AN: So this is the last chapter of the story! I hope you've all enjoyed it; I know I've enjoyed receiving your reviews!
Sunday, July 24th, 9 a.m.
Royal Genovian Bed – WITH MICHAEL!
I've never been the kind of girl to daydream about my wedding or anything. In fact, until I was fourteen, I didn't even think I would get married. I mean, I was kind of a physical anomaly until I reached my twenties or so. Weird, triangular shaped hair, no boobs, a hundred feet tall, and ski slope feet. What girl with that physical description would think she'd ever get married?
Anyway, then I started dating my one true love, but I wouldn't even let myself THINK about my wedding, because, being a royal and all, I had no idea what it would be like.
Still… I think if I'd imagined my wedding when I was younger, it would've resembled the wedding I had last night.
Sure, I could've done without the whole televised ceremony thing, the horse-drawn carriage procession, the 2,000 guests, and the million people that crammed into the streets of Genovia to watch. But that's what comes with the princess territory, I guess.
I can't decide which part of the reception was better: Mom getting so trashed due to being in the same vicinity as her parents and sister and brother-in-law for so long that she spilled red wine down her light green dress, and in her panic to get it off her, accidently flung some on Grandmère and her pale blue dress (THANKFULLY Grandmère had another dress to change into); or Boris Pelkowski looking totally hot and staring doe-eyed after Tina, who was flirting like crazy with Michael's best man, Jeremiah Lee, and, after listening to Boris explain to me in a fifteen minute speech how breaking up with Tina was the worst mistake of his life, telling him to go tell HER that and not me, and having Grandmère catch them making out in the bathroom later in the night; or when Michael threw my garter in the air and somehow Rocky caught it; or how Claire was so angry at me for not telling her who my wedding dress designer was before the whole world found out, but then she took it back immediately once she spotted Hank and begged me to introduce them.
No, I think one of the best moments was when Lilly came up to me and said that she was sorry for making such a big deal about the maid-of-honor fiasco and that she totally understood why I didn't ask her (she followed this up with a criticism on "could the wedding procession have been any longer? God") and that she is very happy that we are officially sisters. I almost started crying for, like, the zillionth time that day.
I couldn't keep the tears at bay for that long, though, because moments later, Lilly and Kenneth Showalter stood up at their table and announced to everyone that they were expecting a baby.
THEN I started bawling.
I'M GOING TO BE AN AUNT! AUNT MIA AND UNCLE MICHAEL! We are going to be the best aunt and uncle EVER!
Well, we'll be the baby's only aunt and uncle, but whatever.
Lilly's mom, though, was like, "Uh, are you guys getting married?"
And Lilly was like, "Duh, no. Kenneth and I have no intention to enter into the corrupt institution known as marriage – not when overpaid, adulterous government officials have the nerve to claim that they are protecting the so-called purity of marriage by banning gay and lesbian couples to enter into the same union awarded to straight couples –"
So then Michael and I left their table, not needing to be a part of THAT conversation.
Then my dad made a nice speech about growing up royal and grace in the public eye and blah blah blah… I wish he could've had a more funny speech than a serious one, like Prince Harry at Prince William's wedding, but he made my mom cry so I guess it was still good (except she was drunk so maybe she was crying for a different reason).
He did make an awkward comment about liking Michael the most out of all my boyfriends, which was weird for three reasons: number one, I only had THREE, but he made it sound like I had millions (sorry, Dad, didn't take after you and Mom); number two, WHO BRINGS UP EX-BOYFRIENDS AT A WEDDING?; number three, Kenneth was totally there and even though I knew that my dad was mostly talking about J.P., I noticed Kenneth's ears turned all red and Lilly scowled at me.
But Kenneth and I dated for, like, a month, so my dad probably forgot. Or he didn't realize Kenneth was even there.
Then Grandmère stood up and announced proudly that the rough numbers were in, and that my wedding ceremony had drawn in 2.5 BILLION VIEWERS in 185 COUNTRIES, meaning it is the most watched public telecast IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD!
I almost passed out, but unfortunately I stayed conscious to hear Grandmère say to Queen Elizabeth, "I do hope you understand." William and Catherine looked a little annoyed.
I will tell you about the least favorite part of my wedding: when Grandmère pulled Michael and me aside and told us that she expects me to either "have child or be with child" in the next twelve months. She then said that the best time to conceive would be on our honeymoon, since once we get back, we're going to be super busy (me with my old royal duties, Michael with his new ones), and Michael will still be running Pavlov Surgical, and I'll be going to Vietnam in a couple months to visit some of the orphanages there (and bringing with me a truckload of tissues because I am going to be CRYING LIKE A BABY) and then a couple months after that Michael and I have our first royal visit to Japan.
Basically Grandmère told us that we're going to be too busy for sex.
IT WAS BAD ENOUGH TALKING TO MY OWN MOTHER ABOUT SEX, AND NOW I HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT TO MY GRANDMOTHER?
Except with Grandmère, her only interest is for me to produce an heir. Whatever, Grandmère, you always talk about how me getting older is making YOU feel older, so wouldn't having a great-grandchild make you feel REALLY OLD?
Michael, though, totally handled the situation like a pro. He's known about Grandmère's craziness for eleven years, but now as a prince he has to deal with it firsthand, and he graciously said, "Thank you, Clarisse, for your concern. Mia and I very well know how important this is to you and we have spoken at length on starting a family in the near future."
Whoa. I totally could never have said that. Michael just might be the best thing to ever happen to Genovia.
He's totally right, though. Michael's always said he wants a baby before thirty and he's twenty-eight now, so that gives us another year and a half to have a baby, which fits in perfectly with Grandmère's plan. Plus, if I'm anything like my mom, who gets pregnant like THAT, we should have no problem.
I'm not even going to let myself freak out about being a mom right now because I'm too over the moon about finally being married to the man of my dreams (even though, really, who in their right mind thinks I can be a good mother? What if I leave the baby with Michael, and, oh, I don't know, FORGET?).
And I'm going to get excited about leaving tomorrow morning for our honeymoon to ICELAND! That's right, I finally get to go to Iceland! I've only wanted to go there since I was fourteen. I'm totally excited. A week and a half of just Michael and me. No Grandmère, no Dad, no Lilly, no Tina, no Mom. Just Michael.
And Francois, of course, because he goes everywhere with me. But he's staying next door to us and SWEARS to me that he'll only go with us if we leave our condo and that he won't hang out with us in the condo, and that if we don't come out all day, he'll only call to check on us ONCE.
I kind of think that Lars talked to Francois, because I totally told Lars about Francois snitching on me to Dad. Hopefully Lars told Francois about how important princess-bodyguard confidentiality is.
And so Francois doesn't get bored, another bodyguard named Jacques is going, too. But I think he's mostly also going because he's Michael's new bodyguard. Michael won't have a bodyguard like I do, though – Jacques will basically just drive Michael everywhere. I guess that's because if Michael dies, it won't be so tragic in the eyes of the Royal Genovian Family, because I can always remarry and produce offspring, but if I die, the Royal Genovian Family is toast.
They should totally rethink this, because if Michael dies, I will live alone FOREVER, but whatever.
Oh, right, I forgot to write about my wedding dresses! Now that the wedding is over, Grandmère can't kill me for writing it down.
The first wedding dress had –
Michael just woke up! He just said, "Good morning, my beautiful wife."
I literally have never been so happy in my entire life.
He wants me to stop writing and to pay attention to him, since I barely have during this whole wedding process.
And you know what… I think I will.
He is my husband, after all.