It was 10:00, her parents were going to bed. Ingrid came out of her room and gave them each a big hug, the last hug she would ever give them. She closed their bedroom door, this was most likely the last time she would see them. Ingrid retreated back to her room. She wasn't going to do it until later, because her parents would notice if she did it now.
Now was time for her to just think. She thought about Jayson, she thought about him so much now. She thought about his dark skin, his musclely arms, his dark brown eyes, his laugh, his hair, his legs, his abbs, his white palms. Ingrid wanted him. She wanted him to hold her, to love her, just as she loved him. That was never going to happen though. It made her a little sad to think that she would never see him again, but it would be better than living in a world where he didn't love her.
Ingrid looked at the ceiling. She always looked at the ceiling when she was just lying on her bed, thinking. She thought about everything, Caitlin, Jayson, photography, how her life could be if the cloud would just go away. She wondered about her funeral. Would they cremate her, or bury her? Cremating her would take up less space, but a burial would be kind of a nice way for her to go out.
It was almost time, Ingrid had about another hour. She wondered what she should do now. She looked around her room, it was perfectly clean. She remembered how before, her mom had always been scolding her for not keeping it clean. For the past months however, ever since the sun lost it's brightness for Ingrid, it was never messy. Ingrid no longer did anything childish like leaving her room messy. Everything was automatic now, it was automatic for her to clean, automatic for her to do school, for her to laugh, for her to call someone. She never really did much at her own will anymore.
Ingrid walked through her house for the last time. First the guest room, it was dusty, with the smell a room has when it hasn't been inhabited in a long time. The storage room, she glanced around and all the crap in there. She found a box of toys she had loved when she was younger and hadn't let her parents get rid of. Well, now they would be able to get rid of it. She skipped the bathroom, and went out into the kitchen. Ingrid had never been any good at cooking. She always burned everything, another example of her uselessness. The family room, she was never in there anymore. Now, she spent her time in her room. Every once in a while her parents dragged her in there, to watch some TV show or movie, but her thoughts were never on the movie, they were always on Jayson, or something like that.
Ingrid went back to her room. It was a little after 4:00, it was time. Ingrid opened her dresser drawer and pulled out her knife. She had used it so many times before, she had endless amounts of cuts and gashes she herself had cut. At first it had helped, but now it didn't even hurt enough anymore.Ingrid went into the bathroom and turned on the water in the tub. She looked at herself in the mirror for the last time, and undressed. She slowly got into the tub. She was going to sit there for a few minutes. She wondered, wondered if anyone would miss her, when they would find her, what they would do, it was all so weird to think about, so Ingrid decided to just get it over with. She picked up her knife, and lifted up her wrist.
Ingrid started cutting. At first it didn't even hurt, because she was so used to it now. After it got a little farther it hurt a little bit, but Ingrid didn't cry, at one point she shuddered, but that was all. It hurt, very bad, but Ingrid didn't show it. Then, she switched to the other arm. It was harder this time, because her other wrist was already bleeding and weak. Finally, she had it very close to the tendon. The cut was so deep, it was starting to nauseate her.
Her vision went blurry, her breathing was harder, she cut a little more, then dropped her knife into the tub. The water had turned all red, she could barely see, barely breath. This is it. Goodbye, cruel world. And everything went black, the cloud had defeated her.