A/N: Uh...Happy 4th of July? Yeah, totally appropriate, this. _

I don't know why, but this came to me clear as a bell in the shower this morning, and I wrote it immediately. I've been trying to think of something I could use for Mordecai/Rigby for forever. I've read a lot of the fics, but they all seem to miss a pretty obvious way for sex to happen and dodge around it on account of bird anatomy (I'm surprised, by the way, that all Regular Show fans seem to be bird experts). So, here's an angry sex plot to illustrate my hypothesis on it all, though I don't really ship them. A/N

...

Mordecai and Rigby shoveled down food at the breakfast table. Within seconds, Mordecai had wolfed his entire bowl of cereal and guzzled his orange juice, meanwhile Rigby was only halfway though his bowl.

"Ha-HA..! I win breakfast," announced Mordecai, leaning back to kick his feet up, "Come on, slow poke, could you poke your food any slower?"

"Rrrrrr!" steamed Rigby, his spoon snapping in his fist.

Outside, Mordecai and Rigby knelt in the walkway, playing with mini racer cars as they ignored the bags and rakes that had been provided for their chores. As the toys zoomed around their little track, the blue car suddenly expelled a spring loaded boot and punted the red car off the course. Rigby watched in dismay as it sailed through the air and landed, plunk, in a fountain. As it crackled, shorting out and sending several birds packing, he hung his head sadly.

"Ha!" gloated Mordecai, pointing a finger in his face, "I win mini racers! What's the matter, not lame enough for you?"

"Rrrrrrrr!" shook Rigby. His controller disintegrated in his grip.

After being yelled at, Mordecai and Rigby raked leaves. They raced to see who could make an awesome jumping pile first.

"Oh, Rigby, looky looky..!" a sing-song taunt floated from across the lawn. Cringing, Rigby looked.

"Behold, the most awesomely awesome pile of leaves ever assembled!" Mordecai presented proudly. Indeed, his pile stretched high and wide, a behemoth of pile-kind. Rigby glanced to his tiny pile he had amassed. It was half the height he was. His brow furrowed and his lip trembled.

"I believe this means I win," beamed Mordecai, "Boy, you really suck today. And before you ask, no; you can't jump in my leaves."

"Rrrrrrrrrrrrrr!" Rigby growled, turning red.

The two sat on the sofa inside the park house playing video games. Mordecai sat bored, tapping his controller with barely focused eyes while Rigby jumped all over his side of the couch, yelling at the TV screen.

"Player Two, has, died of…pneumonia." spoke the game.

"Oh look, I won again," stated Mordecai, "Jeez, y'know, this is actually getting kind of boring, whupping you at everything."

"Grrrr, stupid 'Michigan Trailblazers'!" shouted Rigby, and threw the controller on the floor a little too hard. It busted.

"Hey, dude! Not cool! That's like, the only other controller!" Mordecai chastised.

"Quit yellin' at me!" yelled Rigby, snapping.

"Bring it." returned Mordecai. In another instant they were at each other's throats.

"Alright, alright, I give! Uncle already! Uncle!" groused Rigby, pinned by Mordecai in the middle of a fairly destroyed living room.

Mordecai released his hold on Rigby, letting him sit up. They sat on the floor, sending sour looks at each other as Rigby dusted himself off. There was a silence, and then Rigby launched himself at Mordecai with a screech.

Mordecai punched him down mid-flight.

Rigby sat up stiffly. "RRRRRRR!" he burst, "That's it! I've had it. Upstairs! Now!"

Mordecai was taken aback. "Aww, what? You don't wanna-"

"I said upstairs now!"

Mordecai huffed, but stood to follow the eagerly scampering Rigby, who scurried impatiently back and forth at the top of the steps, waiting. When Mordecai got there, Rigby seized him by the wrist, yanked him into their room and shoved him onto the bed in one motion, then pouncing on top of him hungrily on all fours.

Mordecai protested, "Dude, seriously, it's the middle of the day; someone might come looking for us..!"

"I don't care. I need to beat you at something, and this is what I'm good at."

"Um, only 'cuz you're the guy with the penis..! And besides, I don't think you can really win at-"

"Just let me have this, ok?" Rigby said flatly, "And start me already."

"Yeah yeah." Mordecai gave in with a sigh and moved a large hand to Rigby's crotch, middle finger teasing his entrance while the heel massaged the front area, trying to entice Rigby's member into making an appearance.

Rigby instantly melted, rocking into the hand as he let out some kind of animalistic purr. His ears laid back and his eyelids drooped. Instinctively he reached and kissed the beak in front of him, wasting no time in turning the kiss more French than the Eiffel Tower.

Already, Rigby's member poked through his fur and into Mordecai's ready palm. Mordecai switched tactics and fisted the awaiting, mostly limp thing, beginning to pump and work it in his hand. Rigby let out a moan of approval.

Not wasting a second after this, Rigby broke off the kiss and instead placed two of his fingers in his mouth. He suckled them hard, making sure to coat them well before removing them and venturing one toward the single hole that waited in Mordecai's nether regions. He played his finger around the edge of the cloaca to get Mordecai stimulated.

"Uhh..!" rasped Mordecai, pressing back into the mattress. Clearly it was working. He dipped the tip of the intruding finger in and out, worming his way forward with each thrust.

"Aww, yeah dude...right there. Fffff-!"

Rigby had crooked his embedded finger, gaining one priceless bug-eyed expression and some serious pleasure writhing from Mordecai. Rigby would've stopped to gloat, but he noticed it caused a distinct lack of action in his own southern extremities.

"Hey, hey, you're slackin' off down there..!" he warned, "I can't do ya if I'm only half up..!"

"Ugh, you try givin' hand jobs with a finger up your butt...ngyaa!" bit back Mordecai, but another wiggle from his intruder cut off his retort.

Annoyed because he knew Rigby was teasing him, and because he couldn't help but want more, Mordecai settled for shooting Rigby a dirty glare before resuming his pumping duties. Rigby squirmed elatedly as Mordecai's huge, warm hand groped his entirety. In return for this, he slipped his other wetted finger into place beside the first.

Mordecai shuddered. His eyes slid shut as Rigby then started to thrust with BOTH fingers curling in rhythm. He panted, feeling the heat within him rise. The beginnings of sweat appeared on his feathers.

"Oh...oh man...yes, keep doing that. Oh dude."

Rigby grew hard listening to Mordecai's pleas. Of course, the visual wasn't bad either. At last he informed, "Alright dude, that's enough. I'm ready for some hardcore lovin'." He rubbed his hands together with glee.

Glad to be done with it, Mordecai released Rigby's member and settled back in readiness.

He didn't have to wait long. Rigby crouched on all fours over Mordecai, barely any space between them. The look in his eye was devilishly primal as he prepped for entry.

He thrust gently forward a few times, just enough for his tip to enter Mordecai and get him loose. Mordecai groaned breathily; his wings drifted lazily to drape around Rigby's neck. Rigby took that as a sign for the go-ahead and, without ceremony, pushed in deeper, deeper, each forward motion bringing him another inch into warm and welcoming territory.

Mordecai's head rolled to and fro with each pushing intrusion. The raw, intense movements sent his un-fully adjusted cloacal cavity tingling with feeling. And he loved it.

Fully engulfed, Rigby then took to thrusting properly: all the way in, all the way out. The first couple of them were slowed by friction, but Mordecai loosened rather quickly, his own pleasure still mounting.

"Hm! Hm! Hm! Hm! Hm!" Rigby let out a grunt with each forceful push. He grew faster and faster, his eyes glazing over in a blissful haze.

"Uhh..! Oh, that is it. Come on Rigby, faster!" gushed Mordecai, his fingers digging into Rigby's fur.

"Yeah, I know how you like it," smirked Rigby, "You like some of this! And some of this! And this! And especially HERE..." Here he made a sudden jab upwards.

"Gyaaaa!" Mordecai clutched Rigby's arms in his fists, his back arching suddenly.

"Oh god, oh yes! Don't stop, Rigby." he panted, "Right there. Hard. Fast. Now."

"Hm! Hm hm!" nodded Rigby triumphantly. He was so winning this.

Obliging to Mordecai's request, he then pulled back, bracing himself before rushing forward eagerly to hit that sweet spot like a jackhammer. In and out, in and out, as hard as he could. The sensation for both of them was ecstasy.

Mordecai's grip on Rigby's arms tightened as he threw his head back. Meanwhile Rigby took to licking at Mordecai's midsection, his passion growing along with his pleasure. In response, Mordecai made several throaty noises that were completely incoherent, but his hands said enough by moving to rub themselves over any inch of Rigby's body they could touch.

They both were sweating clearly now, their mixed moans ringing throughout the room. Words could no longer be formed with their throes of bliss approaching their apex.

Their eyes met, and with a shared nod of understanding they prepared to come. Rigby slowed his pace and concentrated on hitting Mordecai's sweet spot directly. Mordecai clenched his muscles around Rigby to give him more friction. The heat within them spilled over.

"Oh...oh...oooooohhhh!" the two called in unison. Their sperm mixed in a gooey mess inside Mordecai, spurting as it brought their highs to a cool down. Rigby pulled out once it stopped leaking.

Each of them then took a huge sigh and sank into the cushy embrace of the mattress.

Rigby rested for barely a moment before hopping up again, however, this time to perform a victory dance. "Oh yeah, who's the master? Who owns at bonin' Mordecai? This guy, that's who! Sha-bow! Uh! Uh! Uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh." He illustrated by making exaggerated pelvic thrusts to the air.

Mordecai sat up. "Dude, just because you have a dick doesn't mean you have to be a dick about it."

"Ha ha, clev-er. But I've got more than enough dick for the both of us. Ooooh!"

"Shut up. It's not even that big."

"At least it's there, isn't it?"

Mordecai made a disgruntled sound and slumped, head dropping into his open palm in a sulky manner.

Rigby stepped over and gave him a friendly bump on the shoulder. "Awww, come on man, you know I'm just kidding. I really needed that just now, so thanks for lettin' me." He wrapped an arm around Mordecai and poked his free hand playfully into his side. "Who loves ya? Come ooon, who loves ya? Who?"

Mordecai couldn't help but smirk a little. "You do..."

"Ya got that right. Now come on, maybe if you're nice to me I'll let you beat me in a game of not-doin'-our-chores ping pong after we clean this gunk up." He hopped off the bed and started for the door, fiddling with some goo between his fingers.

"Pch. Like I need any help in beating you." He got up to join Rigby in leaving. "Oh, but seriously, if you ever tell anyone I bottom for you, you are so dead."

"Yeah yeah, whatever. As if they couldn't figure it out."

A swift kick was delivered to his posterior. "Ow!"