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"On the Side"
SexyLexiCulen and MelissaMargaret
Beta'd by Holett_LA
The holiday season always seems to bring out the worst in me. I'm moody and irritable, but mostly sad. It's not even like I can focus on work either, to help make the time go by quickly. During this season—the season to be jolly—no one goes to the doctor, a surgeon to be specific. No one wants to have surgery; they would rather wait until the holidays are over.
Of course, I don't blame them. If I was one of those "happy-go-lucky" fuckers—with a loving family, and a reason to be happy during this time, I wouldn't want surgery either.
In fact, a part of me is glad that I don't have many patients to see. I hate those people, those happy people, who are anxious to celebrate the holiday season.
Be that as it may, instead of staying home, I still come to the office. I come to the office for peace and quiet, to get away from my family.
My wife, Esme, is one of those holiday lovers, along with my daughter Alice. My son Edward doesn't really give a fuck about anyone or anything, except for his girlfriend Bella.
I sighed and sat back in my chair.
She's everything to him. She's always around, being there for him, being supportive, and I'm glad for that.
Last year, during this time, my son overdosed on prescription pain medication he was taking for his knee injury. He was a basketball player and during a game, he tore his ACL. It crushed him. He had the surgery to repair it, but his game was never the same.
He became depressed and started washing down the pills with a glass of scotch.
We rushed him to the hospital on Christmas Eve, where he was treated in the emergency room.
Days later, he confessed that he was trying to get high, and not end his life.
I didn't believe him.
We sent him to counseling and made him join a support group, but still, he was never the same. We sent him to doctors who diagnosed him as being bipolar in addition to his drug addiction. It made sense, as I had a suspicion all along that he was manic.
It also further proved to me just how much mental illness is hereditary.
My wife has made several attempts on her life and after a while - after twenty years of marriage - and ten of which were spent going back and forth, taking my wife to different treatment facilities, I got used to it.
I don't know what changed between us, or where the love has gone, but I'm just waiting for her to be successful in one of her attempts.
When Esme isn't trying to take her life, she's just emotionally distant, toward me and our children. She didn't raise our children, my mother did. My mother stepped up and became the caregiver for my children, while Esme drank heavily, fought with me, and while I was busy going to school trying to make something of myself.
Maybe that's my problem, that I just don't care? A few months ago, I brought up the subject of divorce. We were both eighteen when she became pregnant with Edward, and I thought that maybe if we both had our freedom then maybe we could both be happy.
She didn't like the sound of that and threatened to kill herself again. So the nice guy in me kept my mouth shut, and I didn't bring it up again.
My daughter Alice doesn't care either, has no time for her father, or her family. She's sixteen and is so much more mature than her older brother Edward. She goes about her business, only caring about Alice, and I commend her for it. If she's not in school, she's out with her boyfriend Jasper.
Bella is always around though, being there for Edward, and he uses her for that purpose. Bella lets my son treat her horribly, and she is his support system, his biggest supporter. If he's having a bad day, a down day, he'll lash out at her over something asinine. "How many times do I have to tell you, I hate mustard? God, you can be so stupid". And Bella will just apologize, make him another sandwich, while that fucker grins.
Besides me, Bella is the sanest person in my house, and she's not even a member of my family.
There's a big surprise.
We're all fucked up, each and every one of us, and I wanted to warn Bella and Jasper of that fact, but I couldn't do it.
A soft knock brought me out of my reverie. I turned to the sound. "Come in."
Kate, my assistant, smiled at me. "Uh... since there's not much going on, I was going to take off."
"It's getting late. You should take off too." She pointed out as came in and placed a chart on my desk. "Mr. Fitzpatrick called earlier for an appointment," she continued.
I nodded and picked up the chart.
"Let me know when he should be scheduled."
I sighed. "I will."
She turned from me to look at my dead office plant. "I bet Esme is making a feast tonight." She laughed and turned back to me. "Garrett and I are taking off tonight, to my parents' house. I just love Christmas."
I smiled again. Yes, people believe the facade. My family has their problems, but in the public eye we are a very loving. The good doctor with his large house, perfect, beautiful wife, and two children.
"Oh and uh... your son's girlfriend is here." That made me look up. "She's here with her father. He's being seen by Dr. Eleazar."
She shrugged. "He hurt his shoulder. Tanya just took him down to x-ray."
I nodded. I'm part of a medical group and share my office space on Tuesdays with Dr. Eleazar, an orthopedic surgeon.
"She asked if you were here. Poor girl, it's Christmas Eve, and she will likely be here for hours. You know how slow they are." Kate shook her head. "And they're swamped. Which is odd, you'd think we would be swamped." Kate let out a giggle.
I smiled. Dr. Eleazar is highly recommended and only sees patients in town once a week. He's always swamped. I, as a general surgeon, see patients as they roll in. "Send her back then."
Kate nodded and threw my dead plant in the trash. "I'll tell her to come back before I leave. Merry Christmas, Dr. Cullen."
She gave me a small wave as she let herself out of my office.
Bella - now there's a reason to smile. She's not only the sanest person in my life, but I'd be lying if I said she wasn't a part of my own support system. We talk sometimes and share a huge common bond - we both love the mentally unstable. Well, I loved a mentally unstable person, now I think I hate her. Sad to say, but it's the truth.
Bella's also incredibly beautiful and can do so much better than my son. He doesn't deserve her and I hope that, come next September, she accepts that college scholarship she was offered. She's smart and, as per Alice, was a "total nerd" before she became involved with Edward.
Another knock sounded and I reached up to smooth my hair back. "Come in."
Bella opened the door and waved. "I just wanted to say hi. I'm sure you're very busy."
I smiled and shook my head. "I'm not busy at all. Please, come in and have a seat." I gestured to the chair.
She smiled, having a slight flush in her cheeks, and took a seat. She looked incredible, wearing a pair of jeans and those boots with the fur on them. She was also wearing a blue, long-sleeved, scoop-neck thermal shirt.
The blue complimented her pale complexion perfectly. Her chestnut hair trailed down her shoulders, and she had her bangs swept to the side.
She bit her lip and stared down at the floor. "Was there something you wanted to talk about?" she asked.
I smiled, only to frown. "You know what -" I paused. "I do, actually." I nodded and thought of the best way to talk to her. "I'm very curious as to what your plans are for next year." I decided to just ask her. Maybe she'll leave Edward behind and I can spare myself the grief of asking Bella to leave my son.
She let out a small laugh. "Next year? Well, Edward, as you know, wants to take a year off, and I'm thinking about doing the same."
I sighed and slumped back.
"He's having a really hard time right now and I think a year off will be good for him..."
"But it won't be for you." I cut her off.
Her face fell. "What?"
I sat up straight again and leaned toward her. "For you, Bella. What's going to be good for you? What happened to the scholarship?" I asked.
"Nothing happened to it. I still have it, and maybe if I explain, a year from now it will still be there." She shrugged.
I shook my head and stood up. "It won't be." I walked around my desk and leaned back against it to face her. "You're so smart and you're willing to throw it away for what? Edward?" I snorted. "You have so much potential and-"
"I love him," she whispered, casting her gaze to the floor.
"Bella." I got down onto my knees, ready to beg her to leave my son. "I know you think you love him, but take it from me. I know from experience. If you stay with Edward, he will bring you down." I placed my hand on her knee, and took it back quickly, afraid that my chaste touch might give her the wrong idea.
With Bella, I never seem to know, and that scares me. We're all fucked up and I dream about my son's girlfriend. That's one of my problems, among the many.
She nodded and I saw a tear fall onto her hands. "I know," she whispered.
I looked to her, surprised. "If you know, then..." I trailed off.
"I don't know." She blew out a breath and wiped her eyes. I turned around and grabbed a tissue off my desk. "I don't know what is wrong with me," She chuckled, wiping her eyes.
I smiled and poked her nose. "You have a big heart, Bella. You care for him."
"I do." She nodded. "So much, but..."
I furrowed my brows. "But?" I prompted.
She grabbed her purse and abruptly stood up; I did too. "Nothing, I should go wait for my dad." She turned for the door.
"Bella," I said, letting her name hang there. I didn't want her to leave.
She turned back to me and stared.
"Leave Edward," I said. "Do yourself the favor."
"You know I can't."
With one final sad smile, she was gone.
I sank down in my chair and let out a shaky breath. What was going on with me? I had no right to fantasize about Bella, and yet, the longer she spent in my life, the worse I knew it would get. One way or another, this tension between up was going to explode – soon.
I entered my house several hours later to find Bella sitting at the bar in the kitchen, watching Esme cook. She was intensely focused on what Esme was doing, and I couldn't help but smile as her beautiful brown eyes took in every detail of the meal preparation. I knew she loved to cook and play around in the kitchen. Her deep interest in all things culinary was etched all over her face. It felt good to see someone in this house take an interest in something other than themselves.
I came around the island to kiss Esme on the cheek. She looked at me for a moment and then when back to cooking. I could tell from her eyes that she had taken something, but at least she was functioning well enough to cook a full meal. I knew things would not remain that way through the remainder of the evening though. She would take another pill to make it through dinner, and then several more after, and then I didn't even want to think about how many she would pop before slipping into bed.
I had to hold back a sigh and keep the fake smile plastered on my face at that thought. My own wife had to drug herself to make it through a night of lying next to me.
I shot Edward a glare as I loosened my tie and placed my bag on the island. He was sitting right next to the girlfriend he didn't deserve and couldn't even spare her a moment of his attention, choosing instead to devote every ounce of his energy to his iPod.
I turned my attention back to Bella. "How's Charlie?" She looked up at me in surprise, and I almost laughed. She had been so captivated by Esme's cooking that I would have guessed she hadn't noticed me at all.
"Oh, he's fine," she said. "I got him settled in at home. You know Charlie, hand him a pizza box and the remote and he's happy." A large smile spread across her face at the thought of her father, and it did more to lighten my mood than anything had in a long time. She was the only person in this house who didn't have to force their smiles.
She moved to grab some dishes from the cupboard and began to set the table. Of course, Edward didn't bother to help. I stepped in and offered to place the silverware while she did the plates. She handed me some utensils, and her hand brushed mine for a moment longer than necessary.
She looked up at me and I could see the shock on her face, but she didn't seem truly uncomfortable with the contact. She smiled and a beautiful blush spread across her face before she ducked her head shyly and made her way to the table.
I watched her intently until I heard a throat clear behind me. I turned to see Esme watching me curiously.
"Dinner's ready," she said. She began placing food on the table and we all sat down to eat. I sat at the head of the table with Esme on one side of me, and somehow Bella ended up on my other side.
Bella scowled at Edward when he sat down with his headphones still in his ears until Esme yanked them out. "We're eating."
I had to suppress a laugh. Even when she was high, the snarky girl I fell in love with still came out occasionally. "Where is Alice?" I asked.
Esme sighed. "Having dinner with the Whitlocks."
"Ah..." I nodded and looked over to see Bella smiling while she heaped food onto her plate. She was too young and beautiful to be in such a difficult situation. It saddened me to see how tied to Edward she was at such a young age. She was so determined that he was it for her, even though he treated her horribly. Esme and I had fallen in love at their age, and I treated her like a princess.
Look where that had gotten us.
Bella tried her best to make polite conversation with everyone during the meal. Halfway through the meal, I felt her leg graze mine under the table, and nearly gasped. Before I could react, it was gone, as if she had never touched me at all. Maybe she hadn't. She wasn't looking at me, wasn't doing anything to indicate what had just happened. Maybe the fact I hadn't gotten any in months was fucking with my head. Both of them. The minute her leg grazed mine, my dick had started to harden.
I coughed, not really knowing what the fuck else to do. How do you react to something like that?
I looked away from Bella to see Esme watching me again. She tried to smile, but it just came off as a sneer. I could tell her high was wearing off, and she would get all "ants in the pants" soon.
Edward could tell his mother was coming down too, and he smirked at me like I didn't know he had spiked his damn drink.
I helped pick up the dishes when everyone was done and watched as Esme popped yet another pill when she thought no one was looking. Edward saw it too and took that shit as permission to spike his coke again, not even caring if anyone saw. Which, of course, we all did.
"Edward," Bella snapped. He just about dropped the damn bottle and spun around. "How am I going to get home if you're drunk?"
"You don't have your car, Bella," Esme asked.
I rolled my eyes. She'd been too high to see that there was no red truck in the driveway. Unless the pills conjured up the truck for her like a fucking pink elephant or something.
"No, Edward picked me up."
"I can drive," Edward said, sitting down at the bar with a piece of chocolate cake Esme had made earlier. God forbid he develop some manners and offer some to anyone else.
"Would you like a slice of cake, Bella?" That's right, son, if you won't be polite to your girlfriend I will.
She politely declined. Edward just shrugged. "Anyway," he said. "I'll take you home later."
My temper flared. "You're not driving her anywhere tonight, Edward. How much have you had to drink?"
"I'm fine." He nodded his head to the side in Esme's direction. I sat down and pinched the bridge of my nose. He had been doing this shit for months; trying to use his mother's problems to make himself look better. It wasn't going to work. Even at her worst, Esme knew she was too far gone to do anything as stupid as get behind the wheel of a car.
I didn't know if Edward had had anything to drink before I got home, and I knew for damn sure he would lie to me if I asked, but I wasn't willing to risk Bella's safety.
"I'll drive you home, Bella. Just let me know when you're ready to leave."
She smiled at me like I was heaven sent and nodded her head. "I really should get back to Charlie."
"Of course," I said, reaching for her coat. I helped her into it, before Edward came around the table to give her a kiss.
Everything about the kiss seemed forced. It looked like nothing more than a power play on "Edwards's" part – like he was just marking her as his. As for Bella, she looked like she wanted to enjoy it, but something was holding her back.
She said goodbye to Esme and let me lead her out the door and down the driveway to my Mercedes. I helped her into the passenger side before climbing in and starting up the car. The drive down the winding roads into town was mostly quiet. I was distracted as hell thinking about that moment in the dining room when her leg had grazed mine. I couldn't figure out if she had done it on purpose or not, but I couldn't deny that I hoped like hell she had.
I looked over to catch her looking at me. She blushed and ducked her head, embarrassed that I caught her. That blush was fucking beautiful.
"Why do you let Edward treat you the way he does?" What the fuck? Being horny really did screw with a man's brain. That was the last thing I intended to blurt out.
She looked at me for a moment before turning back to the window. It was several long moments before she responded, and I feared perhaps I had crossed the line.
"I guess the same reason you look the other way about what Esme does."
I should have bristled at that, but fuck me if she wasn't right. "I guess love does crazy things to people, huh?"
"You shouldn't let her treat you like you don't matter. You're a wonderful person, Carlisle. You deserve better."
She was looking at me again and those eyes were so hypnotizing I had a hard time focusing on the road.
"I know she loves me," I said. "But I also know that, no, she doesn't treat me like she should. Or at least, she doesn't treat me like she used too."
"Kind of like Edward," she whispered. "He was so wonderful in the beginning, but now he barely pays attention to me. I'm in too deep, though. I love him too much to back away."
The car was quiet for a moment as we both thought over the messed up situations we were in.
"He hasn't even touched me in weeks." The words were whispered so quietly I barely heard them. I realized she was probably saying them to herself anyway, but I couldn't help but feel hurt on her behalf. I knew how that shit felt.
"Bella, at dinner when your leg bumped into mine, did you do that on purpose?" I held my breath waiting for her to respond, half hoping she would say no and half hoping she would say yes.
"I did," she finally said. "I guess I was just so desperate for some kind of contact with someone. I wasn't really thinking, and I'm sorry that it happened." Her words were pained, and I could tell she thought she fucked up, even if she hadn't needlessly apologized.
"What?" she asked. Her face was stunned. She definitely hadn't been expecting that reaction.
"I'm not sorry," I whispered back.
She was quiet again.
I gave her a fleeting look and saw her staring out of the window. I looked back to the road and then back to her once more, to study her face as she grinned into the window. The light from the dashboard made her skin look illuminated, beautiful. She was glowing, and the light created a mirror effect with the window.
I bit my lip, looking back to the road and fighting my own grin. "Bella," I started, pausing again to silently berate myself. I didn't know what I was going to say. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know anything in this moment, but how I felt. I knew that Bella felt it too, as the sexual tension rolled off of us in waves. It was palpable, and slightly suffocating.
I slowed down and pulled over on the side of the road. I put the car in park, slumping low in my seat.
"Bella, I..." We spoke over each other, sharing a nervous laugh. "Call me Carlisle, like you did earlier. I liked it." I chuckled again. Shit. She might as well call me Carlisle all the time. Unless maybe she's trying to put some formality back into our roles? I wasn't sure.
We had thrown most formalities out of the proverbial window already. Although, I couldn't help but wonder how hot "Dr. Cullen" might sound coming from those lips mid-fuck.
Bella riding my cock, with her head tossed back, enjoying the ride with her lips slightly parted, letting out the smallest of noises. All while she rolled her hips and mine bucked to meet her thrusts. Her tight warm pussy clenching around me. Tangling my hands into those long, mahogany tresses.
"Fuck," I hissed, squirming a bit in my seat. Just the thought alone made my dick twitch and come to life.
"What's wrong?" Her face fell and I jumped. Bella surprised me by placing her hand on my thigh, and fuck me running if it wasn't welcomed, but it did startle me. "I'm sorry," she said taking her hand back. "Stupid, stupid Bella," she breathed, turning back to stare out the window.
I turned too, watching her face crumble, and her breathing become ragged. Is she crying? "Bella," I whispered.
She shook her head no, a small whimper escaping her lips.
"Bella, please look at me." She shook her head again and drew in a deep breath. I felt terrible. The past day had been one mixed signal after another. I was confused and I couldn't imagine how confused Bella might be.
She's so young.
My gaze whipped back to the windshield so I was staring straight ahead. What the hell was I doing? What did I hope to come from this? Goddamn. I placed my hand back on the gear shift, ready to just take her home, when I felt the warmth of her hand on top of mine.
Instinctively, I looked down at it, and then up to those big, beautiful, sad brown eyes of hers. I continued to stare into them intently, wondering what she was trying to convey with her lingering gaze. She looked as though she was pleading silently. Pleading for what? I had no idea.
A tear rolled down her cheek, shaking me from my stoic state. I reached out, catching it with my thumb. I wiped the tear away, and palmed her cheek with my hand.
"Please don't cry," I breathed, barely audible.
What she did next surprised me. She leaned into my hand and held it to her face. My fingers widened, gently running my thumb along the apple of her cheek as I inched closer to her. Her gaze alone had me hypnotized, like her eyes alone were wrenching me forward with a magnetic pull.
Remembering myself, I stopped, but I couldn't bring myself to cringe back into my own seat. My eyes tore themselves from hers and zeroed in on those full, plump lips of hers.
"I see you," she whispered.
I grinned as my eyes riveted back to hers. "You see me?" I asked, a bit confused by her affirmation.
The side of her mouth twitched up before she turned her head to place a small kiss against my palm. My breath caught in my throat from the sensation. "You're not invisible, Carlisle. I see you." She inched closer to me, and my stomach filled with butterflies, anticipation. "And I know you see me too."
I gulped, giving her a small nod.
"I've also noticed that you go out of your way to touch me. Be it chaste or..." She trailed off, looking down and biting that full bottom lip of hers.
I smiled, smoothing her lip away from her teeth with my thumb. "What else do you notice?" I asked.
She giggled. It was a small giggle, but it was music to my ears. "You're like the only normal person in that house. You're swimming in a sea of crazy." She giggled again.
I chuckled, relaxing a bit, and trailed my hand lower. It rested on her neck as my thumb, still having a mind of its own, rubbed along her jaw line. "What's normal anyway?" I asked.
"Hell if I know." She relaxed into my hand, letting out a sigh.
"Right," I agreed as I watched her appraisingly. She seemed to be relaxed - something rarely seen from Bella. She was always alert, always had her guard up, and I couldn't figure out why I was at a loss for words.
There were a million things, issues I wished to discuss with Bella. Issues that I often thought of and hoped to have a moment alone with her to talk through. Earlier in my office, I slightly broached the subject - the main subject that concerns me.
What of those issues?
My mind became a jumbled mess of errant thoughts. All those times I've touched her. All those smiles from me that she owned. All the desire I felt in my soul for her.
Do I really want to screw my son's girlfriend? No matter how many times I tried to sugar coat it in my head, it's all the same. I'm married, for Christ's sake.
The status of my marriage is no excuse for me to stray. When you make those "till death do us part" vows, they usually hold some significance.
But while I was here, staring into the eyes of this young beauty—my son's neglected girlfriend— I couldn't bring myself to care.
Okay, maybe I cared a little.
However, my thoughts flew back to one of those issues I wished to talk to Bella about—leaving my son.
Now, the thought hurt more than ever. If they broke up, I wouldn't get anymore smiles. I wouldn't get to touch her, and the want and need I felt for her would just intensify.
Would I be able to stop myself from seeking her out? Would I become borderline obsessive? "You're so lonely," she whispered.
"So are you," I said, not missing a beat, and inching closer to her.
"You have such a good heart too. I know you don't think so, but you do." She scooted closer, and now all I had to do was move in just another inch. That's it. No longer were her eyes calling me, it was her lips, and her tongue which just slipped out, making a tiny swoop across her lower lip.
"So do you," I breathed, touching my nose to hers.
"Carlisle?" She swallowed loudly.
"Yes?" I asked, hesitating.
"Kiss me." My heart jumped into my throat, while it started to pound rapidly. My stomach was a knotted mess, as my whole body ached to kiss her. I needed it. I needed it more than anything, more than air, more than life itself.
How poetic of me.
My lips brushed against hers and my heart soared, feeling victorious and amazingly happy. I smiled, deepening the kiss as I weaved my fingers into her hair, holding her close.
On autopilot and driven by need, my lips left her mouth to trail kisses lower. I kissed her jaw and neck as my body pushed her back. I was halfway into the passenger seat and my hands quickly found her breasts. A growl escaped me while I palmed them, wanting them—needing them.
Bella moaned and weaved her fingers into my hair. That was when I remembered myself. I flew back into my seat, completely mortified as my chest heaved up and down.
"Why did you stop?" She panted.
I didn't reply and refused to look at her.
I cleared my throat. "I'm sorry," I whispered back and placed my hand back to the gearshift.
"Don't," she said quickly and moved rapidly. My head snapped up to watch her climb into the backseat.
"What...uh, what are you doing?" I adjusted my cock. It was still straining against the seam of my pants and had become awfully uncomfortable.
"I don't know," she whispered.
I looked back to the road. "Just come back up here, and I'll—I'll take you home. I apologize for my..."
"Stop!" She spat at me. "Stop apologizing...I don't know what I'm doing...but I know I want you."
I closed my eyes tightly, wishing she hadn't said that. "Carlisle," she whispered in my ear. "Come back here." She placed a small kiss just under my ear. "We need each other." Her hand caressed my neck and then she turned my head to face her.
Again, I kept my eyes closed.
"Please," she whispered, and I was able to feel her sweet breaths wash over my face. She was that close, close enough for me to...
"Stop thinking." She let out a giggle. "I'm not." Her hand cupped my neck. "What do I have to do? Do you want me to beg...beg you to fuck me?"
That language falling from those lips made me groan.
"Beg for your touch?" I felt her nose nuzzle mine again. "I know you want me too, says this..." She reached down, gently placing her hand on my cock. Her touch made me jump and, as her hand started to massage it, a shudder ran through me. "Beg so that I can feel this inside of me?" She fumbled to undo my pants, and I didn't stop her.
Time stood still in that moment, feeling her take hold of my cock and begin to stroke it. My head flew back, grunts escaped my lips, and then time sped up again. "Sit back," I growled out, growing a pair. I'm not sure what changed in that brief amount of time, but if Bella wanted me to fuck her, wanted to feel me inside of her, she was going to get it. After all, I wanted it too. I wanted it so fucking bad.
She sat back, and I rapidly left the car. I held my pants up, taking a quick glance up and down the desolate road, and then entered the back seat. She didn't waste any time. When I finally sat beside her, I saw her shimmying out of her jeans.
"Come here," I said, reaching out and placing her in my lap. My hand roamed up her thigh as I gazed up at her. She didn't seem so confident now, gazing back at me, or at my lips rather. "Tell me what you want." I whispered, pushing her hair back. "I'm here." My insides were screaming, even if my voice was but a whisper.
Bella moved again, and I thought that maybe she had changed her mind. She didn't. She just moved so that she was straddling my lap. I leaned back, welcoming her, and wondering what she was going to do next.
This was her show. I didn't know what to do with myself, but I knew I wasn't going to let myself get carried away again, as much as I wanted to, because I didn't want to hurt her - go too far or be too aggressive. She could have any part of me she wanted. She just had to take it.
Her warmth, her center, lingered over me as she tore off her sweater. I caught a whiff of her then. Her scent was floral and all Bella.
And then it was like sensory overload seeing the sight in front of me. Bella, clad in only a bra and panties, her hair fanning down her shoulders and her eyes, which said so much; meanwhile, I was having a hard time discovering their code. What were they were trying to tell me? The feel of her body touching mine and her scent. Her delicious scent. Lastly, I heard our breaths. The breaths we shared which were ragged and loud, but that's not all I heard. My heart was beating so fast, so loud in my ears.
She shivered, hugging herself, and bringing me out of my trance like state. "Bella..."
She didn't respond, taking my hands and bringing them to her chest. "T-touch me," she said, her teeth chattering.
I touched her, and noticed just how cold she was. "Jesus." I leaned away from her, holding her close with one hand, and grabbed my jacket from the front seat. I draped it over her shoulders. "You're freezing," I said, rubbing my hands up and down her arms.
She grinned, wrapping her arms around my neck. "Warm me up."
I smiled back up to her. "What are we doing?" I asked, never letting my eyes leave her face. She shrugged, grabbing my hand.
"You're so warm." She kissed my palm again.
I bit my lip, raising both my hands to place them at her shoulders. I gave them a gentle squeeze, using my thumbs to rub along her collarbone while I peeked at her breasts. "You're beautiful...so beautiful." My hands trailed up her neck and wove into her hair. Then I drew her face closer to mine. "You tell me when to stop, okay?" I breathed against her lips.
"Never," she replied, crashing her lips to mine.
Snaking my arms around her back, my hips bucked into her center as I held her body close. She squirmed against me, creating a glorious friction. Our kisses, which were once gentle, became rough, passionate, and filled with need.
My lips left hers, and trailed lower again, and this time I palmed her breasts and squeezed, letting out a groan as I began placing kisses on the tops of her breasts. "Tell me to stop," I grunted.
She panted, holding me close. "No..." Her hips squirmed against me. "Touch me."
My tongue made a trail from the center of her breasts down to her stomach where I placed a loud kiss on her navel.
"Carlisle." She writhed against me. My hand rubbed its way down her side to land on her hip. I toyed with the edge of her panties, my hand aching to be inside them. As my lips continued their assault, my fingertips lightly traced the waistband, getting closer.
Soon I was able to run my finger along her slick folds. She was dripping wet, and I began kissing her frantically, wanting to be buried inside her. She moved against my hand and moaned into my mouth every time my finger grazed her clit.
When I just couldn't take it anymore, I brought her down beside me. She followed my lead with her eyes never leaving mine as she pushed her panties down her slender legs.
Suddenly she was open before me. She had her legs spread wide, waiting, and I was able to calm myself just a little. With my heart in my throat, I rose to my knees and eased myself between her legs.
"Please," she whispered, pulling me to down to her.
I gave her a small nod while I grasped the base of my cock. Even if I wanted to, there was no turning back now. I was here. She was here, and I was about to get what I had wanted for ages. What I had fantasized about.
"Tell me to stop..."
She silently shook her head no as my dick grazed her entrance. "Carlisle, don't stop," she pleaded, pulling me even closer. I slowly entered her, and the sounds coming from those lips were driving me insane, even more than the feeling of being inside her. She was tight, wet, and so fucking warm.
I paused to stare at her face. She stared back while she squirmed below me. "Are you okay?" I asked.
She nodded, slightly moving her hips into mine. "You feel amazing."
I grinned, leaning away to run my hands up her torso as my hips slowly moved against her. She looked gorgeous, so much better than any fantasy. Her head was tossed back, small moans escaped her slightly parted lips, and her hands reached for me to hold me close. She looked as though she was in ecstasy, and it was all because of me – because of what I was doing.
Suddenly, she didn't feel close enough. Grasping her hips, I pulled her even closer as my torso bent toward her to kiss those lips. Those sloppy, crazy kisses were back. She pulled my hair, keeping me close. My hips started to move faster. Her hips moved against mine, and my hands snaked around to her ass. I continued to pull her into me. With my dick digging deeper, I listened her to moan out loudly with every thrust of my hips.
"You—like—that?" I grunted.
"Oh God!" She shouted, making me smile widely and continue. I picked up the pace a little, still holding her close.
Something changed, then. Our touches were now frenzied and aggressive. Our movements became erratic, just like our breaths. We grabbed at each other with need, as our hips met roughly.
Then Bella stiffened, holding me as close as I could be. Her back rose from the seat, and a strangled cry fell from her lips. That was when I felt her clench around me. My eyes rolled back. I had never felt anything so good.
I lost it then, going as deep inside her as I could. "Fuck," I hissed, then moaned, moving slower to savor the feeling of coming inside her.
My breathing calmed as I pulled out of her and leaned back.
She watched me for a moment before averting her eyes and fumbling for her clothes. I sank back into the seat and closed my eyes. Did she regret it? Did I regret it? I knew that answer before I asked. No, I did not.
I opened my eyes to see Bella watching me. She smiled softly. "Charlie's probably wondering where I am by now."
That was probably true.
I nodded. "You're right. I should get you home." I grabbed for my pants when her hand grabbed my arm.
"Carlisle?" I looked up to see her face fill with what looked like worry. "Do you wish we hadn't done this?" I reached out and ran my thumb along her jaw.
"No, beautiful girl, I don't, but..."
"But it probably shouldn't happen again," she whispered, finishing my thought.
I hated to admit it, but it really shouldn't. I was married, and Bella needed to go away to college. I desperately hoped she would realize how much more she deserved from this world and would leave my son, but I would never want her to stay in Forks for me. She had so much potential that should never go to waste.
I drove her to her house in silence, but it wasn't uncomfortable. She turned to face me when I pulled up to the curb.
"Thank you, Carlisle – for everything. You've helped me more than you know."
"Please go to school, Bella. Don't take a year off. You're meant to do amazing things, and this town will only hold you back."
She nodded. "I know," she whispered. "I can hope Edward will wake up and realize how he treats me, but I'm not going to hold my breath. I won't wait for him."
I smiled. "Thank you, Bella," I said, hoping she understood how much I needed to thank her for.
I kissed her cheek before she climbed out of the car and headed toward the house. She turned around on the porch and gave me a small wave as I drove away.
Walking into my house was a strange experience after what had transpired between Bella and me. I made my way upstairs, undressing as I went.
Esme was already asleep when I entered the bedroom and threw my clothes in the corner. I didn't feel that what I had done was wrong, but it still hurt to look at her. When she was awake, she was someone I hardly recognized anymore, but asleep she was still my Esme, and I had betrayed my vows to her no matter how cheapened they had grown over the years.
I climbed into the bed and stared at the ceiling, replaying my evening with Bella in my mind. Everything about her was so passionate and full of life. They were qualities Esme had possessed a long time ago that had been self-medicated away.
I knew I had done the right thing in asking Bella to get away from Forks. The longer she stayed near my son the more her carefree attitude would diminish. It was already obvious, but I melted those concerns away, and made her smile – even if it was only for a little while.
I fell asleep thinking of her beautiful smile, and praying I would see it again soon.
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