Disclaimer: I don't own transformers!
(Crack! Starring Jazz, Prowl, Carly and Spike. Hope you enjoy!)
"Carly… Can I ask you a favour?" Jazz's soft almost embarrassed tones reached her through her bedroom window making her almost drop the hairdryer she was about to use.
"Jazz!" she cried sticking her head out of her window to see the Porsche sitting idly in her driveway, his engine rumbling lowly. "What can I do for you?" she asked leaning on the windowsill.
"Can you phone Prowl?" the Saboteur asked sinking lower on his suspension, tyres crackling over the driveway as he shifted them to and fro restlessly. "I'm in a bit of a pickle"
"Sure, but wouldn't Ratchet be better?" she asked opening the front door so she could talk to him better as she picked the phone up off of the receiver, the curled cord stretching as she put the receiver to her ear and was about to dial the CMO's com frequency.
"No!" Jazz cried, engine giving a shrill whine of mortification "Please Carly-girl! Just call Prowl and tell him it's happened again!"
"Alright Jazz" the blond shrugged mystified as she searched through the pages in her private phonebook where she had written down all of the Autobot's communication frequencies, running her finger down the list until she found Prowl's number "Aha, here we go…"
A few rings and a cheerful greeting from Blaster later, Carly got through to Prowl. "Hi, Prowl it's Carly"
"Hello Carly" the soft monotone voice replied politely "Is there anything I can do for you?"
"Actually there is" Carly smiled to herself as she heard the Second in Command of the Autobots pause "Jazz is outside my house at the moment, he told me to phone you and to tell you 'It's happened again'"
With an uncharacteristic groan Prowl replied "I shall be there in about half an hour Carly. I need to finish my reports first"
"I'll keep him entertained" the blond woman cheerfully grinned "Mind telling me what Jazz is talking about?"
"Don't you dare tell her Prowler!" Jazz's voice shouted from outside making Carly jump, put her hand on the speaker end of her phone and hiss back at him
"Jazz! Shut up! My neighbour works night shift!"
"Sorry" the TIC sulked sinking even lower on his suspension even as the said neighbour opened her bedroom window and glared out at the Porsche, a pink frilly night cap on her head.
"Sorry Mrs. Cooper" Carly called out the door waving out at her neighbour with a sheepish grin "He's a sentient robot who likes loud music; he knows absolutely nothing about respecting people who need sleep!"
"See that he is educated then!" the middle aged woman snapped, slamming her window closed as the TIC of the Autobots spluttered his protest at the blond woman going back to her phone conversation with Prowl.
"As I was saying" Prowl replied "Back on Cybertron Jazz got hit by an electric current from a refinery explosion that trapped him in his altmode form. Ratchet had to manually transform him and replace his transformation cog. It wasn't his proudest moment to say the least. I shall be along soon"
Carly burst out laughing on the phone and said goodbye to the SIC through the delighted tears forming at the corners of her eyes. "Well, well Jazz" she giggled as she set down the phone "You are in a bit of a mess aren't you?"
"That's it Carly" Jazz grumbled, opening his doors and giving them a flap before slamming them closed in a show of frustration "Kick a mech while he's down"
"Oh, don't worry" Carly soothed patting his bonnet "I won't tell anybody"
Jazz gave a soft beep of his horn in thanks before he settled on his suspension waiting for Prowl to arrive.
-Half an Hour Later—
Prowl's police car braked to a stop at the front of Carly's house and the SIC transformed, a small barely there smirk on his faceplate. "That's it Prowl, have your giggles now, then get your aft in gear and help me" Jazz growled throwing himself in reverse so that he collided with Prowl's shin plating.
"That's just the thing Jazz" Prowl said with a pleased purr "You've changed since we were on Cybertron, so I don't actually know how to help you"
"What?" the Saboteur shrieked as Carly burst out laughing bending over to brace herself on her knees so that she didn't fall over. "Prowler!"
"I asked Ratchet" Prowl elaborated "He's mystified too and is looking into it with a very… enthusiastic Wheeljack."
Jazz gave a groan of mortification, his undercarriage flattening to the ground as Jazz sank to the lock-block on the driveway "I'll be the laughing stock of the ARK!"
Carly stifled her giggling as she saw Spike get out of his own non-sentient car, a bouquet of flowers in his hand "Hi, Carly" he smiled then looked up at Prowl and gave Jazz a pat on the hood as he passed "Prowl, Jazz"
"Hello Spike" Prowl greeted his voice surprisingly tinged with laughter as Jazz gave a sullen beep of greeting. "Don't be rude Jazz"
"Jazz is stuck in his altform" Carly said with a bright smile as she was presented with the bouquet of roses.
"How did that happen, Jazz?" Spike asked in surprise as the neighbours around them began to nosily peer out of their closed blinds, or open their windows to see the Autobot Second in Command standing over a racing Porsche in Carly's driveway.
"The thunder storm we had a few hours ago decided I'd be a good pin cushion for some lightning strikes" Jazz replied his voice emanating sulkily from his speakers where mournful music was softly playing.
"Only problem right now is that we don't know Jazz's transformation sequence anymore" Prowl shrugged, his doorwings giving a soft flutter of amusement "New Alternate modes don't tend to come with instructions, transformation is instinctive, to put the ace in the hole, this kind of problem is virtually unique to Jazz."
Jazz's sudden flurry of Cybertronian had Prowl giving the TIC's boot a solid kick, making Spike and Carly jump as the Porsche lurched forward with a squeal, softly colliding with Carly's garage door. Carly gave the Porsche a scrutinizing look before suddenly snapping her fingers in realisation.
"Spike, didn't you say that a toy store had made toys of the Autobots and were marketing them?" the blond suddenly whispered into his ear.
"Yeah, but…" Spike replied with a frown before he twigged "Oh… that might just work. The advert did say that they had studied all angles of each Autobot's transforming sequence. Come on Carly!"
The boyfriend and girlfriend shared a private smile before rushing off to Spike's car. "We'll be back in a minute Prowl!" Carly called as the two drove off, leaving two bewildered Autobots behind.
-Fifteen Minutes Later—
Carly jumped out of Spike's car, a shopping back clutched tightly in her hand as she made her way through the gathered crowd, which included some TV cameras towards an annoyed looking Prowl as he sat cross-legged on her grass chatting to a giggling Jazz, bouncing on his tyres in her driveway.
"Carly, what have you got there?" Prowl asked over the murmurs of the crowd making all human eyes turn to her, including some mikes.
"Something that can hopefully help" she grinned digging into the plastic bag as her boyfriend came up behind her with a sheepish expression on his face. Grasping her 'help' she held it aloft for Prowl to see.
"Heroic Autobot Jazz" Prowl read aloud turning over the packet and scanning the back "your very own Transforming Saboteur toy, complete with instruction manual on how to transform him."
"WHAT?" Jazz shrilled his engine revving loudly as Prowl's neutral faceplate split in a smile, which the Paparazzi quickly snapped away at.
"Interesting method of help, Carly" Prowl approved handing the packet containing the mini-replica of his friend, complete with transforming instructions "I think we can try it"
"Okay…" Carly smiled opening the box and carefully extracting the instruction manual as Prowl stood up and loomed over his friend "To Change your Vehicle follow these step by step instructions… Prowl, it states that excessive force isn't required"
"I'll decide that when I come to it" Prowl said as Jazz shuddered at the thought of his stoic best friend using 'excessive force' to put him back into bi-pedal mode.
"Alright… Step 1: Turn car over…" Carly winced as Prowl flipped Jazz onto his hood resulting in a flurry of Cybertronian curses from the TIC, rocking slightly on his roof "Rotate arms outward until they lock into position…"
Prowl grunted as he heard the instruction pulling Jazz's arm out to his side, the saboteur giving a squeak of surprise as it clicked into place, before he made his way over to the other side. It was actually working!
"Turn car over again" The loud thud of Jazz's Porsche slamming back onto the drive-way the arms of the TIC spread-eagled on either side of the racing car made everybody wince, making the saboteur look like a man that had just been splatted by a large car shaped object. Prowl's smile widened as the next instruction was relayed, the TV news recording every second.
Oh this is fun!
-ARK Corridor, En-Route to Rec-Room—
"You will not tell anybody of this" Jazz said with a growl, flexing his newly repaired transformation cog Ratchet had repaired after Jazz had grudgingly relayed the story of how he managed to get back into his bipedal mode with a smug looking Prowl standing by the whole time, helping the medic stay standing as he nearly fell over laughing.
"Of course" Prowl said professionally as they entered the Rec-Room, all mechs currently in the break room looking up and staring with stark laughter in their optics. "But I don't think the news crews kept their word about not telling though"
Because there on the ARK's TV screen was footage of Prowl tugging Jazz's arms out of his upturned Alternate Mode as Carly read out her instructions from the Toy's information booklet.
Jazz's frustrated scream frightened away the flocks of birds nestled in the nearby forest.
-Two Weeks Later—
"Uh… I have an order for a Mr. Ratchet?" the young delivery worker asked an annoyed looking Red Alert as they stood at the entrance to the ARK "One Industrial shelving unit and one model of every Autobot toy plus the instructions enlarged for Transformer handling?"
"Right this way please"