Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.
So seriously, I don't know why I have to deal with this kind of stuff. I mean, I'm walking home from school (late because I have detention, thanks to Naruto) and I see him standing on his driveway and laughing like he's discovered the cure to cancer or global warming or something, and this is really weird because the kid's on fire.
Like literally, his hair and his butt are on fire. Oh, and not to mention the fact that he's covered in ants. I mean, if I expect anyone to be covered in ants it's Shino. And Naruto hates ants. So what the hell?
"Naruto. What are you doing? You do realize you're on fire right?"
The kid looks up at me like he hasn't noticed me gawking on the sidewalk for the past ten minutes.
"Oh, um, Kiba bet me twenty bucks that I couldn't show up to school tomorrow dressed more flamboyantly. And I bet that I could."
"Naruto… You do know what flamboyantly means right? It doesn't mean crazy or on fire if that's what you're going to say." Still wondering about the ants here. And his mental state, which, if I'm honest, I always knew was a little questionable.
Actually… very questionable.
"Of course I do! I sounded the word out, duh… so are you going to kill me for getting into detention?"
"No. I'm used to it by now. But you do realize you're still on fire right?"
"Doesn't it, you know, hurt?"
"Fire resistant underwear?"
"…And your hair?"
So five minutes and a very useful hose later, Naruto's hair is slightly smoldering, it's cut short and his butt is still on fire. Oh, and he's still crawling with ants.
"Thanks Sakura!" He starts walking over to me with his arms stretched out. So I do what any normal girl would do when a crazy kid starts inching towards her, I back away with my hands up.
"Whoa, there. What do you think you're doing?"
"Going to hug you?" He looks confused. Idiot.
"No. You're covered in ants and you're still on fire. I, unlike you, like my hair the way it is. So stay away."
"Oh… okay." His face falls.
"You know," Now I feel bad for the kid, "you never did tell me what you thought flamboyant meant."
"OH YEAH!" He bounces back up like a rubber ball. Well that was easy. "I told you, I sounded it out. Flame-boy-ant. I put the pieces together. I'm a boy, these are ants, and that," he points to his butt, "is a flame. Ta-da! Flamboyant!"
"Naruto… no, that's not what it means."
"Yes it is! Even my dad said so! You're just mad at me for getting you into detention, so you want me to lose twenty bucks."
"Naruto, I'm pretty sure Kiba was being sarcastic."
"Why would he do that? We totally shook on it."
"Well… I guess you are kind of flamboyant. I mean it is an unusual style…"
"But it's dangerous."
"I'm going to talk to your mom."
"She's not home right now. Can I take a message?"
The stupid kid's face is totally blank. He's not even being sarcastic. He really wants to take a message.
"You're an idiot."
"Right. I'll tell my mom that as soon as she gets home."
"No, Naruto. You are the idiot."
"Alright, I'll change the message to 'You are the idiot.'"
"Never mind. Is your dad home?"
"I'll be right back."
I slam open the door and find Naruto's dad in the kitchen.
With his hair and butt on fire.
He's also covered in ants.
Where do they get all these ants?
I turn around and walk out the door.
"So… Naruto… where's your mom?"
"At Shino's house. We ran out of ants. They keep dying."
Crazies. I live around a bunch of crazies.
Starting tomorrow I'm going to be a good girl. Eat all my vegetables, clean my room, and start talking to sane people… like… like… You know what? I'll find someone. Maybe Hinata. She's sane. Right?
"… and this is my pet snake, and this is my pet alligator. We have to keep him locked up, and this is my pet turtle-"
Finally a normal pet!
"Be careful. He bites."
"That's not too bad."
"And he poops. A lot. He also likes fire ants. And he especially likes eating Pork-Chops."
"Like the meat?"
"No, my pig, I always have to keep him away from him."
Who was the idiot who told me Hinata was sane?
Hey guys! Sorry for not updating for, like, forever. These days I do either one of two things:
Live in my pool or sit on the air conditioning vents and play video games with my brother.
It's definitely summer.
Anyway, my brother and I were in the pool yesterday and I was on an inner-tube-thing and it's purple and it's got polka dots and he tells me it's flamboyant and I point out flamboyant kind of sounds like flame-boy-ant. And he's like "I'm a flammable boy! Where's my ant?"
Anyway, long story short, I got the idea for this, although it didn't come out like I wanted it to, at least I updated right?
Special dedication goes out to: My pool. My inner tube. And my brother.