first try at a semi-Bori fic. gasp Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious.

sweetheart, you can pretend all you want, but you know you're always going to just be a replacement.

it rains the day of the funeral. how fitting, you think, as you walk into the church, clutching his hand so tightly that you leave marks where your nails dig in. everyone wears black, even rex is dressed in a little black tux, and you can't help but smile because this is exactly how she would have wanted it. but the smile dies quickly because you remember that she's dead and you're not and, oh god, it wasn't supposed to be like this.

you didn't mean for this to happen.

she calls you, asking for a ride, and you being you say sure. you pick her up by the school, it's raining, and her mascara was running, but you are pretty sure it's because she's been crying. she tells you to take her to beck's and you oblige, even though knowing that they're together again makes your skin crawl, because, damn, he deserves someone that can make him smile and that won't freak out when he talks to other girls and she'd be just as fine with someone else, anyone else, just not him.

you ask her what happened and she snaps, "Just drive, Vega." you take your eyes off the road for a second – one second! – to glare at her and she screams and you see the headlights and you don't even have a chance to scream before you're spinningspinningspinning.

you fuck him with the tears still fresh on his face and her perfume still is everywhere and god, it makes you want to puke. he calls out her name, not yours and you just block it out, block out the tears that are mixing with his kisses and block out all the pictures of them that are just mocking you.

in the hospital, they tell you. the car spun, hit a railing and rolled over it into a ditch. you got out with a bump on the head, a few stitches, and a fractured wrist. she might not wake up. your friends duck in to see you for a few minutes before they rush to her bedside and you can't help but think that she's always going to be better than you, even in a coma. but then you have to shake yourself because she's in a coma because of you and, oh, god, it's your fault, it's all your fault.

there's no official announcement that you're together, but everyone knows. they see the two of you walking through the halls, you with a stupid grin on your face and him trying to tear his eyes away from her locker.

he walks you to your classes and carries your books and surprises you with coffee, but he only puts two sugars in and, doesn't he know you like yours so sweet it'll give you cavities?

you visit her a few days after the accident and realize just how lucky you are. she's hooked up to, like, a thousand different machines and there's one to breathe for her and one to make her heart pump and someone wiped her makeup off and took her colored extensions out and she looks so young, you wonder if that's what she looked like as a child, a sweet, innocent child. a child that didn't know what would become of her.

you settle yourself into one of the chairs at her bedside and you can't even bring yourself to say anything, because what are you supposed to say? i know you hate me, but i'm really sorry i got you into a car accident? no, you can't say that, so you don't say anything.

you start changing. you begin wearing more and more black and your makeup gets heavier and you darken you hair and everyone attributes it to the mourning process, but you know what's happening and you know that you can't stop it.

one night, after you've fucked her boyfriend and are sleeping on her side of their bed, you can almost hear her say, "You're not me. You can never be me, Vega."

beck's not in school the day she dies. no one expected him to be. principal ikner makes an announcement over the PA and kids can just barely hear it over the pourning rain and cat bursts into tears and andre slams his locker shut and robbie puts rex in his locker and sinjin faints and the entire school is in chaos because she was jadelyn freaking west, she owned hollywood arts and, oh god, she's gone.

you slump against the wall and fall the ground, because you were there, you're the root of this problem, you, oh god, you killed jadelyn west.

you and beck breakup after graduation. you can practically hear her laughing at you, laughing at your tears, but the tears aren't so much for the loss of the relationship, but more for the wasted years.

you knew that beck never loved you the way he loved her, and you never loved him. you were smitten with him, infatuated with him, besotted, but not in love. every night, when you were with him, he called out her name, or whispered it in his sleep and dammit, you just wished it could have been you. but, it wasn't, and now you have to figure out who you are again.

you're thirty one. your life is finally going somewhere, after you divorced danny and got a good job. you're driving home after you dropped your kids off at trina's when a car slams into you. you die in seconds and all you can think is how fucking ironic it is that you survived one car accident just to die in another. it's raining.

Um, so...yeah... I apologize for...that. Again, it's my first try at something even tinted with Bori. But, a constructive review would certainly help me improve!