AN- So, remember a couple fics ago? When I was all "So much fluff, I should go angst." And then I said I wouldn't? Well, Lauren and I (she's mentioned a lot in my ANs...) had a conversation while watching Ballad a couple nights ago. Where she thought it would be awesome to see Season 2 Kurt talking to Season 1 Kurt, telling him how everything is going to go down next season.
She wrote out a conversation, left me to do the actual Klaine stuff. Then she posted it to Tumblr and I decided to write a fic about it.
Some days? It's just too much.
He tries to stay strong about it. Really he does. Because "no one pushes the Hummels around" and he's better than all of them and they'll be working for him one day.
But there are only so many times he can hold his head high as 'fag' dances around the air. So many times he can blink away slushie before the burn becomes too much. So many times he can ignore the bruises on his back.
The pee balloons; furniture nailed to his roof; trash stains on his clothes.
Some days…it's just too much.
That day had been particularly hard. Finn's eyes suddenly back on Quinn, like she was some kind of goddess. His best outfit ruined by a nasty puddle at the bottom of the dumpster that he doesn't even want to guess the origins of. A particular nasty slam against the locker, Karofsky smirking over his shoulder.
He goes home that day and cries into his pillow.
They say that it gets better one day. Well, what about today? What about yesterday? Or last week? Last month? Last year? It's not going to get better, not in Lima Ohio where people still hold onto old beliefs and homophobia runs rampant.
A thought crosses his brain. It's been happening a lot lately. Right after a dumpster toss or a slushie. It will poke in, barely a foot in the door, before it's gone and he's taking a deep breath and putting on his 'I'm better than you' face.
This time. This time it stays.
What if…what if he were to end it? The pain, the humiliation. The heartache of wanting someone he subconsciously knows he's never going to have. What if he could just be free of all of that?
He heads for his bathroom and opens the cabinet, his eyes immediately locking on the bottle of pills, a generic brand that he got at the pharmacy for fever and headaches.
It could be his ticket out….
Would they even notice if he was gone? At school, would they even care? Mercedes might. Tina and perhaps Artie too. Would Finn realize he was wrong to push him away? Would his dad-
And that's where the thought ends. Because he can't do this, not to his father. Not when Kurt is all he has left. He slams the cabinet shut and sulks back to his bed, burying his head in the pillow.
He just wants to fall asleep. This day to be over.
And, maybe to never wake up again.
He's in a coffee shop. He's pretty sure it's a coffee shop because he can smell the grounds in the background, the aroma tempting.
Which is odd. Because he doesn't like coffee. Mercedes keeps trying to take him to a Starbucks or whatever but all Kurt can think of is the black liquid he sipped from his father's mug when he was five. And it was extremely disgusting and he's never doing it again.
Suddenly, a Styrofoam cup is placed in front of him and the chair across from him is being pulled out. He looks up, at whoever joined him. And his mouth drops.
It's…it's somehow him. An older him. With a different hairstyle and broader shoulders. But there's no doubting the glasz eyes or the dimpled smile.
"It's okay; you like that flavor. Or, at least, you will," older him says softly.
Cautiously, Kurt picks up the cup and takes a sip. Surprisingly, he does like it. The older him smirks a little.
"I remember the coffee phobia. Mercedes finally snaps and drags you to a Starbucks. You'll be forever in her debt."
Kurt raises an eyebrow. "So, what, you're from the future?"
"The not so distant one," older him says, "I'm you a year from now."
Kurt knows he should be freaking out or checking himself into a mental hospital right now but…it feels…cozy? Sitting here like this. For some reason, he's not scared. He just…goes with it.
"And what wise advice do you have from the future?" he snarks.
Older Kurt smiles sadly. "I know what you've been considering."
Kurt looks down, studies the cup and says nothing.
"You've heard it a million times, in all those videos. But, I'm telling you now; it gets better. Not even in broad terms. For us, it got better."
Glasz meets glasz and it's a little odd. "How so?" A flutter of hope in his heart. "Do-do I get Finn?"
"No," older Kurt says, "Not the way you want him anyway. He's straight. But you get a wild plan in your head to introduce your dad to his mom, at a parent's night in a way to get closer to him. They end up really hitting off and get married. Finn becomes your step brother."
Older Kurt chuckles. "Yeah, I can see why you'd think that. Trust me though, when I say he makes a pretty good brother. After a few bumps of course. It's better this way; he would have been a terrible boyfriend."
"So…does the bullying stop?"
"No. It, uh, it gets worse actually. Really worse. Karofsky…crosses a line. And, after you can't sleep. Or eat. Or even walk down the hallways without flinching."
"Sounds so much better," Kurt deadpans.
"You transfer schools because of it. To a private school, with a No Bullying Policy. It sucks because you have to leave your friends but…it saves your life."
"Do-do I make friends there?"
Older Kurt shrugs. "You join their glee club. They're nice to you, and they're pretty talented but you don't bond them with. Not like you do with New Directions. You tie with them at Sectionals. Then," older Kurt grins, "they flatten you at Regionals."
"You transfer back. Because you miss your old friends too much and things get kind of fixed. And, it's okay for a while. There are stupid rumors and even stupider love triangles but you're back with your friends. Then…you get voted Prom Queen."
Kurt's eyes widen. "What?"
"Yeah, it's a pretty bad prank. You lose Nationals too. It's not proven to be Finn and Rachel's fault but everyone blames them anyway."
"You said things get better," Kurt accuses. "You lied."
"I'm not done yet," older Kurt says. Then, to himself "Was I always that impatient?"
"I can hear you!"
"Fine. Like I said before, your dad marries Finn's mom and you have a family again. It's a little awkward at times but Carole becomes the best step-mom you could ever ask for. You become pretty good friends with Rachel-"
"-And," older Kurt smiles slightly, "Santana proves she has a heart."
"This all sounds wonderful," Kurt mutters. "But…"
"I saved the best for last. Because the first time you go to that private school? You meet him. And...he understands you better than anyone you've ever met. He sees that you're miserable and he reaches out to you. You two end up becoming best friends, better than you and Mercedes."
"That's not possible," Kurt says. But he's smiling.
"It's because you have so much to talk about, so much in common. He'll skip school and drive two hours to help you out. It will get difficult though. You'll sing flirty duets and he'll know your coffee order but it won't mean what you hope it means. Not at first. You guys will fight; it will be over something stupid but you'll make up and it's better after. Because he's not up on the pedestal you keep him on. The one you kept Finn on."
Older Kurt pauses, a smile dances onto his face, "Then, one day, you'll sing and he'll realize how much he cares about you. And he'll kiss you. He'll serenade you, when you transfer back. He'll dance with you when you're crowned Prom Queen. And after you lose Nationals? He'll tell you he loves you. So...yeah. It gets better."
Kurt has tears in his eyes. Because, because wow. This guy, he sounds like everything he wanted in Finn but now knows he'll never get. He sounds way too good to be true.
Older Kurt suddenly reaches over and squeezes his hand. He's smiling super wide, super supportive.
"I can't tell you what comes next because I don't even know. But, I have a feeling that we're going to have an amazing summer before senior year and we're going to go to New York and live out all the dreams we've ever had. He's going to come with us. Maybe…maybe we'll get a happily ever after."
"What's his name?"
"You'll find out."
"No! You have to tell me. If you don't tell me, how will I know if it's him?"
"You'll know. Trust me, you'll know," older Kurt glances at his watch, "You're going to wake up soon. One more thing, before you do; try to cut dad a little slack. He's trying and he does a really good job. We're lucky to have him."
The watch suddenly beeps and Kurt realizes older Kurt is fading out. He wants to call back, beg him to stay and tell him more about the future.
He reaches for him.
Kurt opens his eyes and realizes that he's in his own bed. His hand is still outstretched, reaching for something.
He shakes his head a little. He feels like he had a whopper of a dream and he closes his eyes, trying to remember. It's like trying to hold water in your hands, the details, the everything trickling out.
He does know, that there's a feeling in his stomach. A fluttery, happy feeling that definitely wasn't there when he came home. His eyes, for a moment, land on the bathroom and he remembers what he'd been thinking about doing.
He shakes his head. How could he even have considered it? Hummels do NOT quit and they don't let anyone make them feel bad about themselves. Plus, what it would have done to his father…
Who, if the footsteps upstairs are any indication, is finally home. Kurt darts upstairs to greet him. He's digging around in the refrigerator, looking for a beer or something. When he stands up, he's caught by surprise when Kurt suddenly flings his arms around his neck.
"Er, hi to you too, son."
"Sorry," Kurt pulls back. "I just…I missed you today, is all."
Burt smiles and ruffles his hair (and Kurt lets it go because that same fluttery knowing feeling is there and he knows it has to mean something).
"Are you hungry? I can start dinner."
"Sure, kid. You know," Burt continues, raising his voice as he walks into the living room, "I got a letter in the mail from your school. Something about a parent's night. I figure I'd go and check it out."
Parent's night…something in Kurt's mind flickers. This is important, he knows it is.
"Okay," Kurt calls back. "I'll go with you. Got to make sure you stay away from the generic foods!"
Burt grumbles something and Kurt turns to the stove with a smile on his face.
It's going to get better; He's not sure how he knows but he does. He just has to wait for it.
AN- Kurt. Kurt. You don't even know. How much better.