Dear Marshall,

I'm back. Well, I guess I don't tell you that, because I highly doubt you'll ever read it because I'll end up feeling pathetic and will burn it. But still. Two letters, one day? Big deal. At least for me.

Anyway. I'm rambling again, sorry. Um…I just wanted to say that I know. I saw everything – the fancy wine, the dress clothes, the kiss.

But I'm trying not to think about it, because when I do I start getting all wimpy and teary and sniffly, and I've cried so much in the last 24 hours I don't even know what to do.

So I started thinking about us. And how special you are to me. And I kept coming back to that day in the gas station. Remember? You with the sucking chest wound, me playing doctor, and that shithead Horst whining in the background? I know, good times for all.

But in all seriousness. When I thought you were dying, I made up my mind, that if you went, so did I. Because we're partners, and we stick together.

I still remember the look on your face
Lit through the darkness at 1:58
The words that you whispered for just us to know
You told me you loved me so why did you go away, go away

At least, I thought we did. You said it that day, you know. You said, in your way, that you loved me. And I just didn't hear it. Because I wasn't ready to handle it. But that was the plan. Mary and Marshall, taking the world by the balls. Forever.

You are my best friend in the entire world. And I thought we were happy.

I do recall now the smell of the rain
Fresh on the pavement, I ran off the plane
That July 9th the beat of your heart
It jumps through your shirt, I can still feel your arms

When I got off the plane from that transport right after Horst – you know, when you were stuck on desk duty so I had to go to Tennessee all by myself – there was nothing I wanted more than time with you. To most people, that probably would have been a good hint, but we all know I'm a little slow sometimes. But back to the point.

I never told you, but that witness transport went even more sideways than the report said. There was a hailstorm of bullets, and several came insanely close to hitting me. And as I hid behind that wall, sheltering a witness that wasn't even mine, I couldn't help but think that I would give anything to get to see you one more time. Just one.

So when we landed in Albuquerque, I flew to you, and finally, everything felt right again.

I'm kind of wishing I had that feeling right now. But after tonight, I know it has to change.

But now I'll go sit on the floor wearing your clothes
All that I know is I don't know
How to be something you miss

We've been partners so long I don't even know where I stop and you start anymore. That's how much you've gotten to me. Only you, Doofus.

But what I saw earlier showed me that you deserve better than me, and that it's out there looking for you. So I have to let you be there for it. It's the only way I can let go – knowing that you'll be better off.

So I'll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep
And I'll feel you forget me like I use to feel you breathe
And I'll keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are
Hope it's nice where you are

I'll call Stan and check in – you get to keep Albuquerque, it wouldn't mean anything to me without you anyway – and make sure everything's going okay.

And I hope the sun shines and it's a beautiful day
And something reminds you, you wish you had stayed

I really hope you're happy with this girl. And if not her, with the most perfect person for you in the world. Because that's what you should have. Your life should be storybook – but maybe sometime you could remember me. Maybe there'll be a girl in your kid's class named Mary, and you'll find a picture of us or something. Could you tell your kids about us? You know, about the us before I ruined everything? I think I'd like that.

We can plan for a change in weather and time
I never planned on you changing your mind

So, I'll go, sit on the floor wearing your clothes
All that I know is I don't know
How to be something you miss

So yeah. That's all I've got for now. I hope your life is wonderful in every way it should be. Just be happy, okay?

For me.

Never imagined we'd end like this

You mean everything Marshall. Always. Remember that. I'm not leaving because I want to. I'm leaving because it's what you need.

And that's what matters.