Disclaimer: "NCIS" and its characters don't belong to me they belong to CBS and are being used without permission. Please don't sue because I have no money.
Author's Note: Based on what Gibbs says in Missing: "Don't worry McGee he's still alive."
He stands there with a sick feeling after Gibbs told McGee who was sitting in his chair "Don't worry McGee he's still alive." He didn't know what to think of why Gibbs would say that to him after saying he was irreplaceable. Why would he take it back? All he wanted was to make Gibbs proud, but it looked like he failed once again. It wasn't he first time that he failed at something and it wouldn't be the last. He spent all that time underground trying to bring Atlas out and this is what he got? He made himself walk forward and grab his bag, his gun and badge and leave not saying anything. He put everything in the car and drove to the park. He walked towards one of the tables and sat down. He grabbed his gun and started looking at it. Well, Gibbs said he's not dead maybe he wanted me to die? His father said he was going to end up in the gutter. He wouldn't even care if he had died. He never cared about him. It was the same thing with Gibbs. He had thought that he cared, but then he took it back.
He turned the gun around and held it. It was so easy to do what he wanted to do and he felt like it was out of his hands. He was useless which is what his father would say. He could hear his father in his head. "Go ahead and do it you coward. You can't do anything right can you? You're weak and always been weak. You'll end up in the gutter."
He lifted the gun and then stopped when someone beside him spoke up. "DiNozzo, what do you think you're doing?" Tony flinched and turned to the intruder. Luckily his finger wasn't on the trigger, or else it would have gone off already.
"Hey, Boss what ate you doing here?"
"I was worried about you."
"Right of course you were." He said as he turned to look at the gun again. "Why don't you leave, Gibbs. I don't want you here."
"It looks like you do, Tony."
"I don't need anybody." He glared at Gibbs as he turned to look at him. "I've been taking care of myself since I was a child there's no reason why you need to be here."
"What's wrong, Tony?" Gibbs said curiously.
"What's wrong? Do you honestly have to ask that question, Gibbs?"
"Yes, I do."
"I thought I mattered to you, but it looks like you don't care for me at all."
"Of course I care for you."
"Then why did you say that to McGee? Why did you say don't worry, McGee he's still alive. You would be happy that I'm dead because then you'll have McGee."
"It was a joke, Tony."
"You don't joke about that. All that time I was down there I kept hearing my Dad's voice saying you're going to end up in the gutter. When I was holding the gun I could hear him saying Go ahead and do it you coward. You can't do anything right can you? You're weak and always been weak. You'll end up in the gutter. I spent all my childhood listening to my father tell me that I was worthless and I'll never amount to anything and saying that nobody would care for me. I always thought that you cared for me, but it looks like my father was right. I've been stupid to think otherwise."
"Please don't go through it. I would miss you. I never told anyone this. I lost my little girl when she was eight years old and her mother because someone murdered them. If you killed yourself I would have felt like I lost a son. I'm sorry that I was so insensitive towards you. I never meant to hurt you."
"I thought apologies were a sign of weakness?"
"Not between friends. I really am sorry for hurting you. I never meant to do it."
Tony looked at Gibbs watching his face and his eyes. He seemed like he was sincere. Could he trust him? He decided then and there that yes, he could trust him. He already trusted him with his life.
"Okay, I won't go through with it."
"If I am ever insensitive towards you again please tell me. I don't want to see you do this again. It really scared me when I saw what was in your hands. And please if you ever think about this again please come to me and tell me. Even if you just need to talk come to me and I'll listen."
"Good. You have your overnight bag?"
"Of course I always have one in my car."
"Good because you're going home with me."
"On it Boss."
Gibbs smiled. Tony would be all right he just knew it. He really had been scared when he found Tony sitting on the table with his gun in his hands. He didn't know why he said what he did to McGee, but he had been sorry that he had hurt Tony because of it. He looked in the rear view mirror watching Tony as he followed him home.