After lots of self debate and consideration, I've decided to put this story through a rewrite. Usually I think a lot about a story before I start writing it. I go through lots of permutations in my head and play out different scenes before a set pen to paper for the first go of it.
This story never really get that opportunity. Admittedly it's been through a couple of different versions in my head, but the first ones didn't really count because this started off as a really bad Mary-Sue type self insert. (It's a long story.)
So really this story hasn't gotten a fair shake.
In addition to that I've gone back a reread what's been written so far and to be honest... it doesn't even hold my attention very well. Which, I feel, is the mark of a pretty bad fanfic right there. If even the author isn't impressed then it can't really be worth reading to other people.
So I definitely feel it can be better.
Look for the overhauled version of the prologue and Chapter One within the next month or so.