Sonic hastily ran away from the terror of his existence that was the dreaded Amy Rose as she pursued him in the ever-lasting mission of marrying him. With hearts in her eyes, she outstretched her arms to reveal the ring case she held, offering her undying love to the blue speedster.
"Get away you stupid bitch!" Sonic stopped, anchoring himself in the dirt, and turned around to face Amy as she skidded to an awkward halt in front of him. "I don't love you! I never have and never will! And according to the fanfic writer I'm supposed to push you now!" He pushed Amy and she fell into a conveniently-placed mud puddle.
Tears running down her face like rivulets, the young Rose cried, "B-But Sonic, you're my one true love!"
"Oh for the love of Mobius, I saved your ass when you were a little brat. I save everyone, despite my assholish personality that's suddenly risen upon the beginning of this fanfic!" Sonic rolled his eyes when Amy cried more. "C'mon, I saved other bitches, like Sally, Mina, and Elise; and you don't see them cooing after me – oh wait . . ." Sonic paused, pondering the predicament of having so many women falling for him after saving them. "Um, never mind – but I don't love you! So fuck off."
At that, Sonic sped away, leaving Amy in a cloud of dust to wallow in her self pity. She remained in that puddle, crying and crying until she had no more tears to release. When she started feeling a tad bit better, it started raining – which made her cry again.
"Oh boo hoo!" Amy cried. "Why doesn't Sonic love me?"
"Maybe because he's a total dick – and I have a keen attraction to you out of a sudden," said a voice that sounded so sensitive and manly that Amy stopped crying and it also stopped raining.
Without the rain to obscure his appearance, Shadow stepped toward Amy, offering a hand to help her up. When she took the kind gesture, she felt a sudden surge of love for Shadow instantly, nearly forgetting about Sonic altogether.
"Oh Shadow," she sighed dreamily. "You've been so kind and loving to me simply by being a nice and open guy for once. I don't know when you managed to fall for me – probably when this fanfic began – but I'm completely over that blue moron and I want you now!"
Shadow smiled. Suddenly they kissed passionately.
When they broke the kiss, Shadow whispered, "I love you. Let's have hot, steamy sex and then get married."
The two hedgehogs happily skipped away, oblivious to the watchful eyes of a certain blue speedster.
Sonic leapt out of the bushes he was hiding in. For some unknown reason – even to the writer – the blue hedgehog had hidden himself after his miniature tirade to see what would happen to the poor Rose he supposedly abandoned in the dust and rain.
"Grrrr!" he roared. "How dare Shadow steal Amy away from me!" He paced back and forth, gritting his teeth and thinking of the repulsive couple. "Even though I told Amy earlier I didn't love her in the slightest, I want her so badly now! My uncharacteristic jealousy is rising to a red hot anger of lust!"
After Sonic had gotten over his anger, he began to formulate a plan to steal Amy back and destroy Shadow once and for all. While he planned, Sally Bitchcorn came out of nowhere, shouting incoherent nonsense about her undying love for Sonic and hatred of Amy – this was all against her character, but who gives a fuck when you're writing a masterpiece like this? Besides, Sally is a slut for not wearing any clothes.
Sonic abandoned the Bitchcorn as she continued her retarded speech and headed for Shadow's hidden emo lair. When he found it and entered, he came upon Shadow and Amy at an alter, with Tails behind the table.
"Tails, you traitor!" Sonic bellowed.
Tails shrugged nonchalantly. "You've turned into a real ass, Sonic. Shadow's my big brother now."
This enraged Sonic further and he challenged Shadow to a battle. Shadow readily accepted and both hedgehogs beat the living shit out of each other. However after many hours the battle finally ended with Shadow killing Sonic and the reign of evil Sonic ended at last.
Everyone cheered and Shadow and Amy were married. No one gave a damn that Sonic was now dead and that the Hero of Mobius was gone. Well, who needs him when you have Shadow now? He became the new hero, despite his dark disposition and already being in league with G.U.N.
Sally Bitchcorn fell off a cliff, Elise got a brain tumor and died, and all the women that could possibly get in the way of Shadamy were either killed or turned into unattractive bitches.