Sharpened Blade was my first Humor fic, and I think I did a good job. So, here I am trying to do something along those lines again. Welcome to the world of Geek-out! Most people who know me know that I am a Gnerd (a combo of geek and nerd). There are many geekish, nerdy things that I love. So, I've decided to make every single character in GR a closet geek. Because, lets face it, EVERYONE is one at heart! Let's take a lookey!
"Lupus, you have entered the door to the east, followed closely by Diamond. You are in what appears to be a goblin hideout. The stench of week-old filth emanates from piles of ratty cloth that are piled in one corner. The floor is littered with half-chewed bones and rusty daggers. A slight draft comes from a window to your left."
A pair of red eyes glances at a white piece of paper before a raspy voice speaks. "I cast Detect Chaos."
"As the spell is cast, you become aware of a creature hiding cloaked beneath the dirty rags."
"Diamond, you should shoot at the pile." The raspy voice suggests.
"But, he might know something." A wispy, female voice replies. "I should Command him to tell us where his companions are."
"But, that spell only makes it so he obeys a single one-word command."
"If he's hiding, he clearly has reason to avoid us. Therefore, he can do nothing for us. Why don't you use your Cause Fear spell, so he'll flee. Then, I'll get a clear shot with my sword as he tries to escape."
"Okay! I cast Cause Fear."
"I move toward the door to keep the creature from escaping."
There is a clatter as some objects fall on a wooden surface. "The spell is successful. Soiled pieces of cloth fly to the side as a goblin bolts toward the door. There is a frenzied look on his face. You have the attack initiative."
"I attack with my sword."
Another clatter. "Four damage is done. In a state of rage, the goblin slashes at you with his claws."
"I'll deflect with my shield."
Clatter. "Let me see that sheet... The claws manage to get through your defenses and across your armor, causing 2 points of damage."
"I cast Sanctuary." The female voice pipes up.
"Thanks a lot! Shield yourself and leave me to the goblin, why don't you?" The raspy voice snarls.
"Hey! You're the one that wanted me to make it crazy!"
"Master! I can't find the Bugles!" A fourth voice calls from outside the room.
Van Kleiss breathes a sigh. "They're in the cupboard by the refrigerator, Skalamander!"
"Where am I?" Skalamander shouts back.
"You're still in the tavern, getting drunk."
"Are there any women there?"
Clatter of dice. "Twenty..." The Dungeon Master rolls his eyes and rubs his brow before turning back to Biowulf and Breach.
Biowulf calls toward the kitchen. "Why is Jigsaw getting himself drunk in the tavern while his companions are attempting a raid?"
"Because you guys used me as a shield against those orcs last time! You're on your own!" Skalamander huffs.
"We didn't use you as a shield! You just happened to be in a position to deflect that one battle axe..."
"Whatever. I'm staying in that nice, warm tavern with those twenty lovely wenches, thank you!"
"You can forget about having any of my Bugles!"
Breach looks up. "Can you grab my Hostess Cupcakes while you're there?"
Biowulf plays absentmindedly with his set of silver dice. "Bring me my Doritos, will you?"
"Can't hear you, Lupus! I'm busy being an orc shield!"
"Why you little-!"
Van Kleiss lets out a groan of exasperation. "You always do this... Can we please get back to the game?"
"Sorry, Master..." Biowulf mutters sheepishly.
"Want anything from the kitchen, Master?" Skalamander calls.
There is a pause before Van Kleiss shakes his head in defeat. "Break out that next case of Root Beer. We're running dry..."
This is total crack... I LOVE IT! ^_^ Does anyone else play Dungeons and Dragons? Anyone? I've been TRYING to get a game started with some friends. I tried once and failed miserably because I had too many people. *sigh* The many hardships of a Dungeon Master... I hate to say it, but this is a pretty realistic D&D scene. I remember my first game I tried to DM when, somehow, my buddy decided that a bunch of trees would try to kidnap his Ranger character. (-_-) Then, everyone was shouting "TREE RAPE!" for the rest of the session. It was pretty funny, I'll admit! (Even though other people kept trying to play DM...) Please review. Reviews equal awesome dice rolls! I wonder who I'll do next...hm...