JKR Runs this town, not me.
You may want to read my story "The Hard Times of One Rose Genevra Jean Weasley as there are people mentioned in this story that you don't know, it's not compulsory though.
Holding rare flowers in her tomb
A James Potter and Lesath Malfoy Fic
James Sirius Potter taps his foot anxiously on the grass. His head snaps backwards and forwards between the gates of the graveyard and his watch.
She wasn't coming.
James shook his head and cursed himself for being irritated at her tardiness; she didn't have to come if she didn't want to.
He knew it was a stupid request to ask his girlfriend to go there; Rora didn't want to be stuck in a graveyard for an hour as James paid his respects to Kaya and Quentin.
Kaya killed in place of James, and Quentin killed in place of Lesath Malfoy.
James would have liked to bring Rora here, he wanted his girlfriend to meet the girl that died because of him; he wanted Rora to see the grave of a person he loved.
But at the same time he was relieved that she didn't turn up, because he was forever in doubt about this love.
He wondered how she could expect him to just forget about Kaya when he had told her how much she had meant to him.
And he wondered how she could expect him to just forget about Lesath when she was on the exact boat as he was. Constantly floating out to sea.
James ran his hands through his hair, and shook his hair out to rid it of rain water.
It was raining again, just like every time he went to visit Kaya. He laughed, but without humour, and even smiled at the fact that it was raining.
He knew Kaya would hate it.
And the leaves rustled and the rain kept falling but James Potter was adamant that he wouldn't move until he felt something.
Truly felt something.
Not something physical, nothing landing on his shoulder or maybe a raindrop that fell from a curl on his head into his dry eyes. Why don't I fucking feel anything? He thought.
No, he wanted to feel sorrow or maybe closure. He came here often yet he didn't feel anything as he stared at their headstones. And the guilt ate away at him every time.
James stared at the headstone and couldn't get rid of the dull nagging telling him that he was being watched. As if someone would come out in this stupid weather.
Thunder crashed and it made him aware that maybe it was a bit too wet to be outside, but he couldn't find a reason to actually care.
He took a step closer to the headstone and touched it.
He had loved Kaya, how could you not love someone who spoke gold and whispered sun? A person who would dance in the rain and sleep in the summer?
How could you not love someone who gave all of herself to you, just to keep you distracted? She shouldn't have had to distract you; you should have loved her just as much back! He argued with himself.
And even then all he could see was her smile, the way she laughed and spoke with her hands. An animated story teller and a great explainer, this is everything Kaya was, and now she was gone.
And when James was mad, she'd be more than willing to help him through it, genuinely asking what she should do and then she'd give her opinion, always there for advice.
How could I have been so fucking stupid! He thought and smacked his fist against her headstone. He wanted to collapse, collapse on top of her for being a poor excuse for a wizard, a weak example of a man. Why can't I be more like my father?
Lesath Aubrey Malfoy's heart was beating so fast when she found him.
Rora just doesn't understand him, she thought.
Lesath wanted to run up to him but kept hiding behind a willow tree that would surely touch the sky. She couldn't find where the raindrops started or her tears ended, and she cursed herself for feeling this way.
She hadn't visited Quentin yet, but with him lying next to Kaya she wasn't sure she could.
But if James could, I could! She thought, but she knew she was weak.
She'd only ever been this close to the graveyard, never stepping foot in but always standing outside, and even when they had gone to bury the two teenagers, she didn't enter. Quentin was her boyfriend, and he was dead because of her, but she couldn't bring herself to do it.
It just shows how dedicated I was to Quentin, she thought, and it brought her down lower.
And Lesath knew that if she couldn't have the one she wanted she'd do without the best, people were dull and everyone was horribly mediocre in her eyes until she met that one who stood out from the crowd.
And Quentin had charmed her, had showed her that a life didn't have to be lived through sparkly eyes and painted lips. You didn't have to be dressed to the nines to be a class above.
In a way he reminded her of the one who was the best, but she couldn't forget that it wasn't him.
And the one she did want saw past her name and past her looks, he looked past her problems and past the way she was never pleased. He showed her that money wasn't everything and having everything didn't mean money.
He showed her how to mess her hair and to wear baggy clothes, told her that the more clothes you wear meant more people would see you for who you truly were.
He'd smudge her make-up and take her running in the rain.
And he'd tell her that they couldn't last because he was like fire and she was like ice and they would never coexist.
Why didn't I fucking change for him? But she had to banish that thought; she knew he'd hate her if she changed.
And she'd never forget that he told her he was with Kaya and he was happy.
But Quentin taught her the same things as James, why didn't they hold the same light?
Lesath stared at Quentin's headstone from a distance, battling with herself and wondering whether or not she should turn away, or if she should stay.
For a brief moment she had thought about what would have happened if the Death Eater had actually killed James and herself.
That was their intention, to kill the son of the-boy-who-lived and the granddaughter of the people who had betrayed the Dark Lord.
Lesath stared at James' back and wondered why Rora wasn't with him on a day like this; surely he would have wanted to bare the grunt with him?
No, Lesath knew that Rora just wouldn't understand what James was going through.
The thought of Rora understanding was silly.
Because Lesath knew full well that James' girlfriend's face would have contorted with frustration when James had told her that he was going to visit, she knew that Rora wouldn't have wanted him to go all the way out to the country just to visit a pile of dirt and dust.
James turned around when he heard a shuffling in the grass. There was a person there, not the person he wanted, but it wasn't someone he didn't want to see.
Oh and how much he wanted to see this one.
His heart starting beating faster when he realized it was Lesath, knowing that she had the same urges as him to come out here made him happy.
He didn't want it to but it did and it was something he just couldn't ignore.
Raindrops rolled down his forehead and into his eyes, stinging them and making him shiver, but he wasn't sure if it was from the cold or the uneasy feeling he was getting from seeing Lesath.
He just shrugged as they made eye contact. James didn't fully know what to do or what to expect, yet he was curious as to why she was there, since she had never gone to visit Quentin.
He was curious as to why she was there while he was there. Mere coincidence or fully fledged fate?
He took in what she was wearing: a summer dress, bright yellow with her hair out.
How odd for this time of year, and in this weather.
James smiled to himself. How earthy she looked with a dress all wet, how vulnerable was she when her usually perfect hair tied up was let loose and flowing while drowning in the rain.
This wasn't the usual brave and hard Lesath Aubrey Malfoy, this was a timid girl.
And James couldn't help but what to protect her.
He turned around fully and started towards her, zipping up his jacket the rest of the way and putting his hands in his pockets. He didn't bother to brush his hair out of his eyes, and it was almost as though he resisted the urge to just so he could have something to keep his eyes out of her gaze.
She shivered as he drew closer and he wanted to keep that type of reaction away; he didn't want her to be cold. He didn't want her to be shivering because of him.
They stood mere centimetres away from each other, and he cringed as she bit her lower lip. It was always something he disliked about her, her fidgety habits as though she always needed to be busy doing something, the way she always wiggled her thumb just to hear the cracking noise, the way she sucked her lips in to hear the popping noise and the way she always raised an eyebrow as if never impressed.
But right now it was just the biting of the lower lip that was getting to him.
After what seemed like an hour worth of rain and an hour worth of staring stupidly at the girl, James decided to speak.
"You came?" he asked.
As soon as he spoke he knew she'd say something to shrug the visit off, as though she didn't care. He knew her better than he lead on and he knew full well that she truly cared.
"Well, I saw Rora, she said you were coming to visit so I thought I better too." And she looked past him as if trying to see something.
He shook his head and sighed. "Bull. I know you've been wanting to come and see him too Lesath, you don't have to lie."
Her face screwed up and he waited for her to fight back. She opened her mouth and James waited for the fighting to come, but it didn't. She closed her mouth and sighed in defeat.
"Show me," was all she said. And he grabbed her hand gently and led the way.
James watched Lesath as she stared at the headstone of what used to be her boyfriend.
"Are you alright?" he asked.
She hadn't spoken since he had showed her. She hadn't moved, and the dress was turning more and more transparent with the downfall. Rain clung to her body and he couldn't help but feel uneasy with it all. Lesath was always more than proud of her appearance, why the change?
"I'm fine," she murmured but he knew she was lying.
James wouldn't accept this answer. "Look at yourself Lee, you're not fine!" he said, his voice cracking with each word.
Lesath nodded, she knew she wasn't fine. Everything about this made her not fine.
She couldn't handle this, it was like having everything bad catch up with you in one go. "Where is she? Rora? Where is she? She didn't want to come, James? She didn't want you to come here either? What? She doesn't understand that this is important?" But the look on James' face told her that she had to be quiet.
His face screwed up and Lesath instantly regretted saying all those things. James was harsh when he was angry, she didn't want to be part of it but it was far too late. "Don't you fucking talk about her like that! You have the fucking cheek to say things like that, Lesath! Especially since it's taken you nearly two years for you to come and fucking visit these two. Your boyfriend, Lesath, that's what he was!" he hissed and with every word came a crack and a pain in her chest.
Lesath cringed and decided to speak up. She was sick of trying to hide her feelings; she was sick of everyone assuming she was too evil to care, too blunt to have a heart, too jagged to have honestly need or want someone. "I know he was, James!" Was all she could say.
His eyes glazed over and they dripped disappointment. "Then why didn't you fucking come and see him?"
Her fists clenched and it felt as though all of her blood was rushing straight to her head. It didn't take her long to snap back. "Why? Because Quentin deserved more than that! I didn't want him to have to suffer through my visits when he knew full well that what we had wasn't totally real. He knew that he wasn't what I wanted yet he died in my place, James! He fucking deserves more than that!" she spat.
James looked at her with confusion. It wasn't registering in his mind; he couldn't work out exactly what her words meant. "You can't talk like that about him like that, Lee! It's wrong."
Lesath laughed, his words were ridiculous; he had no idea about what was right and wrong. "No, James, what's wrong is coming here faithfully every time you remember Kaya. And coming here when you feel guilty about things. Coming here when you know you're in love—and always have been in love—with someone else is wrong. Quentin and Kaya were great people, how could we treat them like that?"
And James opened and closed his mouth, speechless. Lesath knew that she was right.
"I did love her, you know," he muttered.
She nodded. "And I loved him too."
He sighed and shook his head out again, she didn't know if it was to do with the rain or his thoughts. "Are we bad people, Lesath?"
And she nodded, because she couldn't help but think they were. "We used two people to try and fill a spot, I think that's bad."
She felt her tears sting her eyes. When would the crying end? Before she had time to wipe them away a familiar pair of arms circled her waist, and she knew no matter how hard she tried, or how much she fought with herself and him, she wouldn't be able to stop his arms from travelling around her or his chin resting on her shoulder. She didn't have the strength to stop inhaling his scent or her nails from running down his back.
She just wasn't that strong.
His lips threatened to do less than appropriate things after they skimmed her shoulder lightly.
"What about Rora?" she whispered.
James' grip grew tighter on her waist and he stopped the inappropriate ministrations on her soft, pale, bare skin.
"I should stop this because I love her."
Lesath smiled to herself. "But she's not me, is she?"
James' lower lip ran over a raindrop on her shoulder. "No she's not, but she's better for me."
Lesath pushed him back and buried her face in the crook of his neck, his stubble grazing her forehead and she pressed her lips against him. So much familiarity that it was like returning home.
"Where did we go wrong?" she begged.
James squeezed his eyes shut as he gave in to Lesath's soft kisses. "When you forgot that Malfoys could be good and I forgot that Potters weren't always strong."
She sighed against him and pulled away to look into his hazel eyes. "I think it was when what we truly are began to come out."
He lifted one eyebrow and looked at her. "Like what?"
She didn't have to think hard to know. "The way you turn ugly when someone questions you, the way you don't like people to compare you to your dad, the way you are possessive, especially when it came to me, the way you're scared of people judging you, the way you don't like being too far from me. There are a lot of things," she explained.
He nodded, not wanting to believe anything, but knowing that it was the truth.
"But me, I don't like to listen to others, I don't like to think that anyone knows better, I don't like it when people try to relate to me and understand me, I don't like it when you're angry about things that are stupid, and I don't like you having to leave my side. We're both just too much to be together," she concluded.
James sighed and stared straight at the silver eyed girl. "It's like adding a bomb to an explosion, it's just too much."
Lesath grabbed both of James' hands. "It is."
He didn't want it to be like this. If he could he'd go back in time and do it all again. So many things he'd change, so many things for the better. "Do you think…" but he shook his head and his train of thought out. "No, I love Rora."
"I know you do," Lesath murmured.
James didn't want Lesath to leave though, he wanted her to stay. He never wanted her gone. "Maybe, one day, when things don't turn out right or we're both somewhere lost, we can try."
Lesath smiled at him. "Definitely."
And she pressed her lips to his and turned around to leave.
James' mind will forever be etched with the memory of the girl walking barefooted, dressed in a yellow sundress when it was raining on a cold spring's day, knowing that even years after the War, it continued to leave scars.
To all my faithful "The Hard Times" readers, this is for you :) I hoped you enjoyed it, it was my first attempt at Angsty and it was harrrrd! :/
Not to worry, i'll be uploading my light hearted and hopefully funny Dom and Tori one shot ;) yusss.
Please review lovelies!