Consciousness: That annoying time between naps... (- lol)(best. quote. ever XD)(totaly xD)
Partner in Crime: This chapter was based off LolliDictator's Hetalia Manual Fics. If you have time, you should go check them out!
To Owlcookies: We are. See? Mr.(insert teachers name here) was right!
How many times have you been sleeping peacefully, dreaming about rainbows and butterflies and penguins and unicorns (not that I dream about any of that stuff), and then someone goes and slaps you in the face? Let me tell you, its not the best way to wake up.
So after someone (COUGHCOUGHsicilyCOUGHCOUGH) slapped me in the face, disturbing my nice nap, I did become aware of my surroundings. Like the fact that Spain's head was on my shoulder and Sicily was sprawled over both of our laps. I'm not a freaking pillow, goddamn it!
"Stop lying on me!" I wriggled around, which only resulted in Sicily rolling over and Spain mumbling about something in his sleep.
So I just kind of sat there for what seemed like forever while those two were just snoring away, dead to the world. And then, the last person I though I would see came barging in. Literally, I didn't think he knew that we were here.
I probably jumped three meters in the air when the potato bastard stormed into the room. As soon as we both calmed down he kind of just stood there, staring at us. And he started to make me feel uncomfortable. I mean seriously, this guy barged in just so he could stare at all three of us, or make that two of us, sleeping?
"What the hell are you looking at, potato bastard?"
"Do you normally sleep like that?" He asked. Like what? Does he mean with all of us lying on each other, using the person next to you as a pillow?
"Why do you want to know?" I sneered. "Did you come here just to watch us sleep?"
"Actually, No. Its an emergency."
"Ugggg! I hate consciousness! Always making me deal with all this bullcrap!" I whined. "So what's the emergency?"
"Its your brother. He's been kidnapped!" He said dramatically. He walked towards us and thus, no longer blocked the sun. It shone directly on the couch and I shielded my eyes from the glare.
"Will someone please turn off the sun..." Spain mumbled, the sun shining directly at his face.
"Do it yourself..." Sicily replied.
"Your brother has been kidnapped and all you guys are doing is sleeping?" Germany exclaimed.
"Who's kidnapped?" Sicily asks.
"I think Prussia..." Spain answered.
"Good. Let whatever crazy rabid fangirl it was eat him. We can throw a party-I mean memorial service later."
"No! Not my brother! Your brother!"
"But Lovi's right here! Unless of course... I'm leaning on France," Spain pointed out, eyes still closed.
"If this is France, you have five seconds to run before I come and kill you..." Sicily warned.
"No! It's not Romano! I mean, it is Romano that you're sleeping on, but its Italy who's kidnapped!" Germany was reallyfreaking out now.
I think at that point you could hear the snapping noise that all three of our brains made. Spain and Sicily bolted straight up and we all looked at him with horrified looks.
"What happened?" I demanded. "Who took our younger brother?"
"The mailman," the potato bastard said flatly. And that caused Sicily to double over in laughter, despite the fact that our brother was (maybe) in danger. In between laughing fits, she spoke, but only about two words.
"How hahahahahahahahahahahaha do you hahahahahahahaha get kid- hahahahahaha -napped by the bwahahahahaha post- hahahahaha -man?"
"This is serious! I saw him in the street and he was running towards me. But then this truck with a green rabbit with wings on it came. It stopped and some guy jumped out, grabbed your brother, stuffed him in a crate, and drove off. I got the registration number of the van." He pulled out a slip of paper. "We should give the company a call to find that trucks destination."
"And to do that, we need their phone number, dumbass!" I spat.
"And that's why we have the Internet~!" Sicily sang, pulling out her laptop. She opened up Firefox and typed in the Google search bar. Within minutes, we had the phone number.
"I'm calling them," She proclaimed, daring us to argue. But because of her "niceness" as she calls it, she did put it on speaker. Though she did threaten to duct tape our mouths and tie us to a target if we talked. So much for the "niceness".
"Hello, Flying Mint Bunny Express customer service. Are you having problems with your unit?"
"My unit? Umm no I need-"
"Do you need a fake I.D for one of your alcohol-consuming units?"
"A fake what? No all I would like is-"
"I'm sorry but you cannot choose who your next unit will be."
"NO! SHUT UP ABOUT SOMETHING CALLED UNITS! LET ME ASK MY DAMN QUESTION, WOMAN!"
"That's not how you talk to people on the phone," Germany said, playing with his life. Sicily shot him a look that said 'What the HELL did I say about talking?'
"Would you like to speak with the manager?"
"If he's more helpful than you, then hells yes!"
"Of course. Please hold." The cheesy hold music started playing. And then it changed to a different song. And I filled with dread.
I know a place
Where the grass is really greener
Warm, wet and wild
There must be something in the water
"Noooooooo!" I cry. "My ears, they're bleeding!" And of course Spain, being the idiot he is, tackled me to the ground and demanded that he checks my ears.
"Not literally, tomato bastard!"
"Are you sure? Because see something in your ear~"
"GAHH! GET OFF ME! AND STOP LOOKING IN MY EARS! IT'S CREEPING ME OUT!" I squealed and tried to wriggle out of Spain's "death grip." There was a click on the phone and all fell quiet again.
"Hello, this is the customer services manager. How may I help you?" Someone asked in a stuffy male voice.
"Ummm hi. I need you to tell me the destination of your truck with the registration number of ADVR-3H1."
"And why would need that information?"
"The driver in this truck kidnapped my little brother, mistaking him for a unit. We would appreciate getting him back."
"How would he mistake your brother as a unit?"
"He was...uh... cosplaying! Yeah, cosplaying as Italy. He was going to a... uhhh... what do you call it? An anime convention?"
"Oh, I deeply apologize. Please hold for a moment." And more music started up.
Thankfully, this time it was nothing but elevator music. You know, the music that has only one line repeated over and over again on a xylophone? Yeah, that kind of music was playing. I sighed in relief.
Another click and the annoying stuffy manager came back and started talking in his annoying stuffy voice. God he is annoying!
"The truck was headed to 314 Queens Street in East London."
"Thanks so much! I appreciate it!" And she hung up and sighed.
"Don't worry! We'll get him in no time!" Spain reassured. Sicily's face brightened up a bit.
"So, are we going to save Italy or what?"
"Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun duuuun dun dun dun duuuuun!" Sicily was singing the 'Mission Impossible' theme song, and it was kind of pissing me off.
"Will you please stop?" The British bastard asked. He tagged along as our guide, as none of us knew where the hell Queens Street, East London was.
"Why? We're on a mission. And finding this house is impossible! Are you sure you wrote down the address correctly?" Sicily asked, skeptical.
"I'm positive! I think..." Spain checked the map again. "Are you sure this is East London? Because it seems like we're not even in London yet."
"Of course I'm sure! What makes you think I don't know how to get around my Capitol city?
"We're lost, aren't we?" The potato bastard asked. Britain hung his head.
"Yup, we're screwed!" I concluded.
"Do we even know where we are?" Sicily wondered.
"We're on the outskirts of London," Germany noted. We all looked at him with weird looks.
"And you would know this how...?"
"Because I seem to be the only one who can read a map. Spain was holding it upside down." Spain laughed at his stupidity and I just facepalmed. The bastard sighed and mumbled something about idiots.
After constantly arguing, asking locals, more arguing, aimlessly wandering, trying to read the map, ripping the map, even more arguing, strangling people, singing Mission Impossible, trying to duct tape a certain someone's mouth, and standing around, waiting for Britain to regain consciousness, we finally found Queens Street, East London.
"What's the number again?" Germany asked. Spain let out a nervous laugh.
"Heh heh... I don't know."
"You don't know?" Sicily repeated. "How do you not know if you have the slip of paper with the address?"
"Because I lost the slip of paper..."
"Oh, Dios mío! En serio en España? Now we'll never find him!" I shout at him. Spain hung his head.
"Wait! I have an idea!" Britain said. "We know what your brother sounds like right? Then we can go to each house and listen."
"Oh yeah. The other people living here won't find it weird when we come knocking at their door. 'Umm hi. Do you mind if we listen to your house in case my brother accidentally got shipped to you?'" Sicily said sarcastically. We sat down and thought for a while. Then suddenly, Spain stood up with a big smile on his face.
"Never mind! I didn't lose the paper! I just put it in my other pocket!" You could actually hear all of us facepalming at once.
Turns out, we were never really far from the house as we thought we were. It would have been hard to miss it, seeing as it was a giant house. We stumbled up the driveway and up the steps. Germany rang the doorbell and we stood, anxiously waiting.
We heard a loud 'COMING!' and another male voice grumbling about units. I mean seriously, what the freaking hell were units? A cheerful girl opened the door and squealed when she saw us.
"My Germany unit is here! And Romano! And a female Romano!" She squealed.
"A female what?" Lovi and I both spun around, facing her with fire dancing in our eyes. "I'm sorry but we didn't hear you. Care to repeat?" She was just about to answer when a Spain came and... glomped Lovi.
"Looooviiiiiiiiii~!" He exclaimed as he launched himself onto my brother.
"GAAACK! GET OFF ME TOMATO BASTARD WHO ISNT THE REAL TOMATO BASTARD!"
"Wait what? How come there are two of me? And two of him?" Spain asked, motioning at Britain. Looking at the Spain until, he smiled. "Hey! I'm petty good looking!" That comment made Lovi snort.
"I'm sorry but there seems to have been a mistake," Germany began. "You see, first off we're not... units and secondly, did you receive a unit this morning?"
"Yes," the girl's head bobbed up and down. "I got an Italy, but he's kind of malfunctioning."
"Malfunctioning? How? HOW THE FREAKING HELL DID YOU BREAK MY BROTHER!" I shouted at her, lashing out. It took all the strength of Germany, Spain, England, and Lovi to stop me from killing the girl.
"Sorry... she kind of has anger issues. We're getting therapy for her." Britain apologized, while Spain was shouting over me, telling me to calm down.
"No no no no wait! Okay I didn't break him! He came here broken," She explained.
"What do you mean by that?" Lovi grumbled.
"Well, I didn't even have to activate him. He started crying and wailing. Then when I let him out of the box he said was looking for his brother and his sister. When I had no clue who he was talking about, he explained that he got "kidnapped". When I told him he would be living with me, he flipped. I mean seriously, how can such a calm person like him even get just a little bit mad?"
"Mafia..." Lovi and I mutter.
"Its nothing, don't worry about it," I reassure. "Now where is he?"
"In my room, but you really don't want to go in there."
And hence, we came inside and went up to her room, passing all the units. There was Russia, China, Prussia, America, England, and Spain. They all said their hellos and we walked up the stairs. She stopped at her room and the backed away.
"I think I'll just leave," she suggested.
"Yes, I think it would be good if you did," Spain said.
I drew out my gun just in case he was really violent. I open the door and pointed the gun. I saw my brother, calm and collected, and he sprung up from the bed, hugging me.
"Ve~ you guys came to save me! Thank goodness! I thought I'd have to stay here forever!"
"Of course we would come save you! Why wouldn't we?" Spain reassured.
The girl just stood around awkwardly. "I'm sorry about whatever I did, even though I have no clue what I did," the girl apologized.
Feli smiled. "I forgive you!" He chirped.
While those two were hugging, (COUGHCOUGHawkwardCOUGHCOUGH) the rest of us were looking (NO! We were NOT snooping!) around her room. It was nice and spacious with lots of books. She had some great books in there, like Percy Jackson and the Olympians, along with manga like Death Note, Fullmetal Alchemist, and Bleach, just to name a few. I walk past her computer and just glance at it.
Whoa! Rewind! I back up and look more closely at what's on her computer. My cheeks go a deep red, and if anyone elsesaw me, they would have thought someone pulled my curl. How the hell can people stand this? Oh, wait. They don't know them in real life.
"Sicily? What are you looking at? What's the matter? Why are you so red?" Spain asked, bending over to peer at the computer screen, with Lovi right next to him. I turn around rapidly, and direct them away from the computer and out of the room.
"Oh, its nothing! Don't worry about it!" I hastily reply. "Trust me its nothing!" Because seriously, I want to be nice and not scar them both with that serious Spamano doujinshi back there.
In a few short moments we have said our goodbyes and left that household with all the other units. I STILL HAVE NO CLUE WHAT UNITS ARE! Oh well, I guess I'll be up all night on Google... My phone ringing promptly interrupted my thoughts.
"Hello?" I seriously need caller I.D...
"Vargas? We need you to meet up with a customer next week. We have a request for it to be done by the best. We have no specifications on how you should do it, so feel free to let your hair down and try a new tactic. And tell your brothers to drop a line, will you?"
"Will do. Can you send me the details?"
"Do you even have to ask Cecilia? One week from now. Location and time is uncertain as of this point. You will be there." The last statement was more of an order than a question.
"Of course." And I hung up. One week from now. I was finally back in the family again. I smiled as Lovi was shouting stuff at... well I don't know who. But he saw that look in my eyes and he just knew who called me. One week from now. This was going to be fun.
And welcome back to another episode of "Mess With Countries Minds With Yoai Fanfiction!" Staring... Cecilia Vargas! *clap clap clap clap clap*
Deep in though, I pondered on my who would be my new victim. I was feeling a bit more evil than usual, so I decided I would mess with my brothers. Of course, I wasn't feeling that evil so I decided to skip Feli for another time, and torture Lovi.
"Hey Loviii~" I call, skipping into his room. He looked at me suspiciously, because everyone knows I don't skip.
"Yes? Are you going to ask me if I can help you with target practice? Because the last time you did that, you nearly shot me in the head."
"Actually, I was wondering if you ever heard about fanfiction," I reply nonchalantly.
"I've never heard of fanfiction."
"Here," I handed him my computer.
"What do I do?"
"Okay, so you see that search bar? Just click on it and type 'Spamano'" I know I'm evil. You don't have to state the obvious. I walk out the room and go read a book, leaving the crime scene.
**Three hours later**
Feli and I are sitting at the table, eating dinner, when Lovi finally comes down.
"Ve~ Fratello? What's wrong? You're very red. Are you sick?" Feli asked as he dished Lovi's dinner.
"Yeah Lovi, what's wrong?" I ask in fake concern.
"You damn well know what's wrong!" He shouts.
"I guess you found the lemons," I smirk.
"Oh that's it!" He shouts and attacks me. We both engage in a fistfight with Feli trying to stop us from throwing furniture
"Germany? This is Italy. You see we kind of have a problem..." Feli trails off on the phone.
"Ahh! Stop moving so much! It hurts when you move!" I screeched.
"I can't help that we're stuck!" Lovi defended.
"Just get it out!" I howl. "And tell Germany to come quick!" The three of us were on the floor, covered in our dinner, and all of our curls tangled together.
Partner in Crime: I've made a decision that making Sicily 10 years old is way to hard. Every time I write a chapter I tell myself that there is no way a ten year old could be telling this story. So I've decided to bump up her age to 15. Deal with it. Had fun with this chapter, hope you enjoy~