Monkey Fist cackled as he perused the small article on page six of the Middleton Daily. Nestled under a much larger article about a local dog show, the article would have been easy to miss had Monkey Fist not been looking for it. The headline was sweeter than candy, more delicious than the ripest banana:
Father-in-Law From Hell Launches Local Boy Into Space!
It was a beautiful article, although two paragraphs was a little paltry. Monkey Fist was surprised to feel a perverse conviction that, annoying as Stoppable could be, his ultimate foe deserved a little more than a couple of paragraphs in acknowledgment. Still, he had read the article several times already, and victory was sweeter each time. After he had gotten to James Possible, Monkey Fist had stayed in Middleton to make sure Stoppable truly was doomed – and for ease of gloating, of course. Now that his victory was assured, it was high time to return to the comfort of his English mansion.
One of his monkey minions tugged on the leg of his ninja tunic. "What is it, Crackers?" he asked.
The monkey pantomimed eating a banana.
"I'm afraid we must lay low until we escape from Middleton. Have patience, my monkey minion. Perhaps you should have thought about rationing the bananas we stole from the grocery store, as I suggested all of you do earlier."
The monkey scampered away after flashing a frown of disappointment. Monkey Fist sat up from the bed and walked over to the window, parting the blinds and peering out into the motel parking lot; no sign of Kim Possible, or anyone else, for that matter. A quiet evening. Although the blue night sky was still deepening its hue, it was dark enough to see the stars; a couple of them twinkled merrily as Monkey Fist watched. He wondered if one of them was the space capsule, holding a forlorn-looking Ron Stoppable as it made its lonely voyage into infinity.
Monkey Fist grew tired of the dusty parking lot view. He looked gleefully back down at the unfolded newspaper. The article had even spelled the boy's name incorrectly: Rod Sloptable. He couldn't get enough of his victory. Ever since Stoppable had gained new knowledge of his Mystical Monkey Powers after fighting the Lorwardians, supervillains had been hard pressed to put up any kind of serious fight against the dynamic duo, even with their attention taken up by college and their recent engagement.
Even in the supervillain world, word of Kim Possible and her foolish sidekick getting hitched was big news, partly because of the gossip factor, and partly because it was mind-boggling – to Monkey Fist, and everyone else in the evil biz whom he had shared a few words on the matter – that someone like Kim Possible would marry her henchman. Then again, Monkey Fist knew Ron Stoppable was no ordinary henchman, thanks to his undeserved Mystical Monkey Powers. As soon as he had heard they were getting married, he knew it was a good opportunity to take his archenemy by surprise.
And as much as he hated to admit it, Monkey Fist had known that Ron, with his increasing control over his monkey powers, was too dangerous to take down in a one-on-one fight - only because he had gotten so much help from that stupid Yamanouchi training school, of course, because otherwise the boy would have no chance. But still, it was best to take down Stoppable by using someone close to him. Monkey Fist had formed a plan and pulled it off perfectly. Although he hadn't really expected the whole 'launching Ron into space' thing.
"Very well, Crackers," he said as he turned away from the window and placed his newspaper on an end table beside the bed, "gather the rest of the minions! It is time for us to return to England. Perhaps we will find some snacks at a gas station on the way to the-"
Monkey Fist stopped dead in his tracks. Crackers was nowhere to be seen. Probably in the bathroom, playing with the bath faucet with the other monkeys, who seemed to be enthralled by the device for some reason. Instead, he seemed to have gotten an uninvited motel room guest.
"That's right, Monkey Fist!"
Kim Possible stood smirking in the center of the room. She crossed her arms triumphantly as he gaped in shock. "How did you get in? Is there some motel air vent of which I was unaware?"
"Um, no? I walked through the front door. You were so busy staring at that newspaper you didn't even notice. I've been here for about thirty seconds, waiting for you to get a clue."
Monkey Fist grumbled angrily. Good-for-nothing monkey minions. Sometimes he wondered if hours of intensive training made any difference at all, besides making them better at opening refrigerator doors. "So," he said, his irritation giving way to anticipation, "you're here to see if I can hit you hard enough to send you into space with your boyfriend, are you?"
"Fiancé!" snapped Kim. "And he would be my husband if not for your little interruption!"
"How exactly did you discover my involvement?"
"One of your monkey minions came back to steal something from the fridge."
Monkey Fist slapped a hand to his forehead. Sometimes he wondered why he had gone with the whole simian thing in the first place, but it was far too late to reinvent his supervillain image. What else would he be, anyway – Lemur Fist? No, no, he thought, that's not even all that different, really, still a primate...
"Stopping me won't get your boyfriend back from space," Monkey Fist pointed out, still secure in his victory. "Stoppable has taken a one way trip to a galaxy far, far away, and there's nothing you can do about it! Aaahahaha! You'll never find the antidote to the hypnoserum my monkey minion slipped into James Possible's-"
"It wore off," said Kim. "He's back to normal now."
Monkey Fist was about to leap into action, deciding the time for chitchat was through, when a blinding light suddenly flooded through the motel room window. Squealing tires rent the still air outside, and he jumped in shock as a hole suddenly blew through the motel room's roof in a shower of plaster. A uniformed figure rappelled down on a line, then another. The door burst open, sending still more figures pouring in. Although Monkey Fist didn't often deal with the group, he still recognized them by their uniforms as Global Justice goons.
"I thought I'd invite a few friends," said Kim. "Hope you don't mind."
Monkey Fist growled in frustration as a few of his monkey minions poked their damp heads out from the bathroom door to see what all the commotion was about. Clearly, they weren't very interested in putting up a fight. Although he hated losing, he was smart enough to know when the jig was up. Sometimes he wished he could resist hanging around the scene of a crime to gloat. He sighed as the GJ agents warily approached him. Foiled by a teenager, once again.
"Could I at least take my newspaper with me?"
The earth was a pale blue dot. Sort of.
Maybe it was bigger than a dot, now that Ron looked at it through the little round window of his space craft, but it seemed tiny, like an afterthought. Complete terror had enveloped Ron soon after the rocket began taking off, but that emotion had soon been replaced by others. Confusion and fear as parts of the rocket broke off in space, until Ron realized it had been designed to do that, leaving him in some kind of smaller pod-like vessel. A few moments of mesmerized awe as the earth took shape outside his window, changing from a rapidly diminishing cloud-covered landscape into a coherent sphere. But then, it got smaller.
And smaller. And smaller.
He had been mesmerized all over again when the spacecraft passed the moon – it was so large, Ron briefly wondered if Mr. Dr. P. had programmed him to crash right into it. At least he'd have an interesting view before the end. But no, his interstellar ferry floated calmly past, out into the vast blackness of space. As he went on, Ron's awestruck wonder dissipated - but instead of terror, melancholy seemed to have overcome all his other emotions.
"Well, Ron man," he told himself, "looks like this is the end of the line."
And now he was talking to himself. Definitely the first signs of the space madness.
His little spacecraft was cramped. Other than looking out the one window, there wasn't much to do, either. Being weightless and bouncing gently off the walls had been fun for a little while, but there was only so much bouncing a person could do before they were totally bounced out. Pressing buttons, flipping switches, and pulling levers did nothing; Mr. Dr. P. had definitely disabled the system. Even if Ron had any control, knowing his luck, he'd probably send himself shooting out into the starlit vacuum through some trick hatch he hadn't noticed, or just disable his air supply.
Speaking of which, Ron wondered, how much air do I have left? Maybe I should take tiny breaths.
The air supply wasn't the only problem; Ron was worried about his food situation, too. He knew that was probably the least of his worries, but his stomach had been grumbling about five minutes past the moon. Oh, the things he would do for a Naco! Just one - even if the capsule was zero-gravity and the Naco would probably just end up falling apart in a big mess when he tried to bite it. He knew Rufus would understand, if only his pet mole rat was around. Rufus, he thought wistfully. He'd never talk to that little dude again.
And he'd never see Kim again, either.
He already felt the sharp pang of her absence. Maybe if they had just gone to the wedding without getting caught up in their romantic bedroom shenanigans. Maybe if Mr. Dr. P. had gotten a little more sleep. Or maybe it was the tweebs who did something to set him off – but that didn't matter now, anyway. What mattered was Kim. And there was no way she could save him from this. There was nothing she could do. It was impossible. He was doomed, doomed to waste away in the depths of-
Ron! You're saved!
The voice crackled over the speaker system. Ron looked hesitantly around at the walls, as if he might see the owner of the voice. "Kim?" he asked. "Is that you?"
Yes, it's me, Ron! And dad's with me, too.
Ground Control to Major Stoppable! said a deeper male voice. Get it, Ronald?
Ronald didn't get it. What was more, it was a little weird hearing the man who had sent him on a one-way trip to eventual space-induced asphyxiation on the intercom, laughing like it was no big deal. "Um, KP," he said nervously, "your dad was the one who sent me into space. That's where we went in the car – to the Middleton Space Center."
Yes, my mistake! came Mr. Dr. P.'s chuckling voice. Sorry about stuffing you into a rocket – talk about embarrassing, right? I was under the influence of a drug in my coffee, you see.
Ron pondered the explanation. A coffee drug? Wasn't coffee a drug itself? It took a few moments for his suspicion to die down, but he couldn't help nodding as he thought about it – the explanation definitely made more sense than Mr. Dr. P. getting angry over a few kisses with his daughter. Even if maybe there had been some hands in delicate places, too.
"What kind of drug?" he asked.
Monkey Fist sent one of his monkey ninjas to slip a hypnoserum into dad's coffee, explained Kim. He thought the best way to get you was to slip dad the drug, call him on the phone, and give him an order to eliminate both of us – the wedding was the ideal time to catch us off guard.
Mr. Dr. P.'s voice cut in. You two were actually very lucky I caught you in bed, he said. I had a knife in my belt, but when I saw what you two were up to, I guess the drug kicked my paternal instincts into overdrive and I dragged you off to the Space Center so I could send you into a black hole!
The voice over the intercom chuckled good-naturedly. Ron didn't see what was so funny, but he forced a nervous laugh out. "Yeah, that's good," he said. "Good you didn't get stabby on us."
It sure is, Ronald! Can't have a wedding if my son-in-law is stabbed or in a black hole, now can we?
"I guess not."
Unfortunately, there's no way to reroute the spacecraft back to earth. Tough break, Ronald.
Ron felt his panic rising again.
Just kidding! We're bringing you home right now!
Although Mr. Dr. P.'s voice broke into a bout of boisterous laughter, Ron noticed that Kim wasn't joining in. At least she realized how unfunny the situation was! Her father's sense of humor was definitely more morbid than he had realized – but at least this whole wrongsick mess had been cleared up. He'd have to give Monkey Fist a piece of his mind once his simian foe inevitably broke out of prison, but for now, he was happy to wait by the little round viewing window and wait for planet earth to come back into sight.
Hopefully, in just a few hours at most, Ron would be at the church with Kim and their families, exchanging vows and eating what remained of the wedding cake. He couldn't wait to say I do, with hiseyes on the future and feet planted firmly on the ground.
"You may now kiss the bride!"
Rabbi Katz didn't have to tell him twice, but Kim was on him before he could even react. The two of them embraced each other to the sound of applause and a few wolf whistles as they enjoyed the greatest kiss Ron had ever experienced - and with Kim Possible for a girlfriend, he had enjoyed more than a few of those. Ron could almost feel his joy mingling with Kim as the two of them held each other. This was the life. Much like in space, though, air was becoming a problem, and eventually they had to let go.
That was it. Kim and Ron, husband and wife.
Ron turned to shake Rabbi Katz's hand. The two of them had gotten married in a church that Kim and her family attended from time to time, but the Possibles had been fine with Ron inviting his Rabbi to do the honors. It was a bit of an eclectic ceremony, and – to be honest – done mostly for the sake of Kim and Ron's families, as Ron knew he and Kim would be happy with pretty much anything. During some of their preparations, Kim had even joked about eloping to avoid all the hassle. Maybe getting married during a mission, she had suggested. Ron would have enjoyed anything that ended in being husband to Kim Possible, but the ceremony had definitely been worth the trouble - even with minor space-bound delays. Judging by Kim's expression, he could tell she agreed.
"Thanks, Mr. B!"
Ron shook Mr. Barkin's hand as he and Kim made their way from the altar and began to mingle with their families, friends, and other invited guests. Mr. Barkin, although he was no longer their teacher, had kept in touch after they went off to college, and they were happy to invite him to the wedding.
"Do you see them anywhere?" asked Kim as they accepted a few more handshakes.
"I don't think so," said Ron, knowing she was talking about Shego and Drakken. "The only green woman I see is Aunt Harriet. Looks like she had one too many cocktails from the way she's leaning into that rubber tree plant."
Ron pointed to the aunt in question, making his wife grimace a little. He definitely didn't see their former foes around. Making a decision on whether or not to invite them had been tough, but seeing as both Shego and Drakken seemed to be turning towards the side of good lately, he and Kim had decided to extend a hand in case it helped encourage their former foes' good behavior after the Lorwardians.
But apparently their old enemies were a bit antsy about going to the wedding of their former teen arch nemesis and sidekick. Ron couldn't really blame them. The thought of a Drakken and Shego wedding, whether or not Ron and Kim actually got invited to it, was enough to make him feel a bit like Aunt Harriet over by the potted plants.
Just for a moment, the sight of James Possible made Ron flinch, but he immediately felt a little guilty about it. Kim's dad hadn't been in his right mind, after all. And Ron was now back on terra firma, all terror firmly in the past. His new father-in-law was just here to share in his rejoicing - that was all!
"Hey, Mr. Dr. P!"
"How does being a married man feel?"
"Pretty much the same as it felt being a bachelor, I guess?"
"Wait until a few years kicks in, Ronald. Then it'll start sinking in."
Mr. Dr. P. was probably kidding, but judging by the severe look Mrs. Dr. P. flashed him, Ron got the impression Kim's dad hadn't chosen the greatest moment to crack a joke. James laughed nervously as he gave his wife a pat on the back. "I see your bow tie is holding up," he remarked to Ron.
Ron looked down at his bow tie. His own father had tried to help him out, but – as it turned out – Dean Stoppable was no better than his son at figuring out how to tie something he hadn't worn in decades. It was like the bow tie to end all bow ties. Fortunately, Kim's father had been able to lend a hand "Yeah, it's totally badical," he said. "Thanks a lot, Mr. Dr. P!"
"You're very welcome. By the way, I think you two still need to cut the first piece of cake."
Kim took her husband by the arm. "Come on - I think I see Rufus over there."
Ron followed his wife to the wedding cake, which was in the middle of the room, encircled by a ring of guests who had been waiting for the bride and groom to cut a first piece for themselves. Amazingly enough, Ron found Rufus standing on a nearby table with a toothy rodent smile, whiskers twitching – and cake untouched. He raised an eyebrow. Rufus raised one of own in reply, as if asking how Ron could be so rude as to even imply that his mole rat friend would lay a paw on their wedding cake before they did. Maybe the little guy had a point.
"Here you go," said Kim after cutting a piece and putting it on a paper plate. Before Ron could take it, however, Kim grabbed a handful of the piece and flung it at his face. Ron gaped at her, shocked, as the frosting slid down his cheeks. It took a moment to remember it was some kind of tradition. Wedding cake food fights? He was fine with that. Kim got a handful in her own face as payback. The crowd laughed at the sight, and Ron grabbed Kim to pull her into another kiss. This one was a little more cakey than the last, but it was just as perfect.
As the two of them parted and grabbed napkins, Ron caught a glimpse of Kim's father out of the corner of his eye. Despite having a napkin, he still had a lot of cake on his face, so it was hard to tell, but – if he wasn't imagining things – he could have sworn he saw Mr. Dr. P. holding up a pair of fingers and pointing first at his own eyes, then at Ron. As if he was making a silent statement.
I'm watching you, Stoppable. And I've got more space ships, too.
Maybe Ron was imagining things, or it was just another one of Mr. Dr. P.'s awkward jokes. Or maybe Monkey Fist's hypnoserum hadn't quite worked its way out of Kim's dad's system yet. He gulped as a strangely familiar sensation of weightlessness took hold of his stomach.
Probably just the lingering effects of his pre-wedding jitters.
Notes - That's it, hope you guys liked it!
For those of you who like K/R stuff and haven't read any of my stories before, I do have a few others that you might enjoy. A Little Lemon and A Date With Destiny are both one-shots with some K/R fluffiness going on, and in terms of longer stories, Back to School, Going Green and Just a Jock all feature K/R as well. Check those out if you are interested, and of course I enjoy reviews even on old stories. Thanks for reading!