Puck pulled Artie away from the shots and toward the table. Kurt might have been concerned, but he was too drunk to care.
Kurt helped himself to an cosmopolitan as the other two disappeared, partly because he was sick of the burn of the shots and partly because he wanted to feel like Carrie Bradshaw.
As he finished the drink, he noticed that Brian and his friend now seemed to be sitting at the bar with two entirely new guys, and they were clearly flirting.
"Oh god, don't tell me you're a weepy drunk." Puck was back.
"I am not weepy!" Kurt said a little too loudly.
"Thank god, I couldn't handle it if you were Santana."
"You know, sometime if you leave off the aaaaaaa her name sounds like Satan!" Kurt giggled at his own joke. Puck leaned down like a kid telling a secret.
"I bet Artie thinks she's Satan." They both laughed a little histerically, and Kurt hiccupped halfway through, which only made Puck laughed harder.
When they stopped to catch their breath, Brian's voice came floating back from other side of the bar.
"Yeah, so call me sometime?"
Kurt turned to Puck.
"I swear to god, princess if you start crying now…"
"He wanted me to call him!"
"He's broadening his horizons. Or practicing, or something, I don't know. You can still call him if you want to, jeez."
"Well now I don't want to!" Kurt seemed slightly hysterical. "I'm just another one on a list!"
"Ok, you're getting upset and I'm not good at that. But I'm good at drunk, so why don't you drink more?"
"No! I don't want to drink more."
"Yes you do."
"No I don't."
"Yes you do."
"No I don't!"
"Are you sure about that?"
"No." For some reason, that made Kurt look sad again. Puck picked up the glass on the bar, and finished Kurt's cosmopolitan.
"Hey! That was mine!'
"Come one, let's get you over here to do body shots."
"I don't want to do body shots. I just want Brian to not be a douche bag."
"Yeah, well even I don't have that kind of magic." Puck pulled started pulling Kurt through the crowd around the body shots table. "I can get you booze though, and that's probably good for something."
"Where'd Artie go?"
"Oh, he's who you're going to do body shots off of. Didn't you notice us getting ready?"
"No? Well I guess I saw you leave…maybe. But…." Kurt looked up at Puck. "I don't want to lick Artie though."
"Sure you do!" Puck pushed someone out of the way.
"No, I don't think I do."
"Well, look at it this way. At least he's not wearing a sweater vest."
With that, Puck shoved Kurt forward and up the table bearing Artie.
There seemed to be a crowd around Artie, and people were cheering for him.
"How're the shots going?"
"Fine. How's you ass?" Artie was practically yelling, although he didn't seem to realize it.
"I said don't talk about that any more. I'm pretty sure Puck wants me to do a body shot, but I don't know how. All I know is that I'm supposed to lick at salt like some kind of llama."
"Ahhh, you never done a body shot before?" The bartender popped up like a jack-in-the-box with a bottle of tequila in his hand. "Don't worry about it. Here's what your going to have to do; first you would lick, or you know wet down, where you wanted the salt, but you've been here for a couple of shots already so that'll be alright."
"Oh god, other people have slobbered on you!"
"Thanks for that reminder!" Artie still seemed to be talking louder than he thought he was talking.
"AFTER THAT, I'll pour a bit of this tequila into his belly button for you to drink. His looks kind of wonky for some reason, but no one else has had a problem. So, first you lick the salt, then you drink the tequila, then you come up here and take the lime out of his mouth."
Kurt turned his best pair of puppy dog eyes around at Puck, who made a little 'go on' hand motion at him, then stole someone else's drink.
"Go ahead dude. Lick it up!'
"Ugh, that line was about vomit!" Kurt moaned one last time before he did what the bartender said, and licked a line of salt of Artie's chest.
The crowd behind him cheered, and didn't seem to noticed that Kurt barely got any liquid on his tongue. He stood up, and someone behind him started chanting 'Lime! Lime! Lime!'
Kurt leaned forward to grab the Lime that Artie held between his teeth, but at that moment, someone shoved someone else, who bumped someone, who ricocheted off the table and into Kurt's back.
Already quite tipsy, Kurt fell forward and suddenly his tongue wasn't on the lime any more. He was kissing Artie, or making out with Artie really, since his tongue had slide right into the other boy's mouth with the lime caught between them awkwardly. In surprise, and probably the taste of sourness, Artie puckered up.
Kurt was a little dizzy anyway, so it took him a long time to stand up properly. Artie looked up from him on the table with wide eyes, and for a moment nothing happened. Then someone in the crowd yelled.
"Get it in Wheels!"
This time it was definitely Puck.
The laughter of the crowd was cut by two simultaneous and very loud "SHUT UPs."
A/N: This did end up being a bare bones mash up for both my ideas, but the more the merrier. The next part will be the wheepy drunken sleep over confessions section. I'm having too much fun with it.