Here it is. My next AMECAN fanfic. I know it was going to be called Murder Trap but as I read through just didn't fit. What with Mattie's condition and all. But don't worry, there will be plenty of jealous!Mattie for all you darlings and your twisted little little minds.


Being told over and over to wait, to be patient, to just have faith; it's sickening and isn't fair at all. Being told to wait for his lover to call was not enough for young Mathieu Williams. Waiting alone on this dark night might be enough to make him finally snap. The way the wind howled and screamed through the trees reminded him of nails on chalk boards. Pouring rain slammed into the side of his suburban home, hissing for a way to get in but no finding any.

Mathieu sat curled up in the big Italian leather armchair in his dorms sitting area, clutching his phone to his chest. The only light in the room came from a crackling fire, illuminating Mattie's small form in white and pale yellow light. It reflected off his glasses and made his shivering porcelain skin sparkle, as if he was some sort of ethereal angel.

This wasn't the first time Mattie had been left waiting – sometime for hours – for Alfred to finally call him. He hadn't seen his American boyfriend since their last class session at World W Academy the week prior, but that was nothing out of the ordinary. Neither was it out of the ordinary that Alfred had immediately left for Britain with Arthur without telling he loved him of even goodbye.

Mathieu's body tightened when he remembered exactly where his lover was coming back from. And it wasn't fair. There wasn't even anything special about the English twat Arthur. He had enormous eyebrows, yells too much to be healthy, and couldn't cook to save his own life. Oh yes, his food was atrocious. And for a food-loving man like Alfred wanting to spend time with him…it wasn't normal. The break was only a month but it still hurt to be left all alone like this. Turning his lavender gave to the fireplace, Mathieu gazed into the flames as if they held all the answers he needed.

'Doesn't he love me anymore?' Mattie wondered forlornly.

An ember jumped from the opening of the fireplace, glowing red-hot on the white linoleum tiling before it before quickly fizzling out into a black speck of nothing. The beautiful blonde Canadian felt bad for the ember. He knew how it felt to be rejected by the people he loves most and discarded as past garbage. Mathieu wasn't even sure he could feel anything else but sadness and rejection when he was alone. And without Alfred around his mind was a deep set tempest of negative thoughts and emotions that had the power to drag down even the happiest of people.

The bandages encircling his wrist proved that fact.

Mathieu coughed delicately and turned his gaze out the window. The sky seemed to be crying for him. The rain had no singular form and just seemed to fall in sheets before the wind would whip it up and paint the clouds with its essence. Even the full moon seemed to want to hide its face in shame or the way that the people it had to watch over were treating Mathieu.

'Great…now I'm personifying everything…' he thought with a soft sigh, shaking his head and looking down at his phone.

Clicking the lock on his phone off and looking down at its screen, Mathieu blankly checked for new messages. The little text message icon wasn't lit up, neither was the one for missed calls or voicemails. Alfred hadn't even tried to contact him.

Just as the first pale fingers of sadness began a journey up to wrap around his neck Mathieu, his phone buzzed once to signal the presence of a new text message. Quickly hi opened it and read the first line.

Hey Mattie! Sry I'm late! QAQ

Mattie smiled fondly at the use of the emoticon. It was just like Al to use one. He went on to read the rest of the text.

Arthur's been pretty clingy. He never wants to be alone! And he's been so feisty too! Anyways, I don't know when I'll be back. Probably like a week before break is over. Isn't that like in 2 weeks? Haha I dunno! But I'll be back when I'm back. I 3 you! XOXO – Al

Mattie stared down at his phone in confusion, his delicate eyebrows furrowed together. Two weeks? He had to spend another two weeks without Alfred? That wasn't fair. The Canadian clenched his hands around his phone, trembling slightly with the tension inside his body. What did Arthur have that he didn't? Nothing. Not one fucking thing. But for some reason, some bizarre anomaly, Alfred wanted to spend more time with and old man like Arthur instead of his sweet, innocent lover Mathieu.

It didn't make any sense.

Mathieu let out a soft sigh and texted Alfred back. He needed to know what was going on.

But Al...That means I'll be alone for nearly 3 weeks... What could be so important that you'd just leave me hanging like this...? It isn't fair and I don't like it... And if I did something wrong...please tell me... don't just leave me all alone for nearly a month and expect it not to hurt me at all...

Lavender eyes watched as the text was sent, and instantly the little Canadian regretted it. Mathieu never wanted to be a bother to his brother. No, it just wasn't right. He was so sued to keeping everything bottled up and ignoring his sadness to keep Alfred happy. That's why he couldn't understand why he had just told Alfred how he felt. People were always telling him that he needed to open up more and show his feelings. That it would help him feel better. If that was true, why did he feeling like he had done something horribly wrong?

Mattie curled up closer into his leather armchair, coughing softly. His eyes screwed shut as that tiny little cough made a sharp pain go through his sternum. It had been months since he'd been diagnosed with Type 2 Brittle Asthma and it wasn't getting any better. He hadn't even had the chance to tell Alfred about it. The only other person who knew about it was Francis, his older brother, and he was also the only one who even seemed to care that he was sick.

The Frenchman would pop in at random times and cook for him. More often than not he had stories to tell Mathieu about his adventures with his friend Gilbert and Antonio. And he was adamant that, once Mathieu got the right set of medications to keep his illness in check, that he would introduce him to them. Mathieu loved hearing about Francis' adventures and was so thankful that he never once brought up Arthur. Mathieu knew that the Brit was a sore spot as well for Francis. It was comforting to know that someone was in the same place as he was for once.

Mathieu was pulled from his thoughts by the buzzing of his phone. He glanced down and read the message before his phone slipped from his hands and fell to the floor.

Sry Mattie! Too busy to text! There's some crazy shit going down! Love you and see you at home!

"Ah..." Mattie's hands went up to grip at his hair, tears filling his eyes and blurring everything around him. "Ahaha...he-he doesn't care... He doesn't care..."

A screeching laugh ripped through the air as Mattie felt his mind just absolutely snap. His lavender eyes were wide and unseeing through the salty tears pouring from them.

"Of course he didn't care. Why would he?" Mattie giggled mirthlessly, standing up from the chair and swaying slightly. "It's not like I'm in pain or anything." He tripped slightly as he took his first few steps, looking down to glare at his phone.

With a feral snarl he picked it up and threw it across the room, not caring that it hit the curtains instead of the intended window and didn't break. Mathieu was seeing red. Everything was tinged with blood in his vision and it just fuelled the fire in his soul and mind even more. He stumbled over to the pictures of him and Alfred on the mantel piece and swiped his hand through them. It was sickeningly satisfying to see his brother's face cracked in the picture frames. He picked each picture of Alfred out of their frames and tossed them into the fire.

His brother's smiling face deserved to burn for ignoring him so much.

Mathieu ignored the stinging pain as he walked over the shards left from the shattered picture frames and out the door, heading down the hallway to his bathroom. He had calmed considerably as he stepped into the pristine white room. His anger had chilled to a little buzz of aggravation, replaced mostly by a deep-set pain that had been there for a long time.

"So plain..." Mattie said softly and looked in the mirror. His hands searched the drawer under the sink as he studied his reflection. Lavender eyes traced over the gentle curve of his jaw and the way his full lips curved down slightly into a little pouts. His doe eyes were large and soft looking, even in the state of complete and utter pain. His hair was wavy and a soft shade of blonde, lightly framing his face with one absurd cowlick curling out from his part. Did Alfred just not find his innocent exterior to be beautiful anymore?

Looking down quickly as he found what he needed, Mathieu his medication up so he could look at it. The little yellow bottle was already half empty, showing just how bad his illness was getting. With a soft sigh, he popped it open and raised two pills to his mouth. But before he could, a spasm suddenly shook his body and he dropped all the pills on the ground.

"No!" Mathieu gasped one hand going to his chest as he fell to his knees, still gripping the edge of the sink with his other. The tantrum he'd had had been too much for his body to handle. He shouldn't have done it. And now he knew; he was paying the price.

Mathieu screamed silently as the pain got worse and worse, feeling his airways physically constrict more than usual as his heart worked in overdrive. An icy cold sweat broke out all over his body; his body trembling from the top of his head to the very tips over his toes. Colours danced in front of his eyes from the lack of oxygen in his body.

He was so scared.

He looked pleadingly up to the ceiling, praying to anyone who would listen to take this away. He didn't mean to have gotten out of control. It had just happened.

Please…please don't let me die! I'm sorry! I won't be selfish anymore and let Alfred do as he wishes! Mathieu sobbed silently. In his mind he could see flashes of the happier times between him and his brother.

The first was one of them as little kids; holding hands and running through a large field as they hid from Francis during a game of Hide-and-Seek. The second one was of them during their first day of middle school. Naturally, everyone had flocked to Alfred and his boisterous attitude. Mathieu was off to the side, holding his tiny pet polar bear, and looking down at his shoes sadly. The scene changed as a hand reached out to him in his memory, Mathieu looking up to see Alfred smiling. The final scene was of the month before everything had gone to hell. He and Alfred were curled up in bed together. The American was already asleep and Mathieu was just watching him with fond eyes.

"I love you…" he whispered in his memory.

As he finally gave up fighting the darkness off unconsciousness, Mathieu crumpled to the floor. His eyes focused just one more time, long enough to see his little polar bear pad into the room.

"Who?" Mr Kumajirou tilted his head to the side, walking over and nudging Mathieu with his paw.

Mathieu took in as large of a breath as he could to tell his little friend just who he needed before everything went black.


Sooo...what do you think? I like it. It's a good start for sure and is already turning out to be better then I Am Broken. But, since most people probably don't know much about Type 2 Brittle Asthma, I did a little bit of research. Thank Gott for Google. XD

Type 2 attacks come on very quickly without warning and often require emergency hospital admission and may lead to unconsciousness. Between attacks people can feel well controlled. It is equally common in both men and women. Possible trigger factors include inhalation of something that causes an allergic reaction.

I got this from on article on the severe & Brittle Asthma Unit - Birmingham Heartland Hospital webpage. See? I don't just write blind. ;)