Title: Can't be normal (4 of 4)
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Puck/Kurt, Burt
Genre: AU, friendship, romance
Warnings: transgendered FTM!Puck, slash
Spoilers: Fairly AU, references a few things from seasons 1 and 2
Disclaimer: Glee is not mine, at all.
Author Notes: This is a fill for ice_whisper 's awesome prompt. Posted at puckurt and glee_genderplay over on livejournal.
So this became a Kurt chapter! I've decided to follow this up with an angsty sequel, by popular demand, to post at some point in the future. Thanks for all the support and feedback, you guys. I really appreciate it!
Summary: Puck always knew he was a boy, even if his body didn't agree with him. He had an awesome mom, a dad who couldn't deal, and moved to Lima for a fresh start. It worked and no one besides Puck's family and his best friend knew about who Puck used to be. Not even Puck's boyfriend.
Kurt had to admit, he was pretty shocked at his own reaction to finding out Puck wasn't entirely male. For two months, Puck had been his perfect boyfriend (and if Kurt was honest with himself, he'd been crushing on the boy ever since Puck had come out to Quinn, which was essentially coming out to the entire school). Kurt imagined the feelings he got making out with Puck were akin to what other people felt like when they had religious experiences. Every kiss made Kurt fall more and more in love with Puck and oh, god, the pain of thinking his boyfriend had been cheating on him with Finn had been more than Kurt was willing to face.
Thank god that wasn't the truth.
Maybe it was the relief of not having his heart broken that made Kurt more willing to accept the fact that Puck wasn't exactly typical. Well, Kurt wasn't exactly typical either. His voice was too high and he liked fashion and he was gay. Puck was … Puck was transgender.
Kurt had sometimes wondered if maybe his feminine habits and sensibilities meant he was in the wrong body, but extensive Google-Fu had made him rethink that possibility. When Kurt closed his eyes, he saw himself exactly as he was - after his rigorous beauty regimen, of course. He didn't see a girl. He didn't want to be female, despite calling himself an honorary girl on more than one occasion.
Puck though. Puck was such a boy even if he was - well, gay seemed like a problematic adjective now. Puck was attracted to boys. Androphilic, according to Wikipedia. Kind of rare for transmen, apparently.
Okay, so maybe Puck was a little more atypical than Kurt, who by all accounts was more stereotypical than he would like to admit. Somehow it didn't make Kurt any less attracted to his boyfriend. It made Puck … less threatening, almost. After hearing stories about how Puck had slept with Santana and Brittany and several other Cheerios and about how he had an insatiable appetite for girls before coming out to Quinn as gay, Kurt couldn't help but be a little intimidated.
Even after Puck had admitted to being a virgin, Kurt was sure that Puck was still the virile man-child he'd been picturing every time Kurt thought about him, both before and after they'd started dating. Kurt knew nothing about dating. He knew next to nothing about sex, even after his dad had given him those pamphlets.
He was sure Puck would push for something Kurt wasn't sure he actually wanted - sex. He wanted affection. He wanted some degree of physicality. After making out with Puck a few times, he wanted touching and his body started begging for release under Puck's hands. The idea of sex, though, the kind of sex that two gay men usually had, that still scared Kurt.
Now that Kurt knew that Puck had different equipment than Kurt had assumed, that fear vanished. In its wake was just curiosity and okay, a lot of want. What did that say about Kurt?
Hesitantly, the night he found out about Puck, Kurt looked up a few of the sexuality-neutral websites that his pamphlets pointed to. Frustratingly, none of them covered transmen, so Kurt started browsing in the sections meant for straight boys. He felt so out of place, but at least he was alone in his bedroom and not at school or something. He was just getting to the part about penetration when his phone rang. Loudly.
Squeaking a little, Kurt slammed his laptop closed, crossed his legs, and picked up his phone, answering, "Hey, Blaine. What's up?"
Over the frantic sound of Kurt's beating heart, Blaine replied, "Hey, Kurt. What were you doing?"
"Nothing," Kurt replied hastily, knowing that despite how much he wished he could, Kurt couldn't discuss Puck's differences with Blaine. "Doodling. Planning weekend outfits."
Blaine chuckled a little and said, "Well, I wanted to ask you something."
"Well, do you think," the Dalton boy started, his voice a little hesitant and yet still exuding confidence. Kurt always wondered how he did that. Maybe it was getting all those solos in the Warblers. "...is it too much to sing to someone for Valentine's Day?"
"I..." Kurt answered, wondering where this question was coming from. "I suppose it depends on the person. Who are you planning on serenading?"
Blaine sighed happily and said, "I think I'm in love. His name is Jeremiah and he's a manager at the Gap."
Kurt hid a little chuckle at his friend's love-sick admission behind one hand before asking, "Why am I only hearing about this now?"
"Because I met him two days ago."
"And you're already in love?" Kurt asked, letting a heaping dose of cynicism cloud his voice. "I think a song may be a little premature."
"Well, how else am I going to get his attention?" Blaine asked. "He and I don't have a common enemy like you and Puck had when you got together." Kurt had the distinct impression that Blaine was pouting.
"Someone sounds jealous," Kurt pointed out. "Have you tried just asking Jeremiah out?"
"You know I'm no good at talking about my feelings," Blaine insisted. "I'm much better at singing them."
"Fine," Kurt sighed. "Sing something romantic, though."
"When I get you alone?" Blaine suggested, making Kurt snort.
"God, no. Jesus, Blaine, you really do need help."
"That's what I'm saying!" Kurt's friend cried. "You weren't doing anything important were you?"
"Not really..." Kurt replied, not wanting to explain that he was researching exactly how to approach his boyfriend's man-gina.
"Great!" Blaine cried and Kurt could feel his enthusiasm through the phone. "You can help me pick out the perfect song for Valentine's Day. What about something by P!nk?"
"Blaine, did you just pronounce the exclamation point?"
"Why yes, I did!" Blaine replied with a laugh. "Thanks for noticing."
Kurt sighed and opened his laptop again, minimizing his browser for now and opening iTunes to search for something appropriately romantic in Blaine's wheelhouse.
"Dad?" Kurt asked, approaching his father in their home garage where he was working on building something wooden.
"What is it, buddy?" Burt replied, setting down his hammer. "You look a little … freaked or something."
"Just..." Kurt said, knowing he had to approach this delicately to avoid telling Puck's secrets. "You know how we had that talk when Noah and I started dating?"
"I think … I mean, I thought you should know that he and I … we're..."
Burt frowned and shook his head, guessing, "Having sex?"
"No!" Kurt cried reflexively before wincing. "I mean … we might, soon. I love him. I want to be close to him, like you were saying when we talked before."
"God," Burt sighed in displeasure. "I should have seen this coming. You're seventeen, Kurt. That doesn't mean I like it, but I'm not going to get mad at you or anything of you do have sex. Thanks for telling me." After a few long, awkward seconds, Burt asked, "D'you want to talk about it?"
Hating how warm his face felt, Kurt shook his head. "Not right now."
"Okay," Burt said, turning back to his project. Kurt turned and walked a few steps away before his dad added, "Just remember, kid, there can be a lot of steps, a lot of ways you can be intimate with your partner, you know, before you get to sex. There's nothing wrong or immature or anything with hanging out in the infield before going for that home run."
"Sports analogies, Dad," Kurt reminded him, but he nodded just the same. "Thanks."
"You're sure we're not going to get caught?" Kurt asked his boyfriend as they crawled into the backseat of his SUV.
"Chill, Kurt," Puck replied, and Kurt could tell he was much more nervous than he was letting on. "The cops never get out this far. Why do you think all these cars are parked up here?"
Kurt smiled a little in amusement and nodded, sitting down and patting the seat next to him, folding himself into Puck's arms when the boy dropped down next to him. Kissing Noah slowly, when Kurt pulled back he asked, "Are you nervous?"
"Badasses don't get nervous," Puck replied, bending Kurt back for a harsher kiss, full of too much tongue. He was totally nervous, the liar.
"Hey," Kurt said softly when they parted. "Let's just forget about everything else okay? This is just you and me, making out like we have dozens of times before. No expectations for more."
"If it makes you feel better," Puck nodded and Kurt smiled at how his boyfriend pushed all his reservations onto Kurt - if it made Kurt feel better, well then that was okay. It didn't affect Puck's (fragile, Kurt realized now) masculinity as much that way.
Each and every kiss after that agreement felt important, like it could either be the last or like it was leading somewhere better. Petting his hands through Puck's hair the way he liked, Kurt tried to focus on how the boy's tongue felt in his mouth, tried to focus on the way Puck's big hands grabbed at his arms and thighs and sides, tried to focus on anything but the biting need to see Puck naked again. Somehow, in all that focusing, Kurt let himself be lowered back across the seat, Puck over him, sucking on his neck and grinding his hips down against Kurt's.
"Oh, god!" Kurt cried as Puck brushed up against him.
"Shit," the boy hissed in turn, pulling Kurt's face around so they could keep kissing as he did that again and again.
Kurt's jeans against his hard-on were starting to chafe and distract him from groping Puck's ass and pulling him closer as they grinded together. "Wait," he breathed, pushing back on Puck.
Eyes concerned and jaw clenched, Puck asked, "What?"
"Pants," Kurt replied, "hurt." Distracting Puck with another kiss, Kurt unbuttoned his own jeans pushing them down and away, shivering when his bare ass touched the pleather seat. Then, watching Noah's face, Kurt brought his hands to the boy's pants, asking, "Okay?"
Puck groaned as he nodded, helping Kurt get them off before sitting back down on Kurt's bare thighs and pulling on his shirt. Okay, they were getting naked now, apparently. Kurt complied before pulling on Puck's shirt and then there were acres of warm skin touching his as Puck attacked his mouth again, drawing out a moan.
Kurt couldn't help it when his hips bucked after Noah sucked a particularly ingenious spot on his neck. His cock brushed warm and wet and, "Fuck, I want."
Grinding down - that had to be Puck's clit pressed against the head of his dick - his boyfriend moaned in agreement. "Oh god. Oh, shitfuckyes. I … inside, Kurt."
"Hmm?" Kurt asked, sliding his hands up Puck's sturdy ribs and around to touch all those delicious muscles on his back.
"Need you inside, babe," Puck insisted, panting against Kurt's shoulder. "Never thought I'd...damn it!" he cried angrily and Kurt wondered if had something to do with his dysphoria.
"It's okay," Kurt insisted gently. "We don't have to..."
"Don't fucking say that," Puck replied, meeting Kurt's eyes in the little bit of moonlight that filtered into the car. "Please don't say that, Kurt. Just, fuck!" Puck looked away again and Kurt couldn't help but get confused.
"What?" Kurt asked, trying to get Puck to look at him again. "What do you need?"
Suddenly, Puck was tilted up, one hand between them and around Kurt's cock as he lifted it up in line with - oh! "Yeah," Kurt breathed as that feeling of warm and wet pulsed against the head of his dick and it was all he could do not to just shove himself upward and in. "Oh, please!"
Puck slipped down just a little and both of them groaned. There was just so much friction and heat and then Puck was whispering, "Shit, babe. Feels so damn good."
"Yeah," Kurt sighed, holding onto Puck's hips as he worked himself down around Kurt's dick with tiny little bounces that took him in a little bit more each time. Kurt felt his whole body coil for release much more intensely than it ever had when he'd been alone. "Oh, god, I can't - Noah, I'm going to...!"
Kurt couldn't help thrusting up into that awesome heat a few times before he came, hard, inside his boyfriend. As soon as he could think straight, Kurt realized that Puck was shaking with laughter, still wrapped around him and pushing him down into the car seat.
"Shit, man," Puck laughed, burying his face in Kurt's neck again, "I...god, I didn't even think."
"What?" Kurt asked, shivering a little as Puck clenched around him. "What? You're making me self-"
Puck cut him off with a deep kiss before pulling back and saying, "I never thought you'd be so into this that you'd come right away, even being a virgin."
"My insanely hot boyfriend," Kurt pointed out, rolling his hips experimentally, "was just riding me. You're lucky I lasted long enough to get out of my pants."
"Mmm," Puck agreed, sealing his lips to Kurt's in a long, dirty kiss. "Do that again."
Kurt repeated the move, watching Puck's face open in pleasure. He guessed he might still be hard enough to finish Puck off, if he hurried. Licking his thumb, Kurt put it between them, finding the hard projection of Puck's clit and pressing circles against it, like the website had said, while he rolled his hips a third time.
"Fuck, yeah," Puck groaned, starting to shake and Kurt wanted so much to just push him over the edge, so he jerked his hips upward, three, four times and then Puck clenched around him, holding on tightly to Kurt's shoulders as he groaned low and long.
"Was that...?" Kurt asked, thinking it had to be, but he wasn't sure.
"Yeah," Puck grinned, kissing Kurt again and pulling away carefully. Kurt felt undeniably proud for figuring out how to make his boyfriend come, seeing as he was gay and all. "Mmm, fuck, yeah."
The bench seat of the car was pretty awkward, so Kurt pushed himself back and sat up, pulling Puck to sit down next to him. "I love you," Kurt whispered, feeling it now more than ever.
"Yeah," Puck nodded, throwing an arm around Kurt's shoulder, "me too, babe."
After a long, slow kiss, Puck pulled back and asked, "You think we've got time to do it again?"
Kurt laughed, glad Puck was acting like his old self, and grabbed his phone to look at the time. "Shit. We've got to go. My dad's gonna kill me."
"Just tell him," Puck suggested, pulling on his pants in the cramped location, "that you topped the shit outta me. He'll be so proud he won't care you're a little late."
"Somehow I doubt that," Kurt said from inside his sweater as henwas trying to figure out which sleeve went where. "Hey, Noah?"
"Wanna be my Valentine?"
"Any time, baby," Puck grinned, climbing up into the passenger seat to wait for Kurt. "But don't think just 'cause I've got a vagina I'm wearing a corsage or watching one of those dumb romantic comedies."
"Of course not, honey," Kurt laughed, buckling his seat belt and starting the car. "I'd never make that mistake twice."
As I mentioned up top, the angst everyone was clamoring for will appear in a sequel, along with an edited version of the epilogue I wrote. Thanks for reading everyone and please, leave comments and reviews if you can!