Buffy's Hospital Room
Willow sits crying in the seat next to Buffy, their hand's the only thing connecting them as Willow cries for what seems like forever. Eventually Willow peers up to look at Buffy who is looking back, concerned for Willow, her eyes sympathetic.
"Come here, Will." Buffy states before opening her arms to invite Willow in for a hug. Buffy knew that it would hurt, but it was all worth it to comfort her best friend.
Willow reluctantly gets to her feet and Buffy shifts over so that Willow can lie down next to her, Willow practically falls into Buffy's arms and with a sharp grimace Buffy holds her best friend as she begins to cry again.
Buffy strokes Willow's hair as Willow sobs silently into Buffy's arms. Buffy feels meaningless as she feels like there is no way of consoling her friend. After a half hour passes Willow looks up at Buffy who is still stroking her hair compassionately.
"You ready to talk about it, Will?" Buffy enquires kindly.
Willow slowly gets to her feet before finding the chair pulled up beside Buffy and sits down in it. She takes a deep breath and shudders slightly before speaking, "I have done something terrible...," Willow states, peering down at her lap in dismay.
"What exactly have you done, Will?" Buffy requests intrigued.
Willow peers back at Buffy - her eyes full of compassion and desire to help her friend. Willow breaths in harshly again before releasing slowly, "Well, this morning I thought that I had my Tara back... It was early hours of the morning and she woke me up, completely lucid, she was my Tara. She – She told me that she had been lost and she didn't know where she had been, I looked at her and I could see the woman I love staring back at me. We – We kissed and it was magical, she was back with me and I just held her before we both fell asleep. However; when I woke up this morning she was – gone. In the place of my Tara laid this teenage imposter who seemed to have no real recollection of the life we have shared together over the past few years." Willow is close to the brink of tears again, recollecting the brief wondrous moment that she and Tara shared in the early of hours of the morning.
"Will. I can't begin to understand how that must have felt for you. I know how much Tara means to you. I'm so sorry for everything that has happened." Buffy empathetically retorts, grabbing Willow's hand and squeezing it comfortingly.
"It has been so hard trying to get Tara to remember everything that has happened. We had a fight because I went all Wicca Willow whilst I was having a dream. I called upon Osiris in my dream because instead of living, Tara died. My hair and eyes turned black and veins were popping out of my face in the dream and they were happening in real life. Tara woke me up petrified and she asked me who Osiris was, I told her that he was magic and he brought the dead back to life. She – she was outraged and couldn't believe that I would ever bring anyone back from the dead..." Willow looked at Buffy, acknowledging that she had used Osiris to bring to bring her back from the dead.
"What did you tell her?" Buffy inquisitively enquired.
"I told her that it was something that you did for the person that you loved, no matter the repercussions." Willow responded adamantly as though in the heat of the situation again.
Buffy furrowed her eyebrows together, understanding the true emotion that her best friend felt in the split second of a moment meaning losing and keeping the most important person in the world to her. "And how did she respond to this?"
"She basically told me I was wrong, that it would mean committing the ungodly and I am selfish thinking for personal gain." Willow's head drops and she loosens her grip on Buffy's hand, obviously feeling remorse for plucking Buffy out of heaven where she was content and happy.
"No, Willow, No! Don't even think that!" Buffy grips Willow's hand with both of her hands. "I understand why you brought me back now. You thought that I was in some hellish dimension where I was being tortured for eternity."
Willow peers up at Buffy, her eyes over flowing with tears again, "But you weren't!" Willow retorts in almost a shout, pulling her hand from Buffy's, "You were ripped from heaven, by me. All because I missed my best friend so much! Tara was right, I was selfish and ungodly. Maybe this is my punishment from the gods for bringing you back, I do not get to spend my life with the one true person that I love with my whole body and soul." Willow stands up and prepares to leave Buffy's room.
"Will! You need to pull yourself together, not for only your sake but for Tara's. Think how scared she must be, how alone she must feel at this moment in time, forgetting everything she done over the past few years. She is all alone in this world now, her father wants nothing to do with her and her mother is dead, you are the only thing she has left in the world, make sure that she knows that you are there for her no matter what. Even if she hates you just for a little while let her know that you still care for her, that you are still here no matter what happens."
Willow turns around to face Buffy, her eyes full of integrity, "Thank you, Buffy. I was just about willing to give up hope," Willow retorts before walking back over to Buffy, leaning in for a hug and Buffy accepts, enveloping the fragile Willow within her arms.
"Go convince the woman that you love that you are still in love with her, that nothing can come between you."Buffy encourages Willow enthusiastically.
Willow kisses Buffy on the forehead as a thank you and proceeds towards the door, "Rest up, I want my best friend back up on her feet again," Willow declares before exiting through the hospital door, closing it behind her.
Willow wanders the corridors of the hospital, one destination in mind: the gift shop. She walks down corridor after corridor with no real prevail, eventually getting frustrated - and ultimately missing Tara – she asks a member of staff where the gift shop was, not knowing she had been walking in circles on the wrong floor a nurse points her in the right direction. Willow hops in an elevator and makes her way up to the third floor, where – as soon as the elevator doors opens – she discovers a small gift shop, as well as; a small canteen. She exits the elevator and walks over to the store, peering at flowers that are pristine in the doorway as she enters. One bunch stands out to her and she picks up a medium size bouquet of purple lilies. She saunters over to the cash register where an older woman in her sixties serves. As Willow approaches the register she sets her eyes upon a small teddy in the form of a cat and remembers Kitty Fantastico, the small kitten she and Tara had after they first started their relationship. She smiles to herself in recollection, picking up the stuffed toy and placing it and the flowers onto the counter.
"That comes to $15, my dear," The older cashier smiles and Willow takes $15 out of the pocket and places it carefully onto the counter, "Have a wonderful day, my dear," the older cashier consults.
Willow smiles, thanks the woman, and then exits the store, walking back over to the elevator she presses the button and summons the elevator. She waits a few minutes for the elevator to reach the third floor but when it opens with a ding it is empty, she enters and presses the button for the ground floor. Once inside the elevator Willow's ears pick up on a catchy song that is playing, she smiles to herself and starts to tap her foot, getting lost in the music. She gets so enticed into the music that she fails to notice the elevator doors opening on the ground floor, a porter and his transporting patient giggle to themselves innocently. Snapping back into reality Willow blushes embarrassed; she exits the elevator and walks down the endless corridors to find Tara's room.
Willow eventually arrives at the door of Tara's room; she peers through the window in the door and notices that Tars is reading the diary, her heart pounds in her chest and her stomach churns butterflies as though on a first date. Taking a sharp intake of breath Willow knocks on the door; flowers held behind her back, awaiting a response.
From the other side of the door Tara peers up from the diary and sees the red head waiting anxiously, she can't help but form a smile at the fact that Willow had returned after their argument earlier that day. Tara composes herself, tucking the diary back beneath her pillow before calling out to Willow, "Come in!" She nervously hollers.
Willow enters the room, the flowers held behind her back.
"I want..." They both start to speak simultaneously; they both smile and cut off their sentences.
"Y-You go." Tara insists.
"I just want to apologise for being out of line earlier. You didn't deserve what I gave to you; I know that you cannot help the amnesia and that this isn't your fault." Willow speaks matter of factly and pulls out the flowers from behind her back, "I'm sorry."
Willow encroaches upon Tara who seems to be speechless by the whole array of events that seemed to have happened in such a short span of time. She may not know what exactly has happened over the past couple of year, however; there is one thing that is apparent: she is in love with a perfect stranger.
A few tears begin to build within Tara's eyes, "Thank you," she manages to articulate, "Purple lilies," she brings them up to her nose and sniffs in the aroma, "B-Beautiful!" She whispers, a tear falling down her cheek.
Willow smiles at this action, taking a seat next to Tara's bedside, "So, what did you want to tell me?" Willow enquires.
"I-I just wanted to apologise too, I reflected on what you said, and I thank you for what you said. I-If I had d-died it gives me comfort knowing that someone cares that much about me to bring me back, whatever the repercussions." Tara drops her hand to the side of the bed, wanting a small connection with the woman she feels so much and so little for.
Willow reluctantly cups Tara's hand with both of hers, slowly bringing it up to her lips, placing a delicate kiss upon it.
At this action Tara's hairs on the back of her neck began to stand on end, goose pumps rising on her arms as her stomach battles with butterflies. With this reaction Tara knew that there was something she was missing, that she wanted to remember Willow as much as her body seemed to. Straining to remember anything about Willow seemed to be impossible, she knew that she belongs here somewhere it was just impossible to see through the frosted glass that was her memory.
With Willow still holding Tara's hand and looking at her reassuringly Tara cannot take the overwhelming emotion anymore and fundamentally breaks down, tearing her hand out of Willow's.
"Tara, sweetie. What's wrong?" Willow asks in a worried tone.
Tara does not reply, instead she brings her hands to her face and continues to cry.
Willow sits watching the woman she loves for more than twenty minutes, afraid to touch her; afraid to hold her. Not wanting to break anything that they may have built up already.
Willow notices that Tara begins to ease and eventually she moves her hands away from her face, her eye bulbous and red as the tears silently slide downs her cheek.
"I'm here. No matter what, I'll be here for you from now on."
Willow offers a comforting hand to Tara, Tara hesitantly takes it in her own, squeezing it softly before looking deep into Willow's eyes, "I-I don't deserve you," Tara stammers, "H-How do I have someone like y-you in my life, and not even r-remember you..." Tara trails off, a fresh set of tears now falling from her eyes.
Willow takes the initiative to bridge the gap between them, she leans across to Tara and envelopes her in her arms. Tara shows no restraint and accepts Willow's body for refuge Willow beings to stroke Tara's hair and in the moment Tara gets a sudden flashback of their life together.
Tara's dorm room - 3 years ago
I sit on my bed, thinking about everything that has happened over the past couple of months; I think of Willow. I know that she is going to choose Oz; I can just feel it deep down in the pit of my stomach, when I went round there earlier he seemed all that she described him as, and more.
I peer up at the clock in my room, not really feeling class today, however; I must go to try and get this whole situation off of my mind, for a little while at least. I start to head out to get to class when there is a knock on my door.
Knock Knock Knock.
I open it to see Willow staring back at me.
"Hi..." She addresses me.
"Hi..." I manage to verbalise back. I see her staring at me, I long to say something but my words get lost. Instead I just move aside, an unspoken invitation into my room.
"I can only stay a minute. I have class." Willow speaks hastily.
"Me too, I-I-I have class too." I manage to stutter out.
"I just wanted you to know that what you saw this morning, it wasn't..."
"No-No, it's okay. I always knew that if he came back..."
"We were just talking. Nothing happened." Willow defends herself.
"Oh!" I mutter in a hushed whisper, happy that some part of her is still mine, "Really?"
"But, you know... It was intense, just talking. We have a lot to talk about..." She pauses and looks around the room, "I kinda' feel like my head is gonna' explode," she turns around, my heart pacing in my chest. Why did I have to fall in love with a girl who will never love me back...
"Whatever you know happens, I'll still be here; I'll still be your friend." I articulate, as much as it pains me to do so.
Willow looks alarmed by this statement, "Of course we'll be friends, that's not even a question!"
I panic slightly, afraid of my true emotions, "But I'm saying, I know what Oz means to you..."
Willow looks at me, her eyes nearly spilling with tears, "How can you, when I'm not even sure. I mean, I know what he meant to me. But, he left and everything changed, I changed, and, then we..."
"What..?" I interrupt.
"I don't know, I just... life was starting to get so good, again, and, you're a bit part of that and, here come the thing I wanted most of all, and I don't know what to do, I want to know, but... I don't." Every word brings me closer to her; inches away I can feel her trembling, I just want to hold her.
I take a step closer to her, reaching my hand up to her cheek, "Do what make you h-h-happy." I utter, trying to hold the tears from falling.
She looks me in the eyes, cocks her head like a spaniel as though contemplating a decision before breaking the barrier between us, she wraps her arms around me and holds me close. I feel as though I am floating on air as we hold each other close, I stoke her hair as I feel her crying silently into my shoulder. I want her to choose me; but maybe this is a way for her saying her final goodbye...
Tara's Hospital Room - Sunnydale Hospital
"Tara, baby?" Willow shakes Tara gently.
"mmh?" Tara groggily moans, slowly opening her eyes, "Wh-What happened?" She asks disorientated.
"You-You passed out..." Willow retorts close to the brink of tears, "I was so scared," Willow weeps holding Tara's hand, "One minute I am trying to comfort you, the next you are just gone..."
Tara looks at Willow, not knowing if what just happened was just a dream or not. She reflects over the dream and ponders silently to herself, taking her hand from Willows, "Oz?" Tara states to Willow, looking her dead in the eyes.
"Oz? What do you mean, sweetie?" Willow wipes a tear from her cheek, looking at Tara confused.
"You-You didn't choose Oz," Tara states, looking deep into Willow's eyes, "You had to choose between me and Oz..." She continues to state her dream and her previous diary entry to Willow, "You chose me," Tears welling up in her eyes.
Willow takes Tara's hand in hers again, bringing it up to her lips, "Of course I chose you..." Willow places a gentle kiss upon Tara's hand, "I will always be here for you, even if you just need a friend."
" I do not remember most of what has happened over the past few years, however; reading my diary I have been getting some memories back. All these memories seem to make up my life before the accident, and you seem to be a big part of that," Tara states looking at Willow with complete honesty, "I want to remember you, and everything we have shared together, b-but..."
"But?" Willow raises the question.
"I-It is going to take time. I-I understand if you can't wait, and I'm sure my future memory self will understand too." Tara painfully utters, not wanting Willow to give up on her, but not wanting Willow to know that she has these feeling for her also.
"I'll wait... No matter how long. I'll still be yours," Willow retorts reassuringly, squeezing Tara's hand.
Tara smiles at this gesture before reaching behind her pillow to pull out the diary, "Let's get my memories back..."
What did you guys think? I spend a long time trying to figure this chapter and future chapters out. I have enjoyed re-watching episodes to see what flashbacks and diary entries I can use next. I hope to get another chapter to you within a couple of weeks as I am planning a long and eventful one. Hope you enjoyed it, and remember, if you want to keep following this story don't forget to alert, or even favourite. Ciao, Ashley (AKA matash21)