A/N: This one was inspired by the movie Kick Ass (which I was forced to watch and did not enjoy one bit as I hate violence .) so, if you've seen it, you will get that this is actually a deathfic (my very first one -cries-). This was actually the hardest fic I've ever written and I will probably take a nice long lighthearted break before diving into my Bruce/Dick angsty fic (which will most definitely not be a deathfic). I am so tempted to make this a two chapter thing to make it all end okay (I even have the idea growing in my head) but I am so proud of this and don't want to ruin it. So, let me know what you think of my little foray into this darker genre of writing!
It wasn't right, this guilty pleasure of his. He knew it wasn't right, and yet it was like an addiction that he just could not pull himself away from no matter how hard he tried. Reason told him he was setting himself up for nothing but heartache, but he went back time and time again like a moth helplessly drawn to the roaring flame only to come away singed and burned.
He was very good at keeping secrets, being Robin half the time he had to be, but this secret not even Batman knew about. This secret was special, precious, something so close to his heart that he clasped it to himself as tightly as he could to prevent anyone else seeing it. This secret was just for him.
Sometimes he wondered how he had any energy at all during the day, since his well kept secret had him awake before the sun and asleep long after the moon had chased the sun from view. Someday, he knew, his secret would kill him, but not yet. Even when the time came for him to self-destruct, he would regret nothing, for this was love. It was love in all its glorious forms, all its perfectly beautiful forms but one. This love was unrequited, unknown, and to the one it was directed at, unimportant.
Wally had his girls after all, why would Dick be of any consequence?
Sure, Wally had finally gotten it into his head that M'gann was head over Martian heels for Superboy, but that didn't stop him from his daily dosage of flirting. Besides, there was always Artemis. From all the snarky banter those two exchanged, Dick knew without a doubt that someday they'd realize that their dislike towards each other was really something completely opposite. Then they'd start dating, get serious, eventually get married, and then go off and have bunches of fast arrow shooting kids.
For now though, Dick had his stolen moments into the realm of what could be. As long as he'd spent the night at Mount Justice the night before, every morning before the first sleepy lark started its calling Dick would be awake in his bed staring blankly at the ceiling. Thoughts chased each other around in his head, his mind willing his body to just this once stay in bed while his heart tugged for him to rise.
His heart always won.
Before he could even realize what he was doing, Dick's feet would be silently leading him out of his room and down the hall to the closed door of his best friend. Stealthily working the door open with practiced ease, Dick would then slip himself into the room and just stand there, eyes greedily taking in the sight of a soundly sleeping Wally all tangled up in blankets and sheets.
It was because of these times of silent observance that Dick could tell you exactly how many freckles were sprinkled across Wally's nose and cheeks, that Wally liked sleeping curled up on his left side, and after a particularly bad mission Wally always slept with the curtains opened and the window cracked. These were the kinds of things that only Dick knew about the young speedster, and it gave him a kind of possessive pleasure deep in his chest. Because, surely, not even Artemis had a clue that Wally had an old stuffed rabbit hidden safely beneath his pillow to keep him safe at night.
After spending several eternities letting his eyes drink in all that he could see, Dick would slowly move to kneel beside Wally's bed, being careful not to touch him or jostle the bed in any way. Wally always slept facing the wall his bed was pushed up against, which gave Dick the opportunity to memorize every curve, dip, and freckle of his sometimes clothed sometimes naked back. It was when Wally slept without a shirt on that Dick had to exercise extreme self-control to not run a hand over that silky smooth skin or lick at the hollow between shoulder blades.
Once up close, Dick would spend another few eternities memorizing the steady rise and fall of Wally's chest as he imagined what it'd be like to be held in those strong arms or to fall asleep with a steady heartbeat beneath his ear. By this point, Dick's heart would be seizing with so much sadness for what he could never have that he knew he had to wrap it up.
Dick's ritual ended the same every morning and every night that he and Wally slept at Mount Justice, for he never felt complete unless he did it right. He would raise himself up on his knees, lightly brace his forearms on the very edge of Wally's bed, and lean forward to ghost the softest of kisses on Wally's neck.
"Morning Wals, love you." The words were barely spoken, feeling more like silent whispers falling from Dick's lips as he placed just one kiss onto the warm skin beneath him.
Feeling the pain in his heart ease a little once his morning ritual was complete, Dick would rise from the floor and leave the room as quietly as he came to start his day. By the time he showered, changed, and sat down in the kitchen with his breakfast, the rest of the team was just beginning to wake from their slumber and the day went on as if nothing had happened.
By nightfall however, when all were once again asleep in their beds and the bats took flight amongst the owls, Dick would still be awake in his room, just waiting until he knew Wally would be asleep. When the moon was high in the sky outside of his window, Dick would slip out of bed and retrace his morning's route, ending his night with another kiss and whispered words.
"Night Wally, love you."
"Everybody, fall back!" Aqualad shouted, determined to get the team out of the sticky, now deadly, situation they'd stumbled into.
It had been simple surveillance of a political meeting, extra backup in case anyone tried to stop the peace treaty that was being signed, but it quickly turned into a nightmare when several of the bodyguards pulled out weapons and started firing every which way, not caring if they hit one of their own or not. The team had sprung into action, first priority being to get as many people as they could out of the room and somewhere safe before attempting to take down the rogue guards. Since there were so many delegates and political figures in the room, Miss Martian, Artemis, and Kid Flash were ordered to get them all out while Aqualad, Superboy, and Robin distracted the guards.
Superboy's brute strength and near invincibility would have been useful had he been able to move. It seemed as if the guards had been prepared for the team because one of them had launched kryptonite enforced wire at the clone, and while Cadmus had made Superboy immune to kryptonite the wire had tightly wrapped itself around Superboy's body and was too strong for him to break. Another guard had leveled a taser on Aqualad, making it impossible for him to use any of his water abilities without seriously injuring himself.
That left Robin, too quick to trap and too human to have an obvious weakness. Birdarangs whizzed through the air left and right, occasionally landing their mark and debilitating a guard long enough for either Aqualad or Robin to finish off. It seemed though, that for every guard they took down there was another ten to take his place, leaving Aqualad and Robin running around dodging bullets and trying to distract them long enough for the civilians to be led out.
By the time Kid Flash ran back in and yelled out that the civilians were clear, both Aqualad and Robin were breathless and bleeding while Miss Martian was helping Superboy struggle out of the wires and Artemis was shooting at the guards. Given a moment to pause, Robin could feel a stabbing pain in his side and realized that he'd taken a bullet just under his stomach and was now bleeding like crazy. That's when Aqualad gave the order to get out.
More than happy to oblige his team leader, Robin was following the others towards the exit while still avoiding gunfire when he heard a desperate cry for help. Whirling around, Robin caught sight of a well-dressed woman being manhandled by one of the burly guard with a gun pointing at her head.
"KF, help me!" Robin called to the yellow blur before rushing back into the room, smoke pellet in one hand and birdarang in the other.
With smokescreen in effect, Robin managed to knock the gun out of the man's hand and started a fast paced hand-to-hand battle while a whooshing sound affirmed that Kid Flash had gotten the woman out. Noticing that his captive had escaped, the guard let out an animalistic snarl before seizing Robin by the neck and thrusting a previously hidden knife into his abdomen.
"Parting gift for you." The guard gave a gasping Robin an ugly looking smile before shouting something in a strange language, causing all of the guards to suddenly disappear, but not before one of them set one of the room's numerous ornately carved wooden pillars on fire.
Choking on thick black smoke combined with gun smoke, Robin was on hands and knees with one hand pressed desperately against his wounds. With every labored cough, Robin could feel warm, sticky blood dripping steadily through his gloved fingers, weakening him at an alarming rate. Without the strength or will to crawl towards an exit, Robin stayed knelt on the floor with death flowing into his lungs and his life bleeding out.
"Robin! Dang it Rob, where are you?"
Through the growing fog in his head and the smoke outside of it, Robin could just make out Kid Flash's outline as he searched frantically through the burning room. Cracked, bleeding lips lifted up in a weak smile. Wally was actually looking for him.
"Holy shit!" Wally finally found him and within seconds Robin found himself held securely in Wally's arms as air whipped around them. Suddenly, they were outside in the seemingly frigid air and Robin's lungs were assaulted with clean oxygen, causing another violent coughing fit to overtake him.
Wally carefully sat on the ground, Dick's broken body still in his arms. Reaching up, Wally removed Dick's mask to reveal the tortured blue eyes underneath. Feeling the body in his arms struggling to take in every breath as blood continued to seep freely from open wounds, Wally removed his own head gear as he held Dick closer.
"Hang in there buddy, just hang on a bit longer, we're getting help." When all his words got were wet, gasping breaths, Wally felt panic mercilessly grip his insides. "Are you strong enough for me to take you to the hospital?"
Seeing the unmasked fear in his best friend's eyes, Dick mustered up everything he could in his hazy, aching being to give a response. "I'm afraid...not this time." Glassy blue eyes started to close as Dick's body went lax in Wally's arms, causing him to choke on a strangled sob as he pulled Dick's body even closer, tucking the younger teen's battered face into his neck.
Willing his best friend, the one person who meant everything to him, to hold on even as Dick's breaths became shallower with lengthening, bated pauses in between, Wally closed his eyes tight and let the tears flow with abandon.
The night darkened around the two motionless figures, cocooning them in a chillingly dark embrace as the pale moon shone morosely down. After what seemed like forever, Wally finally lifted his tear-stained face to press a wet, heart-breakingly sweet kiss to Dick's cool neck.
"Night Dick, love you. More than you'll ever know."