Coming back home…for the first time

By Kate O'Riley


Time: Season 7

Disclaimer: Characters are Paramount's, story's mine, blah blah blah. You've read it before.

Archiving: I would be honored. But please let me know first.

Other: This is my first DS9 fic. But I do have nine Voyager fics and a general Trek fic to my credit. Please check them out. Please give some leniancy, since I haven't gotten to see any seventh season episodes since…the seventh season. I'm running on pure memory!

Summery: Ezri Dax's thoughts when she first comes back to DS9.

What a day. I'm going home again. Back to Deep Space Nine. Yes, I'm going home, but it's for the first time. What a feeling.

I…that is, I Ezri Tegan, never knew what it was like to see people who know you but don't know you, who you know but you don't know. I, Ezri Dax, have done it before. And I've doing it again today.

How could I describe the feeling when I saw Ben again? To see him, it thrilled me. I was incredibly glad. But it wasn't me. It was Curzon and Jadzia.

But it also grieved me. The look in his eyes when Joseph opened the door. Like he didn't have a clue who I was, and he couldn't have cared less.

Well, how could I expect him to. The only thing I share in common with Curzon and Jadzia are being Trill, being Starfleet, and Dax. And Benjamin.

I knew, as soon as I heard where he was, that he must have really been sad. To make Ben give up the station? The only thing close to this was the death of Jennifer. Jennifer was his wife. I'm only…I mean, I was his friend. But nowhere near on the same level. Or so I thought.

To see something come into his face when I told him it was me…I'll never forget it.

But then again, I know I shouldn't have expected him to recognize me. Why? I'm a lot shorter. I don't have Jadzia's long hair, or her vigor.

Jadzia. I keep thinking about her. How's Nerys feeling, and Miles, and Julian? I bet Quark doesn't have anyone to beat him at tonga anymore.

How's Worf?

We're approaching the station. I can look out the window and see it. It makes my heart ache. The long, graceful curves. I can see the wormhole opening. I can see the Defiant, ready for battle.

In a few minutes, we'll be docking. I hear Ben getting the clearence. He's talking to Kira. How will she react when she finds out I'm coming along?

He's told her to assemble some of the senior crew on the Promenade. He has a surprise for them.

He certainly does.

How will they accept me? I'm the same, but different. I know all about them, but they don't know about me yet. Will they even accept me? Will they reject me outright? It's happened before.

We've docked. Ben turned to me. "Ready to go, Old Man?" he asks.

I'm ready.