Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, and I don't want to. This is strictly for fun and taking the piss out of my wife. I'm not making any money off of this, but I will accept lap dances and naked pillow fights as a form of compensation.


I decided to write this as I sat around bored. I wrote it mostly for my wife because she has supported me through cutting my truck in half with a saws all, building four guns, and putting up with me and all of my insane, half baked, hill billy antics. No matter how nuts I might sound she has never looked at me like im crazy. She is my beautiful inspirational bangin muse of a wife and now my gifted beta. Thank you my Maxipoo this is for you : )*author's note is not beta'd. I wanted to surprise her so any mistakes are my own*

When he awoke, he rubbed the crust from his eyes. He and Jacob had been living in the half blown out bank for roughly two months. Edward left the vault and noticed by the shadows on the floor that it was the early morning, the sun casting light on the lobby floor. He checked the mouse traps attached to the strings that ran out to the perimeter and none had been tripped. He switched them over to the bells that served as alarms and threw some wood into the flat top colonial wood stove he had set up at one of the windows he mortared shut, with the exception on shooting ports, a month ago. Edward made himself some stale coffee.

When patient zero broke out with the new plague, nobody knew what was gonna happen. A couple of nurses were scratched and then bit by a crazy woman. The crazy woman died shortly after due to a high fever that basically fried her brain. The morgue broke out in insanity later that night and two weeks later, the government instated a scorched earth policy. Every square inch east of the Mississippi had to be leveled. There were rumors of a green zone west of the river with a fence, but Edward knew traveling that far would be suicide.

Being in rural New Hampshire wasn't so bad, not too many creatures walking around and the wounded national guard that were left behind during the evacuation of troops left a good source of weapons and ammo. Just last week he found a decent set of body armor and two replacement 9mm pistols, not to mention the Macmillian sniper rifle and slew of m16 rifles with optics.

"I guess I have to go shopping soon. We're low on corned beef," Edward explained to Jacob. He got the usual non answer. He grabbed the sniper rifle, loaded up the basket and climbed up the ladder to the roof. Once he got there he pulled up his breakfast and spotting scope and started looking for movement.

There they were, two creeps with their faces half hanging off. Edward guessed at the distance and dropped a round into the head of the one on the left. He was getting better, considering he almost accidentally killed Jacob with a negligent stray round when he picked up his first gun. Suddenly he heard a scream, but he wasn't the only one. The other creeper heard it too. Now there were moans everywhere, all going to the same spot. Edward flew down the ladder grabbed an m16 and slammed a handgun into his drop leg holster. He picked up a canteen and before Jacob could say goodbye, he was out the reinforced door.

Edward ran across rubble and craters left by the Air Force. He unconsciously ground his teeth remembering the way his teeth hurt for a week after the carpet bombing rattled them loose. He ran as if his feet never touched the ground, straight towards the moans. He heard it again. The scream that could only be made by a woman. As he crested the hill, he dropped a three round burst into the head and shoulders of the first undead he met. It was amazing how a zombie turned to jello with a bullet in the brain stem. The sight before him was what shocked him the most out of the last two months.

There amidst the pile of rotting, moaning, stinking monsters was a living, breathing woman. Stunned for a moment, he attempted to gather his wits.

"HEY!" he shouted. All of the creatures eyes were now on him. He engaged the first few with his rifle and once he positioned himself close enough, he drew his handgun and put three 9mm rounds in the rest.

It was obvious she was surrounded. Even though she was armed and covered in the blood of countless cannibals, if he hadn't shown up, she would be meat. Before either could say a word, Edward had her on her feet and running. It was only a matter of time before more would show up. It was as if they could sniff out the living.

As they got into the fortified bank, Bella gasped for air. This guy must live here. She started to talk but Edward cut her off.

"It isn't much but I'll share."

She bit her lip and looked down, unsure of how to take his hospitality. He did save her life, but she wasn't used to people taking care of her.

"What about the things outside?" Bella asked.

"Were fine in here," he said, breezing over her question. In all honesty, he didn't know what they were. He had theories, but after all he had always been considered the crazy conspiracy theorist. He wasn't about to show his cards right away. He knew nothing about her, and the last thing he wanted was to scare her away. "There's a bath in the corner you should clean up."

Bella looked to the corner to see a cast iron tub with the claw feet, hooked up to what looked like a propane tank and some sort of burner. "Is it on?" Before she could finish her sentence, he was half way over to it with a match.

Who would have thought a pile of craftily put together crap would remind me of civilization? Edward walked up with a ratty towel, a shirt and pair of pajama pants.

"Here," he said as he gently placed them at the foot of the tub. She looked at his offering without a word. It was like pulling teeth with her. "Whats your name?"

"Bella," she replied. "Yours?"

"Edward." She nodded and he tried to keep his eyes to himself. "Jacob is in the vault. You can meet him after you have chance to clean up."