YAY!~ Once I got back from my trip I started writing this~~ I don't really like it and I know some of you who read my other story 'Star Gazing' will be disappointed cuz Im working on this instead~~ SOOOO SORRY!~ I don't really this though... but I had to cuz July 3rd was the day of one of my good friends death and I knew I needed to do something~~ soo yeppers this fic was born~ It's a oneshot though~
Grrr... because its a oneshot I wont be able to reply to reveiws T_T sooo sorry!~ But I love you all!~
Summary: Everyday, I leave flowers for him. Not once has he said thank you, or even noticed them for that matter. Thats not what I want from him though. I want him to tell me he'll be fine, that it will all pass. But he doesn't do that either.
My hands twitched in anticipation as I stood outside the tan door that I've seen about a hundred times before with a bouquet of different colored flowers in one of my hands. My other hand reached hesitantly to knock on the wood, but I quickly groan in annoyance and put my hand in my pocket to get out a cigarette.
The cigarette somewhat calms me down and I slump my shoulders that I didn't even know were tensed. I bask in the feeling for a few seconds before my main goal reaches my mind again and I throw away the cigarette.
Hesitantly but surely, I knock on the door.
"Who is it!~" I hear a sing song voice call from far in the apartment.
"Open the door Shinra," I say plainly as I tap my foot on the ground.
I heard some laughing by the idiot before the steps came closer. A crash was heard from inside the apartment followed by some idiotic giggles. I rolled my eyes.
Finally the doctor opened the door and gave me a large grin, "Hey Shizuo, aint this a surprise~" The sarcasm in his voice made me clench my teeth.
He smiled like a child, obviously knowing I wasn't in the mood, but proceeded to annoy me anyways, "You know you did come at a wrong time though. I was just having some dinner made by my lovely Celty." He said as he clasped his hands together and looked up dreamily.
Ignoring what he said, I walk in the door, not even giving Shinra a glance.
"Oh!~ Are those for me?" He said, grabbing the bouquet from my hands and holding them closely, "Really Shizuo you shouldn't have."
I rolled my eyes before grabbing the ensemble of flowers, "Is the flea awake?"
He sighed with a smile still on his face, "Always to the point aren't you? Yeah he's awake."
I nodded plainly before turning my back to him. But before I could make a step I heard his voice again, this time it was quiet "… You know… He's not getting any better…"
I looked back to see his saddened eyes looking to the ground.
My brows furrow before looking away, "Yeah, I know." I say blandly trying to hide the little bit of hurt in my voice.
Shinra paused before speaking again, "Shizuo… I've noticed the bags under your eyes… are you sleeping?" He said with concern in his voice.
I shrug my shoulders, "No."
He opened his mouth to retort, but I didn't want to hear what he was going to say so I yawned loudly and stretched my free arm, "Well I'm gunna go see what the louse is doing."
He furrowed his brows before nodding.
I turned around and began walking away. I made my way towards the guest bedroom and knocked lightly.
"Come in," A calm voice said from inside and I couldn't help but to smile. I looked over the bouquet in my hands, making sure ever flower was intact before opening the door slowly.
He was sitting in bed, looking out the window. The way the orange sky reflected off him made me smile and stare for a second in awe at the beautiful sight. He turned his head toward me, smiling at me with bright red eyes that had more bags under them then my own. I returned the smile, but I knew it looked sadder than I intended. Something in my chest was throbbing…
Izaya Orihara. The man I undoubtedly fell in love with. The man who I think is perfect. The man I want to spend the rest of my life with…
I can't live without him.
After a while of silence, I saw Izaya shuffle uncomfortably but he smirked anyways, "So… what? Are you just gunna stand there and stare at me? I know I'm amazing Shizu-chan, but staring's just rude."
Realizing what I was doing I blushed and turned my face from him, "I… wasn't staring!"
He giggled childishly, "Of course not Shizu-chan."
I smiled with a faint blush still on my face before walking towards him, placing the flowers lazily on the dresser next to the bed. I put my hand lightly on the side of his head and delicately kissed him on the cheek. I separated my lips from his cheeks but stayed near them, lingering my breath on him as my hand that rested on his head fell hesitantly down to his opposite cheek and stroked it.
I loved the way he tensed and how I could feel his cheeks getting warmer and warmer. After I had my fun I pulled away from him, looking down at him as he wore a flustered pout.
I chuckled and moved my way back to the dresser and picking up the flowers that he didn't notice I had. That fact made me a little disappointed, but by now I was used to it.
Every day after work I'd go to the florist and then here. He's never even thanked me for them. I doubt he's even noticed. But I don't really care… I just get that painful tug at my heart and what not…
"So how do you feel?" I asked as I took out the old bouquet of flowers from the vase and replacing them with new ones.
I heard him chuckle lightly, "Terrible!~ Today I threw up all over the place and completely blacked out~ ehehe, you should have been there Shizu-chan~ Shinra was freaking out!" He said cheerfully, not at all a bit of sadness in his voice.
At hearing that, my fist clenched, accidently crushing the stems of the flowers.
I looked back at him and realized he was watching me do so. His brows were slightly furrowed until he smiled lightly at me, "… But I'm alright now… Especially since you're here…"
My eyes widened slightly and I stared at him for a moment. The way he smiled at me was so calming and pretty and I had a sudden undying urge to hug him. But instead, I smiled at him and turned to back to the vase of flowers that were bent because of me.
"The sunset's pretty today, don't ya think?" He asked from the bed, I could tell he was looking out the window. For the past two months all he wanted to do is go outside.
"… Mhm…" I hummed.
"Hey Shizu-chan, can we go to-"
"No." I answered simply.
"Awww, but why not? I haven't even left this damn apartment in two months," He exclaimed with a pout, "Besides, when was the last time you and I did something romantic?"
I rolled my eyes and turned to him, "We do romantic things here."
Izaya scoffed, "Oh please, the only romance in this apartment is when Celty jabs Shinra in the stomach."
I sighed and pinch the bridge of my nose, "… I promise when you get better, I'll take you all around the city, okay?"
I expected him to be pleased with the answer but instead his brows furrowed and looked at the ground, "You mean, If I get better…"
I glared at him, "No, when you get better," I said as I took a seat on his bed.
He rolled his eyes but chuckled. I spread out my body and laid next to him. He smiled at me but didn't wrap his arms around me and snuggle against me like I wanted and half expected him to. He turned his back to me and I felt suddenly cold.
"… Hey Shizu-chan…" he nearly whispered.
"… Hmm…?" I hummed as I looked up at the ceiling.
"… Know where I want to go first?" He voiced.
"Is it at the top of that one building?"
He chuckled, "… You know me too well…"
The building he's talking about is where we had our first date and many others, it has a nice view and for some reason he loves it. It's also the same building that a ton of suicides have been committed but who cares. I like it because Izaya's always there with me.
"Can we also go to Russian Sushi?"
"Mhm…" I hummed.
"Will you also buy me ootoro?"
"Sure, why not…"
There was silence.
"… I miss the old days…" he whispered either to himself or me, "Where we used to do everything together; we were free to do anything… just us…"
I placed my forehead on the back of his neck, "I miss it too… but it's okay as long as I'm with you…"
I heard a faint chuckle, "… I guess your right…"
It was quiet for a moment again. Not an uncomfortable silence though.
"… Shizu-chan… Can you promise me something?" Izaya said as he shifted positions to where it was impossible for me to see him.
I raised an eyebrow, wanting to see his face but I couldn't, "Sure."
"… Please stay with me forever…" He said hesitantly.
My eyes widened slightly. I could tell on how he said it, it took a lot of courage to say that. None the less, I was grateful and gently kissed the back of his neck before whispering in his ear.
He relaxed and sighed in relief. I could tell he was smiling and couldn't help but to smile to.
"Thanks…" He said before yawning. "Jeez~ I'm tired!"
I rolled my eyes, "Don't go falling asleep on me. I left work early to see you."
Izaya chuckled, "Shizu-chan's so sweet…" His voice trailed off.
I scoffed, "Only to you idiot."
There was no response and I sighed in annoyance once I heard a light snore. Ever since he hasn't been feeling well he could sleep about as much as a kitten. I chuckled at the thought and got off the bed, tucking Izaya in with the blankets. I looked at his cute sleeping face and moved his hair from his eyes before softly kissing his forehead.
I really wish he'd get better. I know he's in pain. And because I love him, his pain is mine.
I really hope he'll be okay…
I look over at the flowers that still went unnoticed and sighed, "Would it kill you to say thank you at least once flea?" I asked although I knew he couldn't hear me. He shifted in his sleep and mumbled nonsense.
I watched his chest rise and fall until I, myself, fell asleep in the chair next to his bed. The only time I felt I could was when I was with Izaya and when I knew he was alive.
When I knew he was living…
Thanks to Tom I was let out of work early again. As usual I gratefully thanked him and went straight to the florist and then made my way to Shinra's. I expected it to be a normal day. Me Izaya would just hang out, he'd fall asleep, I'd fall asleep, and then I'd go home late at night. That's all that I thought would happen, but…
Fate's a bitch to me.
I was about ten minutes from Shinra's when I got the call. I was simply enjoying the not-so-fresh air and then I heard a buzz in my pocket. I flipped open my phone and got an earful.
"Shizuo!" The voice was obviously Shinra's. His heavy panting though really took me off gaurd, "Where are you?"
"I'm headed to your place, I'll be there in a minute," I heard more panting on the other side and Shinra mumbling some curse words, "Wait, what's going on over there?"
"Izaya ran away!"
I paused in mid step, the bouquet of flowers falling from my grasp in shock. I think I forgot to breathe.
Instantly I become overwhelmingly concerned, "When did this happen?"
"About ten minutes ago. I didn't actually see him leave. I just went to get him his shots and when I came back he was gone," He huffed again.
"Is his cellphone still there?" I asked, thinking if it wasn't he was probably leaving to do work. Which he wasn't supposed to.
"Yeah…" Well that defeats my idea.
"Is Celty out to go find him?"
"Tell her to pick me up, I think I know where he is," And with that I ended the call.
If I wasn't so concerned I would be on a rampage.
Damn that flea for making me worry.
Damn him for making me care…
Luckily, Celty didn't waste any time and took me to the place I told her to. She looked up at the building and then to me, typing away on her PDA.
"Isn't this the building with the suicides?"
I waved my hands. I knew what she was thinking, "Don't worry, he's not like that. He just likes the view or something."
"I'll wait here."
"Thanks, I'll be right back," I waved to her and quickly made my way in the building. The many flights up the stairs seemed like forever in my anticipation to see Izaya.
By time I made my way up I was panting and sweating heavily. I wiped the sweat from my forehead and reached for the door handle, hoping my theory of Izaya being there was right. Closing my eyes I opened the door and things were quiet until I heard a certain voice.
"Took you long enough…"
My eyes widened immediately and as soon as I saw Izaya. I felt so relieved. His back was facing me as he sat daringly on the edge, the light breeze blowing his hair from his face.
I sighed, feeling rather grateful, but even though I felt so relieved, a lump was forming in my throat. Odd as it sounds, something felt off.
"You idiot…" I said as I walked hesitantly towards him. Once I was behind him I hugged his back tightly, earning a feminine squeal, "Don't you dare scare me like that again…"
He flinched at first and then relaxed in my arms, stroking my hands softly. Although I couldn't see his face, I knew he was smirking, "No promises."
I 'tched'and released my arms from him. He still didn't make any effort to turn to face me but I shrugged it off, "Why are you out here anyways, you aren't going to commit suicide are you?" I laughed.
He swung his feet over the edge but didn't laugh with me, "Maybe," He said with a shrug.
I paused staring at him for a moment before I made a wobbly grin and laughed awkwardly, "Ehehe… Flea don't joke around with me like that… ehehe…"
The was a silence in the air and Izaya finally turned his head to me. He was pale, the most pale I have ever seen and was sweating. I automatically was concerned but when he spoke it all dissipated, "Actually I wasn't really joking."
My features automatically show shock, fear, and hurt altogether, "… W-why?" I stuttered.
He smirked lightly as he turned his whole body to me, "Well it all depended if Shizu-chan would come or not…"
I clenched my hands in a slight anger, slight frustration, "Y-you idio-"
"But of course I knew Shizu-chan would come… I know you aren't that stupid," He looked away waving his hand as he explained, "But then again…" His smirk disappeared, "There's always the possibility…"
"… you stupid flea…" I said as I laughed with a forced smile on it. I could feel the lump in my throat grow and quickly swallowed it down.
He looked slightly sad to me, his brows furrowed just slightly.
My laughs were beginning to die down, "We made that promise, remember?"
With a saddened grin I brought my hand to my chest, "No matter what… I'll stay with you forever."
Izaya's eyes widened slightly before smiling sincerely but turned his face to the ground, "You really are too sweet, Shizu-chan…"
I saw his shoulders shake.
"… Too sweet…"
My eyes widened, realizing what was happening. His head rose, revealing his watery eyes and wobbly lip as he tried to speak. He was crying. Never once in our relationship have I seen him cry. Never…
Forgetting about the world around me, I ran forward and wrapped my arms around him swiftly. He was startled at first and frozen in my hold before shaking and relaxing his shoulders as the first sob was let out. His head was buried in my shoulder and hands clinging to me for dear life. I had to bite my lip from crying in front of him too.
He let out a loud sob before he forced down the feeling as he tried to talk to me, "… Shizu-chan… I'm sorry…" He said in between sobs,
I stroked his hair, "What do you have to apologize for…"
He lowered his head to where it was against my chest, "You won't be able to keep your promise…"
There was a silence as he shuddered but didn't utter one sob, "I'm…"
He clung tighter.
My eyes widened in shock as I stared into space. Now I was having a really hard time trying not to cry and I hugged him tighter too as I clenched my teeth.
"It's okay Izaya…" I tried to sound convincing, "We're together now and that's how it will always be…"
"You don't have to pretend for me, Shizu-chan…" his quiet voice rang through my ears.
I pulled him apart from me, trying my hardest to smile for him. He wiped his eyes as the tears came spewing. I took both his hands and made sure he looked into my eyes.
"Izaya… I mean it…" I wiped a tear from his eye, "Even after we're dead we'll be together… Always," I soothingly rubbed his hands with the pads of my thumbs, "I'll always love you…"
His lips wobbled as he looked up at me with a teary smile, "I'll always love you too… No matter what…"
I kissed his wobbly lip lightly but swiftly and pulled back quickly. He smiled a little more but tears were still spilling from his eyes, "I really will miss you," He said as he gazed into my eyes.
I tried hard to smile back as I gazed into his, "I will too…"
Satisfied, his crying calmed down, but all I wanted to do was cry myself. But I wouldn't in front of him, I wouldn't let him worry…
He laid his in my chest again, hugging me lightly as I almost squeezed him.
"It's funny Shizu-chan… I'm dying and now I finally feel alive…"
I remained still, not responding because I knew I would sound croaky.
"Thanks for making my life memorable…" He said as he nuzzled his face in my chest.
"The same to you," I said, trying to sound natural.
He chuckled before it went quiet again.
"Oh… and thanks for the flowers," My eyes widened at his words, "I think those are what kept me going all this time…"
A wobbly smile hit my lips, "It was my pleasure… I'll bring you some tomorrow!"
I could feel him smile, "That would be nice…"
His body began to get limp in my hold and I tried hard to not let out a sob or shudder. So I just stroked his hair and kissed his head over and over again.
He let out a light chuckle, "See you then, Shizu-chan…" and with that it was quiet.
And after a few moments, I couldn't feel his heart beat anymore, I couldn't see his chest rise and fall, I couldn't hear his voice anymore…
I didn't even notice the tears fogging my vision until I was almost blinded. It was then when I shuddered and sobbed as I clinged to the limp body. I put my hand on his chest, hoping to feel something. 'Please, just beat for me one more time' I thought to myself as I felt nothing.
I shook him, starting to think he was asleep maybe, "Stop falling asleep on me!" I yelled but he didn't respond or even flinch as my tears hit his face.
I knew I was being stupid. And I knew he was actually dead, but I still hoped.
How was I supposed to sleep anymore?
How was I supposed to breathe?
My lips wobbled as I brushed my hand against his cold cheek. Feeling it was enough to break me down. 'How do you expect me to live every day without you idiot!' I yelled at him internally.
But then I finally saw how calm his face was, with that smile still plastered on. I paused to stare, before smiling myself.
"You know!" I chuckled with tears running down my face, "I'll buy you some ootoro tomorrow and maybe some ice cream too."
His silence didn't upset me anymore.
"Maybe we can go out to the movies or something," I said as I pressed my forehead against his, "You know, see the town."
A breeze hit my face and I smiled brightly.
"See you then… flea…"
O God that was terrible... But really thank you for reading!~ It means the world to me!~ LOVE YA!~