Kink meme fill. Original prompt: Growing up, Cousland had a secret crush on Nathaniel. Nate finds out when he discovers an old journal detailing all the dirty things he wants to do to him. Bonus points if Cousland walks in on him masturbating to the journal entries.

Nathaniel wandered through the halls of Highever Castle, rethinking his decision to stay behind while Aedan and Fergus went out hunting. He had wanted to let the brothers have some time alone, but being by himself inside the mostly-empty castle was strange, to say the least.

He had had misgivings about even coming here, but Aedan had wanted to pay a long-overdue visit to his brother and it was still too dangerous to make the journey from Vigil's Keep to Highever alone. Nathaniel felt that accompanying him on his journey was the least he could do to pay his Commander back for everything the man had done for him.

It was strange being back here after all these years. He remembered the last time he had come with his family to pay a visit to the Couslands, he had left for the Free Marches right after they returned home. He had thought of Aedan at the time only as Fergus' kid brother, but he realized now that the youngest Cousland must have been in his late teens by then. He smiled. Old enough for his mother to try and fix him up with Delilah. Not that anything ever came of that, as far as Nathaniel knew.

And now here he was once again. The castle looked the same as it had back then, but considerably quieter—thanks to his father's horrific actions during the Blight. He quickly put that out of his mind. He and Aedan had both come to terms with what had happened, and though they couldn't really call themselves friends, they had come to respect each other.

It bothered Nathaniel that he and Aedan might never be friends—he had come to greatly admire his Commander in the last few months, and they had much in common. But as hard as he tried to get the man to open up to him, Aedan always kept him at a distance. Not that he really blamed him, of course.

Nathaniel turned down the hallway towards the room he was staying in, thinking he could pass the time by sharpening his weapons. As he passed Aedan's room he noticed that the door had been left open. Curious, he peered inside. There were a few crates laying on the floor; Aedan had mentioned earlier he wanted to go through his old belongings, see if there was anything he wanted to take back to the Keep with him.

He was about to leave when something caught his eye; piled on top of the desk near the door were several books. Most of them appeared to be about military tactics or mabari hounds, but the topmost one was bound in cracked leather and had the word "Journal" stamped in gold on the cover.

He should just leave. Just leave and go back to his room and find something to do. He definitely should not look at that journal. He had no business reading something of Aedan's that was so private. Then again, this was the perfect chance to learn more about who Aedan was as a person, rather than the Warden-Commander.

He opened the book and idly flipped through the pages, smiling at random phrases that jumped out at him:

has the most gorgeous ass I've ever seen, tight and firm…

Fergus said it happens to every man at least once, but I don't know…

He stopped when he saw his own name written on one of the pages. He turned back a page to the beginning of the entry.

17 Drakonis. The Howes arrived today, late as usual. The Arl made some excuse about the servants taking the wrong route. Maker, I doubt he could find his ass with both hands! Nathaniel snickered at that.

They've only been here half a day, and already Mother's started in. She seems determined to match me up with Delilah. Hah, as if that's ever going to happen. She's not that bad looking, but if I was going to bed a Howe it certainly wouldn't be her. Nathaniel was confused by that—he only had the one sister after all. But he was glad to know at least that Aedan had never made advances on his sister.

What he read next nearly caused him to drop the journal. No, if I was to bed a Howe, the entry continued on the next page, it would most certainly be Nathaniel.

Nathaniel scanned the sentence again, thinking that he must have misread it. But it was obvious from the rest of the entry that he hadn't.

Maker, he is amazing. Strong and handsome, isn't that the saying? He's certainly both of those. Maybe it's just because he's older, but he seems so much more…masculine…than any man I've ever been with. Nathaniel raised an eyebrow at that, he had always assumed Aedan fancied women. He certainly caught the eye of many of them whenever they visited Amaranthine. Of course, he had also assumed that Aedan hated him; he certainly was learning all kinds of new things about his Commander.

19 Drakonis. Couldn't sleep last night. Went hunting with Fergus and Nathaniel yesterday. I never knew archery could be so sexy. Just watching the muscles in Nathaniel's biceps bulge as he drew the bowstring back…amazing. The three of us washed up in the lake afterwards and, well, no surprise that I couldn't sleep after seeing that! He's well-built all over, that's for sure.

Anyway, I went down to the stables, figuring if I couldn't sleep I may as well go riding. There were noises coming from one of the empty stalls, it sounded like moans. I kept to the shadows and moved closer, curious. And there was Nathaniel in all his glory with the stable-boy Westley writhing beneath him!

Nathaniel smiled to himself. He remembered that stable-boy very well, and had spent a couple of delicious mornings with him during that stay. His smile froze as he realized the implications of what he was reading—Aedan had been watching them.

I couldn't stop myself from staring at Nate's perfect ass as he pounded into Westley. He was rough, almost feral, and Westley was clearly enjoying every second of it if his moans were any indication. I watched until they both climaxed, then snuck off back to the castle. I didn't fancy them catching me—although part of me almost wished they had.

Nathaniel felt heat building low in his belly, his breeches becoming uncomfortably tight. Just the idea that Aedan had been watching that day was making him hard.

20 Drakonis. I invited Westley to my chambers last night. I don't usually dally with servants, but I couldn't help myself. I wanted some kind of connection with Nathaniel, since I know he'd never be interested in Fergus' annoying little brother. As I was kissing Westley I imagined that I could taste Nathaniel on his lips, and it turned me on to know that the body I was caressing was the body that Nate had been touching just that morning.

Almost absentmindedly, Nathaniel's hand trailed down to the front of his breeches. He came to himself suddenly. This was utter foolishness! If he was caught…but really there was little danger of that. The servants were all busy downstairs, and Fergus and Aedan wouldn't be back from their hunt for another couple of hours at least.

Nate gave in to temptation and unlaced his breeches. He pulled out his cock and began stroking it as he went back to reading the journal.

I let him take me from behind, and Maker forgive me, I couldn't help but imagine he was Nathaniel! I know that's terrible, to imagine the person you're having sex with is someone else, but I just couldn't help it. When he entered me, I imagined it was Nate's cock pushing deep into me, filling me. He isn't quite as big as Nate is though, I wonder if it would have hurt more if it had been Nathaniel inside me. Part of me hopes it would.

Westley tried to be gentle, slowly pulling out of me before pushing back in. But that wasn't how I wanted it. I wanted him to pound into me, like Nate did to him.

Nathaniel's cock twitched at that, hardening even further at the thought of Aedan liking it rough. He tightened his grip and rubbed his calloused thumb over the tip. His hand sped up, stroking himself roughly.

I pushed back on him, hard, urging him to go faster. Imagining that it was Nate battering into me, that it was Nate's hand wrapped around my cock, pumping it.

Nathaniel couldn't focus on the words any longer, pleasure rushing through his body. He craned his head back, the cords in his neck tightening as he neared release. Suddenly he heard a strangled cry, one that didn't come from him. He whipped his head around to see Aedan standing frozen in the doorway.

They both stood there for long moments, staring at each other. Nathaniel broke eye contact first, hastily shoving himself back in his breeches and lacing them up. No longer able to meet Aedan's gaze he stared at the floor, at a loss as to what to say. What excuse could he make for being caught jerking off in his Commander's bedroom? Maybe Anders would have been able to come up with a good excuse, but he certainly couldn't.

He prayed to the Maker that Aedan would be just as embarrassed as he was and flee, without noticing what Nathaniel had been reading while he was pleasuring himself. But the Maker didn't seem to be on his side today, and Aedan stepped further into the room. Trying to keep as much space between them as possible, Aedan walked over to the desk. Nate could hear him suck in a deep breath as he saw the journal laying there.

Nathaniel searched his brain, desperately trying to think of something to say. "I, uh, thought you were still out with Fergus." Definitely not the most brilliant thing he'd ever said.

"Storm's coming up," Aedan said quietly, still staring at the journal, "I guess you were too busy to notice." He finally looked up at Nathaniel, a strange look on his face. Before Nathaniel could determine what it was Aedan was kissing him.

The kiss was hot and passionate, and stoked the flames in Nathaniel's belly that had died down. Not letting himself think about what he was doing he began returning the kiss, his tongue delving deep into Aedan's mouth.

He pushed Aedan up against the desk, trailing kisses down the man's jaw and neck. When he reached his shoulder he bit down slightly, sucking at the skin there until it began to redden. He pulled Aedan's shirt up and off and began mapping his chest with his hands.

Aedan groaned and pulled Nathaniel into another breathless kiss. He bucked his hips forward, grinding their bodies together. "I want you," he whispered gruffly, tugging at Nate's earlobe with his teeth. Nate needed no further incentive. Grasping Aedan's hips he spun the man around until he was facing the desk.

Nate reached around to unlace Aedan's breeches and pulled them down along with smallclothes. He made quick work of his own clothes before leaning forward to press his body along the length of Aedan's.

He brushed his fingers along against Aedan's cheek, and groaned when the man captured his first two fingers in his mouth, suckling at them. When they had been well coated Nathaniel removed them from Aedan's mouth and reached down between his buttocks. He pressed his index finger into Aedan's entrance, thrusting it in and out. Adding a second finger he worked to stretch the man, taking less care than he usually would due to his impatience.

Lubing himself up with saliva he thrust his cock into Aedan, sheathing himself in one quick motion. He paused for a moment as Aedan cried out, worried he was being too harsh. He smiled to himself when Aedan pushed back against him, urging him on.

His hands clutching Aedan's hips in a bruising grip, he slowly pulled back before thrusting back in again, hard. "Is this what you wanted?" he growled as he pulled out and thrust back in again.

Aedan moaned. "Yes, Maker, yes!" His hands were clutching the edges of the desk, tightening each time Nate pushed into him. "Please, Nate," he groaned hoarsely, "please—"

Nathaniel continued his slow pace, burying his cock as deep inside Aedan as possible with each thrust."Please what, Aedan?" he grunted. "What do you want?"

"Fu-fuck me," Aedan gasped out, "I want you to fuck me. Hard!"

Nate growled, the hunger in Aedan's voice nearly undoing him. He tightened his grip on Aedan's hips and began pounding into him furiously. The desk began shaking violently and Aedan clutched the edges even tighter.

Nate knew he couldn't last long, not after his earlier activities. When he felt Aedan pushing back against him he snaked one hand around to grasp his cock, stroking it in time with his movements.

"Tighter," Aedan growled. Nate complied and tightened his grip slightly, drinking in Aedan's cry of pleasure.

Too soon, he felt himself on the brink of climax. He sped up the pace of his hand, wanting to bring Aedan over first. "Nate! Oh, Maker, Nate!" Aedan let out a loud cry before releasing over Nate's hand. Feeling Aedan's muscles clench around him was his undoing. He came hard, moaning in pleasure.

Panting, Nate slowly pulled out of Aedan. Legs threatening to give out he sank down to the floor, back resting against the wall. Aedan joined him, sitting himself between Nate's legs. Both men were gasping for breath, their skin soaked with exertion.

Nate wrapped his arms around Aedan and chuckled. "Maybe I should get my own journal."

Aedan laughed and nuzzled his neck. "Just make sure to get one with lots of pages."