Accepting your own death is hard and hard to imagine, but most people who have a terminal illness eventually get to a point where they can do so. By this stage, people have usually taken care of all their personal affairs, including wills, funeral arangments, and saying goodbye to special people in their lives.
"Ericas? Don't you know that they mean lonliness in the flower language? This is the last event in your life Mr. Alan! Surely these aren't the flowers you want to be joining you in your final resting place?"
Alan put a hand up to silence Undertaker before taking another sip at his tea. "I'm sure. I love ericas and I want those to be the ones at my funeral. Eric always said... he imagines the coffin to be decerated in them... he does so much for me... the least I can do is let him see ericas on my coffin."
"If you insisssssst~" he smiled widely and opened the lid to a newly finished coffin. "Now come here, see if it is to your liking." the coffin itself was made out of pine, the inside had purple velvet for Alan's body to rest on, and the outside had an engraving of Alan's death scythe (as it was tradition for shinigami).
"Alright, but from here I can tell it'll suite me just fine," he placed the beaker on top of the coffin he was sitting on and went to his own resting place. Laying himself inside in the position he wished to be burried in with hands crossed over his chest, Alan closed his eyes and smiled. "...perfect... simply perfect Undertaker..."
"I'm glad it's to your liking little lamb. But won't Mr. Eric be upset if he found out you were here all day?" he asked, giving a hand to help Alan out.
"No... he knew... we both knew I would coming in here soon..." he sighed. Slowly, he stripped from his blazer and hung it over a coffin. "They're so close... I can almost feel them everytime my heart beats... I'm scared but... it's going to happen soon... I know it..." soon his vest and dress shirt was placed ontop of his jacket. "See? Right...here..." black lines creeped all the way up Alan's arms, bruises covered his backside in ugly purple, blackish blobs, a worse bruise covered right over his heart and more black lines were inching towards it. "They only hurt a little... they do so that they remind me that their there..."
"My dear, you'll catch a cold that way. Please put your clothes back on," a small frown crossed Undertaker's lips.
"Sorry... but... I don't know... maybe I want to share my fear with someone... I...just don't like being alone I guess," Alan smiled softly as he pulled his shirt over his shoulders with care. "Once upon a broken heart, I was walking alone in the dark, looking for a way to start again. What I wouldn't give for a friend. There was no love in my life, there was no light in my eyes. All the tears that I had cried and cried seemed like they'd never end..." he said under his breath as he redressed his torso.
"I'm glad you liked the coffin, I'll keep in good condition for you Mr. Alan," Undertaker said, closing the lid, trying to seem that he didn't hear Alan's last sentances.
"Thank you Undertaker, for your time," the brunette bowed slightly and put the scarf around his neck. "Good evening."
"Good night little lamb, get home safely."
"I will," Alan left the Undertaker's parlor, singing his song under his breath. The wind from outside drowned out his words so that he was the only one to listen to them.
"Let's go on a trip starting from today, the two of us, piling up our lonely shadows. I was born alone to lean close to you. My friend, that is our fate. We don't need tears anymore."
Waves pounded against the shoreline, the tide just barely coming up to their spot. The sun was on the verge of sinking below the horizen, leaving the sky a canvas painted pink, purple, and orange.
"...its really pretty Eric-kun..." Alan breathed, leaning back further into Eric's bare chest.
"Yeah...it is... really pretty..." Eric answered distantly. Only this morning, Alan was saying how he didn't want to go to the beach with Eric because of the bruises covering his skin. But after some convincing, the beach was where they spent all afternoon. Not once though did Alan take off his shirt or go far in the water. Even when Eric splashed him, Alan simply returned to their spot and started reading. "Happy you went after all?"
"Yes Eric, I'm happy that I finally let you take me away from work to go here..." he laughed, reaching up and kissing Eric's cheek before returning to his spot.
"Really? You looked annoyed all day," he smirked, wrapping his arms a bit more tightly around the fragile reaper.
"Well it was hot and I didn't want anyone seeing my bruises..."
"We're the only ones here now Alan... take that damn shirt off already then," his hands slipped under the cotton fabric, his fingers tickling Alan's sensitive skin.
"Eric-kun! St-stop!" Alan laughed, breaking out in a giggle fit.
"Take it off Al, you'll feel better when you're not all stuffed up." he removed his hands and set them down on the sand.
"Al-alright! No more tickling me though!" he friendly scolded and pulled the helm of his shirt over his head. "There, bare chest like you. Happy?"
"Very happy," Eric smiled and pulled Alan into another tight embrace. "...now... let's watch... the sun's almost all the way down..."
"It'll be dark then Eric... we still have to go home."
"It doesn't matter, there's a reason the streetlight was invented."
"But we're almost a mile away from the nearest streetlight."
"We got the stars and the moon, see? They're already coming out?" Eric pointed up to the sky, the moon was small and barely glowing with one or two stars near it. "It's a full moon tonight Al, there'll be no problems going back to the street."
Eric didn't like how Alan answered. He sounded upset with what he had to say. Was it about the stars? Shit... it probably was. He forgot has sensitive he got about them. How could he carelessly throw it out like that?
"You know Alan... if we can see the stars now... I think those are the dead ones..."
"What makes you say that? We're so far away that we can't tell which ones are dead or not."
"They're obviously either the closest stars or that their dead. Doesn't a star shine brighter when it dies before fading away? Even then, it takes a long time for a star's light to fade." he said softly, laying his cheek on Alan's head. "Light... it's a funny thing sometimes isn't it? People need it, so they made lightbulbs and other things. But why? They have the sun, the moon, and the stars. Is that not enough? I, for one, only need one light... even if it's going out. I'm going to need the light for as long as I live..."
"Something the matter?"
"Do you...really need me that bad?"
"Of course I do... you're my light Alan and always will be. Even after you're gone... your light will shine bright enough for me to see and anyone who wants to see that light..." he kissed the chocolate locks, deeply taking in Alan's scent. "Hnmm...I know you were at Undertaker's a week ago by the way... getting yourself fitted... does that mean you... accepted death?"
"...yes... I did... I know I'm going to die and... got my funeral already..."
"You didn't have to do that on your own Alan, I could have helped you."
"I know, I just didn't want any help. It'll be a suprise for you then. And besides... sometimes you got to do things on your own even if you don't want to..." he sighed. "And Eric... you helped me a lot...getting through this...helping me get through this... but I wanted to accept death on my own and I did! I feel... kinda happy actually... I don't feel so scared... I am still, deep down and when the after effects of an attack hit me I'll say I'm afraid and alone... but me, as Alan, I know I'm not alone... I got you Eric..."
"...and you'll always have me," a single tear rode down his cheek, landing on Alan's shoulder. Of course with them sitting near the ocean, Alan might mistaken it for a drip of seawater from a wave that crashed. "...and if you can accept your own death... I guess I'll accept it to..." but that doesn't mean I'll stop trying to save you.
"You don't have to if you're not ready," Alan reminded, looking up at Eric's face. There was a bit of sadness, a lot of love and happiness, and a hint of concern.
"I am... believe me I'm ready..."
After that, no words were echanged between the two reapers. They sat quietly in each other's arms, watching the sunset. Soon, the sky was black and more stars were easily seen, the moon shining brightly in all its glory. Eric held Alan as long as he could until he felt the brunette fall limp against his chest. He laughed slightly, he figured Alan would go to bed early but not this early. Even then, the blonde held him a while longer, wanting to keep the embrace going until he started feeling sleepy as well.
"I will commit any sin if that allows me to share your pain. When you die I will kiss your icy cheek once. Let's go on a trip, piling up the ericas' loneliness. Yes, the reason I was born alone is so that the two of us could meet. My friend, since that is our fate we don't need tears anymore."