Disclaimer: Just borrowing them, I will return them in their original condition.
Author's Note: So this is a little bit of silliness that popped into my head while I was musing on the trailer for Doctor Who on BBC America when River is shown to be looking a bit naked and winking. Obviously my head got spinning & this is what it came up with. It's set theoretically during "Let's Kill Hitler". Enjoy…
"River, we could use a distraction." The Doctor muttered as they backed into a corner, surrounded some very angry Nazis with very big guns- all in all it wasn't the best situation he'd ever been in.
"Yes sweetie, I'm very aware of that but these guys are not ones that look like they could be all that easily distracted." River hissed as she looked around the room for an escape route, her brain whirring quickly. The only exit was the ventilation shaft to their right which was in plain site of the soldiers. She hated to admit it but the Doctor was right- they needed a distraction.
"You must be able to think of something River. I mean, I know you're not quite as brilliant as me" He grinned as she glared at him. "But you are part Time Lord so you must be able to come up with something to distract a few Nazis, surely."
"Oh don't you start." River murmured darkly.
"They're only human. Can't handle a few humans with guns, Doctor Song?" He teased her gently.
"Fine. Fine." River snapped. "But you asked for it." She ran a few steps left so that the soldiers all turned to face her, guns pointed firmly in her direction giving the Doctor a clear path if she could keep them occupied for long enough. "Well then boys, this is cosy." River grinned seductively as she put her hands on the base of her neck, seemingly in surrender but she quickly fiddled with the tie of her halter neck and pulled so her top fell down in one fluid movement. "Oh look what happened, clumsy me." She winked and the Doctor took that as his signal and forced himself to tear his eyes away from her semi-naked form and moved silently to the escape route as the soldiers gaped, open-mouthed at the woman in front of her. River kept the grin on her face as she felt her heart begin to pound inside her chest. Slowly she counted to ten and waited for the all too familiar noise.
"River, quick!" The Doctor shouted as he flung open the doors of the materialising TARDIS and she jumped inside in the split-second before the soldiers began to shoot.
"Well that was close." River grinned as she stood against the door, panting.
"And that" He waved his hands to indicate the area of her body that was still exposed as he averted his eyes quickly. "Was not what I meant when I said you had to distract them."
"It's the only fool-proof way to distract human males." River laughed lightly, still not replacing her top even though there was no need for it to be around her waist still.
"Your father would not approve." The Doctor muttered quickly, trying to look anywhere but at River.
"Tell you what, if you don't tell him about that I won't mention how easily distracted you got." River laughed lightly as she stepped towards him, closing the gap between them until they were almost touching.
"I am not… urm… distracted." The Doctor gulped.
"Well, I'll obviously have to try harder then." He heard her whisper as she pushed herself forward and kissed him passionately but after that everything got a bit fuzzy. She was very good at distracting people.
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