Circe – Gaara no Sabaku Final part 4
It is like poison
Impossible to detect and impossible to cure
It spreads like wildfire until finally…
The heart stops
The pain is blinding. His eyes dart and flutter between opening and closing. He sucks in a sharp breath. The first breath comes impossibly painful. It has been so long; perhaps he was beginning to get soft. He coughs up dry air before attempting to stand up once more. Before he can rise completely, another closed fist to the stomach forces out the air in his lungs for what feels like the hundredth time this night.
"You've become soft," Shukaku's words leave a bitter taste in his mouth. The hatred boils in the pit of his stomach causing him to snarl. Before he can make a move against the man, he is pushed down by a foot on his back. "No, you don't get to stand. You can crawl like the pathetic animal you are."
His fists are peeled and clotted by dried up blood. His hair is matted and tousled while his body aches in various places but none of it matters. His anger has made him forget the pain, the blood and everything else.
"I've been too lenient. I hear you've been causing problems. Not following assignments." Shukaku circled him until his shoes came into Gaara's line of sight. Slowly he bent down taking Gaara's face into his hands. "I know all about your little toy." He smiles before letting Gaara's face drop to the ground.
Gaara's heart thumps hard against his chest. He feels the blood rush up to his ears. His hands curl into fists. Before the others can react he turns sending the guy on top of him to the ground. He turns swiftly intending to land a hit against him but before he can, two men grab him. He snarls and thrashes but nothing works.
This amuses Shukaku. It has been awhile since he has been so easily amused. He cocks his head to the side. "Hm," he hums. "It seems that I've misjudged your affection for your little toy. I wonder…would you cave in like all those years ago."
His words are the trigger. He knows what he means. He is talking about that day all those years ago. When he…
"Bear? Where's bear?" A boy no older than a few years stood in the doorway clutching a small blanket. His red tined hair stood at odd angles and his beautiful green irises swam with unshed tears. This was all ignored by the man slouched on the couch with a half empty bottle.
"Your Bear!" he spat. The anger was tangible, impossible to ignore.
"Daddy?" came the boy's unsure voice.
The man stood on shaky legs. He turned to look at the boy who had taken away his most precious person. "You love that bear, don't you."
Afraid, the boy could only nod. "Yes," he says at last. His fists had gone white from the pressure.
The man saw only red. Without thinking he looks around until he finds the object of his hatred. He snatches the filthy toy. "Is this what you want?!" He yells in his drunken state.
The boy seeing his favored toy reaches for his most precious toy.
The man seeing the longing is only angered even further. He begins to tear the delicate fabric.
"No, please. Bear!" cries the small child. He ignores the child even when he comes towards him. Desperately, the boy tries to reach for his most beloved toy. "Please, stop! Please, Bear!"
"You want it?! Here take it!" With one small flick of his wrist he sends the tattered toy into the flames.
The crying boy tries to take it back but is burned and can only watch with tears streaming down his face as his only friend becomes nothing but ash.
"I'll kill you," he snarls. It's a promise and that alone makes him laugh that much more.
Shukaku lowers himself until he is in eye level with the same pair of green eyes that remind him of the one person he loved more than anything else in this pathetic world. "I will take away the person you love most and you will finally feel the same pain I have felt."
The words send acid down his veins. For the first time he feels real fear.
He's different. There is no better word that can describe the way he is now. She wants him to tell her what's wrong but she knows he won't. In that aspect they are the same, two people who guard their darkest secrets away from prying eyes for fear of being seen as weak or worse of being vulnerable. She sees the way he clings to her more than before. He's afraid that much she is certain. She is also scarred. She's afraid he'll become distant. She's afraid that he will go back to the way he was before or worse.
"Gaara," she calls. She is lying on his bed. His back is turned to her. She knows where he is going. He goes there every night now. It's been like this ever since that night. He won't tell her what happened but she knows that whatever happened is the cause of his sudden coldness towards her.
"What?" he says never turning to look at her.
She bites her lip. "I won't stop you from going." He doesn't say anything. "But before you go I need…I need you to look at me." He doesn't move at first and she's afraid he'll leave. For a while they stay this way until finally he turns and she can see it. It's clear the hatred, the anger but the strongest emotion is his fear. The fear he holds in his eyes. "Gaara," she calls.
His name on her lips calls him to her. He moves without thinking and he's kissing her. He tugs on the covers barring her to him. She's beautiful he thinks. He kisses her on the lips slowly at first. Her lips mold into his. He deepens the kiss, arching her neck. He traces her skin letting his fingers memorize the contours of her flesh. "I'll protect you," he whispers. She pushes him back and he lets her. She straddles him letting her uncovered wet folds rub against his soft member. He shudders at the feeling, letting her touch his most intimate of scars. The scar on his neck between in ear and shoulder is her favorite. Her teeth scrape across the sensitive skin. He nips the soft skin of her breast making her gasp and wither in his arms.
"Don't leave," she whispers across his lips. He knows that what she's asking isn't about tonight and he's afraid to answer. "Please," she begs holding him closer. He wraps his arms over her body bringing her closer. "Please," she begs and this time he can feel her tears. The tears, tear at his conscience.
"Okay," he finally concedes. It is only then that she pulls away, pulling him along with her. It isn't long before they are again running their hands across each other's body this time under the shower head. The droplets run down their bodies. With each droplet and each kiss, a shudder runs down her body. This time when she kisses him it's not soft or patient but demanding and wanting. His wet hair clings to her fingers as hers does to his. With one hand on the tiles he brings their bodies closer. When he slips inside her folds he knows he can't leave. He doesn't have the strength to leave her. With every shift and every thrust the raining droplets echo in synchronization. When she calls his name he knows that she has him. In this moment there is nothing but them. He kisses her letting his tongue and lips trace that beautiful mouth of hers that has him so bewitched.
"I love you," he whispers so low that the running water obscures it taking the sound with it.
The cheers of the growing crowd ring loud in the night air. Shin raises a hand letting his fans love and cheer him on. He scans the audience and they are nothing more than a sea of faces, faces he hardly recognizes. He vaguely realizes that it has been a long time since he looked at the crowd looking for a certain face he knows will never be there. He thinks he must have been such a foolish child with foolish fantasies. Still things have changed and he is no longer that child anymore.
He turns with the intent to go back to the hotel his band is staying at when a new round of cheers is heard and he knows that this one isn't for him. He turns and sure enough it's him.
"What's he doing here?" he mumbles half angry at him and the other half is directed at his manager. He tries to make a break for it. He figures that if he can leave before he is seen then maybe-
"Shin!" His thoughts of escape leave before they have time to manifest themselves. He stops but he doesn't turn.
"Ryu," he responds at last. The name leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. When he turns at last he notices that everything has gone quiet.
Two identical figures stare into identical pair of eyes. They are impossible to tell apart except for the clothes and that's the root of the detestation they hold for one another.
He's out of time. He knows that he has to do something. He can't risk losing her because to lose her would break him.
His green eyes look back before crossing the street. He feels like a thief hiding. He hates doing this but he knows he has no other choice. He clenches his fist before he reaches the meeting place. They are there and they already have their prey. Hey looks scared, he thinks he should be. He taps him on the side with his foot. The man stirs and stares at him with fear and perhaps hatred. He realizes that he has come to live without that hatred. It's her, he thinks. She's changed me.
"What do you want?" the man trembles. He looks like he's about to cry. He doesn't know so he doesn't answer. "Why am I here?" he asks this time a bit of desperation leaks through his voice. Again, he doesn't know the answer. He turns his eyes to the one holding one of his arms.
Seeing the searching look the guy answers quickly, "He works for Uchiha Corp. We have orders to get rid of the competition."
He nods his head in understanding. The man looks scared but resigned. He knows that he probably won't leave without first being beaten to an inch of his life. He pauses and thinks of her. He wonders if she would hate him if she knew. Before he can change his mind and walk away, another more frightening thought enters his mind. It's his father and Hinata. He has her and she's screaming for help and it's his fault; his fault that she has to suffer, all because he was too weak to do what needed to be done. With that thought he lands the first blow.
Just like that it all comes back. It's easy; it's so easy that it scares him. The blood, the screams they are normal, natural to him.
When he comes back, she is already asleep. He slumps against the door. He can't touch her, not with these hands. He trembles, she can't know. This time it isn't for him, he is doing it for her, and that's the only thing that keeps him sane. He crumbles into his hands. He lets the darkness cloak over him. He doesn't hear her leave the bed nor does he notice when she walks towards him. It isn't until he feels her hands on his skin that he finally notices. "Hinata," one name, three syllables and that's all that matters.
It's dark by the time she returns home. It's been days, maybe weeks since she has seen her father. She wonders how he is doing and realizes how idiotic that line of thought is. Her eyes turn to his office and find the lights still on. She hesitates at the door. She doesn't know what to say or how to comfort him. Ever since that night all he has done is stay in his office locking himself away from the world. She turns the knob and is saddened by the sight.
"Dad," she calls. He doesn't turn around but she knows that he has heard her. "I'll fix it." At this he turns, his eyes catch hers and she can see the hope and frustration of the situation.
"Just like your mother," he whispers. She smiles at this before reaching out and taking him in her arms. She'll fix it, she has to.
Days pass, and it seems like nothing has changed but it has. She's close now, she knows. It's been days since she's been able to sleep but it hardly matters because now it's only a matter of waiting. She knows that he father will be thrilled when this is all over but mostly he'll be free. She hasn't told him her plan nor does she plan on telling him anytime soon.
She looks down from her place to the city below. She hasn't seen him, Gaara. The name lingers like an unspoken kiss. The thought alone makes her want to roll out his name but she won't. She smiles at the memories but is also sadden by everything that has happened. He hasn't left her just like he has promised but he isn't the same. He won't touch her not since that night. When he thinks she is asleep she can hear him call her name like a mantra. It frightens her. To have that hold on anyone is a frightening experience.
She turns away from the lights and sounds of the city. It isn't until she's pulled on a sweater that she realizes what she is doing. Part of her registers that she has grown tired of waiting. She won't wait for him to figure it out. She leaves through the back and the only thing on her mind is one reoccurring thought, I have to find him.
He ignores the woman's pleas. Her words mean little to him. He isn't here for her; he's here for her husband.
"Please, have mercy," she begs. Her makeup runs leaving small trails of black ink across her face. "We don't have it. Please understand! Our daughters sick." He hesitates but the hesitation only lasts for a second and it's gone.
"We don't care, we just came here to collect," says a man to his right. The woman shrinks back as the men at his side come forward. The man is too beaten to even move much less speak in his wife's defense.
"Don't disappoint us pup," the warning is clear. He ignores him and steps towards his prey. Before he can make a move to grab his prey he hears it, her voice. The moment he sees her face he knows he has lost.
Regardless of his choice the result will be the same, he will lose her.
"You have the same eyes as I do… the eyes, filled with hatred and death, that long for strength… just like mine… your eyes tell me how badly you wish to kill the one who put you through the hell called loneliness." – Gaara
"Gaara," she calls. He turns unable to ignore her.
She can see the sadness and the fear in his eyes. She wants to cry when she sees this. Her eyes brim with tears but she refuses to shed them. "Gaara," she calls again this time a little softer. "Don't do this. You're better than this."
Everything becomes quiet. The man he had previously been snuffing the life out of becomes still. The man remains still out of fear that if he were to move or make a sound then the animal in front of him will be set free.
Gaara stares at her similar to that of a child lost and unsure. He wants to believe in her words but something is holding him back. His father's words ring in his ears. You are nothing. You are nothing more than an animal, a tool at my disposal. How can anyone love someone like you. The disdain and anger ring out in his mind. He looks at his hands. They are covered in blood.
"What's wrong pup?" He ignores the mocking voice. "Don't tell me the little bitch has managed to muzzle you."
The need to ram his fist into the bastard's smug face is almost impossible to ignore. It is only the thought of what might happen to her that keeps him from acting out on impulse.
"Gaara, don't listen to them. You don't have to do this." Her words are softly spoken. Her words send a bitter taste down his throat because she's wrong.
"I've had enough. You know your orders and know the consequences. I won't remind you. Either you do as your told or…" The threat sends needles of dread down his spine.
He takes a breath, he's made his decision. "I'll do it."
"I'll do it," he says.
I'll do it
I'll do it
I'll do it; the words continue to ring through her mind. It was like a switch had been turned. He wasn't the caring Gaara anymore. It was another side, a darker more horrific side that held no fear and no regret over his actions. He didn't blink even when the resounding sound of bone cracking reached their ears.
I'll do it
Those words would haunt her.
"Monster are real…they live inside us, and sometimes, they win." -Stephen King
The smell of blood lingers in the air. She's covered in it. Her eyes blink in and out of focus. The flashes of events prior flick through her mind. Soft hair under her fingertips makes her notice him. He's on the ground and he won't stop shaking. The grip he has on her is borderline painful but she won't say anything not now not when he needs this.
Blood, it splatters everywhere. The laughter is loud and sickening. She shuts her eyes but she can't shut her ears. They hear the sound of bone breaking and the laughter it's there.
"It's okay," she whispers. Her fingers thread through his blood soaked locks, "it's okay," she says. "I'm here," she tells him.
Suddenly, it stops the sound of laughter and the sound of flesh against flesh. All of it, it all stops. The scene before her makes her breathe stop. He's standing there and she can see it she can finally see it. He's broken, so broken and she's afraid it's too late.
He won't stop shaking. He won't stop staring at the blood, her blood. "It's okay," she soothes, "I'm here now."
The man before him chuckles, "You've done well pup." She feels bile rise in her throat. "I was beginning to think you lost your bite." The words have an effect. She can see it. It's there in the tightening of Gaara's fist, in his tense posture. He believes their words. "Now, finish him." The woman wails at his words, pleading for her husband's life.
"Coward," she says. Everyone turns surprised. "Coward," she says this time a little louder.
"What did you call me you little bitch," the man sneers yanking at her hair the action is painful but she doesn't cry out.
She grits her teeth, "I said, you're a coward," the words are spat with malice. The man is angry his face turns into a snarl and pulls back his arm. She flinches expecting the blow but it never comes. His fist is stopped by a hand, Gaara's hand.
"Don't touch her," the words are feral. Even the man cringes. His demeanor is dark and she is afraid for them.
"I can't," he mumbles. She strokes his hair. She ignores the bodies, the blood, she ignores it all.
"Shh," she tries to soothe. "I'm here, I'm here."
"I can't lose you."
I have found my most treasured person
A/N: Okay! okay, I know I said I would be done with Gaara on this chapter but it will have to be the next chapter. Next chapter will be the chapter I finish Gaara. I honestly never thought he would be such a complicated character to write. I also want to thank all those who have not given up on me and are still reading my story. I hope you like the lemons and I promise there will be lots more in the coming up chapter. Please review! They help to inspire me!
Ps: Sorry, for the long wait. I will try to update soon.