Disclaimer: Yu-Gi-Oh! © Kazuki Takahashi
Author's Note: Okay, okay, okay. So I commented on my LiveJournal that a lot of AU Yu-Gi-Oh! fics have the summary of "Yami is a [insert noun here]; Yuugi is a [insert other noun here]." It was just an amused observation on my part, but my LJ friend, Mahayana, had this to say: "But you know, sometimes you just need a good bout of "Yami is a [vampire mermaid] and Yuugi is a [pregnant fairy from space]..." fiction. And what better formula to tell you exactly what you're getting yourself into than this formula? XD;"
Honestly, with gold like that, I couldn't resist. So, here you go, YGO fandom. Have a solid!Yami x Yuugi crack-tastic fic. XD
Anzu had posted her results from the quiz "What Mythical Creature Are You?" on her Facebook wall (she was a unicorn), and while Yuugi didn't know or care about that — as he was studying for his Egyptian history exam — he did look over when his other self said, "I'd bet I would be a sphinx."
Stranger sentences had been said in their bed (strangely enough, usually during sex), but Yuugi was still puzzled. "A sphinx?" he asked and Yami — formally known as Atem or the Other Yuugi, depending on who you asked — shifted the laptop on his belly to show him Anzu's quiz results. Yuugi struggled not to sigh, once again wishing there was a Duel Monsters tournament going on so his other self wouldn't spend all his time playing Farmville and taking silly Facebook quizzes. "Because it's Egyptian?"
His other self smirked in reply, and Yuugi pointed his pencil at him. "Technically, you'd be an androsphinx," he began, only to pout as Yami quickly rolled his eyes, mumbling "history geek," as he returned to the laptop. He clicked on the quiz, and Yuugi sighed, going back to Ancient Egyptian and Ancient Chinese trade relations, but looked up again when Yami said, quietly, "What."
"Other me?" Yuugi asked curiously, seeing Yami was staring at the screen with a confused, but horrified expression on his face. Yuugi leaned over to look at his screen and then blinked, wondering if he had read the results correctly. "You're a vampire mermaid?"
The picture was one of those man-eating mermaids from the Pirates of the Caribbean movie and Yuugi looked it over again before he snorted. He couldn't help the reaction, beginning to giggle when Yami gave him a dark glare. "You're a vampire mermaid? How did you get that result?"
"I answered the questions!" his other self protested, gesturing wildly. "How is a vampire mermaid even a mythical creature? That doesn't make sense!"
Yuugi didn't know or really care. It was too funny and too rare a moment to pass up. He sobered up quickly, coughed and said, "I don't know, other me, it might be accurate," he said innocently, and Yami's glare grew darker. Yuugi grinned, showing all of his teeth. "You do like to swim, you do bite, and with all that jewelry you wear, you glitter in the sun—"
Yami sat up quickly and (playfully) tried to smother him with a pillow. Yuugi laughed and squirmed and there were several soft bites in between the laptop almost falling off the bed. "All right!" Yami snapped finally, his hair a mess as he sat up and panted for air. He was straddling Yuugi's waist and Yuugi grunted when he grabbed his textbook, plopped it on his stomach and set his laptop on it. "Let's see what you are, partner," he growled and Yuugi pursed his lips to keep himself from laughing.
"I won't be a vampire mermaid," he pointed out, and then poked his other self's thigh repeatedly. "You'd better answer like me!"
"Shut up," Yami growled, slapping his finger and then grumbling, "I swear, if you're a goddamn androsphinx, I am challenging the quiz maker to a dark game..."
"Aw, leave them be. They're probably some 14-year-old being silly," Yuugi drawled and then, unable to resist, he muttered, "So, if you're a vampire mermaid, does that mean you're a gay fish?"
His other self glared at him and Yuugi bit his lip in a grin, skimming his hands up-and-down firm thighs. Yami mumbled a few of the questions under his breath (being his other self, he knew exactly how Yuugi would answer), and then clicked a button. He had that determined look in his eyes and Yuugi knew he was mentally wishing for just-as-crazy, if not crazier, results. That didn't seem to be the case when his other self's face fell to his "what-the-hell" look as he stared at the screen.
"What is it?" Yuugi asked curiously, and his other self turned the laptop around to show him. Yuugi read it, and then blinked once. Then twice. "I'm a space fairy?"
The picture was of said fairy, in a blue astronaut's outfit, her bug wings free against a starry background. It was the oddest picture Yuugi had ever seen: she had big cartoon eyes that sparkled, but her suit was big in the front, making her look like she was pregnant. "Is this an alien's mythical creature?" Yuugi wondered out loud, frowning. "And why am I pregnant?"
"I don't know, partner," Yami said quietly with a horrified expression on his face. Yuugi looked up at him and wondered if 'Yuugi is a pregnant space fairy' was being filed in the 'we're-never-roleplaying-this-in-bed' folder in his head. The poor Millennium puzzle, Yuugi thought, wondering how a pregnant space fairy and a vampire mermaid would translate inside their soul rooms.
Yami squeezed his eyes shut with a sigh, and then turned the laptop back around to face him. "You might have a point, partner," he muttered and Yuugi lifted his eyebrows, silently asking what he meant. "Maybe I shouldn't spend so much time on Facebook. I really didn't want to be a gay fish-slash-vampire mermaid today."
Yuugi smiled, reaching up to brush golden locks from his other self's cheek. Yami then glanced at him, glanced back at his screen, where he smirked, drawling, "Do I want to post this on your wall? Of course I do."
"What!" Yuugi exploded, and his other self stuck out his tongue between his teeth as he clicked a button. Yuugi squirmed madly. "You jerk! Why are you logged into my account? Oh, you're going to die, other me!"
"I can't hear you in the void of space, partner. No sound," his other self replied as Yuugi tried to get free from under him. "Oh, say something about this quiz? I, Yuugi Mutou, am a pregnant space—"
He never finished that sentence, as Yuugi managed to wiggle free and shove the laptop away. It almost fell off the bed again (along with Yuugi's textbook) as they began to wrestle with each other. It quickly turned into a groping session, and then into a "you're a shiny vampire mermaid!" and "you're going to be a pregnant space fairy!" romp in the sheets.
Afterward, when his other self dozed off like he always did, Yuugi fished out his laptop from under a couple pillows. He ignored the 20 comments that appeared on his post, logged out of his account and logged into his other self's page. He hummed evilly as he found the quiz (ignoring his friends comments once again) and clicked on it. "You're a gay fish, other me," he muttered as the first question came up and he chose the answer he knew his other self would pick.
He couldn't wait for the results.