A/N: I want to apologize in advance for my late late late update. School this year took up more time than I thought. There was also a death in my family and that's been extremely difficult to deal with, so I am sorry this has taken so long. Please don't hate me. **Read the disclaimer, it has an important note about a section of this chapter.**

Disclaimer: I own nothing; credit to Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: The Prince's Tale, Chapter 33, page 671, U.S. Edition. I will be leaving the original text in, which means that Lily will essentially be talking about herself in third person, so just replace the words as you read, as well as replacing Snape with Severus. Also, anything in [ ] is a part of the book that isn't necessary to my story; I am only including it because I feel it would be wrong to leave a chunk of the original text missing.

Days after James Potter's outburst in The Three Broomsticks, Lily Evans could be found in her small but cozy office located on the far side of the Daily Prophet building. Anyone who passed by the young redhead would think that she was putting forth admirable effort into finishing her article on the changes made at Gringotts Wizarding Bank. Her boss would come in to check on her progress as he did every week. He would be met with the silence of which he would presume was a trait of the hard-working girl before him. He would pat her on the shoulder in a fatherly way then continue with his rounds.

But if one took the time to step into the office in which Lily Evans worked, he would find her silence worrisome and the angry red blotches that spotted her face as a sign that maybe it was not the best time to be near the usually friendly Lily Evans. Her companion, unbeknownst to her, would slowly back out of the small room, closing the door behind him so that if she wished to act on her anger, she would be able to do it in peace.

Upon even closer examination, it would become apparent that, in fact, Lily Evans wasn't working on an article at all. Accepting the advice of her good friend Alice, Lily had entered a Muggle shop near her home and purchased a leather bound journal, dark forest green in color, accompanied by a brown ribbon with which she could mark her place.

Lily had filled a little over three-quarters of the journal about a boy.

This boy had made her laugh and cry. He had angered and annoyed her beyond belief. He was her first real kiss, the kind filled with so much passion it was unbearable, but at the same time a gentleness she hadn't expected he possessed. He was most definitely her first lover's quarrel, though she hadn't known at the time. This boy was sarcastic, witty, funny, and brave. He was sweet, kind, and the most loyal friend one could ever have.

He was James Potter, and Lily was furious with him.

August 28

Dear Journal,

I've had you for a while now and I'm still not sure what I should call you. Journal? Diary? Notebook into which I confide in? I think I'll stick with journal for now; it's much better than "diary," which makes me sound like a pre-pubescent young girl. I believe I'll have to buy a new journal soon, which is a shame because I've grown quite attached to you; but I suspect by the end of the week you'll be full and I'll be forced into buying a replacement. As much as I wish that you could be filled with the mundane routine of my life or the fanciful dreams my mind produces, you are (albeit unfortunately) chock-full of James Potter. Hardly anything good, too. I somewhat apologize for this, but where else would I spill my thoughts on what a self-centered, vile person James Potter is? Alice has been busy enough attempting to please Frank's parents, who believe that no matter how successful or pretty a girl is, no one is good enough for their "little Frankie." Yes, his parents do call him that and yes, they do it in public. But enough about Frank and Alice. The reason I opened you up at work today (which under any other circumstance I would never, ever do, but this was an emergency) was to talk about James Potter. Like I haven't done enough of that already, right? This is somewhat different. This is me, digging deep into the depths of my mind to answer a simple question that others wouldn't find worthy of all this writing: Why didn't I get angry with James? Granted, I am absolutely livid with him right now, but at the bar when he embarrassed me in front of everyone, why didn't I become mad? I hadn't felt that familiar spark that told me to prepare for a fight. It was like someone had gone and blown it out. Every other occasion I can think of, such as our first encounter on the train, to the particularly nasty scene that took place in the Great Hall in fourth year, was accompanied by that spark of fire that propelled me into Kill James NOW mode. It was with that first encounter on the train that I knew James Potter and I would be at odds with each other for the rest of our lives (that obviously changed quite a bit, but we'll get to that later). I remember stepping through the barrier onto platform 9 ¾ and feeling an exhilarating sense of adventure pass through my small 11-year-old frame. As I scanned my surroundings, the smoke from the train partially obstructing my hungry eyes, I spotted a small head of messy black hair leaning out of the train window where an older couple was beaming up at the boy. I could only assume they were his parents. Their joy was infectious and I found myself smiling, too. The boy must have sensed me watching because he glanced my way and grinned at me. I felt myself blush (much to my chagrin now) and turned away from him to say goodbye to my own parents. I remember getting into an argument with Petunia over a letter she had sent to Dumbledore, requesting admission to the school. I then recall stepping onto the train and traveling to the third compartment on the right where the boy with the black hair was sitting with another boy. I leaned against the window and waited for Severus, reliving the exchange with my sister over and over again in my head. Then Sev came, and attempted to cheer me up by getting me excited about Hogwarts. I remember the conversation that ensued almost perfectly…

"But we're going!" he said, unable to suppress the exhilaration in his voice. "This is it! We're off to Hogwarts!"

She nodded, mopping her eyes, but in spite of herself, she half smiled.

"You'd better be in Slytherin," said Snape, encouraged that she had brightened a little.


[One of the boys sharing the compartment, who had shown no interest at all in Lily or Snape until that point, looked around at the word, and Harry, whose attention had been focused entirely on the two beside the window, saw his father: slight, black-haired like Snape, but with that indefinable air of having been well-cared-for, even adored, that Snape so conspicuously lacked.]

"Who wants to be in Slytherin? I think I'd leave, wouldn't you?" James asked the boy lounging on the seats opposite him, [and with a jolt, Harry realized that it was Sirius.] Sirius did not smile.

"My whole family have been in Slytherin," he said.

"Blimey," said James, "and I thought you seemed all right!"

Sirius grinned.

"Maybe I'll break the tradition. Where are you heading, if you've got the choice?"

James lifted an invisible sword.

"'Gryffindor, where dwell the brave at heart!' Like my dad."

Snape made a small, disparaging noise. James turned in him.

"Got a problem with that?"

"No," said Snape, although his slight sneer said otherwise. "If you'd rather be brawny than brainy—"

"Where're you hoping to go, seeing as you're neither?" interjected Sirius.

James roared with laughter. Lily sat up, rather flushed, and looked from James to Sirius in dislike.

"Come on, Severus, let's find another compartment."


James and Sirius imitated her lofty voice; James tried to trip Snape as he passed.

"See ya, Snivellus!" a voice called, as the compartment door slammed…

I usually got along with people very well. My mother always said that I had a friendly demeanor; when I was a young child, she would take me to the market and I would strike up a conversation with just about everyone. But there was something about James Potter that made my hair stand on end, especially when he insulted my friend for no particular reason. Of course, this wasn't the last time that James and I were on the opposite ends of right and wrong. Up until I stopped being friends with Severus in fifth year when he called me "Mudblood," James and his cronies teased Sev mercilessly, and that made me hate him even more. If I or any of my friends had teased Sirius, or Remus, or even Peter for that matter, James Potter most certainly would have come up with the worst way to get revenge; logically, that would have been to torture one of my friends back. But I never intentionally hurt any of his friends, and he still took it upon himself to making Sev's life a living nightmare. Not to mention making me miserable every chance he got! To our fellow students at Hogwarts, it may have appeared that we "enjoyed" fighting because it got us attention and we did it so often. But to tell you the truth, it was bloody exhausting! I can't count how many times after a fight with James I would go up to my room and just pass out because all of my energy had been drained. And most of the time the stupid fights were started by his jealous arse thinking he owned me or something. Like I can't talk to other boys! On top of torturing Severus, he would always find a way to prank any boy I ever had interest in, ruining my chances of ever having a good relationship. Just because the boy had had a crush on me ever since first year did NOT mean that I was his. Exhibit A: last night. I dare to hug a very good friend of mine that I was excited to see, and James decides to go into "get your filthy hands off my woman" mode. I don't even care that he was drunk, he had absolutely NO RIGHT to go and ruin things between us based on some completely ridiculous assumption that his warped and jealous mind had made. The worst part is that I know it's a lost cause to try and talk to him. He's probably so mad at me that he'd ignore me if I went and tried to find him. What has this boy done to me? Where's my Gryffindor courage that would give me the push I need to not give a damn, find the stupid boy, slap him for being an arse, and then kiss him because I can't imagine my life without him? More importantly, where's the Lily that wouldn't have cared when James left, possibly to never be seen by her again? Oh, wait. That Lily disappeared when James Potter somehow made her fall in love with him. Bollocks.

Until next time, journal (and I am sure there will be a next time),


A/N: Thank you to everyone who has been patient with me. If you're no longer subscribed to this story or don't really have interest in reading it, I completely understand and no hard feelings. Now, this may seem like a long time to you, but I am limiting myself to next month to get the next chapter up. Hopefully, giving myself a longer deadline will make me publish the chapter sooner. Until next time lovelies.