Disclaimer: I own nothing. All belongs to Glee writers and creators.
A/N: I forgot about this one, ha.
Canon: through 2x20 "Prom Queen"
For once in the glee club (well, technically in the Lima Bean, but the location wasn't truly that important), there was a semblance of peace. The disaster that was prom somehow knit the group tighter than ever (well, except for Finn and Quinn), and they were all (except for Finn and Quinn) enjoying a round of coffees at the aforementioned coffee place with Blaine Anderson, who had recently informed the club of his indecision in whether or not to transfer, and not only to be nearer to his boyfriend.
There was hesitance in the group. Not because they didn't all like Blaine well enough, but because…well, let's face it. New Directions had a few skeletons in the closet, and though Blaine may have heard about most of it through Kurt, there were some things you only learned through—
"Quinn? How lovely of you to join us! We were just having a lu—"
"Cut the crap, Berry," the furious hazel-eyed blonde snarled down at the brunette tucked under Sam's friendly arm. "How many times do we have to go over this? Finn is my boyfriend, which means you keep your grabby paws off."
Rachel's jaw dropped indignantly. "I haven't put a 'paw', as you so crudely put it, on him since the prom, and that was merely to pry him off of my date, if you recall!"
"Oh, I remember your little scheme incredibly well," Quinn spat right back.
"My scheme? Excuse me, but I was the one minding my own business and having a pleasant evening on my group date before yours rudely interrupted it!"
"Don't pretend like you didn't bring Jesse St. Asshole just to piss Finn off! You knew—"
Rachel abruptly shot to her feet. "Do not call my friend an asshole!"
"Don't tell me what to do, you little dwarf!" Quinn seethed, directly in the brunette's face.
"Because that insult never gets old!"
"Neither do you, apparently. I think I saw you wearing that sweater back in the third grade."
"You know, Quinn, every single time I believe we've made progress in our relationship, you drag us back fifty steps almost the very next day, and I am sick of it!"
"Yeah? What are you gonna do? Storm out?"
Rachel pushed past Quinn to do just that, and the blonde was hot on her heels in seconds.
"Oh, seriously? That's really mature, Rachel."
The bell rang and silence fell as the two exited the cafe, leaving the New Directions to shake their heads and sigh while Blaine's brow crinkled.
"Uh…am I the only one confused?" he asked when no words were spoken.
"Yes," Puck offered helpfully.
The Dalton boy frowned. "Weren't they friends after the prom? I thought Rachel drove her home and all."
"Rachel and Quinn have a…complicated relationship," Mercedes said.
"It's hard to explain," Tina added.
"Extremely. I tried to tell my grandma, but I got to the pornographic drawings and she just kind of wouldn't move past that," Artie said, shrugging.
Blaine looked so confused that even Santana couldn't stand it anymore. She leaned her elbows on the table, grabbing his attention, and said, "Let me break it down for you, Blaine."
They all watched in consternation as she stood, straightening her clothing and stroking down her hair until it was perfectly flat, and then she adopted a loud, gasping voice as she pressed her hands against her chest, "'Oh, Quinn, I…couldn't help but notice how…beautiful your nose is. And…even though I'm a spunky, talented underdog with no sense of fashion, I can't help but notice how…lovely you look in that Cheerios uniform. Maybe…'" She broke off with a pained sigh.
And then Brittany startled them all when she stood and said, hope in her voice, "'Yes?'"
Santana whipped around to face her, smirking briefly before turning serious again, blurting out, "'Maybe…I should…date your boyfriend.'" She lowered her face in shame, turning away from Brittany again.
The blonde shoved her chair back and stormed over to Santana, growling in a surprisingly accurate tone, "'No. You can't date anyone.'"
Santana turned again, grinning almost delightedly as she gasped, "'Quinn! You're so…demanding.'" She bit her lip, then abruptly folded her arms with a frown. "'I mean! You can't tell me what to do!'"
Brittany smirked. "'I don't have to. I'll put you so far down on the food chain you'll have no choice but to…'" And then she turned away.
Santana clasped her hands together, whispering, "'Yes?'"
"'I can't. These feelings are wrong. And…'"
Brittany turned back to her. "'I'm pregnant.'"
Santana let out a horrendously large gasp that had even the baristas staring at her, half-sobbing out, "'Then there's nothing for it. I have to date your boyfriend. It's the closest I can ever come to…'"
"'Yes?'" Brittany asked hopefully, eyes wide and sparkling.
She held herself, turning away yet again. "'Nothing.'"
Her head dropped. "'Then there's nothing left for me, either. All I have is to argue with you just to get your attention. And the one, shining moment in my life will be that beautiful, shining crown. Before you leave me here in my miserable life in this crappy town.'" The blonde's fake-sob was so convincing that Mike nearly got up to hug her, but Santana whipped around hastily, stepping close.
"'But Quinn. You're…you're worth so much more. If I could only tell you how much…'"
She bit her lip, and Brittany raised her head, eyes wide and sparkling again.
Santana shifted closer. "'I…'"
Brittany mimicked the movement, hands clasped together. "'Yes?'"
Before any of them could react, Santana had grabbed Brittany's shoulders and then dipped her down toward the floor, planting a big, sloppy kiss on her lips. Puck tried to stand up to see better, but Lauren hit him in the shoulder. Finally, the two rose up, gasping for air, and Santana brushed her shoulder off before seating herself with Brittany.
"And that's the gist of Quinn and Rachel."
Blaine blinked. "Not to sound hypocritical or anything, but that got really…gay."
The New Directions members exchanged exasperated glances and said, almost in unison, "We know."