Inspired by Kermit the Yoda and Debwood-1999's work. It seemed really fun and it IS really fun:)

Disclaimer: I own nothing but Alexis Michaels. She's mine.

.~.

To: Edge

From: Matt Hardy

Subject: Alexis Michaels

So after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center

To: Matt Hardy

From: Edge

Subject: Alexis Michaels

You might have found the rare bro goddess. I thought they were myth

To: Jeff Hardy

From: Justin Gabriel

Subject: Heath Slater

I give him blowjobs while he watches sports. How am I not his bf yet?

To: Matt Hardy

From: Jeff Hardy

I'm transferring to Degrassi. I don't care that it's severely Canadian. Classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get out of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall

To: Shannon Moore

From: Jeff Hardy

Writing a love song to planned parenthood. What rhymes with "don't have AIDS"

To: Christian

From: Chris Jericho

Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um

To: John Morrison

From: Alexis Michaels

I just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. Tequila really lowers my standards

To: Alex Shelley

From: Chris Sabin

We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us needs to start doin drugs

To: Chris Sabin

From: Alex Shelley

Wtf? Why?

To: Alex Shelley

From: Chris Sabin

I want awesome conversations to show the world

To: Jeff Hardy

From: Edge

I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you

To: Rob Van Dam

From: Ken Anderson

They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting

To: Alexis Michaels

From: The Miz

I was playing the convince him I'm sober game through texting. I spelled most of the words right. I hope.

To: Matt Hardy

From: Alexis Michaels

Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?

To: Edge

From: Jeff Hardy

Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?

To: Ken Anderson

From: Rob Van Dam (school setting)

I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed

To: Matt Hardy

From: Jeff Hardy

And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition

To: Christian

From: Chris Jericho

I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified then when you dove out the car window after your credit card

To: John Morrison

From: The Miz

Where you at

To: The Miz

From: John Morrison

Assisting at a photo shoot in Williamsburg till 7ish. Wassup?

To: John Morrison

From: The Miz

Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed

To: Christian

From: Alexis Michaels

Subject: Edge

He kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car

To: John Morrison

From: Alexis Michaels

Subject: Matt Hardy

He's weird. He'll kiss me after I go down on him but he won't kiss me after I eat anything with mustard

To: John Cena

From: Randy Orton

"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?

To: Jeff Hardy

From: Edge

Is it wrong that I would like to tie you down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?

To: Justin Gabriel

From: Heath Slater

Milquetoast, coolest word ever

To: Chris Jericho

From: Christian

Why was I handcuffed to the roof?

To: Christian

From: Chris Jericho

It was easier than trying to explain why you couldn't fly

To: Edge

From: Matt Hardy

I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now I can tan while PTFO

To: Everyone

From: Alexis Michaels

Subject: Matt Hardy

Matt is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth"

To: Jeff Hardy

From: Edge and Christian

We have officially mastered the walk of shame

To: Chris Jericho

From: John Morrison

Subject: The Miz

Mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. This includes door stops, power drills, and g.i. joes

To: John Morrison

From: Chris Jericho

Subject: The Miz

And then my dad would be all like 'hey, mike, where's the remote?'

To: Edge

From: Jeff Hardy

Seriously….what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas?

To: John Cena

From: Alexis Michaels

He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex