Rating: T
Harry is always something, but not the something he wants to be. But are the results really worth the actions?
General, Angst
Warning: AU, Azkaban!Harry, Insane!Harry
Not mine
AN: Found a very bad version of this somewhere in my hard-disk and decided to clean it out. Oh, by the way, in the end, he got adopted, not married.

Happy Child

There is a cupboard and a lonely little boy.

That boy, that is Harry. Harry the Freak. And that, that is his family. His family is the light and he is the shadow. He is always underneath their perfectness, their happiness and nobody sees underneath it all.

Or, rather, that is what everyone else sees.

Petunia's gentle eyes are sharp as razors and pierce the freak with hateful gazes.

Vernon's eager voice turns into a hiss when talking to the freak.

Dudley's words cuts through the freak, like how he chops up the ingredients for today's dinner.

But the freak is more than a shadow with no identity.

He has a scar on his forehead, like a lightning bolt and when the freak sleeps, he sees magical things. He can't explain it otherwise. When the freak thinks of the dreams, his eyes light up and he doesn't seem like the freak anymore, but someone else. It doesn't matter. Nobody sees it, because nobody looks and will never look.

That is Harry the Freak. The shadow under the light, while being the light on the same time.

A letter comes, brought by a owl. Vernon throws it away. More letters follow. The perfect family can't take it anymore and they go away, to the sea.

And there, the freak gets the best birthday present he ever could wish for

He is a wizard.

In that moment, the freak ceases to exist.

There is a stone, a snake, a criminal and a happy little boy.

That boy, that is Harry. Harry the Hero. He's there, under the weight of many, many things. But he doesn't wish for the time of the cupboard, oh no. The hero is happy, very happy, he says. He smiles.

Smiles aren't always real.

He thinks of his parents, who were murdered by a madman.

He thinks of his mother, who protected him as her final act as a mother.

He thinks of the world, who love him for vanishing the Dark Lord, or hate him for the same thing.

But despite all this, the hero is still happy.

He has friends, real friends, who like Harry and laugh with him. They explore the castle and begin to learn magic. He likes it very much. Magic is warm and fits the hero, makes him happy.

He is still happy, even when he kills his first man.

He is still happy, even when the castle fears his talent with snakes.

He is still happy, even when the person who betrayed his parents escapes.

That is Harry the Hero and he thinks of many, many things and smiles a fake real smile.

There is a cup, a judge, a prison and a sad little boy.

That boy, that is Harry. Harry the Convict. He's there, feeling guilty for killing Cedric. He told the judge he was responsible for Cedric's death. He is the one who told to grab the Cup together, so he is the one who killed him. The world is more than eager to accept his words, twisting them into their truth, and so, the little boy is thrown in Azkaban, under the protests of his friends and the little family he has left. They understand him, know what he means when he says 'I killed Cedric,' and want to stop him. But it doesn't matter. The convict spoke and he is judged. He's sad, very sad, but he doesn't cry. The convict doesn't cry.

He doesn't cry, even when the guards tear up the letters from his friends and family in the front of his eyes.

He doesn't cry, even he hears the cries of the other criminals.

He doesn't cry, even when the dementors come.

In fact, he yearns for the presence of the dementors. They make him remember his worst and best memories of his life, his parents, full of panic and fear. But they are still the same parents who loved him. And so the convict sleeps and wakes and remembers and sleep again.

That is Harry the Convict, feeling the weight of murder but he doesn't cry.

The war is going very bad for the Light and Dumbledore finally reveals the Prophecy, revealing who might save them.

The magical community is happy, for they have hope again.

Ron, Hermione, Remus and Sirius aren't.

They think of their friend, their godson, their almost-godson, who hasn't answered a single letter since he got locked up.

They scream at Dumbledore, for why hadn't he stopped the trial if he knew? The man doesn't say a thing and the two curse him to the deepest pit of hell. They leave and they vow to themselves that their friend is going to be happy under their guidance.

There is blinding light, exceptions and a confused little boy.

That boy, that is Harry. Harry the Innocent. The Ministry let him go, promising him a lot of empty things which he doesn't want. The Order want him to train, to defeat Voldemort. They want and want, but they don't give anything in return.

But he can't say no. He can't. The innocent is too nice, too eager to please, even after three years in Prison. If he says 'yes', he can protect his friends and family, and that is the most important thing. He opens his mouth to answer, but the choice is already made for him.

"No," say four voices in union, "He isn't going to fight your useless battles!"

Harry the Innocent looks up, a question in his already broken eyes and he sees the answers in the eyes of his family, his friends.

He knows he's finally going to be happy.

And then Harry the Happy one leaves the United Kingdom altogether, together with his friends, his family, his.

He doesn't look back, he doesn't.

Not when the Dark Lord conquers his ex-home country.

Not when all the muggleborns are put on stricter regulations than ever.

Not when there is a outbreak of Squibs in the pureblood families, more than ever.

Not when the magical level of the witches and wizards begin to decline.

Not when the Dark Lord is overthrown by a freedom army, an army that's not Harry.

Not when Dumbledore is found sick of delusions so long, they put him to sleep on his brother's request.

Not when his ex-home country recovers.

Harry the Happy is forever playing with brooms and snitches and having snacks and playing and just being happy, forever and forever and forever…

Ron Weasley and Sirius Black watch Harry play with Hermione Weasley and Remus Lupin. Harry is small and has the face of a child, so he is always mistaken for one, especially when he holds hands with Sirius, who hasn't aged a lot. He will always be the happy child he wanted to be. He still recognizes them, but he will never be able to get a job, get a wife, get kids. He will forever be a happy child.

"Hey Sirius…"

"Yes, what's up Ron?"

"Harry will never be the same again, right?"

"Does it matter?"


"But it wasn't worth it."

"No," Ron says and he looks at his friend, "it wasn't worth it at all."

"Are you Happy, Harry?"

Oh, it's Sirius! Sirius, Sirius, Sirius! It's his beloved godfather!

Harry the Happy laughs and hugs his godfather, hugs him until Sirius gently pries him of him and holds him in his arms.

"Are you Happy, Harry?"

Harry Laughs and Laughs and tells him that, "Of course I'm Happy, I'm really, really Happy!"

Harry James Potter-Black, age 25, is insane.