Chapter 1 - John Marston The Man

A/N: I played red ded readempshun and it had a gay ending. So i wrote this and this will be a better story.

Read dead redepmtion

John Marston was driving his ferrari around in the desert.

"Shit it's boring out here. Nothing to fuking do!" he said as he ran over a cactus. He then decided to go see bonnie mcfarlan. He did go there. She was happy to see him. And turned on, because she has a crush on john masrton.

"hello John Marston."

"fuck off. this place is even more boring. I'm gonna go steal some shit." john marston said.

John drove away to his hideout and played video games. with his best friends the professor, and irish. Irish got fat since John last saw him.

"John marston! If it isn't you." the fucking professor said.

"It better fucking be me, I'm the shit." Jawn said.

He yawned. (A/N: heheheheheheheheheheeheheh)

"I built a jetpack for you to use." the fucking prof essor said. "we can fucking use it to fuck up some indiens."

"thats the fuckin motherfuckion shit. let me use it."

john strapped himself into the jet pack and flew off to the roof.

'yeah this is the motherfukering shit balls of awesome motherucking ness bitch' john marstoni said.

'it is still in its prototype phase but it will be done later. in the menatime do you want to play video games?' tyhe pro fesson said?

'hell yeah i wanna play grand theft auto 4000' john marston said as he turned his ps3 on. irish was drunk and being fat and threw up on the ps3.

"GODDDAMM IT EYE-RISH YOU FUCKING FAT FAGGOT! YOU MESS EVERYTHING UP YOU BITCH ASS CUNT FACED FUCK FACE BITCH. I FUCKING HATE YOU" JHONM SAID. HE WAS VERY ANGRY!

"oh im sorry my dear boyio" irish said in a drunk accent.

he tried to clean up his messy pile of vomit with his beard but threw up more because he was gay and drunk.

"IM GONNA KICK YOUR FUCKING GAY IRISH ASS IRISH BITCH FUCKING FAGBGGOOT MUFFERFUCKERING MUFFIN MASTURBATER BITCH!" jom said as he pulled out a stick of dina-mite. he shoved it up irish's ass and lit it. he threw irish out the window and irish's ass exploded. he didn't have an ass anymore. :(

"MY ASS! AH AHA HAAHAHAHAHAH MY ASS! its GONE!" irish said as he cried a lot. he couldn't poop or take a shit anymore!

"I'll get you for this john marston! you made a big mistake!" irish said as he ran away crying.

"what a fag." the profession said.

"yeah" john marmston said.

"let's go to mexico. i want a burrito' the professor said.

"why" john marston said.

"because i'm hungry" the progressor said.

"oh" john marston said.

"yeP" the professor said.

"don't burritos give you gas?" john marston said.

"yep" the professor said.

"wel maybe u shouldnt eat one if they give you gas" john marston said.

"why not" the profressor said.

"i don't know" john masrson said.

"well i won't get one then" the profressor said.

"but im not saying you shouldnt just get one and maybe a taco too. they have lots of tacos in mexico and i'm not just talking about the meat." john marston said with a winkyface like this ;)

"you mean like vagina" the profressor said.

"yeah lol" john marston said.

"no shit sherlock" the professor said

"well lets fucking go!" john marston said.

'wait" the professor said as he did crack and then they left to go on the train.

"two tickets to mexico motherfucker" john said as he gave money to the gay conductor.

'thankssssss' the conductor said with a lisp because he was gay.

john got on the train and threw the conductor under the train. the train ran him over and john masrton shot him a lot juist to make sure he was dead.

'by joaf, why ddi you kill that man?" the prof prof said.

'BECAUSE HE WAS GAY!" jon marston said.

"HAHAHAHA NICE HE WAS" the professor said as he rolled on teh floor laughing is his motherfucking ass off.

they got on the train and went to mexico

"so how many tacos and burritos are in mexioc?" the professore asked?

"LOTs. more than you can eat. the amount of tacos stretches out to the sun, you could build a house out of tacos. the mexicans aren't good for anytyhing except making tacos, it's true they just won't admdit it. " john explained.

"cool" the prof said.

"yeah..." john said as he lit up a cigerrrette.

"im sorry sir, no smoking on this train' the new conductor said.

"FUCK OFF CHUMPWEED" John said as he blew smoke in the professor's face.

"AHAHAHAHAHA" the professor coughed.

"I SAID NO FUCKING SMOKING ON THIS TRAIN" THE COUNDCTER SAID. HE WAS GETTIN PISSED!

"FUCK YOU ASSHOLE LICKER!" John said. he took a huge hit off his cigeretttae and lit a joint at the same time. he held his breath for a LONG TIME and breathed out a shit load of smoke and soon no one could see shit in the train because there was so much fucking smoke.

"COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH" everyone said.

"RUN PROFESSOR" john said as he run out of the train car.

"GEEEET HIM!" the conductor yelled.

john and the professor got into the front of the fucking train.

"john...i have to tell you something' the professor said.

"whant is that prof?" john marston said.

"i have never smoked before." the prof said. he was sad and strarted to cry.

'oh yeah? want to now? john said?

'yes i like mairjaioiana' the prof said.

john took a lot of weed and put it intoi the train where the fire and shit goes and shoved the professors head in there too. he got so high.

but it was too late.

the conductor made it to the train.

"ITS THE END OF THE FUCKING LINE FOR YOU JOHN MARSTON YOU BITCH ASS!" the counductor said. he was mad.

"JOHN MY HEAD IS STUCK IN THE TRAIN" professor said. he was crying again but he was also high.

john masrson flipped off the conductor and shot him. he took a dynamito stick and threw it at the other people they died. he took the steering wheel of hte train and drove off the tracks back on to the road.

"JOHN MY HEAD IS STUCK IN THE TRAIN" professor said. he was crying again but he was also high.

"HAHAHA YOU TRAINHEAD BITCH" john said as he kicked the professor's ass with his boot.

he kicked him again just for fun. and again but that was too many times because now the professor was stuck inside the train!

"" the professor screamed as flames engulfed him and john laughed.

"how are you going to do crack now, you fag?" john said. he threw a grenade into the train and destroyed whatever was left of the prof.

he finally made it to mexico. the parking was really bad though, john parked the train in the parking lot next to a lot of donkeys and shit. liertal shit because it was mexico and it smelled really bad.

john went into the bar. he shot a nearby donkey and it pissed off the mexicans.

"HEY ASSHOLES, I WANT A FUCKING TACO" john said.

"you shouldn't say that homes.' Landon Ricketts said.

'sup landon" john marston said. he hugged lando cuz he was cool.

"what's kicking my man?" Landon Rixetx said.

"not much bro, i killed a bunch of gay people on the train and drove it here because i want a fucking taco or burrito.' john amrston said.

"yeah?"

"yeah."

"cool"

"but you gotta watch it arounjd these people. tacos are sacred to them. there is a taco mine out side of town, let's go." landon rickets said.

"ok!" john marston said as he smiled big!

they went outside and john whistled and his ferrari came to him like his horse does in the fucking video game if you whistle.

"HOW THE FUCK YOU GET THAT SHIT? lando said, he was confused and interested and a little aroused. he had visible wood.

"well it's a long fucking story." john said

===========================================FLASHBACK=====================================

john marston was wallking a lot in the desert. he had been there for week without food or water or anything.

"UUUUUHHHHH FUCK" john marshmstoon staid. he looked in a cave and found...

A FUCKIN CAR

"OH YEAH" Jon Marson said. he got in the car and crashed into a cave rock thing.

shit.' john marston says. then the cave started to rumble.

"OH YEAH" the kool aid man said as he burst through the wall.

'what the fuck are you doing here" jom marston said.

"you stole my fucking catchprhase so im gonna kick your ass you white trahs mother fucker' the kool aid man said. he was mad.

"fuck you, cool aid is crap!" john marston said as he went into dead i mode and shot the kool aid man. the cool aid man was bleeding kool aid all over the floor

" """"

"AHAHAHAHAHA" JOGHN MARSTON laughed.

john then drank what was left of the kool aid man.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the kool aid man screamed as john marston drank what was his life essence. there was no way he'd make it into the afterlife now. his soul was the kool aide.

"yum, i fucking love kool aide" john marston said. he got into his ferrari and drove out to thee dessert.

"WOW! THAT"S COOL" landon ricket said.

then they falled into the ground and were surrouned by taco meat.