makes him remember that he's not alone.
They make love in the sunshine. And they remember that they're not in hiding. They make love in the morning light. As the world wakes up. Because Puck was always the kind of boy that could love him in the sunshine.
Day 24- Tell Us About The Boy From New York City
Mr Schue doesn't even blink when Puck plucks a room key from his hand. Just like he doesn't flinch when Puck throws Kurt over his shoulder and yells that they're going to be roomies as he descends down the hall. He looks down at the remaining keys then up to the expectant faces of the rest of the club. It's senior year. The last time they'll all be at Nationals. The last time they'll be the kind of family that you see every day. This is the last time it won't be about catching up when they come back to visit. He throws the keys down on the table in front of them. As he watches them pair off, all he can think about is the sense of loss that grows in his belly.
From the sounds that echo through the adjoining rooms, Puck and Kurt didn't have the same kind of night that the others had. They giggled as every exaggerated moan that would filter through the walls. Puck and Kurt didn't spend their first night in New York having sex.
They spent it sharing a scalding hot shower and curling up under the blankets. They watched a shitty pay per view movie that had Kurt throwing handfuls of microwave popcorn at the TV. They had the kind of night that left Kurt tasting like butter when they kiss goodnight.
Morning comes too quick for Kurt. The delicious smell of coffee wafts under his nose and he is pulled from his dream. He scowls at Puck's smiling face. He grabs the coffee from Puck's hand and pulls the blankets over his head. He doesn't emerge again until the cup is half empty. In the meantime Puck has picked out his clothes for him. The threadbare Superman t-shirt and the less than skinny jeans tell him the Puck has a plan. He glances out the window and sees the New York skyline before sparing another look at the clothes on the bed. He shrugs as he brings the paper cup back to his lips. He's in New York. He'll go along with whatever Puck wants to do.
They manage to slip past the crack team that was supposed to watching them. The streets hum against Kurt's skin. The last time they were in New York he felt like a tourist. He felt alone in a city that was way too big for him. This time Puck is by his side. This time New York feels like home.
He doesn't know where Puck is taking him but he learned along time ago not to mind Puck's surprises. The last year and a half had been all about following Puck to places he's never seen. He figured he could handle one more. Commuters in suits rush past them. Puck pulls him towards a building he doesn't recognize right away. He can barely hear the loudspeaker over the sound of buskers singing loudly in the terminal.
Everytime he says he loves me chills run down my spine
Everytime he wants to kiss me he makes me feel so fine
Oo ah oo ah Kitty
Tell us about the boy from New York City
Puck pulls him towards the ticket counter. As the words leave Puck mouth, Kurt feels nervous excitement flood his belly. The bustle of Penn Station mixes with the street musicians and the sound of Kurt's heart beating in his ears.
"Are we really going? For real?"
"Of course, babe. You didn't think we'd get this close and not go, did you?"
Puck laces his fingers with Kurt's as the descend down the escalator that leads to the trains. When Kurt presses a kiss under his jaw before they make it to bottom, he thinks he got it right.
Day 25- Snootch To The Nootch
He's only felt this feeling five times in his life. The moment he first sang in front of someone that wasn't his mom. The first time Puck kissed him in the kitchen. The first time he woke up to the feeling of Puck watching him sleep. The second time Puck said I love you and now there's this.
He was standing out front of the building he dreamed about going to since the moment he first heard about this place. He'd spent the the entire train ride over fussing in his seat. Excitement threatening to burst through his seams. Here is was. Thousands of miles away from home. His secret geeky wet dream. Puck had taken him there.
35 Broad Street. Red Bank, New Jersey. Mother Fuckin' Jay and Silent Bob's Secret Stash.
Puck held the door open while he held his breath. Alice Cooper played over the stereo and the tell-tale laugh of Walter Flanagan sounded from the back of the store. Fuck. Not only had Puck taken him to the place he wanted to visit almost as much as Broadway, but he'd managed to work it so they were there for when they recorded the Tell Em Steve-Dave podcast.
Years later Kurt's won't remember the finer details. He'll know that he spent almost five hundred dollars of his savings in the store. He'll remember that he managed to make it out of the store without fanboy-ing all over the place. He'll know that he actually got pulled back to talk to Bry, Walt and Quinn as they recorded. Puck by his side the entire time. He'll know he'll have that episode of the podcast on every version of an ipod he'll ever known.
He'll be sure of all those things. But the details will be fuzzy. Lost in a haze because of everything else that happened that day. But that's a story of another day.
Day 26- Red Bank Redux
After leaving The Stash, Puck ducked into the restaurant next door. Kurt waited for him outside, leafing through one of his recently purchased comics. Kurt felt his stomach growl as the heady smell of good food poured out of the restaurant door as Puck came to meet him on the sidewalk. Puck laced the fingers on his free hand with Kurt's. They walked down to the nearest park and found a bench. Kurt smiled at the girls playing double dutch and hopscotch.
Years later, Kurt will remember everything. The way the lettuce of the taco exploded wonderfully in his mouth. The crisp air on his cheeks. The thin layer of grease that clung to the corner of his mouth. Puck's thigh pressed firmly against his. The shrill sound of one of the little girls asking Kurt to join them. He'll remember it all.
The small girl beckons him over. Her tiny hand flapping as she speaks. She swivels her neck at him. She tells him that they need another person to jump rope with them and that he best believe that person is going to be him. He smiles to himself as recognizes that she's the kind of girl that will grow up to be like Mercedes. All brash wit, sharp tongue, a strong shoulder to cry on. She'll grow up to one of the women he hopes his future son will end up with.
Lisa gives him a nod and counts him in. Just like that, in a 1,2,3 Kurt is playing double dutch for the first time. The feeling rushes through his veins as he remembers all the days he would sit on the park benches and watch the girls jump rope, wishing they would ask him to join. His feet are shaky at first but Lisa is patient and soon enough he gets it.
Half an hour later, Kurt stumbles back to the park bench where Puck has been watching him from. His brow sweaty and his breath coming in sharp pants.
Kurt nods in a shy way that makes Puck sure this is the moment. His hands shake as he pulls the velvet box out of his pocket. The sound of the box creaking open is covered by Kurt's breath. Kurt turns to say something to him but his words catch in his throat. He sees Puck running a finger over the silver band. Puck's voice breaks the silence as soon as he realizes Kurt is looking at him. Puck's eyes stay locked on the open box the entire time he speaks.
"I know that it's not much. But I found it about six months ago and thought of you. I know we're too young right now but I like the idea of not being just your boyfriend. I want to marry you Kurt. I want to call you my fiance. I want to call you mine." His voice kind of trails off.
Kurt is quiet for a second before he pulls Puck into a deep kiss. He is nodding the whole time they kiss. His nose awkwardly bumping into Puck's cheek. Puck is so lost in the moments, in the feelings that he doesn't hear Lisa's voice through the din.
"Ooooohhhh, Kurt's got a boyfriend." Lisa teases.
Kurt breaks away from Puck. "No, honey. Kurt's got a fiance." he responds just as lightly. Lisa makes teasing kissing noises as Kurt jumps up to chase her back towards the jump ropes. Their laughter echoes as they jump back into the game.
See, Kurt remembers everything. The slight taste of onion still lingering in Puck's mouth as they kissed. Puck's stubble running across his chin. Lisa's lilting voice. The slight click of the jump ropes skimming the pavement. The sound of four feet hitting that concrete in tandem. The warm sun on his face. He remembers it all.
All Puck will remember is the sight of Kurt holding Lisa's hands as they play double dutch. The high pitched, out of breath purity of Kurt's laugh. The ropes catching on Kurt's foot and the ropes stuttering at their feet. The sunlight catching the ring on Kurt's finger and all Puck will remember is that feeling.
All he'll remember is love.
Day 27- Like Amorous Lovebirds Do
Kurt's head falls against the glass window. The thick frame vibrates as the train hurled down the track. His ipod streams folksy guitar music that lulls him into a half-sleep. His thumb runs over the callouses on his fingers. They are a testament to the long form essays he's been pouring his soul into. Thin, haphazard stray marks across his skin and they remind him of the little laugh Puck always gets when he's making fun of him for being so old-fashioned. For being the guy that believes in writing on paper and reading the kind of letters that tell you how someone is feeling.
The thick volumes that encapsulate their lives together. Their collection of love letters that Puck keeps on the top shelf of his side of the closet. The cramped, hurried scrawl of Kurt feeling vulnerable and insecure. The airy loops that usually meant the sun was shining when Kurt sat down to write. The dancing jumps of consonants that meant Kurt was excited or happy or horny. Puck giggled when Kurt would put pen to paper but he would always anxiously await to see what the words would tell him.
In his sleepy state, Kurt tries to outline the next letter he would write to Puck. It would be full of thank you for the sleepless nights of cramming before the last final of the last class and love and lust. It would be full of things his sleepy brain wouldn't filter out.
As the train takes him closer to Puck, he drifts further into sleep. His breath leaving clouds on the glass. He tries not to think about the new internship that starts two weeks after graduation. He tries not to worry about the beautiful blonde that is Puck's assistant on the new downtown build project. He tries to remember that they've spent five years building a life. He tries to forget how much that blonde looks like Quinn.
His body jerks to full alert as the train skids to a stop. He loves that his body knows when he's home. The evening air is cool on his skin but the musty air still hangs in their hallway. The five floor walk up is so much easier without all the books yet so much harder because Kurt is starting to realize what their absence means.
The light smell of food filters from the apartment. When Kurt opens the door, he sees the half empty containers on the counter. He pulls some chow mien into a small bowl and wanders around the apartment. As Wong Foo's explodes on his tongue he can't help but notice the muddy boots by the front door or the blueprints covering the kitchen table. He puts his empty bowl in the sink before he heads to the bedroom.
Kurt shakes his head as he hears the Kurt Isn't Here, So It's Okay To Be Schmaltzy mix playing over the speakers. Puck's face is shiny with remnants of dirt and sweat. A hard days work written on his skin. His long body is sprawled out on their bed and Kurt can't resist the urge to crawl in beside him. The soft music folk music whispers from the speakers and Puck rolls over to pull Kurt against him. Kurt's body fits into the curve of Puck's body like he was made to be there.
who who who who who
like amorous lovebirds do
who made my world seem new
'tis, 'tis you you you you you
you make me feel like i'm seventeen again
you make everything beautiful seem true
i can't wait to go to sleep and dream again
cause every dream i dream is a dream of dreamy little you
As the evening sun filtered through the windows, he felt his body give into the pull of sleep. Puck's arm tightened along his belly and pulled him in closer. A sleep-mumbled mmmm, love you was whispered into Kurt's neck. Even though he knows Puck won't hear him, he whispers I love you back.
He loves that his body knows when he's home.
Day 28- Saturday Supermen and Words No Longer left Unsaid
Kurt had been wearing the ring Puck had given him for six years. Through the rest of high school. Through every day of college. Every agonizing minute of his first year interning at Pink Paper. Through every sleepless night that came when Puck would stay late at the office to draw up plans for the next new building he would build. Through the being promoted to the entertainment/fashion editor of the most popular underground gay magazine in New York. He had worn Puck's ring because they were together. They were a team. In six years, Kurt has never taken off his ring. In six years, Puck has never worn one.
Puck isn't entirely sure why he didn't wear an engagement ring. Sometimes the light would reflect off of Kurt's and the rush of pleasure would mix with a longing he didn't understand. But he still couldn't wear a ring. He ached for the comforting weight on his finger but he knew it wouldn't feel right until they were married. And Puck felt that time approaching with every passing day. All the reasons they waited were quickly evaporating.
He watched Kurt asleep on the couch. One in the afternoon on a Saturday. The TV played old cartoons as Kurt dozed in his pajamas. Puck cooked their breakfast/lunch and marveled at how he could be so lucky. He thinks about all the time they've already created together. Each year bleeds into the next. Shared accomplishments, pain, love. All of it written on the walls of their bedroom. Puck thinks that might be why he'd waited as long as he has. You aren't supposed to meet the love of your life in high school. High school is for the misguided flings and lovers that make you bury your face in your hands when you remember them ten years later.
He knows that if he were to say the word everything would move fast. He could be married to Kurt in a few short months maybe even weeks if he told Kurt he was ready.
The waffles warm the inside of his arm as he carries their food over to the couch. Kurt mumbles when the smell of food hits his nose. He pulls himself up, stretching as he wipes sleep from his eyes. Kurt looks at him and smiles. Holding his hands out for the plate. He settles the plate against his chest and digs into the food. A tiny line of syrup drips on Kurt's chin and Puck leans forward to catch it before it can fall.
As he pulls his thumb into his mouth, Kurt smiles at him again before turning back to look at old rerun of The Justice League. And all of a sudden he knows. He's the only one that knows that Kurt watches cartoons on Saturday or that grazing the back of his knee will turn him into a shaking mess. He's the only one that can measure Kurt's mood by how he takes his coffee. Black means stress and nervousness. Light and sweet means the day is just that. It means that Kurt is happy.
As the butter flavored syrup explodes on his tongue he looks at Kurt and just he knows. He runs his thumb over his bare ring finger as he tells Kurt. Superman saving the day becomes the soundtrack of him telling Kurt what he'd know since he was seventeen.
He's gonna marry that boy.
Day 29- If I'm The Joke Then Your The Punchline
She's all pink and dark curls. She's so small in Puck's arms that he's afraid to hug her too tightly to his chest. Her eyes blink slowly open and he sees the shock of blue. He knows that they probably won't stay like that but it makes her look like theirs. Puck's hair and Kurt's eyes. He runs his knuckles over her tiny cheek and the platinum ring on his left ring finger warms against her skin.
He can hear Kurt whispering to the surrogate from across the room. He's brushing the sweaty hair off of her forehead and frantically kissing her cheeks. She seems to bask in the warm gratitude and Puck gets just as lost in Kurt's excitement.
It took eight and a half years to get where they are. Through high school and internships. Through success and tiny perceived failures. Through nights ending with one of them sleeping on the couch and mornings with one of them making apology pancakes.
You've been famous since your birth.
A silent one it was til they told me its a girl and everybody gasped.
I know how to raise you right, teach you how to read
And your math,yeah, toys, spelling, names, and alphabet and how to be polite.
Kurt leaves his place by the bed and leans down to kiss their new baby girl on the cheek. His eyes gaze longingly at the squirmy mass in Puck's arms before pressing a heated kiss against Puck's lips. That kiss says it all. It's thank you and can you believe it?. It's we did it and what are we gonna do?. It's I love you.
She will always have Kurt's eyes and Puck's unruly, curly hair. She'll be able to sing like her daddies. She will always be a dream come true and one day she'll make the best big sister in the world. They name her Grace but they'll call her Gracie.
Day 30- Kitchen Kisses
Most days Kurt doesn't really think about how they all got here. He's too easily lost in the day to day of Gracie's kindergarten class or Jake's first brush with teething. He gets lost in doing laundry as Noah puts the kids to bed. In making love quietly in the first moments of the morning before the sun has even started to break through the skyline. He gets lost in magazine deadlines and trying to wash permanent marker of his kid's face. But today isn't most days.
Kurt runs his finger over the rim of his coffee mug as he hears the chatter from across the room. Burt slides next to him against that counter and bumps his shoulder off of Kurt's in the same way he's done since Kurt was twelve. Kurt glances at his father and it struck by how well the years have treated both of them. The life they've lived has etched happy marks down their cheeks and Kurt's face even shows some well-worn laugh lines.
"This kitchen has seen it all , huh bud?" Burt's voice sparkles.
Kurt just nods and leans further against his father's side. They share the same wistful smile as Burt sees too few years of singing Be My Yoko Ono to the girl he loved and Kurt saw stolen kisses laced with the days of making Puck coffee the morning after.
Burt puts a hand on his shoulder for a brief moment before moving to join the kids. Kurt was so lost in watching Jake smear pancake on his face that he doesn't notice Puck sneaking up behind him. He turns Kurt around and pulls him up to sit on the counter. Puck wedges himself between Kurt's splayed thighs. They share a heated look before Puck presses a soft good morning kiss on Kurt's lips.
Always remember, there is nothing worth sharing
Like the love that let us share our name
Music seems to sound in Kurt's ears as all of a sudden he's seventeen. He's nervous and shaky as Kevin Smith movies play in the living room. He's twelve years old on a frightening school bus that longs to have the loud, messy life of the people that lived in Lima Height Adjacent. He's just about eighteen, playing double dutch and promising his life to the boy he loved. He's back in the days of five floor walk ups and blueprints on the table. He's the boy that wishfully doodled Kurt Puckerman in the margins.
Their children's laughter floats over to them from the table. They smiled at each other again before moving to join their family. Gracie's front tooth wriggles as she shows Grandpa Hummel how close she is to losing her first tooth. Jake gums at a soggy piece of pancake before holding it up to Kurt's mouth. Without thinking, Kurt pulls the pancake into his mouth and his dad smiles at him. Most days, Kurt forgets how far they've come. How much they love each other.
But today isn't most days.