Author's note: Based off of the mid-Season 2 happenings of Parenthood concerning Sarah, Seth, Amber, and Drew I own nothing! Enjoy:)
Small fingers, small toes
Your forehead, my nose
I see you
No matter how far away you are from me
She knew those words like she knew her own name
After Seth left, she watched Amber and Drew head off to school, and then retreated back to her "room" at her parents' place.
She laid down on her pull-out-couch bed, and popped in her headphones, and scrolled to the song she knew oh so well.
As the opening chords began to play, the memories of the past 18 years began to flood back. Back then, she could tell her kids anything as to why Seth was missing, for days, even weeks at a time, make some paper turtles, and everything would be okay.
Amber knew exactly what was going on during those hard times, as much as Sarah tried to hide it. Perhaps it was because of Drew that Amber played along with her mom's cover-ups, and white lies. But now that Drew is older, the truth can't be kept from him any longer, and they don't even bother trying.
Sarah knew that Seth was going to want to see his kids eventually, she just never knew when it would come. She knew that when he was ready to leave, he would be gone as quickly as he came. Sarah knew Seth better than anyone else.
As she listened to the chorus, she wondered what her life could have been like if she was still with him. Where would they be living? Would he have settled down? Would he have stayed sober?
She envied her siblings. Adam has an amazing wife, a solid job that doesn't involve serving alcohol to strangers, and two great children. Julia truly has the picture-perfect family. Sydney is the sweetest girl, and Joel is unfailingly loyal to his family, and is the perfect man for her sister. Hell, even Crosby had it going better than Sarah for a while! Why couldn't she have that?
Then, she thought about her life with her kids now. Amber has finally turned the corner, and will probably be going to Berkeley in the fall. She is finally going to have what her mother has been trying so desperately to give her all of her life. Drew has been going through a rough patch recently, what with the apparent lack-of-a-father-figure in his life, and Sarah doesn't blame him for it one bit. He's a teenage boy, and teenage boys need their quality one-on-one father/son time more than once in a great while. She wishes so badly that she could provide that for him, but only Seth can do that. She just hopes that one day, Drew will realize that although his dad comes in and out of his life, his mom will always be there for him and his sister, unconditionally.
Sarah came to realize that she will never be the "perfect mom", whatever that meant anymore. She strived to be the mom whom she viewed to be perfect for her kids for so long, to make up for Seth's absence. She tried so hard to provide her children with the best she could do, taking actions that sometimes ended up backfiring miserably.
She lost track of how many times she let the song play on repeat before her stomach growled, a reminder that she hadn't eaten breakfast yet. Slipping on her boots, Sarah walked to the main house for some much-needed coffee and cereal. She smiled to herself when she saw a picture of herself, Amber, and Drew on the refrigerator. Amber couldn't have been more than five years old, making Drew about three. They were both grinning from ear-to-ear, holding popsicles, while Sarah was trying to hold them both still for the picture. Seth was "on tour" yet again. Seeing the picture of her happy family back then, and thinking of her, more or less, happy family now (both with an apparent lack of Seth) helped to convince Sarah that she, Amber, and Drew were truly better without him.