Please explain to me what this is...please...

All I know is that I was listening to Len's version of Butterfly on Your Right Shoulder as I wrote this... o.o

Btw D: for my happy happy readers - 'tis not all sad D: (though it starts off really emo -.-)


I hate the colour purple.

It destroys you, it crushes you.

I want to feel yellow with all the warmth and happiness it contains, but that is a far away dream now, for you only share your warmth with him.

His name hurts not only my tongue, it hurts my insides deeper than you can imagine, like if you were stabbed in the heart by your best friend.

I feel like she has stabbed me in the heart many times, every time she ever talked to me after him.

I hate butterflies for they are disgusting freaks of nature.

They remind me of myself for I hate myself too.

Why must I ruin your happiness?

This is what I deserve.

"Smile for me." he told you softly and I heard it too. We are one, are we not? "C'mon Rin, just smile..."

I caved, I listened, I saw, I ran.

Those purple butterflies became my only friend again when I tried to forget the moment that yours and his lips met.

I was a freak. I was much too much of a freak for you.

You gave all your love to him, not your best friend.

Though we aren't best friends anymore, are we?

I can answer that question myself.

My hands are shaking, the sins I have been gathering throughout my short life playing like a symphony in my head.

Death is a trivial thing.

I will get through it quickly.

"Please remember me..." I mutter. " the only one that could make you smile before he came along..."

The gun is a simple device, yet I sweat as I feel it in my palm.

"Yes," I say, "This is what I deserve."

I count down silently in my head, letting the situation sink in.

What am I doing?

What are they doing?

Why am I alive still?

I have no purpose.

I bring the gun to my head, and it it brushes against my messy hair.

A noise that I did not cause.

Weight is taken off of my palm.

Warm arms embrace me.

Sob, sob, sob.

I fall into a slumber.

What is the reason for my existence?

I always ask questions, yet I never get an answer.

"To be with me..." is that an answer? I call it a lie. "I love you Len..."

My heart rate increases.

I am dying on this hospital bed, am I not?

She laughs at me.

It speeds up again.

I feel sick.

What is wrong with me?

"It's called 'love', Len!" she says with a grin. "I'm glad you love me!"

Those disgusting creatures...those butterflies...

They are in my stomach.

For whatever reason, I love Rin.

For Rin, I will love these purple butterflies.


I write some strange things with writers block...

/OTL *hit*

I'll get back to updating soon, this is my list of plans:

Finish Kitty Fetish & So You Think You're Perfect

Delete The Reason I Love You

Wait until I've finished my other stories to update Carelessly Crushing Paper

Continue collab with Krrriissttyyy *hugs her*