Disclaimer: I own nada and make nada.
Author's Rant: Sorry for the wait sweeties. It seems a lot of you were waiting for Kuwabara's response so without further ado let's see what the cute carrot top has to say to Yoko's insults/rape interests. I realllly hope you like it. Please excuse grammar mistakes. ^_^
Warning: Rated T for a very pissed off Kazuma.
Dear Yucky, Disgusting, Creepy, Have-You-Lost-Your-Mind, Nasty, Sexual Maniac, Fox Thing
When a person gets a letter in his mailbox—especially a fifteen year old man—the last thing he expects to get is…is…What in the seven rings of hell was that? A grossed out message pretty much saying YOU WANT ME to kick your ass after school! You want to do WHAT with my WHAT and tear it open with WHAT?
My mouth hit the ground so many times, I think I lost a tooth.
Oh excuse me if I'm the ugliest thing next to creation. So you're just going to settle with raping me like it's no big deal?
What…the…hell…? Do you think I'm some big stupid bully who doesn't know how to interpret big fancy words for raping my asshole? YUCK, YUCK, YUCK, YUCK, YUCK! How can you live with yourself? What you go around picking out random guys and say they're too ugly to rape but you're going to do it anyway because you're bored? Agh what an asshole.
I don't like you either you stupid jerk! And what freaking beauty are you talking about? You look like some big eared weirdo out to eat kitties. Man I gotta buy the same mirror you have.
Oh yea and thanks a lot for calling me all types of ugly in twenty different languages you Ass Wipe. Yea that's doing wonders for a teenager's self-esteem. Thanks for that. (That's a little something called sarcasm, do you understand that?) *Pulls out thesaurus* Here, Shizuru gave me this big book after she finished reading your letter
….I couldn't understand why the hell she was laughing so hard. She kept saying she had to go to the store to buy some Vaseline because I was going to need it and to relax when you showed up. But hell I didn't know you were even coming until AFTER she threw the letter at me and left laughing like the stupid witch she is. Now thanks to you my own sister thinks I'm a super swirl.
I can't believe you had the nerve to say you're what? *Peeks at rape letter again* you're saddened because you have to resort to using my precious ass as a substitute? Well what about me? You called me a goddamn zombie and what, I'm supposed to feel overjoyed with gay happiness that you choose me DEAD LAST to be your rape puppy? Ewwwwwww you're so gross! I don't want to be your rape puppy! I don't want to do a freaky fox! I'm not into beasties! Ugh Man I swear go fuck yourself.
You're so sick and nasty and gross and just plain wrong! I don't even like guys! I fucking hate Hiei's Shrimpy ass, I can't stand Urameshi and hell Kurama looks like a girl so I can live with him but you…. Wait… Hold on…YOU STUPID JERK! I DON'T LIKE GUYS! Are you stuck on stupid? What on earth made you even *pulls out big book again* Fa…fa…Fathom… that stupid idea?
Ya know what? No, no, wait I know what's wrong. You must've drank some more of Suzuka's magic swirly potion right? *Slaps self on forehead* Oh man now it makes perfect sense. The way he walked and talked and all that other shit just screamed C7AY. No wonder you're out looking for ripping everyone a new one. Ah man I swear I'm kicking his ass for this.
My life is officially over. Not only do I have to worry about graduating High School, but now I got some psycho demon molester out to take my manly virginity.
Oh my god—How and when did you grow the hairy balls to write me this nasty piece of crap?…ME? How could you send this to ME? The most homophobic man, on earth this kind of letter? You think I should be grateful you wanna rape me? Why? Why? Why? Why? Freaking Why? I don't want that nasty—what did you call it? Hell you gave it a million different names…whatever I just don't want it stuck between my ass cheeks.
My teacher always says that my bottom is made to excrete a human's wastes but YOU want to stick something forbidden inside.
*Begins to freak out looking nervously out window.* Oh man I don't want you to rape me! Why do you think I make sure to stay out of jail? If I wanted a man's dick shoved up my ass don't you think I'd be wearing my sister's hip huggers or some pretty red lip stick?
By the way you can get that weird idea out of your head because I'M NOT going to dress up like a woman but shoot dressing like a man doesn't seem to work either huh? *Sighs* I used to be a proud man but after reading this?...Man, all of my self-confidence is pretty much shot.
I mean I came home happy as ever because of I beat up most of that new gang from down town and when I open my mail box what do I get? A creeped out letter saying how ugly I am, how much you want to tear apart my asshole like it's the best thing next to a cheeseburger, my sister laughing her ass off and to add insult to injury…You tell me that when it's all over you're going to make me lay on the ground covered in blood, dirt, and tears….
I hate you…No seriously I mean it… I really, really hate you. I hate your face, I hate your fancy words for ugly rape, I hate that you made my sister laugh at me, I hate that you even wrote this crap and I hate that I'm going to have to move out of town to get away from your ass.
I just want to say if this was some kind of sick joke, you win. I'm officially scared shitless. I don't trust any of my friends. Because if you look like Kurama…most likely you'll come out of nowhere dressed like Urameshi and…Eww I'm already suspicious about him since he wanted to kiss me before.
So tough cookies you jerk. I'm not at home any more. I'm on my way to out of town for a few decades.
Yes I ran away from home because there's nothing there but a cackling witch he want shut her face about me giving you ass babies.
So you Rough Killer of the Anal Glories…I hate to break it to ya but my Monstrous Gorge is only for my Sweet Yukina to ravish.
Good luck finding another loser's ass to tear apart because mines isn't on the menu….Nasty creeper.
Signed The Man Who'll Come Back to Kick Your Ass Another Day to Save His Manly Virginity from Foxy Freaks Like You.
P.S. I took my cat with me. I know you have a taste for ANYTHING that moves since you're out raping kids you'll probably eat cats too…By the way...You're going jail.
P.S.S. I have the police on speed dial so don't even come looking for me.
TBC: Ooook I really hope you had a good laugh at this one. I know Kuwabara doesn't cuss that much so please bear with me. I'll be marking this as complete for now because I'm going to get to work on my first Kurama/Hiei romance story. I really hope you guys will be interested in reading it when I have it posted. ^_^