"What the fuck is that?"

Naruto Uzumaki eyed the contraption lying on top of the table before him as he circled it. He lowered his head and pressed it to the table, looking at the thing from side on. He edged closer, about to touch it, when a cool voice spoke behind him.

"Don't touch that."

Naruto yelped and jumped a foot in the air, smacking his leg against the table in the process. He rubbed his leg and turned to face the man behind him.

"Eh, why not?" he asked, rubbing the back of his head with his other hand. "And what is it?"

"Because you're the reason we can't have nice things," his lover replied coolly as he picked the device up off the table. "And this was expensive."

"But Shino!" Naruto whined, grabbing his arm. "What is it?"

"It's a mobile phone," Shino said as he held the phone away from Naruto's grabbing hands. "And it's not a toy."

"It's a phone?" Naruto screwed his nose up. "But it's so… bulky. And it doesn't have any cords and stuff."

"It's a [i]mobile [/i]phone," Shino sighed as his six-foot seven lover wrapped long arms around him and tried to reach for the phone. Shino curled his body around it, knowing he would be unable to keep it out of Naruto's insanely long reach. "It's not supposed to have any cords. That would defeat the purpose."

"Lemme see!" Naruto demanded as he tried to pry the phone away from Shino. "Come on!"

"You break everything you touch," Shino grunted. "Which is why we're banned from HQ. I don't know how you broke their disco ball, but that was my favourite club."

"You're never gonna let that go, are you?" Naruto grumbled. "I'm sorry!"

"You're still not touching my phone."

"Gah!" Naruto let Shino go and stomped over to poke through the fridge. Shino ignored him and simply checked his phone for any missed calls. After a couple of minutes of sulky silence, during which Naruto opened a soda and skulled down half, the giant blond spoke again. "I do [i]not [/i]break everything."

"My walkman," Shino began calmly as he poured himself a glass of water. "My VCR. My stereo. My Atari. My [i]Sega. [/i]You even broke that Rubiks Cube."

"That thing was impossible!" Naruto protested, waving his arms in the air. "And evil! It deserved to die!"

"Just because you couldn't figure it out does not make it impossible," Shino reprimanded him. Naruto slumped over the kitchen table and Shino took a moment to study him.

His blond hair was drooping slightly, the impossibly golden spikes messy around his tan face. His bright blue eyes were full of irritation. He was clearly sulking.

Shino walked around behind him and wrapped his arms around broad shoulders. He pressed a kiss to Naruto's fluffy hair. Naruto grunted beneath him, but refused to stop.

"Come on," Shino murmured softly as he stepped around Naruto. He pushed Naruto's shoulders back until he could slip onto the other's lap.

Naruto grumbled before wrapping his arms around Shino's waist. Shino rested his head on top of Naruto's, and the other man buried his face in his neck.

"I don't mean to break so much stuff," Naruto grunted. "I'm sorry… I'm just a bit clumsy."

"It's fine," Shino replied, allowing warmth to creep into his usually monotonous voice. "You know I don't mind."

"Yeah," Naruto squeezed Shino tight. "And I love you for it."

"You love me for me," Shino replied, running his hands through Naruto's hair. "And I love you for you."

"You love me for Kyuubi!"

"Stop calling your cock that!"

Naruto grinned at Shino before his hands began to trace Shino's slender body.

"Naruto," Shino warned. "We're going to see Kiba in half an hour."

"Yeah, and?" Naruto nipped at Shino's neck with a smirk. "We can play a bit…"

"No," Shino slid out of Naruto's lap and crossed to his phone. "I know you. Once you start-"

"I can't stop," Naruto rose as well, hands reaching for Shino. "You're so damn addictive."

"Which is why you're not going to start," Shino said firmly as he dialled a number. "So stay over there."

Shino put the phone up to his ear and listened to it dial. He hoped Kiba picked up – he hated his stupid answering machine. The phone rang a couple of times before it clicked and Shino sighed softly. Here it came.

[i]"To the Batmobile! Let's go! Atomic batteries to power! Turbines to speed! Roger, ready to move out! As you can see, I'm off making Gotham a safer place to live. So if you'll leave a message after the tone, I'll get back to you as soon as justice is served. What's that? You want to know who you called? What, Are you dense? Are you retarded or something? Who the Hell do you think I am? I'm the GODDAMN Batman! BEEP!"

[/i]Shino sighed again at the beep and shook his head.

"It's Shino," he murmured. "Naruto and I will be over in hal-"

A strong arm slid around his waist as a large hand plucked the phone from his grasp. Shino glared up at Naruto who set the phone on the counter before he easily dragged Shino away from it, back to the table.

"See, it didn't break!" Naruto said with a bright smile. He pulled the struggling Shino tight against his body, rolling his hips slightly. "Do I get a reward for not breaking it?"

"Let me go!" Shino hissed. "I said [i]no.[/i]"

"You really meant yes," Naruto whispered before he sucked Shino's ear lobe into his mouth. "Mmm…"

"N-Naruto, stop it," Shino stuttered. His ears were always a weak point for him. "Naruto…"

"Mmm," Naruto released his lobe before licking a long strip along Shino's neck. "Come on, baby… You know you want to…"

"Naruto," Shino reached down to grab Naruto's arms, planning on tugging them away. "I said-"

"Please, baby?" Naruto whispered before sucking softly on Shino's neck. "We haven't done it yet today-"

"We did it this morning!"

"I was watching Inspector Gadget this morning!"

"[i]While we were having sex![/i]"

"Oh… yeah… But I wanna do it now!"


Naruto dragged Shino back to the table, sucking on his neck softly. He reached down to cup Shino's hardening cock and rubbed it gently. Shino writhed against him, moaning softly. Naruto turned his lover in his arms before capturing his lips eagerly. Shino slumped against his chest in defeat, parting his lips and allowing Naruto's large hands to roam his body.

"Alright, but hurry up," Shino whispered as he bit Naruto's bottom lip. Naruto growled before spinning them, lifting Shino up and setting him on the table. Shino glared at Naruto, but wrapped his legs around the other's waist anyway. Naruto fell between them, chuckling as he slid his hands up Shino's dark shirt.

"We're having your parents over for dinner tomorrow, yeah?" Naruto whispered into Shino's ear as he traced the soft skin beneath his fingers. Shino nodded before he began to tug Naruto's jacket off. "Good. I wanna fuck you right here, on this table. It's all you will think about tomorrow while we're eating. My cock sliding in and out of your ass, my cum leaking out of you and down your thighs, my hands tugging at your cock til you cover our table…"

"Fuck, Naruto," Shino whispered as he fell forward against Naruto. "Do it…"

Naruto pushed Shino back and slid his top right off. He ran his warm hands over Shino's gloriously pale body, stroking and teasing the skin. Shino gasped and moaned beneath him, arching his back to the touches.

Naruto removed his hands completely, ignoring Shino's slight hiss. The tall man just smirked before stripping off his own shirt, his muscles rippling in the light. Shino looked at Naruto through his dark glasses, swollen lips pressed softly together.

"Take those off," Naruto said, nodding to Shino's glasses. Shino hesitated before reaching up to slide the dark glasses off. Naruto unbuckled his belt and unbuttoned his pants, sliding them down. He kicked them aside before crossing to Shino, rubbing his lover's thighs as he gazed into his eyes.

"Stop it," Shino grunted as Naruto held the eye contact. He looked away, but Naruto grabbed his chin and tilted his face back. "Naruto."

"So pretty," Naruto whispered as he looked into silver eyes. "I hate those glasses of yours."

"I know," Shino muttered as he ran his hands over Naruto's bare shoulders. "Now stop looking at my eyes and fuck me."

Naruto grinned before kissing Shino softly as he tugged the other's pants down slowly. Shino lifted his hips, allowing him to remove the pants completely, and Naruto's grin grew as he tugged Shino's briefs down with them.

Shino moaned as Naruto's hand immediately encased him. He had learnt the hard way not to tease Shino – that usually ended up with him being shoved out of the house naked with the doors locked behind him.

Naruto shoved Shino further back on the table before crawling up with him. The whole structure groaned softly, and Shino feared it would collapse, but it held strong. Naruto slowly made his way down Shino's body, sucking, licking and nipping. Shino wasn't that loud, but he did writhe and squirm like a man possessed.

"Naruto," Shino breathed after a moment. "Lube's in the top cupboard."

"So that's where you hid it," Naruto chuckled as he slid off the table. "I was looking low, thinking you would put it somewhere close to the ground, not up high."

"Moron," Shino muttered affectionately as Naruto uncapped the small bottle. Shino spread his legs eagerly, stroking his own cock softly.

Naruto squirted the lube onto his fingers and went about the business of preparing Shino. Shino clamped down on his fingers, sucking them in as he thrust back. Shino smirked, stretching the three fingers inside of his lover. He kept them in for longer than necessary, rubbing Shino's prostate and watching him squirm.

It became too much. Shino writing on the table, bucking so beautifully on his fingers, pushed Naruto to the edge. He slid his fingers out before sliding down his briefs. Squirting more lube onto his hand, he coated his erection, moaning at the feeling of his hand gliding down the thick length.

"Naruto," Shino whispered as he spread his legs even further. "Stop jerking off and hurry up."

Naruto grinned at him, his scratched cheeks crinkling as he reached forward and grabbed Shino's hips. He helped the other man roll over before he climbed back up onto the table.

"Alright, baby," Naruto purred. "On your hands and knees."

Shino brought himself up shakily, thankful for Naruto's steadying hands on his hips. Naruto nuzzled the back of the other man's neck lovingly before he reached down to position himself.

Shino arched and moaned deeply as Naruto slid inside of him. Naruto groaned and pressed his forehead to Shino's neck, panting as he restrained from moving. Shino wiggled beneath him before he finally relaxed, silently signalling that he was ready to go.

Naruto didn't wait. His hips snapped back before slamming forward, and both men moaned deeply. Naruto picked up an eager pace, throwing his entire weight behind the thrusts. He planted both his hands on either side of Shino's, bending over the top of him. He was so much larger than Shino that he nearly completely covered him.

The sunlight falling into the room through the kitchen window lit up their skin with warmth, and allowed Naruto to see everything. He could see Shino's ears, slightly red. He could see Shino's eyes, half-mast and filled with desire. He could see Shino's beautiful pale skin, flushed and lovely.

Naruto continued to pound his lover, moaning loudly as the table began to slide across the room slightly. Shino's arms soon gave out and he pressed his forehead to the table. Naruto didn't let up. His thrusts remained so deep, so hard, and Shino had to bite his arm to stop his voice from getting too loud. He knew Naruto loved to hear his voice, but Shino found it embarrassing.

"So tight, baby," Naruto grunted. "So good. Love fucking you."

"Such sweet words," Shino managed to choke out sarcastically. "Be s-still my beating he-heart."

"Ah, love you too, baby!" Naruto hurriedly corrected himself. "So much."

"I know," Shino grunted. "Make me come."

Naruto moaned his appreciation of the suggestion and reached around to gather up Shino's cock. He stroked it in time to his thrusts, twisting his hand as he knew Shino liked.

"Come on, baby," Naruto whispered. "All over our table. Do it. Come for me, come on! Shino!"

And just like that, Shino snapped. His back arched impossibly, his head thrown back as he screamed – something he rarely did – and exploded. Heat filled his insides, making him shiver and collapse. Naruto caught him before he could fall properly and pulled his small lover into his arms. In his ecstasy, Shino had barely noticed that Naruto had come as well.

Shino panted as Naruto slid into a chair, holding Shino close still. Shino pressed his lips to Naruto's collarbone, enjoying the closeness he found in his lover's embrace.

They stayed like that for a decent fifteen minutes, until their home phone sounded in the other room. Shino shuffled, as though he was about to get up and answer it, but Naruto's arms clamped down on him, holding him close.

"Let the answering machine get it," Naruto mumbled into sweat-soaked dark hair. Shino nodded sleepily and collapsed back into Naruto's arms. The phone rang a couple more times before the answering machine clicked.

[i]"Thank you for calling Starfleet Command. No starships are in the quadrant at this time, so at the sound of the subspace tone, tell us your name, the planet you are calling from, and how many Klingons are attacking. BEEP!"

"YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!" [/i]Kiba didn't sound happy. "[i]You left your fucking phone on! I get back from shopping and can hear you fuckers having sex through my answering machine! I'm gonna fucking castrate you both!"

[/i]Naruto's eyes widened and he peeked down at Shino's face. Shino's grey eyes were filled with anger as he glared up at Naruto. Naruto tried to grin and placate him.

"Hey, baby, calm down. I didn't mean to-"

"You moron!"