To: Justin Gabriel

From: Wade Barrett (school setting)

They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald

To: Matt Hardy

From: Alexis Michaels

You supply the liquor and I'll "accidentally" forget my bathing suit

To: Alexis Michaels

From: Matt Hardy

Deal!

To: Matt Hardy

From: Jeff Hardy

Stop introducing me to people as your little sister

To: Jeff Hardy

From: Matt Hardy

I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother

To: Heath Slater

From: Justin Gabriel (school setting)

I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again

To: Justin Gabriel

From: Heath Slater

We better fuck soon then

To: Shannon Moore

From: Shane Helms

May or may not have received head in the car before we came in

To: Shane Helms

From: Shannon Moore

First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats

To: Edge

From: Jeff Hardy

If I die I have 2 requests. One a Viking funeral pyre and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone

To: John Morrison

From: Alexis Michaels

Subject: Me and Matt

So, the parking garage attendant caught us humping in the car. Long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! Take that abstinence

To: Rob Van Dam

From: Ken Anderson

Just watched paranormal activity stoned. Laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. Eating Doritos. I love my life

To: Christian

From: Chris Jericho

Gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar

To: Chris Jericho

From: Christian

I need you to use more vowels

To: Christian

From: Edge

You're at medical school. I'm eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a Monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you

To: Alexis Michaels

From: Matt Hardy

I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know I'll be the one fucking you

To: Matt Hardy

From: Alexis Michaels

That was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary

To: John Morrison

From: The Miz

I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo

To: Randy Orton

From: John Cena

The bank didn't screw up, I spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night

To: Christian

From: Edge

I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!" out from different balconies

To: John Morrison

From: Chris Jericho

Swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. This is intense

To: Shane Helms

From: Shannon Moore

I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hands fits the handprint bruise on my ass…I feel like the Cinderella of S&M

To: Christian

From: Chris Jericho

The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it

To: Alexis Michaels

From: John Morrison

Hey I never found my wallet but I did find a 14 soft taco supremes

To: John Morrison

From: Alexis Michaels

I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos

To: Chris Jericho

From: Jeff Hardy

He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job

To: Jeff Hardy

From: Chris Jericho

Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud

To: Justin Gabriel

From: Evan Bourne

You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa

To: Edge

From: Matt Hardy

Subject: John Morrison, me, and Alexis Michaels

Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship

To: John Morrison

From: The Miz

We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out

To: Christian

From: Edge

Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear

To: Everyone

From: Jeff Hardy

Y do pigs give u truffles on Farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!

To: John Cena

From: Randy Orton

I just looked at my iPhone gps history… "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible"

To: Jeff Hardy

From: Ken Anderson

This guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"

To: Matt Hardy

From: Edge

Adam has been drinking

To: Edge

From: Matt Hardy

Who has his phone

To: Matt Hardy

From: Edge

Adam does

To: Chris Jericho

From: Christian

A stripped just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality

To: The Miz

From: John Morrison

I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15

To: Edge

From: Jeff Hardy

I'm in Michaels with Alexis and I see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one

To: Evan Bourne

From: Justin Gabriel

I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page

To: Justin Gabriel

From: Evan Bourne

Nobody is perfect

To: Evan Bourne

From: Justin Gabriel

I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other

To: Heath Slater

From: Wade Barrett (school setting)

Just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! Score!

To: Wade Barrett

From: Heath Slater

Why is this not a picture message?

To: The Miz

From: John Morrison

Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave

To: Edge

From: Alexis Michaels

You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilettos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet

To: Christian

From: Edge

I'm making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight

To: Edge

From: Christian

Oh, you finally did the dishes then?

To: Christian

From: Edge

No, bought new ones

To: John Cena

From: Randy Orton

Guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughin and hasn't called an ambulance

To: Matt Hardy

From: Edge

We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This…Have You?

To: Ken Anderson

From: Rob Van Dam

These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow

To: Shawn Michaels

From: Alexis Michaels

Do you want me to make hamburgers?

To: Alexis Michaels

From: Shawn Michaels

I'm vegan

To: Shawn Michaels

From: Alexis Michaels

I'll put lettuce on them

To: Christian

From: Edge

I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down

To: Edge

From: Christian

You mean inside out

To: Christian

From: Edge

No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist