Been thinking of doing a story with these two for awhile and only now have I sat down and started (inspired by at first wondering if Hojo and Vexen maybe had the same English voice actors…but they don't). Meant to make this only as a one-shot but considering my brain is still tweaking the plot, I see it shall be multi-chaptered. I'm shooting for no more than three though.
The only thing I ask is for everyone to keep in mind that this is indeed a comedy. Story title inspired by the humorous song 'When You're Evil' by Voltaire.
The Hunter Becomes the Hunted
As Hojo boxed up the last of his possessions, he couldn't believe this was happening to him. How could they give him the boot? He was practically half the reason for Shinra's success! How dare they get rid of him!
Not to mention, he wasn't a spring chicken anymore. Fifty-seven years old isn't the age where you want to be unemployed. Not in this economy. Oh, Hojo had money, certainly. Shinra had paid him well. But that would dry up rather quickly unless he found another wealthy employer to back his ambitions. And who's wealthier than Shinra? No one, that's who!
He placed his Nobel Prize for Greatest Military Contribution in the box and sighed, looking around his lab one last time. He hated to admit it but he was going to miss this place. The expensive equipment, the meek lab assistants that he could willfully order around and especially the place of upbringing for Sephiroth.
It was because of that man's death that fingers began being pointed at him. Like he'd killed him! No…but Sephiroth was supposed to be the best. Shinra expected him to be the best. And when Jenova went rampant with her 'reunion' and the public began to lose respect for Sephiroth from what she was doing, Shinra pinned the blame completely on his creator, ignoring that they were the ones who'd given him the green light to create him in the first place! Now with a tarnished record and being dishonorably discharged, who wanted an old quack like him working for them?
He picked up the file box that seemed made for freshly fired men and turned off the lights. He made sure to hold his head up high as he walked by everyone, not letting them see his anger. Oh, they were going to pay. They were all going to pay. That was a promise.
"…And Xemnas told you to create a worthwhile Nobody species and you couldn't even manage that! These pathetic beings you keep generating are easily being wiped out by the Keybearer and you're telling me this is the best you can do? Pathetic, Four!"
Vexen had been listening to Saix chew him out for the better part of ten minutes straight and was seriously close to just getting up and walking out. Every time he'd tried to get a word in, Saix cut him off, getting animalistic and once even started frothing at the mouth. So, Vexen had opted to sit and be reprimanded by a man he was twice the age of, as though he were a stubborn child.
Finally, it seemed that Saix was losing his steam and took a deep breath. "Vexen, we're going to have to let you go."
Vexen had been forming icicles in his fingers for awhile and quietly breaking them apart in silent fury but now, the quiet room was filled with a resounding SNAP! as Vexen froze with two large pieces in his hands.
"You're…you're going to what?"
Saix pulled back from where he'd been leaning over his desk to yell and sat down in his seat. "Xemnas has decided to let you go," he repeated and Vexen didn't' miss the way the man dodged placing himself within the blame for the decision. "Your work hasn't been up to standard as had been hoped. Mainly the replicas. We've tried working with you and giving you everything you'd need but these….disappointments can no longer go ignored."
By now, the icicles had melted in Vexen's hands and were two wet puddles on the sides of his chair where his arms had fallen limp in reaction to the news. Saix continued to talk, but he could've been a million miles away for how little any of it sunk in to him.
"You'll need to clean out your office immediately. All tools and utensils are to remain here, property of the castle. Oh, and, Xemnas has asked for you to have this." Saix slid an envelope across the desk towards him. "It's a stipend that should get you by for awhile."
His throat was suddenly dry and Vexen needed to get out of there before he seriously lost it. He gave a curt nod to Seven before snatching up the envelope and leaving. His few belongings thankfully could fit within the luggage case he'd use for when traveling the worlds and within moments of his forced resignation, he was done.
He left the Castle That Never Was without hardly a soul there to even see him off. Except for one. Zexion sat in the kitchen by himself, relishing a plate of cookies that Xaldin had miraculously baked for everyone. As he drew closer, he snatched one up himself. He was going to miss these.
Zexion's chewing slowed down as he took in the suit case and his former guardian's hardened expression. "So. They gave you the ax."
"So it seems," Vexen nodded. Then he leaned down and gave the boy a pat on the back, but mainly to whisper, "Goodbye, Ienzo." He straightened up and with all the dignity a Nobody can muster, he strutted out the door and down the Walkway That Never Was.
The instant everyone thought he was far enough, a party erupted. "YES! Striiiiike, you're out!" Axel fell over cackling, practically crying in merriment.
"Ding dong, the old bastard's gone!" Larxene sang as Demyx strummed with her. All through the castle, Xigbar was firing off his guns, blasting out windows and making table vases explode, much to the horror of Marluxia, who was trying to salvage his beautiful plants. Luxord turned to Lexaeus and grinned, "You owe me twenty, toldja he'd be gone before the month was out." Lexaeus groaned and handed over the munny.
Roxas and Xion were holding hands and jumping around in a gleeful circle and Xaldin shouted out "All you can eat kimchi on me tonight!"
Oh, Vexen heard all of this from the Lonely Road That Never Was. And they would rue the day they banished him. It was a guarantee.
Hojo had been following the person for some time now and as much as he couldn't believe his luck, he wasn't going to argue with it. A Jenova Sephiroth clone! He was going to kill her…him...whatever! And then he was going to use those cells to help spawn a new race of beings, something much more exceptional than his boring SOLDIERs. And all he had to do…was kill Sephiroth.
The man was walking up to a large building that was swarmed with people and Hojo knew he couldn't waste another second. He'd have to kill him right then and there before anyone saw him. Here goes nothing.
What fortuitous luck! Vexen had happened to see the Keyblade bearer himself walking past, blissfully ignorant as always. Taking this into advantage, Vexen had been quietly following along behind him for the past half hour, waiting for him to get to a more remote location. Once he finished the boy off, he could proudly throw it in Xemnas' face. He was not a disappointment! Then he'd practically be begging Vexen to come back!
He was close. Victory was within his reach. But…no! What was this dolt doing? Who were all those people and what did this little brat have to do with them? He would have to finish this quickly. The time was now.
"Die, you unholy scum!" Hojo shrieked as he ran towards the man while at the same time, from the opposite direction, some other guy yelled out "Perish, you wretched heathen!"
The person Hojo was after came to an abrupt halt beside a smaller, brown-haired figure and they looked at their attackers with completely confused expressions.
"That's enough, Sephiroth! It ends now!" Hojo told him, pushing his crooked glasses back up on his face.
"Now I can finally turn you into the ultimate Nobody, Sora!" Vexen announced, brushing sweaty hair out of his face.
The other two people looked at each other for a moment, then burst out laughing…in high-pitched, effeminate voices.
"Happy I look realistic!" The Sephiroth said. "Good thing I'm small-chested, or else I never would've been able to pull this off!"
"Ugh, this wig is killing me!" Lamented the Sora. "But if I got someone to mistake me for the real thing then it was worth it!"
The scientists stared on in absolute horror. "But…but you two are girls!" Vexen shuddered. "What kind of sick cross-dressing—"
"It's a convention, everyone knows that girls usually cosplay as guys!" The Sephiroth snapped, rolling her contact green eyes. She pointed behind her and on a large banner read "Welcome to Virtual Con where all things virtual and imaginary are welcome!"
With a huff, the two turned around, the Sephiroth appraising Sora's hand-made Keyblade and Sora admired the expensive leather costume.
Hojo and Vexen were dumbfounded.
"Convention…?" Hojo gagged.
"Cosplaying?" Vexen gasped.
They both sagged.
"I think I need a drink," the blonde muttered and the other man made a noise of agreement.
I hope this didn't constitute as breaking the fourth wall…I have an extremely bad habit of doing that.
Next chapter to be released soon so stay tuned!